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Issue #1 / March 2004



Large In Charge Featured Person


  Welcome all to The Large in Charge Newsletter. Since this is our first issue, we want to talk a bit about what you can expect from our newsletter.  Our newsletter will be published online monthly.  We will always have someone of size or a supporter of size acceptance on our front Page.  This will be our featured person of the month.  We are hoping to be able to hold interviews with all our Featured Persons.  But there might be times, when just contact information, and content about the moves there making are stated. 

   Raqui's Spot is where Raqui will state her gripe or concern of the month.  She will also answer questions men and woman might have for her concerning size acceptance and empowerment.  She of course lends a feminine quality to her statements.  Jay's Spot is where Jay can talk about his gripe and concerns.  He will also answer questions from both men and women.  So don't be shy this is the time to get the answer's you have been waiting for.

   Food Relations is where we talk about issues that deal with food.  The love of it and why.  The power of food, and why we enjoy it.  We hope to get a lot of feedback from our readers.  Because this will help us learn more about food and why as a people we use it for different reasons.

   The Guest Spot is for our readers to submit there talents to be viewed.  We want to to see all you wonderful supporters making moves of your own.  If you write poetry, short stories, commentaries, or just thoughts in general, please submit them to us.  If your a designer we want to see pictures of your clothing.  If you are an artist, let us put your artwork up.  We would love to include your talents in our newsletter.

   Our Store is where we have the items designed and create by our Co-Owners.  The items are affordable and useful.  We cater to the BBW (Big Beautiful Women) / SSBBW (Super Sized Big Beautiful Women) / BHM (Big Handsome Men) community.  New Fashions will be coming in the near future.  Watch for the new items that will be added to our store in the next few months.

   For our first issue, we want to announce the news of Raqui, our Publisher and Co-Owner. She has appeared in a Fashion Magazine. Some of you might have heard about this, but yes we want to reach everyone with our great news.  We hope you will join our mailing list at the bottom of this page and let us know what you think of our newsletter. 

Large in Charge Staff



Raqui Hits London!

Picture by: Rosalie Knox


     Raqui was asked to do a photo shoot September 2003.  As the photographer stated.  "I needed someone to make this shirt look good."  And look good she did.  Raqui along with six other models (None of which were large) wore hooded type of clothing. The below picture was published in the November 2003 (No. 237) of i-D magazine.  A London fashion magazine that has been in publication since the 1980's.  It is a well established magazine and has all of the updated fashion trends.  Future work might be coming since people have been asking for her.

Words from the Raqui:  What can I say I am very excited.  I didn't want to tell anyone about this shoot because I thought they might take me out at the end.  Or that they wouldn't put a picture with me in it.  But yes I am in the magazine and it is amazing.  What really makes me proud is that this is not a BBW or SSBBW publication.  It is a regular fashion magazine.  I am not in the magazine because I won an award or did something special.  (Though I sure would like to be)  but I am in the magazine as a model.  Plain and simple.  Not only that but people loved the pictures and are asking about me.  From my knowledge and research I have done. I might be the first SSBBW (Super Sized Big Beautiful Woman) of my height and size to appear in a regular fashion magazine as a model.  Being 6'4 and about 580lbs is not easy to dress at all. Doors are opening  and the big girls are walking through. Society will no longer be able to ignore us. 

     Please support Raqui in her modeling venture. If you like the below pictures please send an email to the editor giving a thank you and stating you would like to see more of her in there magazine.  Also email the photographer and tell her she did a wonderful job.  A simple email saying Raqui rocks put more of her in your magazine or more would be great.  We need you to support the big ladies and make sure society hears our voices.

i-D Editor in chief and creative director - Terry Jones

i-D Editor - Avril Mair


Photographer Rosalie Knox:


Note: Forgive the shine from the flash on the pictures








Raqui's Spot

From a Female's Point of View

This month's subject: BBW & SSBBW Clothing


Email Raqui:


This Months Gripe:  BBW and SSBBW clothing

     NOTE: This gripe is not intended to bash, discourage, or insult any manufactures of BBW or SSBBW clothing.  This is just my personal thoughts and feelings I have experienced. All sites are anonymous, and I will not reveal their identities.

     One of the things that bothers me the most about BBW and SSBBW clothing (mostly SSBBW clothing), is the fact that after a certain size, charts become different per site.  I cant buy much clothing out of catalogs, unless they are orientated from the internet because I am a SSBBW (6'4 580lbs).  But every site that sells large clothing has there own size chart.  So I can go to many different sites and never wear the same size.  That can be very confusing. There should be a universal chart for large sizes. 

Site #1: At this site I got a size 4 in a blouse, but the other blouses that are a size 4 wont fit me.  Why is that?  If I can fit into one blouse that is size 4, shouldn't I fit into all the size 4's.  They say it is because of cut or material.  I understand that aspect.  But it is not fair.  I see all the beautiful shirts and blouse's but can only fit into 1.  I have spent up to an hour on the phone trying to get bust, waist and hip measurements on each shirt/blouse I like, to find out that on a list of 15, I can only fit 1.  But yet that blouse is a size 4, same size as all the others.  I want to know why cant all the size 4's be cut the same.  I noticed that each size 4 had different bust, waist and hip measurements.  To me that doesn't make sense.  Sell them by the measurements,  not by sizes, if you are going to cut each blouse differently.  None have a universal bust, waist and hip measurement.  It is a shame that you can order many items all the same size, from this one site, and they are all cut differently, and will not fit the same.  If you don't call in for the measurements of each items you will be returning some of the items.

Site #2:  A Great Place to buy lingerie for BBW and SSBBW women.  But for the cost of the damn stuff, can you put an under wire in it so my breasts are not hanging down and looking weird?  I have priced under wire's, and at the most if you don't buy in bulk they are 1.00 each.  I believe if I am paying, almost 100 dollars per item that cost you about 10-30 dollars to make, depending on the material.  I think you can stick in a couple of under wires.  Another solution is to put a shelf bra in some of the items.  A shelf bra is a simple spandex lycra tube top, sewn into the item itself.  If your breasts are big like a lot of BBW and SSBBW's,  it keeps your breasts from hitting your stomach.  You actually look like you have breasts instead of pancakes being flatted against your body. Not all lingerie fashions can have a shelf bra.  But some can have them and the others should have under wires. On another note, please give some support to the straps of your items. They are quite thin and not re-enforced. The straps do not lay flat, they roll up instead. When your a big woman you don't need straps digging into your shoulders.

Site #3: This site has some nice items though they are a bit expensive. One positive thing I can say is that they cut there clothing properly when it comes to sizes.  You can order many items all the same size and they all fit,  tops and bottoms included.  They do need a better example of colors of there clothing.  For example I ordered some sets from them.  The pictures showed very light bright, pastel colored outfits.  I got the outfits and it was about 10 times darker than in the picture. A close up picture of the material would help as far as judging colors.  I was a bit disappointed with a beautiful dress I saw on there site. I bought it thinking WOW.  But the straps were the spaghetti style, and the dress had no shelf bra in it so my breasts fell down. I am begging, If the dress is made in a way that you cant wear a bra, please put in a shelf bra.  We need some kind of support.  Also my spaghetti strap almost broke from trying it on. I believe if I would have worn this dress outside the straps would brake from the weight of my breasts.  

Site #4: They offer some nice clothing in nice fabrics. They can custom some clothing also.  I have bought some items from them, but I have to say the truth. I love you guys, but I don't know what size I am from one item to the other.  I love what your doing.  The charts are great. But I find it discouraging that one item I fit in a 6x then the other is an 8x, somewhere in-between I am a 7X.  I got one item that was so big in the arms and armholes that I look like I can fly in it.  I would have to have major tailoring done to it to fit me like I have a shape.  The items need a bit more tuck in for waists. I looked like a giant draped blob.  If I would have got it tailored I would have ended up spending about 30 extra dollars.   They would have to take it all apart to fix it.  I would have sent it back but I bought it for a special occasion and with nothing else to wear, I wore it and I was stuck with it.  The materials are nice, though I wish they put the really Beautiful items in more colors and materials.  Instead some of there shirts are just really ugly prints. I cant see any women even skinny looking good in them.  OF COURSE THAT IS JUST MY THOUGHTS.  But shirts with prints that look like giant flying jelly beans, or multi color Daisy's from the 60's is not what a big woman needs. Some of it is always good to lend variety. Those nice stylish club clothing with  more variation is what we need, or course in more colors and fabrics. I did get some pants made, the material and was good. I gave them the size of my waist, but they didn't make it right. The waist was so big that when I wore them out, I was pulling my pants up all night. I will get that fixed but I wish it would have been ready to wear out the package.

     Now don't get all upset. I know how hard it is to make clothing for the ample bodies that exist.  I am happy we have so many sites that make clothing.  Though I must admit many times I am to scared to buy from them, because I never know if the item will fit me properly. It is very difficult to run to a post office and pay to have it returned.  I have actually spent a hundred or more dollars returning items at my cost, to end up without one item to wear.  Besides the size issues, is the fact that enormous prices are being charged for the clothing.  The sewing of the items are many times shabby and not worth the thread they were sewn with.  I and many other women end up getting brand new clothing that has be redo done and fixed.  Another additional cost that we go through.  At the prices being charged the clothing should be sewn properly.  Just because we don't have many options for clothing, doesn't mean we should wear just anything made in anyway.  Enforcement of the seams should be done automatically because we are big women and need it.

     I know what your going to say. Put your money where your mouth is.  Well I am going to try and design some nice clothing made properly for large women. Maybe even have a line one day. I wish we had a standard to go by as far as sizes for larger ladies who go into the SSBBW category.  I have been wondering for years what my size was. But with all the sites using there own standard I could never figure it out.  I have to say anywhere between a 4 and a 9X.

Thanks for Reading,    

My Gripe of the Month  



Would you like to give your comments?

Email Raqui:






Jay's Spot

From a Male point of view.

This months Subject : BBW Events

THIS MONTHS LIKES: BBW EVENTS (From a Man's Point of View)

     I like what's going down in the "Big World". I've been attending BBW events for a while now and I can only see it getting bigger and better. From what I've learned, BBW events began in New York City and they now have spread out to many states and a few countries. Honestly, when I went to my first BBW / BHM party, I thought the scene was kind of wack (stupid)! But when I look back, either it was my fault for complaining too much, hating because I wanted give my own parties, or I was just young minded. The fact of the matter is that if BBW events didn't exist, I would probably feel like life was missing something. So this column is dedicated to giving props to all those who organize and attend BBW / BHM events. For any people of size or admirers who has never been to a really good one, you better ask somebody!



     Speaking for all the true Fa's (Fat Admirers), Big Women are the most beautiful thing on earth! Some people can say that it is wrong for men to like a woman merely because of she is fat. Some men who like skinny women frown and say they really don't understand how a man can even be seen with a fat woman. Some people see big woman as humorous jokes to be ridiculed and laughed at. In my opinion, I am glad that events and forums exist so that myths can be cleared. I personally have always had people say "there goes a fat girl Jay" insinuating that if a woman is fat then I am attracted to her. I always ask, if a man prefer skinny blonde chicks, does that mean he likes all skinny blonde women? Just because I prefer big girls doesn't mean that I like all big girls or any woman just because she's fat. BBW events opened doors for fa's to be able to be around an abundance( many races, sizes) of plus size women.

     It's a good thing because for all the guys who complain about big girls, we (adult fa's) really never wanted you to like them anyway. That's more for us! The forums also brought about a very important word "acceptance", which in my opinion, is the right word for all those who don't understand the "Big World". You either accept that we got our own thing, like it or not!


     In all the years that I've attended BBW events I have always heard complaints. Either the music was not good enough, the event was over too early, the seats wasn't big enough, too many stairs to walk up, the drinks not strong enough, not enough men, the guys were too shy, or the event wasn't packed. Overall, the complaints can't compare to the thought of " What if BBW events didn't exist. The way I figure, BBW's ,SSBBW's , BHM's, and FA's are fortunate to have places where we can go to have a good time and meet people who appreciate each other. With all the social gatherings, parties, weekend retreats, and cruises (internationally), there really shouldn't be any complaints. and I personally have traveled to a few states where the events were "off the hook!".

     In the past few years, having access to buying Big Size clothing has gotten better. I can remember a time where big size clothing was not up to par with the rest of the latest fashions. It seems like big men now have a lot more choice than women counterparts but overall the styles have improved. In my personal research, this years top fashion trade show has 295 registered big men clothing lines and only 41 plus size women clothing lines. I find that there is an imbalance of big menswear at the industry trade shows while the internet plus size clothing links are growing.
BBW / BHM events created venues for the latest fashion to showcased. When people of size attend events they show that they can "get fly" just like anyone else. The point I would like to make is that when I reviewed the industry standards of fashion & modeling, I find very little attention given to bigger models. I personally only seen a few bbw models and have never seen big men models (except in print ads) in industry fashion shows. I applaud the fashion shows at BBW / BHM events because they created "The Big Runway" which gives inspiration to models of size as well as up & coming large size fashion designers.

     People of size work , have unique skills, and own businesses too! I've met many interesting businesswomen and men at BBW / BHM events. These are perfect places for good conversation as well as networking.

     So there it is! These are my top 4 reasons for attending BBW / BHM events. Each issue I intend to give updates about what's going on in the hot spots in the "Big World". The New York City scene has always been my personal favorite while Atlanta (GA), Charlotte (NC), and NJ is the bomb! I recently attended a Connecticut event where I was surprised how live it was. The environment was very nice. The people were cool and the party was poppin. I plan to travel out to CT a lot more and for anybody who is close by and never been there, you need to check it out. It was definitely worth the trip. I also keep hearing about Club Moxies in CA, Club Curves in Buffalo, and Chicago is definitely making noise.

     If anyone has any comments about any BBW / BHM clubs or social groups, let me know. Give me some feedback or reasons why you did / didn't enjoy the events.


Holla at ya boy           

Thanks for reading my Likes




Would you like to give your comments?

Email Jay:






Food Relations

What does food represent to us?


     Welcome to Food Relations.  The subject of food and people is an ever present concern.  What you eat, when you eat, how you eat, why you eat.  We all have to eat at some time or another.  Most of the time we eat for nutrition.  But food also makes us feel good.  The taste, texture, feeling, smell of food.  Some use food for release, or as a weapon for control.  Here in this section of our newsletter we hope to talk about the many aspects of food and get feedback from our readers of what food means to them.  Also how they view food.  So now sit back and read what this months food subject is about. 

The Large in Charge Staff


When does Food become "NOT GOOD" for you?


       As a child I was given just about anything I wanted.  My portions were large, and I had snacks daily.  All I had to do was say, I wanted something and I usually got it.  I was chubby but not extremely overweight.  I was considered the cutest little girl.  I was sweet, nice and kind, just like the candy and cake I ate.  But some where in it all, food became bad.  Cake and candy was not allowed and people started to watch what I eat and say, "You don't need to eat that!"  "That is not good for you!" 

     My mother fed me well, though vegetables made me sick.  Still she did her best to get me to eat a good diet.  Being Puerto Rican we had lots of old country from the Mountains made food.  Rice and beans, chicken, steak, pork, potatoes, pasta, bread, lots of fruits, veggies were my challenge.  But still I tried to eat them until they came back up.  (we started to believe I was allergic to them or to something they sprayed veggies with)  So my mother gave me the ones I could eat.  She would also boil all the vegetables I couldn't eat and chew into a both that I would drink once a month.  It was the nastiest thing I ever drank, I called it black soup because it had a dark color.  My mother was the kind of mother, that made you breakfast every morning.  I had hot cereal in the winter and cold cereal toast or eggs whatever I want in the summer.  If the school lunch was not so good she would pack one for me.  Until the school improved there lunch.  Right after school I had a snack and dinner was ready by 5pm. 

     I must say she took great pains to cook just like the old country people from PR. Of course she knew no other way, and you can tell from the first bite that it was real PR food.  No short cuts or beans from a can.  She got the beans in a bag and soaked and boiled them down.  No minute rice.  It was real rice in the big sack.  No pre made seasoning in a frozen container.  She went to the Chinese shop and got all her sweet peppers and long green leaves.  She didn't use that coloring in a packet she had that little pot of coloring to the side covered up.  Got to have the coloring to make the rice yellow.  I wish to this day that I will be able to cook like that also.  But being a modern woman we take short cuts.  We don't have all day like my mom did to slowly watch beans and things cook.  Still I remember so that I will one day be able to try and cook like she did.

    Growing up with all that good food was what made me strong and healthy.  Those snacks made me happy and feel good.  Then one day I went to the doctor and he said,  She is a bit heavy for her age.  She needs food control, before she starts to gain more weight.  We don't want her to be fat!  WAIT A MINUTE!  I was chubby, chunky maybe, but I was not fat.  I was big boned from birth, plus I was tall as hell.  That is when the war started.  The Food war I have been fighting since I was a girl.  That was when I was determined to have what I wanted no matter what.

     Suddenly I wasn't allow the cookies and candy I wanted.  I got some on occasion but not like before.  As long as I exercised why couldn't I have a snack?  My meals were measured and portions where smaller.  Which was ok on some level but then everything was measured.  My cereal bowl had a 1/2 cup of cereal in it like the box says.  You all know that no one, not even skinny girls eat a 1/2 cup of cereal.  I couldn't have kool aid anymore,  I drank Crystal light.  That wasn't so bad in some ways.  But I sure missed kool-aid.  Juice went from a regular glass to a tiny glass.  I mean it must have been exactly 4oz.  I understand US standards.  But who actually drinks 4oz of juice?  I feel that if I am going to have juice once a week.  Give me a big glass I deserve it.  Different food was bought and snacks changed.  I missed my old items. Rice cakes replaced real cake.  Trips to the candy store were cut out.  I got more fruit which was good but my after school snack ( a sandwich + a cookie or two)  was taken away.  I wasn't allowed to have the items I had before.  So that started my effort to have them one way or another.  And if I couldn't have what I wanted, I would grab the next best thing.  Just for the fact of people telling me I couldn't have it.  When I wanted a cake or candy and couldn't find any.  I would sneak into the fridge and take bread.  The low calorie kind that costs a bunch and stuff two slices in my mouth.  I wasn't hungry but just wanted to much on something.  I wasn't allowed to much so, I would stuff something in my mouth just to say. "HA I AM HAVING SOMETHING ANYWAY!"  

  I saved money to buy large amounts of candy, which I hid and ate.  I hated it when people would sit down eating food or cakes and cookies, suddenly when I came by they would say "Oh, you can have this, it is NOT GOOD for YOU!"  "Then why are you eating it?" I would think to myself.  I see you stuffing your mouths with it.  It hit me that some food is good if your skinny, but if your fat suddenly it is not.  That got me really mad.  I hated the comment, "You have such a pretty face, if only you would lost weight!"  Everyone treated me like I was immobile or something.  I look back on my pictures and don't see myself as some fat, nasty person.  I was heavy but I was a beautiful girl.  I was sized nicely for my height and I know people who would kill for the body I had.  My booty was nice, my breasts maturing and I was almost as tall as my father (He is 6 feet)  My stomach wasn't very large.   My thighs were thick as hell.  I was strong with long hair.  I weighed about 200 - 220 lbs of solid body.  and I was about 11 years old.  I was defiantly in trouble as far as men was concerned.  Which I stayed away from.  But I thought I was beautiful.  All I ever heard was. "You need to lose weight!"  "If you lost weight you would be a fox!"  "It is a shame your heavy!" all following with a sucking of the teeth.  At 11 years old I had a more rocking body that my older skinny flat sisters.  I was being constantly berated and put down because I was heavy.  NOT EXTREMELY HEAVY,  just heavy.  As long as I exercised I would have lived a great healthy life.   Instead I started to hate everyone who tried to tell me I wasn't good enough.

     The more I went to the doctor and didn't lose.  The less amount of calories he wanted me to consume per day.  I went from the 2,500 calorie a day diet to 1,000 a day.  How do you live on 1,000 calories a day.  He even went as low as 900 calories.  But it wouldn't work.  I was not going to let them change me.  I liked being me, and I was going to have what I wanted, as I wanted.  I felt I was fighting the world to be able to love my own body.  The kids in school were horrible.  But that is normal.  It was the adults that hurt me the most.  No matter how good I did in school, No matter how pretty my face and hair was,  no matter how kind I was, how sweet my personality,  no matter how respectful, how submissive I was. I was never good enough.  I looked at other children my age.  Slim girls, no where near as pretty as me.  But they got all the compliments.  They got horrible grades,  treated others mean, talked about nasty stuff, spit on other kids, some even smelled funny.  But they were always told they were so beautiful and slim.  They could be a model.  They could be on a magazine.  But they would look at me and say.  You will be good one day when you lose weight.  What was so wrong with me?  Yes you can say I was rebellious.  But I personally think taking away all snacks is ridiculous.  Monitoring the snacks is a good way of handling it.  Slowing taking snacks away and replacing it with something else is more positive.  Not taking it all away at once.

     As I got older I took more control of what I ate.  I left my mother's house when I was 13 and then my fathers when I was 15.  I went on my own and into the youth shelter system.  The only way I can describe myself is,  brick house.  I was about 6'1 300 - 350lbs.  My breasts big and beautifully round.  My butt was the most banging thing on my block.  My thighs were defiantly causing rain storms, because they were thundering with every step. I walked constantly so my muscles were huge.  My stomach was looking even flatter than before because my breasts were so big.  I hair was cut but still a nice dark shoulder length, Curly as all hell and shiny.  I ran as fast as anyone else.  I played basketball, volley ball, danced, worked out, I ate as I wanted and gained no weight because I was so active.  I would eat things in front of people who I knew would say.  "You don't need that!" and my reply was "I know I don't need it, I want it!"  "I always get what I want!"  I started to use food as a weapon just to prove that I could have it. 

     Then things again changed.  Men started to influence me and food took on another aspect.


Check out next months issue for more about my own food relationship.  Please submit your comments and thoughts.  They will be included in the next newsletter.  Can you relate to the above story?   Do you have a story of your own to submit?

Email Raqui -






Large In Charge Guest Spot

We want to hear and see your talents!


One of our favorite parts of the newsletter.  The Guest Spot is for our readers to submit there talents to be viewed.  We want to see all you wonderful supporters making moves of your own.  If you write poetry, short stories, commentaries, or just thoughts in general, please submit them to us.  If your a designer we want to see pictures of your clothing.   We would love to include your talents in our newsletter.  We hope you take an active part in the L.I.C. newsletter.





By: Raquel Hernandez

Copyright 2004



I cannot even conceive of the time,

when I didn't realize my beauty.

When I felt that I was not alluring,

not lovely, not attractive.

When I felt that it was your pity,

or just my personality.

That brought others to me.

When it was all a lie to be happy and large.

But it was true.  I didnít know that I was special.


But I came to a realization

Seeing me.

Feeling me.

All of what I am.

My body abundantly rich and fulfilling.

Softer than butter.

Richer than cream.

Warm and heated and unbelievably passionate.

Sweet Scents lingering between folds of flesh.

Just waiting for an eager nose to find them.

A tender tongue to touch them.

Lasting lips to kiss upon my softening body.

When I felt passion for myself.

I believed I was sensual and sexy.

Beautiful and a Darling.



When I loved myself, I saw more than fat

When I came to the realization.

That I was already,

everything I wanted to be.

I didnít have to change.

I didnít need to become someone,

or something I wasnít.

I didnít have to prove anything,

to anyone, but myself.

Allowing myself to be myself,

Regardless of size or the worlds thoughts.



Why did I allow the people around me to dictate

What is right wrong, beautiful or normal.

No one can tell another person what there favorite flower is.

Nor can they tell them to like another color.

I would never permit a person to tell me,

what type of song I should listen to.

You would never let someone tell you,

What tastes best.

Only you can decide those things.

So I decided to love myself.


I decided that I wasnít going to let others,

make me feel inferior,

 because of look, size, color, or race.

I am not going to allow them to,

change my mind, thus affecting my life.

I was going to take control.

And it all started,

with a,









Large in Charge Art


We are looking for all you wonderful Artist to contribute your wonderful BBW/SSBBW/BHM Artwork.

If you would like your art work to be featured in our newsletter please email Raqui

Attach your art work in a jpg or gif format.  If you need help send an email. Thank you


We are working with on finding a cartoonist and hope to have our first

Large in Charge Cartoon in the next few months!


If your interested in working with us on a cartoon, artwork or other

things for the Newsletter Email Raqui








Large In Charge - Ask Us

Ask Raqui and Jay the questions you always wanted to.

Get the female and male point of view.


Ask Raqui and Jay your questions                                                                             


Dear Raqui

Q:     Hey Raqui, Fa's (Fat Admirers) are always asked the question, "Why do you like big women?"  But I would like to ask the women.  Why do big women think we like them? - Billy Boy


A:     Well Billy Boy from my point of view.  I believe for every body type there is someone who likes you.  For every race, creed and color.  Who you are attracted to is a part of you and you don't control it.  It is similar to liking the color red verse blue.  You don't know why you just do.  What I have heard from men is they like the softness.  The roundness.  The way a chunky face makes you look youthful.  The feeling of weight.  The plump feeling and look of bigness.   You often hear of or see men who don't know why they love big women. They have the skinny trophy wife at home but there mistress is big.  And the wife always says, "Why you go with her over me."  Because in his eyes and in his feelings he loves the bigness.  It feels better to him but society tells him he needs a slim woman. 


        Why do they like it?  I believe it is just preference. It is what stimulates your visually, mentally and physically.  Why? Who knows.  But thank god for the men who do!



Q:     Dear Raqui, From one lady to another how do you deal with stares? I know you get them a lot you so tall and all.  - Nicky


A:     Nicky, all large people male and female deal with stares at one time or another.  But now it seems as though people are staring less than a few years ago.  But of course you do have that person who is just staring. With out any manners to stop when you turn your head.   I often stare back until they realize, they are now being watched.   My sisters on many occasions would say " Yeah keep looking we know she big and gorgeous".  Sometimes I will just say.  You like something you see? or are you just a rude person? With children I do the same thing.   I do urge parents to teach there children proper ways to address people of size.  I have had children who were way to big to be so bold and say.  Damn you so Fat!  I tell them right back.  And your the rudest little boy/girl I have ever seen.  Or I just imitate the way they say things to me.  That is just my thing for dealing with big kids who are rude and know better.  I have never had a parent tell me anything about my response to their child.  I have also had kids come up to me and say, "You have a big tummy!" and pat it and smile.  That is not seen as a bad in my eyes.  I let them touch me if they want to.  I think it comforts them and maybe they have a big family member at home and find it nice to touch.  I try to deal with staring in a mature way. Not a nasty way.  A way that says Hey I am a person just like you.  You can look but don't be rude.



Q:     Que Pasa Raqui, As a BBW/SSBBW what do you feel is the biggest problem you face when it comes to dating men?

Khandur Williamson


A:     Well I used to find the fact that I was big, and couldn't fit everywhere a problem. So I wouldn't want to go out.  I ended up staying home or asking  the guy to come over for a take out/movie night, at home instead of a night on the town.  I got tired of that, I want to go out not sit in my house.  So now, I don't have that problem anymore.  I tell a man out right what I need if he wants to date me.  Anything from a cab ride to comfortable seating.  If he wants to take me to a restaurant I haven't been to, I will ask him about the seats and if it would be comfortable for me.  If we go someplace neither of us has been to, I make sure that I ask the manager or the person who seats us what kind of seating do they have. 


Example:  Hello, I would like to know if you have any booths with tables that move (not nailed down or attached to the walls).  Or do you have seats with out side rails.  If they are not sure I ask to look around and find my own seat.  If they don't have proper seating that I will be comfortable with I will leave.  It is the responsibility of the establishment to have seating that is comfortable to all people.  If I am not satisfied I have no problem leaving.  I tell this to my date also so he understands.  Sometimes you have to wait a bit for the proper seat.  I rather wait a bit and have conversation with my date than to sit uncomfortable threw a meal.

Q:     Dear Raqui, Do you think BBW/SSBBW women prefer skinny men,  big men or men who are in-between?    -  Tyrone

A:     From what I know the choice is different for every woman.  Some prefer slimmer men because they tend to fit better when it come to sexual relations (especially if she is not that flexible).  But then again some do not want to feel so big next to a man so they don't want slimmer men.  Some find heavy set men, to heavy if they cant tolerate the weight. Some often feel it is to much work in some ways to deal with a big man.  Then again some find them warm and cuddly and wouldn't want anything, but someone as easy to bounce on as themselves.  Some want men with big legs because they are stronger and some want men with slimmer legs because they again fit easier. Then there is the in-between ranges that each have a positive and negative effect depending on the woman.  These are just some physical reasons I have heard for liking different kinds of men.  So the real preference is with each woman individually and finding the woman who likes your type.  Just like us women have to find men who like our type.




































Dear Jay

Q:   Hey Jay, I like hanging out at the plus size clubs in New York City but what I don't like is that a lot of guys think that big girls are easy sex targets. How do you feel about that?  -  Ms. Cookie

A:   Dear Cookie, I have to keep it real with you. Some big girls are easy! Before I experienced my first BBW party I had to look hard to find girls I liked. I used to dream about parties where Big Chicks ruled. When I got to my first one, I was in heaven. The amount of big women is a big turn on for FA's. Where else can we go where we can outright flirt? The real nitty gritty is the word "Easy" because target should be cool with you. If you got all dressed up, smelling good, traveled to the club, walking in all sexy and fine, then you shouldn't mind guys targeting you. The reality is that some women and men, regardless of size, are easy targets for sex. In my opinion, having sex is your right as an adult. The problem is that some men think that just because a women is big then she is hard up and that she has no options. Question, is this the same for big guys too? Are they easy because they're fat?

     Being hard up is assuming that you don't have guys who like you. Now there are enough men in the clubs that women have a lot of choice. The hard up "because your fat" myth should now be a dead issue. Even though, in my opinion, the word "Easy", big girls have a right to be easy, if they wanna be! If you do get approached by guys who think that your easy and you don't like it, I suggest that you tell them that your not impressed and your not interested. Big girls have a right to say "No"! I have heard of some guys who do come to BBW clubs looking for sex but there are also guys who are looking for love and relationships too. Same goes for the women. Another suggestion, if your really not feeling the club scene try social groups or dating services.


Q:   Dear Jay, I am told that I am a very attractive SSBBW. When I go out to the plus size events, no one ever talks to me. I spend a lot of time doing my hair, makeup, dress right, smelling good and I can't even get a guy to say hi to me? When I see a men look at me, I will smile, wave at them and say "Hi", but still no one talks to me. Why?  -  Princess

A:   Princess, men are from Mars , women are from Venus! I can answer this question but most SSBBW's don't agree with me. I have two points to make. One, I am a firm believer that women have a complex about doing the cave woman thing. If you see a guy you like, and he's not responding, snatch him by the hair and drag him to your cave. I don't know who Sadie Hawkins was but I like her style! I don't see anything wrong with a woman walking up to a man and starting a conversation. You claim that men don't "talk" to you but if your in a BBW club where the men like big women, then why should you have to wait for one to approach you? Unless you want to keep silent, come to the club week after week, and leave alone. The only one that will have to deal with that is you. So my first piece of advice is "a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do"! I once had a woman disagree with me and said "if a guy is not man enough to approach her than how can he be strong enough to protect and love her in a relationship"? My first advice, is aimed at the key words "men don't talk to me".  In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with walking up to a guy and saying "hi, you look very nice".  If your attracted to him.  But Princess, Talk is cheap, just open your mouth!  Two, I have to admit that I don't have all the answers. In my personal research, I find that SSBBW's have a lot of shy admirers. Some SSBBW's claim that they have no problems with guys who approach them but the majority I speak to agree that most men who like SSBBW's act shy sometimes (even in a BBW Club). I don't know if its because your bigger than the other ladies and men still have that "ashamed to be with the fattest girl" thing, if its that some guys just don't know how to approach an SSBBW, or if they are just acting like roosters in a hen house and playing hard to get! Bottom line, I still say that if you spend a lot of time doing your hair, makeup, dressing right, smelling good and you can't get a guy to say hi, then change your game a little. Pick out all the guys in the club that you are attracted to, give a kind word to each of them, and then go sit somewhere and enjoy the scene.

Q:    Jay, I'm a nice guy. I like big girls. I know you know a few good ones. Hook a brother up!  -  MrLuvaluva

A:    MrLuvaluva, its cool that you like the big mama's and being I'm on the scene, I do have a full list of the full figured ladies. The hook up? that's another issue. Honestly, the crew I'm rollin with is some "straight out the Bronx" type people so we screen everybody to the fullest. We are just starting our group and being from New York City we are a lot more cautious as to who we socialize with. Not saying that we are stuck up, nose in the air snooty people but understand that women go though a lot of drama with men in general. Our social group is basically geared around gentlemen who accept that ladies need to be treated right. The job of the Large in Charge staff is make sure that we are totally professional, provide a safe and fun environment, and get to know the men that we introduce to our women friends. Right now it seems like a lot of ladies are looking for men who don't play head games and have one on one time to spend with a sister. Mentally and Financial stability is also another issue (gotta keep it real).

     I suggest you hit up our message board and maybe tell the ladies your definition being a "nice guy". What's that all about? Also, my column is here to sometimes help guys understand the uniqueness of a BBW and how to love her. Even though, I'm not perfect, I'm still learning myself. I can say I'm fortunate to be in the mix and presently surrounded by many BBW's who tend to give me good advice on how to please a BBW.

Example: Romance. I once heard of a guy who cooked his SSBBW some food (a big breakfast) early before his woman woke up. Then he brought it in to her on a tray, sat it on the bed, and said "Baby this is for you". Another guy brought a BBW a rose and laid it on the bed. When she walked in the room, he said "surprise honey", I just wanted to show you that I loved you. Me being a typical man, I thought this was romance! Come to find out, the BBW's in this group taught me a few things that I would've never thought of. The key word in the breakfast issue was SSBBW. Big girls like to eat man! Breakfast is cute but romance to a big woman is when you bring in the meals that she "loves to eat". I was told romance is not sitting the tray down but feeding it to her or at least some of it. The next case with the rose is how you dress up the rose. Ladies like candles burning, rose pedals leading up to the rose, Lavert or Jahiem playing on the sound system, some candy and a card....then the rose on the bed. The point is that some guys are naturally romantic to BBW's but most guys (like myself) need to learn a few things. is where they can come to learn!


     So, yeah I know a few good ones, but if your not down to be willing to respect them as descent ladies and put some rules on the table, then we're bound to run into problems. Plus the ladies in our staff will screen you! Bottom line, when you roll with us, wash your ass man, make sure your clothes are clean, your breath and body smelling good, go to the barber shop, bring a little gift when you go on a date, complement a nice looking BBW when you see her, and what ever you do...never ask a BBW to go dutch! The hook up? just come correct or don't come at all..."don't start no shit, won't be no shit"!

Q:    Jay, I just hit up the site cause you my cousin and everything. I personally like slim women and couldn't see myself with a chubby chick more less a huge fat chick. But you know I know that you've been with the big girls (outright) since like second grade! You ain't never care about who said something about you, laughed at you, etc......So congratulations to your new site and Do You Baby! Question, Do you need any help? - Cousin Dee

A:    Dear Cousin Dee, thanks for the comments and for being willing to help but I'm rollin with the big mami's...I'm good! The slim girl comment is a good thing because as I stated up top, that's more big mama's for us. Plus your big and fat so I know you ain't hating on the big chicks. I also find nothing wrong with your (slim women) preference...Do You! Just don't get it twisted with the "girls gone wild" typical twiggy runway models who are societies poster girls for what is sexy. Different strokes for different folks. Acceptance is one thing but "Respect" is my personal issue. When you see a person of size..."respect them". Being I've been with the Big Mami's for so long, I've personally encountered many disrespectful incidents. Like a lot! I've had my share of fist fights, arguments, and beefs with men who thought that it was cool to think that "fat people are funny". In my opinion, TV and movies is a one of the major blames ...but that's another story. Also I read a lot of SSBBW message boards and sites where big people talk about bad things that has happened to them. The worst case I read was a lady (SSBBW) who said that she and her daughter were in a restaurant and a woman kept staring at them and talking to a guy at her table. The daughter was a large child, about 11 years old. The lady posted that the man got up from the table, walked over to them and said, that is disgusting, and spit in the little girls face. She posted that she cried as they (the man and woman) walked out of the restaurant. She was posting to ask advice as to what to do in a situation like that. I also read a lot of post from guys who also ask what should they do when they are with their woman or family and things like this happen. I'm my opinion, I admit I also need help sometimes and never really figured out what to tell people in these situations.  I grew up in New York City with a fat mother, fat father, a whole bunch of fat cousins, fat aunts, uncles, fat friends, etc....Most people who hate on people of size fail to realize that big people are "people" first. and with people comes family. and with family (especially growing up in the streets) comes the people who love them and will "fuck you up" for even saying something, more less spitting in a Childs face.

So cousin Dee, thanks for the for the huge fat chick comment...only the strongest backs can survive! Don't be skarred!



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