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Issue #2 / April 2004

Welcome to the Large In Charge Newsletter


In this Issue of L.I.C


Featured Person  Interview with the Woman who runs the HOT CONNECTICUT PARTIES!


Raqui's Spot - Internet Players! How not to get played!


Jay's Spot -  The First ever BBW Doll!  Who is behind this Beauty?


Food Relations - When does Food become bad?  Second half of Raqui's own story with her relationship with Food. Plus a Readers own view on Food Relations!


Guest Spot -  Dreaded Doctor Visits! Does every doctor have the right to tell you Gastric Bypass is for you?  A personal opinion from one of our readers.  Plus News that the death rate is Higher than often stated!


Ask Us - Finally, a place to ask those questions you want answers to.  Ask Raqui and Jay your questions.  We handle all subjects.


Art - Hot new Artist on our team.  View and Vote which is your favorite image!


Events & Pictures - L.I.C. will tell you about the hottest BBW events and parties. Come see where we go when we party. 


L.I.C. Store - Products Designed by the L.I.C. Owners.  What's New? Giant Towels, Towel Wraps, Terry Washing Aids,  and Accessories.



Large In Charge Featured Person

Big Connections CT founder Juanita Sanford

March 13, 2004

     It was Saturday afternoon when we walked into the Westin Stamford Hotel located in Stamford Connecticut.  Jay (Co-owner of and I both agreed it was just as the site promised.  The staff was courteous, the atmosphere was elegant, and we were both happy.  Next on my list, room inspection. From the moment I entered you can say, I was pleased.  The extra plush beds, with 5 pillows each was more than comfortable.  Our room being a double was not cramped.  The standard bath room would be pleasing to any BBW, SSBBW, or BHM.  I could spread my arms out, turn in a circle and not touch a wall.  Tasteful black and white prints of Connecticut where placed in the rooms with information about each location.  The Television was large, and you had the options of watching regular TV, purchasing Nintendo game time or purchasing a movie.  Internet access is available for $10 dollars unlimited, and all of the furniture was of good quality and fashion.  One large chair was in the corner, while another smaller chair was by a huge desk. The view from our room was pleasing to the eye as daylight filtered in. My favorite feature was the small wheeling table hidden under the desk.  We had our dinner and snack party on that table, from one of the many delivery menus that are located at the front desk.

     We knew Juanita picked a proper place for her BBW events when we walked into this establishment.  Wherever steps were located there was also a ramp.   Most of the seats in the lobby were wide and sturdy.  The elevators were not a far walk from the front desk.  On the second floor right by the elevator is where the Recreation facilities where located.  There was a swimming pool, Jacuzzi, Weight room with lounge, plus a tennis court.  You can say this hotel was definitely stacked with positives.

     Now let’s talk about the Club.  Inside the hotel was Juanita’s spot, “The Labyrinth Room”.  My first thought was “WOW, this place is big.”  When entering the club that are a few chairs,  I saw a few people gathered and chatting.  To the left was a large section with tables and chairs.  I would say at least 20 tables were all equipped with chairs that had no armrests.  Each table sat 8-12 people, and at all the tables were small bowls of snacks.  Over to the right was a long bar with seats. The drinks were not watered down and for a surprise, they were a decent price.  The bar overlooked the dance floor, which is accessible from a walk way right down in-between the bar and seating area.  The dance floor was a good size and the music (which was off the hook) was heard through the whole club area.

 I noticed a lot of people talking and smiling.  It was shocking, since most parties I’ve been to have grumpy or bored looking persons sitting around.  I’ve never really felt that the people at other parties were approachable. But this party was different, even though I didn’t know anyone there, I found people saying hello to me.  I was able to approach females and males alike with out any problems.  It was a mixed crowd, ages varied from 20’s to 50’s, mostly in the 20- 30’s age range.  Racially there was a nice mix and everyone got along, people seemed to be quite friendly.  It made me think that anyone who came to this party probably could sit down and have a conversation with at least 50% of the people in attendance.  There were no fights or complications.  I even helped out by dancing with another girl for the DJ as a birthday present.  Overall it was the type of atmosphere that I can see myself attending regularly.  Outside the Labyrinth room some people sat and had conversation on nearby chairs or in the expansive lobby.  After the party was over, goodbyes were exchanged.  Hope to see you again was something I heard over and over.  Not only by Juanita and her friends, but by other people who I happened to have conversations with, or just an exchange of smiles and a few words.  I sat on a coffee table in the lobby long after most people left, talking to a couple and a few other remaining party goers.  Long after the party was over, I was still having fun joking and laughing. I didn’t get to my room until 5:30 am.  Jay and I both agreed that the party was better than any we have attended so far.


Raqui of Large In Charge



     This is to all the FA’s in the New York City, and surrounding areas.  If you have never been to a Big Connection’s party, you are really missing a good one!  I can’t front on NYC because it’s my home, but for real, we don’t have anything comparing to Juanita’s events that jump off in CT. New Yorker’s might say that we have nice BBW/BHM clubs, but this place is a beautiful club and hotel rolled into one.  It reminds me of a BBW get away,  a retreat, or mini resort.  The night was really all that and a bag of chips!  Honestly, The DJ was impressive.  All I can say is “we partied like it was his birthday” and it guess what it was!


      From a males point of view, when you have big & beautiful women, a nice party, and nice attitudes from the people, that’s alright! But when you add that to the atmosphere at that hotel, it was perfect!  That place is really fly. The hottest thing about the club, is that it goes down on a slant leading to the DJ set up. The DJ was located center stage, with the dance floor right in front.  There is also a standing/seating balcony over looking the dance floor opposite the DJ.  The price of everything was  reasonable.  The overall cost and distance to CT. is worth the trip for sure.  I plan to continue supporting these events and encourage the entire LargeInCharge crew to put this spot on your calendar.


If I had to rate the entire trip, 1 out of 10, I would give that overnight event a BIG #8.  The hotel was luxurious, the service was professional, the food was delicious, all prices were reasonable, the club was kicking, and the women were adorable. The two points off is due to the hotel transportation who claimed that they would pick us up from the Metro train station free of charge (but had problems) and the swimming pool that was the bomb! But was connected to the “out of order” hot tub with no water in it. (that was bootleg!)  Otherwise, all was good!


Extra Thanks and much success to Juanita and the Big Connection staff for all the fun and hospitality. 















































































Interview with Juanita:

Raqui: Hello Juanita, I'm so glad to be here.


Juanita: Glad to have you here.


Raqui: My first question is,  where are you from originally?


Juanita:  I was born in Hartford Connecticut.


Raqui:  Have you lived here your whole life?


Juanita:  We lived in Florida, we lived in South American, My father is Columbian.  So we lived there for a year, and  um…Basically Connecticut.. So we were here, .. then Florida, .. then Columbia, …then back here.  I have been here since I was 14.  So that makes it 30 years.


Raqui:  So, you know this area pretty well?


Juanita:  Oh, yeah.  Really well.


Raqui:  Are you an only child, do you have siblings?


Juanita:   No, I am the oldest. I have two sisters and one brother. 


Raqui:  Is your family a plus sized family or are they slim?


Juanita:  Most of them.


Raqui:  Most of them?


Juanita:  Most of them,  I am the biggest, but my aunt is pretty big.  My grandmother was pretty big, my mom is about 220.  So I am the biggest.


Raqui:  Are they a size positive family?


Juanita:  Now they are. But they were not always. Like when we were kids my father was horrible. When he was around he was truly horrible. But he left the family when I was 18. He was pretty horrible about the weight.


Raqui:  Were you always a large woman or did you kind of grow into it?


Juanita:  When I was 170 pounds, I was like 11 years old… right.  And I was not as tall as I am now. I'm 5’5.. I thought I was the biggest, fattest, kid on earth.  Because my father made me think I was…you know.  And then from dieting, basically…. I got bigger and bigger and bigger.  I did this whole binge…diet thing, and food was always a bad thing.  If I ate I was bad, and so then I’d eat more. I gained 160 pounds in a year and a half when I wasn’t dieting.  I wasn’t skinny like other people, I used to starve myself that is how I stayed at 170.


Raqui:  Have you become accustomed to your weight?


Juanita:  Oh yeah,  I mean.. I have lost about 110 pounds now.  I am about 420, the thing is… I am fine with myself.  The only thing I am not fine with, is how my body feels, the pain from arthritis, things like that. And there is no guarantee that even if I was thin, I wouldn’t have it… but I accept myself totally.


Raqui:  We all know you started the events called Big Connections.  What made you decide to start holding these events and when did you start?


Juanita:  I joined NAAFA in 1990.  You know what that is right?


Raqui:  Yes.       ( NAAFA - National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance)


Juanita:  And my husband and I would go to parties.  I couldn’t believe it.  I would say “oh my god!”  “look at what she is wearing!” and I couldn’t believe it, there were big women who were actually ok with themselves... you know.   Just a place where you felt comfortable.  I used to be the Chair of the Connecticut chapter of NAAFA.  I came to this hotel, it was a Sheridan then, and I saw this Club, I said “Oh God, this would be so good for parties”.  I started it up with an affiliate first, but that didn’t work out.  So then I started doing the parties on my own.  It changed my life and the life of so many others.  To come to place that’s positive, where they don’t feel uncomfortable, where they can dress sexy, if they want a lap dance they can have or give a lap dance.  You know what I mean?  It’s a comfortable place to be, where men appreciate and prefer big women.  The skinny women, they don’t even look at.


Raqui:  I see you have great following. At first was it hard to get people to come to the parties?


Juanita:  Oh yeah, we used to be, like, thrilled if we have 50 people. You used to be sweating it to get 50 – 60 people.  As the years went on and the word got out that the parties were fun.  When I started on my own I had them once a month, now I have them twice a month. We have a pretty good crowd at this spot tonight; we have almost 200 people tonight.  On average here in Stamford we have about that I say.  Last party it was 270.  Memorial Day it will be off the hook. We will have two day parties on holiday weekends, Memorial Day, Labor Day, New Year’s Eve weekend.  That is when we have two day parties.  We have them here in Stamford and White Plains.


Raqui:  The environment you provide is a much different than other parties I have been to.  What do you strive to attain when you pick a location for your party?


Juanita:  First of all I want it to be handicap accessible.  So it is all one level not 50 billion stairs, because some girls just can do them.  I don’t think it is fair to have a party in a place where people have to do all those stairs.  If I ever have a place that had stairs, if I had to have a place with stairs, if there was no other place. I would let people know this.  To make them aware, in case there ability is affected.  So people know when they come to my parties it is a place they can come to. I make sure the pools have the walk down stairs not the ladders.  It is important, I know to me it is.  I mean I am a SSBBW (Super Sized Big Beautiful Woman) and a lot of places aren’t good for SSBBW’s.  


Raqui:  I heard at one of your next parties you will have a vendor’s area, can’t you tell us more about that?


Juanita:  Yeah um… all the weekend events. Memorial Day, Labor day weekends. We always have vendors on Sunday afternoon.  So everyone who wants to come can sell there stuff. We have jewelry, clothing, lingerie and your going to be here with your stuff, whoever wants to come can come.  They just buy there table.


Raqui:  What Future event do you have planed? do you have cruises, getaways?


Juanita:  We do the cruises every year.  I may try this place in Mexico that caters to big people, but it’s really expensive.  I am going to see what Liberty Travel does, because I work for Liberty Travel.  So we do one or two cruises a year, and we have a great time.  I really like Norwegian because all the rooms have hand held showers and that is important for big girls.  Usually in a group we have about 60 people, and everybody has a blast.  The girls will come by themselves, and have a good time.  They end up going meeting other people, and just have a good time. The room are pretty reasonable actually.


Raqui:  What Future plans do you have for Big Connections?


Juanita:  My dream would be…What I really want to do, is start a BBW resort with a club on it.  We could have parties every week. It would be a bed and breakfast with kind of a twist. Clothing optional swimming and Jacuzzi.  That’s what I really want to do. I got two more years with my son.  My youngest is 16.  After that, I would like to get financial backing, and be able to do something like that.


Raqui:  That sounds wonderful.  I have to thank you for doing this interview, and I hope everything works out for you.  Thank you again.


Want more information on Juanita's Parties?

Go to:

Want to see some pictures?

Check out our Events and Pictures section to see

some of the Stamford and White Plains Party Pictures!



Raqui's Spot

From a Female's Point of View

This month's subject: Internet Players


Email Raqui:


This Months Subject:  Internet Players

     We have all heard of them.  Internet Players, men and women on the net who take advantage of others.  I have seen all types of groups dedicated to warning others of these harmful people who are running rampant on the Internet.  Anything from heart break to taking money to taking lives.   Internet Players are making others miserable.  They are not hurting one person at a time but many people at a time.  Since the Internet is full of people all over the world and most of them want to meet others and have different types of conversation.  Many are looking for that special someone and this leads to falling into the traps of Internet Players. These men and women who make up numerous stories and make you believe they love you. They take you on a world wind romance and often get away with a lot more than they came in.

     So how do you prevent yourself from getting caught up?  Here is one such case.  Below is an Internet player.  The accounts here are true and are two different versions.  One is SAFE the other is SORRY.  SAFE didn't get caught up she saw the warning signs and while she wasn't sure at first she listened to herself.  SORRY did get caught up and in a bunch of debt.   Both know the same man at the same time and found out about each other.  While SAFE is not concerned about all of this since she didn't fall for his tricks.  SORRY is hurt and doesn't understand how this man who claimed to want to marry her could do this.  At the bottom will be tips that should tell you if the man or woman your talking to might be a Internet Player.

NOTE:  All information on the below person was either given to the two individuals to use in any way they see fit,  or taken from a public forum.  None of this was stolen and is public property of the internet.  We are sorry that a subject like this has to come up but it is very much a part of Internet life.  This article is used as a learning tool for others who might be hurt or caught up in similar experiences.  Visit the Yahoo Group at the bottom of this page for other warnings of such Individuals.














Profile of an Internet Player:


Name:  Ira Bobby Patrick Toole Jr.

Age: 33 

DOB: May 4,, 1971

Height: 6'8

Weight: 321

Location: Sacramento California

Yahoo Name: itoole

AOL Name:


His Game:  He targets BBW's and SSBBW's.  He is on numerous dating sites, and messages boards.  I likes to view BBW and SSBBW porn or adult material.  You can find him on those boards often.  He often goes by the name Patrixx.


     Ira heaps compliments on you and talks about his love for you and your beauty. He claims to fall in love with you and wants to marry you.  He says he has bought a ring for you.  He claims to have bought you a car to travel in when you go to see him. Sometimes he says he will send the vehicle to you.  He shows the cars he claims to have on web cam.


     He says he has a twin brother named Bobby, many sisters,  and numerous family members in Louisiana, Texas, Atlanta, New York City and California.  He says that he was suppose to be married but his fiancé died in a car accident. Sometimes she dies while pregnant with his child sometimes not. 


     Ira claims he has been in the reserves, is a US Marine, sometimes in Iraq sometimes not. A heavy equipment operator, that he works with children, is a construction worker, has a business as a tow truck driver, Is certified to drive for EMS,  has sold drugs in his past and worked at Wal-Mart.  It is unsure which he has or has not done.  Ira often talks about his family and how some members cause him to not have a phone.  He claims some members of his family hate, then other times they love him.  He complains about having to help them all the time or he will say they never help him.  These persons change from time to time.  He talks about his Bingo playing Aunt and his father a lot. 


     He often says he will cook for you and clean and you will never have to do anything.  He seems to have an aunt or family member everywhere.  He disappears at times to come back saying he was either in jail, that his computer broke or he was in the hospital.   He uses his associates at times for phone access.


Safe Sorry

     Ira contacted me through the Dating Tech Network. He gave me all forms of personal information to do a check on him so I would know he was a safe person. With in a couple of months he asked me to marry him and told me he had a ring. From that moment I knew something was weird. I just couldn't see how any man can want to marry a woman he has not met never the less know very well. He continues to tell me about his Fiancé who died pregnant with his child in a car accident on a Bridge in California, but later
on he cant remember her name and refuses to talk about her. He showed me car after car that he claimed to buy for me but kept exchanging for a bigger better model to suit me. He sent me poetry through the instant messengers.  Every time I told him to stop being so serious that we don't know each other enough.  He would go on and on about his love for me and that he wont let a good woman slip through his hands.  If he had to move to be where I was he would.  He was going to work his butt off until he could come to see me at least once a month.  He said he set up a room in his apartment for me so I can visit and have privacy, which was suppose to make it more convenient while we got to know each other.  I still told him I was not going to get serious and that he should get to know me first.  I thought he could make a cool friend, because I really couldn't see being with a man long distance.  But you never know.  Then things didn't seem quite right and the lies piled up.

     One day on messenger someone who claimed to be his aunt told me he was in a car accident and needed to be taken to the hospital, but didn't know which one he was in. When I called all the ER's in California in and around his area he was not registered in one. He told me he used his twin brother's name for insurance. The name he gave me way Bobby Toole. Later on it is found out this brother doesn't exist according to his sister.

    Two years pass and many conversations came and went. He was suppose to visit me at least 4 times. Never to arrive always with an excuse. One minute he is buying a home the next he has no where to go. He is always sending a letter or card or present but it never to arrives. He never has a phone because of some family member or mix up.  He doesn't have a working address to write to. When he did have a cell you cant call him and have him answer, he has to call you and he doesn't return messages. I kept him at a distance and never took anything he said serious. To me the proof is in the action.

     When I did travel to his area for business, he never returned any calls I placed to his friends, these friends then gave me a home number to his place that he shares with his girlfriend. Or supposed ex girlfriend. It wasn't a surprise, I just wanted to see if he was really as foul as I thought. He proved he was. When I was contacted by the other lady about what he did to her I was shocked because while I knew he was a liar I didn't think he was a downright evil player. Guess I learned something, People can always be worse than ever thought possible.

Poems Patrick wrote me:

itoole: As I sit here
itoole: staring a the screen
itoole: I see A wonderful woman
itoole: A woman that I've pursued for quite some time
itoole: A woman that I have grown to fall for in many way
itoole: Ways that I'm not sure of
itoole: But I know they are real
itoole: The reason why is because I feel it in my heart
itoole: my soul my body
itoole: my mind
itoole: And every inch of my being
itoole: I could never let this woman go
itoole: Nor would I ever forsake her
itoole: Never disrespect her
itoole: neglect her
itoole: never talk bad to her
itoole: or about her
itoole: I cherish her presence
itoole: both
itoole: on the phone
itoole: on the computer
itoole: I just try and try
itoole: to reassure her that
itoole: What I feel is true
itoole: That's its no game
itoole: That I really do care for her
itoole: That there is nobody that I can ever love like her
itoole: That I will still love her
itoole: in person or whatever
itoole: And that I hope that she will allow me to show her that
itoole: And that every time I'm near her even on the computer
itoole: She touches my heart like no other could ever do
itoole: So she should just stop believing that my feelings will change because they want
itoole: I love unconditionally l need her in my life
itoole: She's is my whole everything
itoole: I May not own the world but I'm willing to give her the little part that I posses
itoole: Some people search a lifetime for that special someone to call their own , and they still look but
recently my journey has come to a end
itoole: Because I have found my Destiny And I I'll be dumb to allow it to slip away
itoole: So (NAME REMOVED) I say to you I love you so much And I promise to do all I can to show you that everyday and in every way
itoole: This I promise to you PATRICK

Another Poem:

itoole: As I sit in the window as you pass by
itoole: I sit and gaze and ask myself why
itoole: Why a woman like yourself
itoole: is walking all alone
itoole: Walking alone when I can be the one waiting at home
itoole: Waiting at home preparing your dinner
itoole: waiting at home patiently awaiting
itoole: To hear you turn the key
itoole: and enter my world and get a hug and kiss from me
itoole: As I count the seconds then minute till the last hour
itoole: I anticipate you and me combined as one taking a hot steamy shower
itoole: As the water cascades down
itoole: And the smile you have turns to a frown
itoole: I look into your eyes and try and imagine what it could possibly be
itoole: as the water hides the tears
itoole: that fall to the floor
itoole: I pull you close and you cry a little more
itoole: by now its bugging me what's bugging you
itoole: I ask in a soft voice what's the matter Boo
itoole: you look at me and with a big sigh you say I cant believe it
itoole: Your here in my arms now




itoole (7:04:00 PM): I thought If I bought you a 3500.00 dollar care you would see that I would just spend money like that for just anyone
NAME REMOVED (7:03:55 PM): darling I think it is wonderful for you to do that
NAME REMOVED (7:04:05 PM): but don't you think meeting me first is more important
NAME REMOVED (7:04:23 PM): that money would have paided for 5 trips for me to come see you
NAME REMOVED (7:04:46 PM): or 8 trips for you to come see me
itoole (7:05:36 PM): yes it really is but that is just a gift from my heart please understand okay Im not trying to buy your love i just want you to feel mine
NAME REMOVED (7:05:27 PM): ok i am trying to understand
NAME REMOVED (7:05:37 PM): but I would like to give you a hug more than get a car
NAME REMOVED (7:05:51 PM): i mean if you wanted to buy me a car you could have come here and then bought me one
itoole (7:06:43 PM):
NAME REMOVED (7:06:43 PM): but more important we would have at least met by now
itoole (7:07:43 PM): I understand
itoole (7:07:51 PM): Im sorry
itoole (7:08:52 PM): Its just that I would do anything just to be with you Thats why i bought the car and arranged to get a week off from work to come down
NAME REMOVED (7:08:43 PM): well im sure we will have some fun when you come down
itoole (7:09:35 PM): yeah

This account is by,

This is for all the woman who's looking for love online, well I'm here to tell you that you can't trust these men. I met a man on here by the name of Ira bobby Patrick Toole Jr. and I fell for him the first time we spoke he was so sweet and kind and acted like he really cared.


     Ira started off like he really loved me and that I was the only woman for him but I soon learned that it was all a lie. I met Ira last May on a dating site and we talked everyday until I fell in love with him. He promised me the moon and all but I never got nothing from him. Just broken promises and a heavy heart.


     Ira asked me to marry him last year and I told him yes well that's when everything started. First he said he bought me a ring and then he said that he miss three payments on it so he lost it let him tell it the ring cost $4565.00 dollars it was 1 1/2 carat. So he said baby, I feel bad cause I lost your ring so I'm getting you another one.   At this point in time I could cared less cause I knew he was lying. So he said he got me another one, yeah right.  Before all this he said he was coming to see me, but he didn't have the money so I was stupid in love I felt sorry for him and I got him a credit card in his name. Do you know this piece of s--t ran the card to the max and never paid a dime on it. I told him the card was for him to come see me but he used it for everything but to come and see me. To this day I haven't seen him in person.


     Ira is nothing but a liar and a cheat and a user he prey on woman and make promises to them about love and marriage. But all he want is your money, sex tapes and what ever he can get from you.  I'm in debt cause of him I have to pay for the card that he used and promised he would pay.  When I did get the balance down a some he ran it up again. I've given him all together with the credit card over 2,780.00 dollars and I can kiss it good bye.  Do you really think he is ever going to pay me back?


     He's got a girlfriend that he lives with, but he's stead on the net looking for single woman asking them to be his wife. Ladies take it from me if you see a 6'8 bald man by the name of Patrick or Ira run as fast as you can. He say something one second and then can't remember what he told you. It hurt's so bad cause I'm a sick woman and he knew that and told me he would never hurt me, well he did that and more. We was suppose to get married on the 14th of this year.  Told me that he just can't move just yet cause he have to sell his house that him and his ex used to share, that I believe they still share together.


     I talked to his sister and told her that we was getting married and she told me she didn't know who I was and please don't believe nothing Ira says. His own sister said all he do is lie. She told me if I could stand for him to lie to me 24-7 then stay with him.  I'm tired of the lies Ira told me that he lost his job in December and that he got arrested while at the bus stop to come up to see me. A woman who is supposed to be his sister called me and got off the phone really quick when I tried to question her, but dig it I talked to his other sister they are not the same person.  She said he doesn't have a twin brother nor do he have anymore sister's every thing he said was a lie.


     Now he owes me all this money says he can't hold a job, but next minute he's suppose to be a foreman at Hertzog making 14.32 an hour.  He says he can't pay me back and he has the nerve to continue asking me for other things. Let Ira tell it he got three sisters and two brother and uncle that he work with and come to find out I called the uncle and he told me that he is not Ira's uncle. He said that Patrick tell people that and he said Patrick doesn't work for him or anyone  else. Patrick doesn't like to work he says, when he asked him to come into work he never showed up. Is just going around on the net using women for money so he doesn't have to work?


Patrick once told me that he was going to jail and said the only way he won't go is if he pay for the warrant they had on him,  I believed him and my sick mother sent him the money it was $175.00 plus the $25.00 to sent it he told her he will pay her back she haven't seen a dime of that money yet.  When I ask him about it he gets mad.  As if I am wrong for asking him about her money or mine for that matter. Ok ladies if you know him and fell for him here are the tell tell signs of his lies.

#1 I'm coming to see you
#2 I lost most job but I'll find another on soon
#3 I own my own house but my ex made a agreement that we can't bring our lovers here or will lose to the other
#4 you're the only one for me I love you boo
#5 no I'm not talking to other woman on the dating site you're the only one for me
#6 I got you a ring I want you to be my wife

     Since I helped Patrick out he called me one day and said baby I feel bad about all you have done for me, and I'm going to pay you back. I want to pay your credits cards off it's the least I can do for you since you have done all this for me. I mean look you got me a credit card my own family wouldn't do nothing like that for me. You sent me money when I needed, I would have gone to jail. I owe you my life and I'm going to pay you back everything I owe you. You gave me a reason to live with out you I would have took my life then I thought about you and I said it wasn't worth it. Believe me baby if you help me out I promise you I won't do you like the last one in your life. I'm going to do right by you, you can trust me. Ladies beware cause these are the sites that he loves so well.



     Ladies when you see his ad run it usually start off with his height 6'8 and on some sites he doesn't have his picture on just his name.  He goes under patrixx so just look up the name.
The last thing that really pissed me off was when he didn't give me nothing for my birthday Valentine's day, he made promises but that was it and told me baby I have your stuff you asked for it's at the house. I'm going to send it ok when you want it before or after. So since I've seen him on these sites it got me to thinking he's cheating on me and he don't have no plans on marrying me it was just a lie. All he really want was my body on a tape naked pictures and a credit card and my money and all I got was to see his DICK on web cam.


     Now I know what kind of man he is. I want all the women to know stay away from Ira Bobby Patrick Toole Jr. cause he's not good.  Be careful when your on the net.  Some men are dangerous and will not be all they promised.   I've learned the hard way so don't fall in the trap I fell in his not worth all the heartache and money trust me on that.  Men if you find a woman who is acting weird beware also. Their are women out here just like the men.  So that's my story take it serious please it's a matter of your money and your respect don't give anyone anything unless you can be truly sure they are real, sometimes you can never be sure.  Until your face to face, be safe.

This account is by,











So What are the Warning Signs?

How not to get caught up


  • A quick interest with out knowing much about you.

  • Always talking about financial problems

  • Hints at wanting money.

  • Promises never kept.

  • No home phone number to call them.

  • Answering machine always picks up.

  • No address that can be written to successfully.

  • Never answers Cell phone and doesn't reply to messages in a timely manner.

  • Details seem to change.  Doesn't remember the life story they told a few months prior.

  • Talks about travel plans but never books the trip.

  • Saying they sent you something but it always seems to get lost.

  • Tragic stories that end up with them in immediate need.

  • Seeming, helpless, hopeless, so depressed all the time.

  • Conflicting stories that change and make no sense.

  • When talking to you on messenger, errors in writing in the wrong boxes, when they are supposed to be giving you undivided attention.

  • Taking to long to get back to you when talking on messenger.

  • Being Invisible all the time.

  • If your a couple, still existing personal ads.

  • Not consistent in talking to you. disappearing for weeks or more. Then trying to come back and pick right back up.


If 5 or more of these things are bugging you about your online man or woman. 

Maybe you need to think twice about how real they are?

Thank you for Reading Raqui's Spot!

Would you like to give your comments?

Email Raqui:



Jay's Spot

From a Male point of view.

This months Subject : BBW Dolls

This Months Subject: BBW Dolls

     I was surfing the net, looking for a creative website in The Big World. Searching for a site that is worth being my first and “Premiere Interview.  I’ve visited many interesting sites that stand out and I’ve seen many sites that just straight sucked!  Now it seems like the Big World websites are becoming more complex where the bar is being raised a little and the weak links seem to fall off.  So I basically was looking for the best and by surprise, I found that one website that sparked my attention as most interesting.

Jay’s Spot would like to give props to this site and award this company with

The Jay’s Spot

Most Interesting Website Salute (April 2004)



Black, Hispanic, Caucasian BBW Dolls           ~*~          Audrey Bell  & Georgette Taylor Co- Owners


Interview with Big Beautiful Dolls Co-Owner and VP Georgette Taylor

Jay:   WHO ARE THE FOUNDERS OF   Audrey Bell, Co-Founder & President and Georgette Taylor, Co-Founder & Vice President


Jay:   DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELVES BBW’S?   Yes we both are.


Jay:   HAVE YOU BEEN A BBW ALL YOUR LIFE?   NO I  have not been, I became a BBW after I had my second I have been on both sides of the road... 


Jay:   WHERE WERE YOU RAISED AND WHAT WAS YOUR FAMILY LIFE LIKE?   Well I was raised in the South Bronx ( 138th Street bet Cypress and St. Ann's Avenue), from 6 until 25, then I left and moved to Brooklyn, then New Jersey, now Texas... go figure.. My family life was fun, I am the only girl and have 3 dad left us when I was about 15, it was really hard on my mom, raising us alone.  I found a job around 17 at Alexander's Department store on 59th Street and Lexington and I guess that changed my life, even though I always knew in my soul that there was more to the block that I lived on, that there was something else beyond that...when I traveled downtown and saw different people and different lifestyles, I guess you could say that was the start of my entrepreneurial journey, without me even knowing it. That job also gave me extra money to help my mom out.  I became a single mom at 22 and raised my son with my family at home, until I was 25 and moved to Brooklyn, some of my friends got caught up in some of the bad scenes that were playing out on many of the streets in those days...but I was the fortunate one, I did not let that life consume my life was like many, but unlike many....I love my Mom for taking care of our family and I love my brothers, for getting themselves together and so all in all we had good times as well as bad. 


Jay:   DOES YOUR FAMILY SUPPORT YOUR ENDEAVORS?   Yes they do...none of them have their own business, so I am the only entrepreneur in the family...they love our dolls, and they all talk about what I do to others, they are very supportive. 


Jay:   TELL US ABOUT YOUR COMPANY AND HOW IT BEGAN?   The company began in 1999 when my partner (Audrey Bell) had this idea to make a plus size doll, she asked me because I did collect dolls and I realized there we none on the market, and we said, well why shouldn't there be...there a full-figured people out there and no doll to represent them. We had spend our time doing other people's businesses, such as MLM's like Primeria and various others, and at the time she approached me with this idea, she was trying to recruit me to do Primerica, which I had done a year and a half before meeting you can see none of us was successful with that one...she shared her idea with me and Big Beautiful Dolls was born. 


Jay:   TELL US ABOUT YOUR PRODUCTS?   Our products are the first ever line of full-figured 12" ethnically diverse fashion dolls


Jay:   WHAT MADE YOU COME UP WITH THE IDEA OF MAKING A BBW DOLL?   Audrey came up with the idea.


Jay:   WHAT MAKES YOUR PRODUCTS DIFFERENT?   Our products are different because they represent the 68% of the women who are a size 14 and up, this product was never represented before in the fashion doll world...  it is a history making product as well.  It offers women and young girls something different on the shelves, other than the pencil thin dolls that they are used to seeing.


Jay:   WHO DESIGNS THE DOLLS AND WHO MAKES THE CLOTHES?   The dolls were sculpted from a picture of Audrey, the body was sketched by my brother-in-law, Lee Taylor and the clothes were designed by Audrey's cousin Dasha.


Jay:   WHAT IS THE PROCESS FOR MAKING THE DOLLS (MOLDING ETC…)   We researched and learned everything we needed to know about making a doll...from sculpting to manufacturing... to mold shipping. You can read about the process in our book: How to Create Your Doll and Bring It to Market, which you can purchase on line...or contact me for is a very long process and too long to mention in the interview.



Jay:   WHAT HAS BEEN THE RESPONSE FROM THE BBW COMMUNITY?   The response has been great, we have been added to numerous websites, have received emails from many BBW women who are very happy that someone finally added a new dimension to the doll world, and that represents them in a beautiful, elegant and classy way.  We also have a huge following in with the doll collectible market.  We have been featured in several magazines, Heart & Soul in 200', Dolls Magazine, Contemporary Doll, (both in 2002),  Today's Black Woman in 2003 and recently in the Philadelphia Tribune Magazine, March 2004 and, March 2004 as well as discussed on the Tom Joyner Morning Show.  We have also done other press (see more on our website:


Jay:   IS YOUR PRODUCT GROWING RAPIDLY? DO YOU FILL INTERNATIONAL ORDERS?   As with all small companies, we have been having growth, but not a rapid as we are about to. Our first dolls were shipped in 2002, and with their arrival, Dasia/African-American Doll was nominated for the 2002 Dolls Award of Excellence and kind of put us on the doll collectors map, which generated some sales...but of course market penetration depends on pr, marketing and exposure... all of which we have been working on.... we are looking forward to the Toy Fair 2005 to showcase some new dolls and products... Yes we have filled international orders, our dolls have been purchased from collectors in France, Spain and Canada.


Jay:   HOW DO YOU PROMOTE YOUR DOLL?   Through our website: and through the Doll Market in Greensboro, NC.  They will also be in the Women's Museum Gift shop in Dallas, Texas as well as the African-American Museum Gift Shop in Dallas, Texas as well. They are also promoted through other BBW websites as well.


Jay:   HAVE YOU EVER ATTENDED ANY TRADE SHOWS, EXPO’S, CONVENTIONS, OR BBW   EVENTS   Yes we have attended and do attend various doll shows, doll expos and we will be attending more BBW events, I have also done Doll Signings at several book stores as well as at BBW pageants.




Jay:    ARE YOUR DOLLS COLLECTIBLES?   Yes they are, they are a limited to 2,500, they come hand numbered , with a Certificate of Authenticity as well as with a stand to display them as soon as they come into your home.


Jay:   WHAT CAN WWW.LARGEINCHARGE.COM READERS DO TO HELP SUPPORT YOUR COMPANY?   Your readers can help support by, purchasing a doll, sharing their home with our dolls as well as sharing our story with others.. exposure about who we are a company that has produced the first ever full-figured fashion dolls that are so needed in today's is about acceptance of who people are, the way they are.  Our dolls and story are also about accomplishments, especially as an African-American Women owned doll company, it is also an important part of who we are. By purchasing a doll, they get something  more valuable than the money they will spend for it.  

     We appreciate the purchase of a doll as well, but we really need to receive help from financial supporters, if anyone knows anyone who maybe looking for a company to help support financially, to help them to the next level as well as an opportunity to be part of a growing company, please contact me.. only serious investors please, so that I may discuss the details. We are at a stage where our company needs to continue to grow and with financial support this will help us to sustain and allow us to bring new big beautiful dolls to you. Again thank you...and I am happy to be part of your interviews, and continued success with your company.

     I would also like to ask each and every one of your readers if they would help is in writing a letter to Oprah on our behalf, about how they would  love to see our story on her show and our dolls as one of her favorite things...that would be very appreciated. They could also send me a copy to the letter they send via email or mail to:  Georgette Taylor c/o Big Beautiful Dolls, Lake Dallas, TX 75065 or fax it to 940-497-9245 or email it to:


Jay:    WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR INSPIRING BBW ENTREPRENEURS?   My advice to aspiring BBW Entrepreneurs, is to have a passion for whatever it is you want to do, but to know that it is hard work...some days are tough, but if you have a passion and a belief in what you do, then even those days are marvelous.... and being in a partnership type of business, I always feel it is important to say to those entrepreneurs that have partners...each one of you have strengths in different areas, celebrate them and let them flourish in helping to create a wonderful company and don't be afraid to talk to each partner and I have pulled each other up on many occasions, and I thank her for that, as she does me.  At Big Beautiful Dolls our motto "Don't Let What You Weigh, Stand in your Way", to achieving any and all of your dreams... So go for it... believe it and know it, that success is already yours....


Jay:   ARE THEIR ANY OTHER SIZE POSITIVE COMPANIES THAT YOU ADMIRE?   Yes one of my favorites is full-figured artist, Nigel Morgan who has a great company, his art work is wonderful, as he is.,  The Voluptuous Woman Company, and


Jay:   WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE GOALS?   Our future goals are to offer three more dolls for the holiday season, to be at Toy Fair 2005 with a non-collectible younger line for younger girls to play with as well as introduce 2 new collectible dolls.  To expand the wardrobe of our existing 3 dolls.  To have our dolls Dasia, Dena and Dawn,  be the frontrunners of the full-figured doll world.


Thank you for the interview, I wish your company much success as well...and look forward to hearing from all of your readers...




Georgette Taylor, Co-Founder & VP

Big Beautiful Dolls, Inc.


To all the fans of our site, I personally ask you to support this company by promoting and buying their products.  This company caught my eye because it has history, creativity, very good products and the website is professional. Bronx Pride puts the icing on the cake! Much love to the BBD Staff.  I wish you much success for the future and thanks for your honest comments.

Ps…Please hit up the message board and send in your comments.



Thanks for reading Jay's Spot






Food Relations

What does food represent to us?


     Welcome to Food Relations.  The subject of food and people is an ever present concern.  What you eat, when you eat, how you eat, why you eat.  We all have to eat at some time or another.  Most of the time we eat for nutrition.  But food also makes us feel good.  The taste, texture, feeling, smell of food.  Some use food for release, or as a weapon for control.  Here in this section of our newsletter we hope to talk about the many aspects of food and get feedback from our readers of what food means to them.  Also how they view food.  So now sit back and read what this months food subject is about. 

The Large in Charge Staff


Excerpt from the March 2004 Issue:

     As I got older I took more control of what I ate.  I left my mother's house when I was 13 and then my fathers when I was 15.  I went on my own and into the youth shelter system.  The only way I can describe myself is, brick house.  I was about 6'1 300 - 350lbs.  My breasts big and beautifully round.  My butt was the most banging thing on my block.  My thighs were defiantly causing rain storms, because they were thundering with every step. I walked constantly so my muscles were huge.  My stomach was looking even flatter than before because my breasts were so big.  I hair was cut but still a nice dark shoulder length, Curly as all hell and shiny.  I ran as fast as anyone else.  I played basketball, volley ball, danced, worked out, I ate as I wanted and gained no weight because I was so active.  I would eat things in front of people who I knew would say.  "You don't need that!" and my reply was "I know I don't need it, I want it!"  "I always get what I want!"  I started to use food as a weapon just to prove that I could have it. 

     Then things again changed.  Men started to influence me and food took on another aspect ....


When does Food become "NOT GOOD" for you?

Part 2


     Men, how do I explain what they did to the warrior inside me.  The feisty girl, that stuffed slices of bread in her mouth, in defiance to the diet they plagued on her.  Which by the way made no difference in her size.  All of a sudden the girl that thought she was all that, was now FAT.  When the children in school teased me it didn't hurt to much.  But once teenage years hit me there was a sudden change.  The single word I can use to explain it is ACCEPTANCE.  While I accepted myself, and I was not going to lose weight to impress anyone.  I still sought acceptance from my peers. I was very active,  as I grew taller I gained accordingly keeping a nice thick as hell weight.  But that still wasn't good enough. It was either be skinny or don't exist.


     In my junior high years, I teamed with another big tall girl, and we were called the twin towers me being the tallest peek.  Both of us beautiful in our own ways but very much having the same body.  Except she was black, and had family who were into her wearing fashionable clothing.  In the time of Freestyle and hats, I was still trying to pull down my pants so they wouldn't be high waters.  But of course being so tall that was not possible.  At that time big women's clothing were either for old women or really cheap looking.  There was one store with a great fashion sense but I wasn't allowed to have new clothes and cute items.  Fashion had to go, no one was indulging me with nice clothing.  I went by on my personality.  Which went a long way but still being so odd that didn't work with everyone.  I was to big, then I was too tall, which made me look bigger, I didn't have any of the regular clothes other kids wore.  You can say I was a complete outsider.   After a while I didn't care, and finally when I left my fathers home.  Another game came to play. 


     CONTROL... What else can you say about a man who will put you down to make you eat less.  Make you feel ashamed.  They claim love but in reality it is far from love.  Older men seemed to find me quite interesting.  A woman's body with a young mind just wanting to be accepted as a person.  The amount of tears I cried at the awful remarks made at my body. Which now I look back on and say "Damn I was so HOT"!  My stomach hungry while I watched certain men scoop half of my food portion on to his already full plate.  Me not saying a word, that little girl in me screaming "WHY CAN HE EAT HIS FOOD AND HALF OF MINE!"  I would hang my head in defeat just trying not to displease this person. Not wanting to get into another argument ending with me crying, maybe being hit and still hungry.  Chances are, if I say something, he will take my half plate of food and throw it away or in my face.  Of course keeping his nice and in tack so he can eat in my face later.  Still I tried to keep up my rights.  I had this pride in myself that I wasn't going to let them take from me.  So I became submissive,  SUPER SUBMISSIVE, never talking back,  Never fighting for my rights just playing the actress role.  Doing one thing in front of them and another behind their backs.  I never ate in front of them, but wait until they leave. Always cleaning completely behind myself, so not to leave even a piece of a wrapper, which they might find and accuse me of hiding and eating.  I know this was a bad thing it caused a big problem in my personality that took me years to get over.  My body wasn't changing and I was sneaking my food so now a new feeling came about.


     SHAME...  Food is a natural thing. We consume it to feed our bodies.  It tastes good and we feel fulfilled.  But with the horrible comments I started a habit of not eating in front of men.  Trying to hide the fact that I eat at all.  Other than a sandwich or bowl of cereal I wouldn't eat.  I would wait until I was not in the company of men to eat.  The word Pride turned to Hide.  When I lived with my daughters father this caused big problems. He didn't help either.  I was eating one small meal a day.  He complained over everything.  If I drank a lot of milk,  If I ate a hamburger,  If I had toast.  Mean while I would have to stand burning and cutting my poor fingers while I prepared a 10 lb bag of chicken wings and about 3 - 5 lbs of potatoes into French fries.  He would give me 2 wings and a half handful of French fries and eat the rest.  He could sit and eat a box of cereal,  but let me want more than one bowl.  Even while I was pregnant he didn't allow me to eat normally.  He would try to make me exercise.  Not normally but overtly.  To the point I was in to much pain to walk on occasion.  I usually ate when I would meet up with my father to do some work.  My father took me to Mc Donald's this one time.  They had a special double cheese burger meal.  My daughter's father happened to be with us, talked down to me so badly that I just sunk my head down into my hands.  When we made a stop by a friends house.  My father told me to eat.  But I felt so badly that I just sat down and cried silently.  My father took the meal opened and put it in front of me and told me to eat it.  He bought it for me so I should eat it.  While my daughter's father was complaining about me being fat and that my father was just making me gain weight.  Which was ridiculous, No matter how much I ate, or didn't eat I wasn't losing or gaining.  Not even while I was pregnant.  My father said, If she is hungry she should eat.  I was hungry I had not eating anything but a small sandwich and half bowl of cereal in the past 3 days.  I was pregnant and we didn't have much money to have anything really good to eat like rice and beans or steak.   He wouldn't let me have much of that anyway.   It was the end of the month my daughter's father didn't work he just complained and complained and made me feel like crap for being who I was.  My stomach was hurting and I sat there looking at this double cheeseburger with some fries.  My daughter's father threw most down in the street. So there wasn't much left.  I sat and cried and cried and I wanted to eat.  But something stopped me.  I wouldn't open my mouth.  Then that little girl inside me took a hold and said "NO EAT!"  I was sitting alone while my father, my daughter's father and my friend argued over me eating.  I kept shaking my head trying to get the thought of eating out of my brain.  Trying to make the little girl in me screaming to eat SHUT UP!  That is when it actually happened.  I think I must have become insane for a moment.  I actually screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP"!  Of course the men in the next room were shocked and surprised but they got quiet.  I look at the burger in the paper container they used to use back in the days.  I shook as I slowly picked up the burger and ate.  I felt SHAME...  But this time it was different.  I felt shame for letting any person any man put me in a place that I would not eat. To make me try to stop the one of the most necessary things in life.  To stop my simple enjoyment of food.   I had a child in me I should be eating.  How did I get to the point of feeling guilt and shame in the one of the things the body needs to do to survive.  I had to change.


FUCK YOU...  I found a new joy in the words FUCK YOU!  Let someone tell me I shouldn't eat something.  FUCK YOU I am having what I want.  After my baby was born and my daughter's father was out of my life I was the FUCK YOU girl.  If I had to walk in the middle of the night in a snow storm to have what I wanted, I would do just that.  Let someone give me food that was unsatisfactory and I might throw the plate at them.  I broke out of that mental binding and enjoyed food again.  I started to be me again,  that continues now to this day.  I eat whatever I wish and my activity level is decent.  I am much larger now through a few years of inactivity.  But I am still enjoying my life.  I enjoy people and I don't let anyone tell me how I should eat.  If I am hungry I eat if not I don't.   And god bless chocolate which I have some of everyday.  I do have one problem, I still hide wrappers when I eat anything that is wrapped in paper or plastic.  I sit and wonder "Who the hell am I hiding it from"? "MYSELF"?  I guess I have that one bad habit.  I feel I need to hide wrappers even though I am the only one who sees them.  I keep that as a reminder to never let someone control me because there are some things you never let go of.



Raqui Co-owner of L.I.C.



From a Reader:


     I can relate to a few your food issues, and not to others.  My food issues have apparently been with me since shortly after birth.  Unlike you, I have been considered "morbidly obese" practically all my life...since I was three years old. At that age, food wasn't considered a bad thing.  My mom was a good cook and made sure we had "three squares" a day.  My father was from South Carolina and also obese.  He loved his Cajun food and his ox tails and my mom always made sure his palate was satisfied.  And we were always told to clean our plates.  When I was growing up, we were taught in school that there were four major food groups, but we weren't taught that certain foods were unhealthy or that eating too much food was unhealthy.  All we knew, or at least all I knew was that for some reason I was always bigger than my peers.  To me, I didn’t eat any more than anyone else.  As a matter of fact, my mother used to tell me that she didn’t understand why I was so fat because I was always so picky about what I ate (there were so many things I didn’t like).  I just didn’t get it either.  I didn’t eat anymore than my brother or sister or any of my friends, yet I was fat.


     Like you, I also was put on every diet known to man.  I was put on my first diet when I was seven years old.  It was Weight Watchers.  Not the Weight Watchers of today, where you can buy delicious foods and desserts in the frozen food section or eat “real” food that you cook.  Back then you ate boiled chicken or unsalted green beans out of the can, or salad with lemon juice for dressing.  Of course, there are hungry people in the world who would love to have that to eat, but to a seven year old who has people around them eating “regular” food, boiled chicken and lemon juice just aint cutting it.  Like you, I was also 220 pounds at a young age --10 years old. And my father was also around 6’ (6’3” to be exact). But my mother is only 5’1.  So guess what? I got my father’s weight and my mom’s height.  So, a 5’4” 220 pound 10-year-old girl does not have a “solid” body.  You mentioned your maturing breast at that age.  I got my first bra in the third grade (it was a 36C and too tight).  By the time I was 10, I was bursting out of a DD.  It was around this time that my doctor decided that I had a thyroid problem.  So he put me on thyroid pills and Elavil (which I found out later was an antidepressant).  I was on them for a year, until I started to pass out in class and found out it was the Elavil.  It really pissed me off when I found out what Elavil really was.  Along with being an antidepressant, it can also be used as a tranquilizer.  What did a 10 year old need with some tranquilizers?  And as far as giving it to me as an antidepressant…I wasn’t the one who was depressed….it was those around me (family, friends, etc.) who had issues with my size.  It was just assumed that if I was THAT big the I HAD to be depressed about it.  But I wasn’t.  I could do pretty much anything the skinny kids could do.  Anyway, after the meds got started making me fall asleep in class and literally black out whole periods of time, my mom took me off of them and my doc decided to put me in the hospital.  They were going to get this weight off of me one way or the other.  That is when they decided to put me on a 900 a day diet.  From the first in the hospital, I lost roughly 2 pounds a day.  It wasn’t that hard to do. Seemed like they gave me all the things I told them I didn’t like, so of course I didn’t eat it most of the time.  So they decided to put me on a liquid diet. That was actually better for me.  At least I could drink as many diet sodas as I wanted.  The down side was that after a week, I was so jittery and irritable that I was extremely rude when my mom showed up at the hospital with a cake on my 11th birthday.  And I couldn’t keep the cake down because I hadn’t eaten solid food in over a week.  So then, they did put me back on the 900-calorie solid food, and of course I started gaining weight.  So they got mad and said I must be sneaking food into the hospital somehow.  First of all I was 11 years old. Where was I going to get the money to send out for food?  Secondly, the hospital I was in was 50 miles away from home so it wasn’t like I could call my brother and say “Hop on your bike and bring me some cookies or something”. Thirdly, even at 11 years old I had sense enough to know that if someone hasn’t eaten solid food in a week and then starts back eating solid food, they are going to gain weight because their metabolism has adjusted to the lower calories in the diet drinks.  DUH!!  Needless to say, I was discharged from the hospital immediately.  I continued to gain weight, though I continued to be put on diet after diet. 


     When I read the section of your article that talked about how kids and adults treated you, I think that is what I related to the most.  I wasn’t trying to fight the world to be able to love my body.  It wasn’t that I loved or hated my body.  To be honest, I guess I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about.  So I was fat. So what!!  I figured that everyone had something wrong with them. Some had things you could see and some had things you couldn’t just automatically see.  Mine thing was that I was fat…. something you could see.  I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal to everyone that they had to point it out to me every day all day.  Like you, I could understand why my being fat cancelled out my good grades, nice personality, and giving heart.  Nor did I understand why my siblings/cousins/friends/etc. could be flunking out of school, using drugs, or treating people awful…. never hear a single insult or criticism.


     I did actually lose a lot of weight once.  I was 16 years old and weight about 280 something pounds.  A fellow band member had gone to the Diet Center and lost weight. My mom suggested that I try it and because I wanted to please her, I did.  However, I took it a bit too far.  I began exercising all the time, mainly walking…all over our small town.  I also got to the point that I was actually starving myself.  My mom would have to practically force me to eat.  I wasn’t doing it on purpose. I just wasn’t hungry.  I lost 100 pounds in less than 6 months.  However, I was screwing up my blood sugar levels at the same time and got to the point where I was so sluggish and always on the verge of passing out.  So I was encouraged to eat a “normal” meal.  Of course I started back gaining weight again. I was in the band from the 7th grade through high school and two years of college.  We spent hours during lunch, during regular band rehearsal, and after school, learning routines, practicing, and marching all over the place.  But the only thing all that exercise did was to tone me up a little.


     A few years ago, I found out something about my relationship with food.  I truly believe that as a child, my obesity came from heredity and slow metabolism.  However, I found out a few years ago that my continued obesity is a combination or heredity, metabolism and a little bit of emotional eating.  The emotional eating thing was a total shock. There was some fighting going on in the office at work. I did what I could to stay out of it, though my supervisor tried her best to put me in the middle of their feud.  I would go home everyday thinking that I had escaped any influence of the feud.  I had recently lost 52 pounds after doing 6 months of Jenny Craig (had to quit because it was just too expensive).  But shortly after the feud started, my clothes started getting tighter.  I just couldn’t understand why.  Then it hit me as I was returning to the office from the vending machine one day….. I had been visiting the vending machine everyday when my supervisor and coworkers would start fighting.  I was friends with my coworkers, and though I couldn’t stand my boss I did respect her as my boss and wanted to keep my job.  So apparently, I was dealing with the predicament by eating a Snickers bar or whatever.  I never realized that I was an emotional eater.


     At any rate, here I am now.  I am a moderate chocoholic.  If I don’t have it in my presence, I don’t crave it.  However, if I have it, I LOVE it!  So, of course the solution to that is to stay away from it….at least that is supposed to work in theory.  Well-meaning people are always telling me that I need to eat three meals a day.  But it is hard for me.  I practically never eat breakfast or lunch.  I don’t pig out at dinner but because my job is sedentary, I get zero exercise so whatever I eat is enough to keep me fat.


Well, I probably gave you waaaaay more information than you could possibly want when it comes to my comments on food…….but you DID ask….sorta…….


Continued success with the largeincharge website.  I’m loving it!!!!!




Can you relate to the above story?   Do you have a story of your own to submit?

Email Raqui -




Large In Charge Guest Spot

We want to hear and see your talents!


One of our favorite parts of the newsletter.  The Guest Spot is for our readers to submit there talents to be viewed.  We want to see all you wonderful supporters making moves of your own.  If you write poetry, short stories, commentaries, or just thoughts in general, please submit them to us.  If your a designer we want to see pictures of your clothing.   We would love to include your talents in our newsletter.  We hope you take an active part in the L.I.C. newsletter.

NOTE: The Opinion of the writer is not always the opinion of The Large in Charge Staff.  We support the Right to all views.  We do not Condemn or Approve writing based on our personal thoughts.  We approve writing based on if the subject is a concern for the BBW / SSBBW / BHM Community.  Thank you for your writing and please send in those articles!  - The Large in Charge Staff


Dreaded Doctor Visits!

Does every doctor have the right to tell you that Gastric Bypass is for you?


Take the L.I.C. Gastric Bypass Poll at the bottom of this page!




     I want to talk about the dreaded doctor visits. Recently I have had the misfortune of needing to go to various Dr. appointments. Why is it no matter what you are there for someone mentions the weight loss surgery or a diet or how being over weight hurts your health?

     It is my belief that, that is one of the reasons why larger people don’t go to the doctors as often as they should. Now, I know some of you reading this right now are probably going to say “I go to the Doctor all the time” and that may be true for you guys but there are hundreds that don’t go.

     I saw at least two specialists and they both told me that the gastric bypass would be a great thing for me to consider, keep in mind not one of these Dr’s had my chart or knew how long I had been over weight, or if I was current dieting, or had recently lost a large amount of weight. The second doctor asked me if I had sleep apnea? When I said no she responded with “oh most people over weight have that”. This went on with every question from there. The one that finally broke my silence was, “Do you have high blood pressure?” My answer… no, hmmm she said, “Most people over weight have more to worry about than skinny or healthy people.” WHAT! Incase you haven’t heard SKINNY PEOPLE DIE EVERYDAY!!!! There is not one disease NOT ONE that is strictly fat or weight related except obesity.

     Halle Berry and Mary Tyler Moore are diabetic, Flo Jo was an Olympic champion when she had a heart attack and passed away. John Ritter was only slightly over weight when he passed from a heart condition. Why is it the medical fields belief that everything is weight related? My doctor told me that 1 in 500 die having the gastric bypass the truth is 1 in 50 die a month after according to Dr. Gupta, (
as seen on a show I view in my doctor's office produced by  1 in 50 that is a lot of people dying, On the road to being healthy.

     It is Sad but true we live in a society where if you weigh more than the “medical weight charts” state, you can’t get life insurance (without a rider that is expensive). We as a large (no pun intended) part of society really need to address these issues and claim our entitlement. We are entitled to receive courteous and efficient health care, we have a right to a gown that fits (funny but true). We have a right to be treated with  human respect. No matter what you think of my body (Dr.) it is my body and you took an oath to take care of your patience and at the moment I fall into that category.

     So I say to anyone reading this before a Dr. can take care of you, you must take care of you, know your body know the facts; one being medical weight charts were written by insurances NOT MEDICAL DOCTORS! But above all know that you have a right to be treated as though you matter because in the end we all do matter!



Some Articles about Gastric Bypass:


Balance Review of Gastric Bypass


Surgery for Weight Loss - is it really a magic bullet?


Gastric Bypass Surgery Complications & Bar iatric Malpractice


Several Deaths Attributed To Gastric Bypass Surgery


Gastric bypass yields disappointing weight loss


13 Valley patients die after surgery


Are Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass Surgeries Dangerous?

Ms. Love Sexy


About Our Writer



Ms. Love Sexy


38 years





Residing in the Bronx NYC


To be happy, peaceful, successful, and blessed.


I love Music, movies people and life.





Large in Charge Art

Beautiful images of BBW's / SSBBW's /BHM's

Send in your art work to be displayed and get featured in our Newsletter!

Email Raqui:




The Artwork of Tony Scott

The greatest new BBW / SSBBW artist!

First Seen here @

Tony Scott's Bio Thoughts from Raqui Thoughts from Jay

Name: Tony Scott      Age: 45     AKA: A.S.

Nationality: Black      Status: Single

Sign: Pisces              Location: Bronx, NYC

Where were you born: Jamaica, Queens

Likes: all kinds of music, specially jazz, good conversation, helping people, because a lot of people have helped me.

How long have you been drawing? Since I was five years old, I use to draw cartoons off TV shows then cut them out and play with them.

Do you have any formal Art Training/Schooling? I went to a private commercial art school (Pels Commercial Art School) in Manhattan for two years.

What are your goals? I have many goals, but when it comes to art, my goal is to be the best at what I'm doing, and to teach others what I know.

     I must say, I have seen a lot of BBW /SSBBW art, but Tony Scott impressed me. His work is much more than just Big Women on paper.  The many portraits that he has done look life like.  His cartoon images are very balanced and original.  The best thing is the love Tony Scott has for his work.  You see the excitement and love beam from his eyes.  He is a man who held on to a child hood love, then turned it over to showcase Big Women in a positive light . 

     While all his drawings represent Large Lovely Ladies,  each one has her own personality.  Confident women who are in celebration of there bodies.  Most of his drawings are similar to the girl next door.  That simple beauty you see everyday. I believe he has captured BBW / SSBBW women at there best.

Big Hugs Raqui



     The Big World has a few inspiring gifted people with most creative hand skills and talents.  The best way that I can describe “A.S’s Art”, from an FA’s perspective, is to call him a true master of the BBW Arts.  His debut will prove that he is as good as any of the other well known BBW Artists. In time, “A.S.” will be written in the FA History Books as one of the best BBW Artists, if not the greatest of all time!


 Much success.





More of Tony Scott's (A.S.) art!  We voted on them in the L.I.C. Message board!

Visit the message board to see the results!

number 1 number 2 number 3 number 4
number 5 number 6 number 7 number 8





Large In Charge - Ask Us

Ask Raqui and Jay the questions you always wanted to.

Get the female and male point of view.


Ask Raqui and Jay your questions                                                                             


Dear Raqui

Dear Jay

Q:   Dear Raqui & Jay, I want to know what is a good way to talk about health & weight control without causing a problem? - glitta man


A:   Hi glitta man,  If you talking to a male friend, it might be easier than talking to your woman or female friend.  Same sex talks always seem a bit more like, "Hey your my friend, and I am looking out for you".  While opposite sex talks always seem like a blow to the ego.  The feeling of not be attractive to the opposite sex comes into play.  Either way be kind, Tell them you are happy with them as they are.  But you have a few concerns, and would like to talk to them about it.  I wouldn't start pulling in medical facts and so forth.  Big people have heard the same thing over and over.  I would go personal.  What fears you have for them, that your concerned because you love them, and need them in your life.  If they are happy the way they are, you should not try to make them change.  You can let them know, if they want to change, your there to support them.  Before this discussion, decide what you can actually do to help them, if they take you up on the offer.  If you see you cant help them what is the point?


     Good thing your talking about weight control and not loss.  Forcing the weight loss issue is like an attack saying.  "YOUR NOT GOOD ENOUGH! CHANGE!"  Weight control says.  "Hey your good the way you are so lets keep it like it is!"



Q:   This question is for both of you, Do you hate how BBW's are automatically categorized as the sexual freaks in the world? A lot of men see BBW's and they think straight up..."She gonna give it up". I personally get tired of BBW's getting that stereotype - Supreme Knight


A:   Dear Supreme Knight, Yes you can say I am quite tired of Big Women seen as easy. There are women in all shapes, races and sizes out there having sex for the hell of it.  But when Big Women does it, it is because she cant get nothing better, or she is easy & hard up.  Then men expect that every big women is like that.  You don't see men saying the same thing about slim women. Why are we stereotyped?


     Society has ingrained the thought, Fat is bad, Fat is imperfect, Fat is not good, Fat is ugly, Fat is not desirable, anyone who is Fat is not good unless they are cooking food or have their face on a pancake box.  So since we are imperfect, if we have sex for fun it has to be because we cant get sex any other way!


    By the way what defines a freak?  Is it how much sex your having, or what you do when you have it?   You can be a sexual freak with morals,  just because you like to be freaky doesn't mean your freaky with everyone.  There is a big difference between letting that freak out in the privacy of a loving, caring, relationship with someone you trust.  Then going out doing anything with anyone regardless of there past history or knowledge of their health. 


     Basically I want to say, there are tons of women who do what they want to do,  but men need to be aware that not all women are the same.  BBW's and SSBBW's are not easy or hard up, they choose how they conduct themselves.  Many of us want something real, something more than just sex.  Do not group us all into some kind of freak list.  If a woman looks at you, and says she doesn't have sex like that, but she will go on a date with you, take it as a compliment.  A lot of times if women are sexing you so easy, it is because they think your not worth keeping.  Your an entertainment factor, not worth taking the time to get to know.  Some think of men like a movie ticket.  You get your ticket and see the show.  Sometimes you stay, sometimes you leave.  After the ticket is throw away, we review it, and tell all our friends about it.  Most times you don't want to see the movie again.


Q:   Raqui, Girl do you ever just go through phases of not eating then eating everything, shoot I do? - Lovin


A:   Lovin, you are not alone in the phases game. Many large men and women go through times of eating little to none.  Then seeming very hungry one day.  Why? is a good question.  Personally when I am on the go I tend to eat less because I feel lighter.  I move better than when I am having meals.  I tend to want to relax after a meal.  I also don't think about food when I am on the go.  Or I feel as though I don't have time or money to stop and eat.  I also tend to eat more toward the beginning of the month.  Why? It must be a mental thing.  But I do feel more hungry.  My hunger moods are not determined by my cash flow, or feminine reasons.  Some people will eat more when they have more money.  They're really times when I am more hungry than others.  Maybe there are certain times when my body needs more food than others.  I don't gain weight. I have maintained the same weight no matter what I eat as long as my activity level stays decent.  If your concerned about your eating patterns, and can't figure out a mental or connecting reason, see your doctor.  Maybe there is a physical reason.  If your not gaining  weight then I would think your probably ok. But I'm not a doctor so check that one out.

Q:     Dear Raqui, What practical problems do BBW's and SSBBW's encounter in the home? - Richard

A:   Dear Richard, I believe that would depend on where the woman lives.  In many city areas, small rooms, steps, elevators, and bathrooms would be a big concern.  While in other rural areas, houses are not built up, but out.  Rooms and bathrooms are big, Tubs and showers are huge compared to city life.  I would think space limits, and construction of furniture are also a big deal in any area.  Finding the perfect surrounding is often difficult, but what each person considers perfect is different, so problems would be different.

Q:    I have a situation that comes in my life more than I would like it to, I would really like your advice on the subject...Maybe other readers have gone through this as well. I will meet someone online whether it be computer or phone and when they ask me what I look like I freeze. Sometimes even when we meet on a BBW line. My question is how do you tell someone who is really digging on your personality, but hasn't seen you that you are a BBW or SSBBW? - Boom Boom

A:   Boom Boom, I have to say this is really a simple question to answer in some ways, hard in others.  I have a question for you, Why are your freezing?  Are you ashamed of being a  woman of size?  Are you scared that the man will not like you once they find out?  And if so do you really want someone who will not accept your size?  If you cant accept yourself, how will another person be able to accept you?  If you cant accept your weight, what are you going to do to change it?

 In the mean time, Girl be proud, say I'M A BIG OLE GIRL AND SAY IT LOUD!  Why should you be ashamed. God doesn't make ugly, people do!  Anyone who doesn't accept you as you are is not worth being worried over.  Would you be ashamed to tell a person your race?  I am pretty sure you wouldn't be hiding your race to talk to a certain person.  Why are you hiding your weight.  The best advice I can give you is to love and appreciate yourself, then show that off to everyone.  When a man talks to you right off the bat, (right away) tell them your a Big girl and you don't have time to waste with someone who cant appreciate a woman with a big ole frame.   Give him the option to tell you if he is down or not.  If he cant get down you need to move on. Remember your the one selecting and rejecting, handle your business and do not accept anything less than you deserve. Someone who cares for you as you are.  Find out quickly before getting in-depth with him, if he cant handle it your saving yourself time.  Imagine talking for days, weeks, months, to a guy and then you find out he is not down with the frame.  You could have missed mister wonderful while you chatted with the skinny Minnie lover.  Your not going to go to the cereal section in the supermarket to find steak.  Advertise properly and you have those looking for steak hear you sizzle!

Q:    I really liked your reviews on the BBW clothing from last month. It is very true, though on the reverse end,  I am short and everything fits me long and the things that don't fit me long fit me tight. Is there anything you can suggest for me to do? - Lissie

Hey Lissie, I have a couple of suggestions for you.  If you order from a company that makes their clothing try calling in your order and ask if they can make the same outfit you want in your length. 

     Try going around your area and see if they have any tailors or seamstresses.  Ask them how much it would cost for alterations.  Worst comes to worst go to the cleaners and ask. Your better off getting your things altered if you have to.  You might be able to get some kind of discount if you go to them often. 

Remember to get your measurements taken properly with another person helping you.



Q:   Dear Raqui & Jay, I want too know what is a good way to talk about health & weight control without causing a problem? - glitta man

A:   Dear glitta man,  I think that is a common issue, meaning that people can usually look at another person and want to help them with there weight problem.  When you see a person who is supposedly not doing good, human intuition tells you to "Tell the person."  When a friend is sick people want to give them medicine to make them better. 


     Now lets look at the reality of life itself, everyone has problems. So the question is, does the person want to lose weight? Or do you want them to lose weight? Next question is, everyone has personal problems, so ask yourself what is your problem that you need help with. I think some people want other people to lose weight, because they are caught up in societies negative views.  Why do you want this person to lose weight?  Is there a real health issue now that is affecting there life?  Or are you trying to get them to lose weight for your own personal satisfaction?  Are you taking care of your personal problems,  to even be trying to help someone else with what you believe is their problems?  What if they don't consider it a problem?  There is a saying that goes, "Sweep your own porch before you sweep someone else's".


     Now if the person is coming to you, asking for your help, or constantly complaining about their weight or life style, then that's different.  Since everyone is different you have to realize there are different ways to losing weight.  In my experience with big woman and yo-yo dieting, I think the best solution is to learn about changing your metabolism. I have met a lot of big people who are very large and don't eat a lot.  I also know of slim people who eat a lot and don't get big.  So if you really want to help your friend, look in the mirror first and remind yourself that you have to help yourself before you help someone else. Another thing, if they do lose the weight will you find something else wrong with them to fix? 


Funny Situation: I once met a SSBBW who wasn't feeling good so she went to the doctor.  Every time she went to the doctor, he told her that it was her weight that made her feel the way she did.  When she went back to the doctor again a second time again he said to lose weight.  The third time she went the nurse told her the doctor died.



Q:   This question is for both of you, Do you hate how BBW's are automatically categorized as the sexual freaks in the world? A lot of men see BBW's and they think straight up..."She gonna give it up". I personally get tired of BBW's getting that stereotype - Supreme Knight

To Supreme Knight,  I have mixed feelings about the whole situation of BBW'S being called sexual freaks!  I feel we shouldn't be worrying about it.  The remark that “fat girls are easy” is not true!  I stated in our last issue that I am a firm believer that adults have the right to make their own “sexual choices”.  But I also weigh out the other side of the coin by saying that the critics also has a right to criticize if they feel like it.  While people are stereotyping just ignore them!


     The way I figure it, today’s Adult Big Women have the chance to travel to events and meet nice guys who adore them. What more can we ask for? While people are stereotyping  just ignore them! Especially because the big women who “are” outright freaky and easy, they're  doing their thing and aren't worrying about the stereotypes! 


Advice: Surround yourself with people who like to do the things that you like to do.

Q:    Jay, I was hearing you on the woman got to step at a man if she like him in the club.  The answer last month was really sounding right.   I told this to my sister and she said,  If women step to men in the club, the men think that she is looking for sex. You can just like a guy, but since most of the girls who are all about sex are the ones running around in men's faces, he might mistake her for a Hoochie.  She rather sit back and if a man is interested, he can come to her.   My sister don't even go to them clubs no more, but I see her point.  I would think the same thing.  What do you think about this?  -  Terence

To Terence, Your sister has a good point!  Even though, I still gotta stick to my guns and again say that I personally don’t think that a woman should go out to a BBW Club to enjoy herself and meet a nice guy, and then end the night with not having one conversation with “a supposedly nice guy”.


  The point I’m trying to make is that if a woman invest time that night to get dressed, looking good, smelling good, and there are men in a BBW Club, and the woman is actually attracted to a few guys, she has a choice.  Either go home again, alone, with out “having one conversation” or make conversation!


  In last months issue the woman stated that she goes to the club and yet not one man would sit down and talk to her.  I personally have a sister and your sister is right about safety from guys who are looking for easy sex, if she’s not looking for that. But still, if she got all dolled up and didn't get not one conversation, at least with merely saying “hi” to a few guys at least can give her a chance to meet a nice guy and screen him the best she can.  Or, what’s the use of going week after week, to a place where you’re a big woman and the guys like big women, and there are nice looking guys your attracted to…and nothing ever pops off? (happens)  Ask a guy to Dance!  Just be safe. 


Advice:  I have a younger sister and I wished her well when she went off to school. As an older brother, I had to accept her having her own life.  She would be without me in the crowded class rooms and lunchroom hallways.  One day she asked me what high school was like, and and I hoped she would know how to handle herself in school.

I couldn’t always be around to protect her.  She asked me a 4th grade question, what should she do if she was in the lunch room if she wanted to meet a new high school friend (who is a girl)?   I told her to approach the person and say hi and start a conversation, but be safe! And she asked me what if she saw a boy that  she wanted to meet and I told her the same thing, approach the person and say hi and start a conversation.  Just be safe!

Q:   Dear Jay, I got with a guy who says he likes me for me.  He has never been with a big girl before.  I am really not his style.  But he says he likes my personality.  When I see him look at skinny girls on TV, or in the street, it bothers me.  If he was looking at big girls it would bother me a bit, but at least they are more like me.  Part of me thinks that even though he likes my personality, Sexually I am not his ideal,  I am not his dream physically.   I need to feel that I am everything he ever wanted, mentally and physically.  What should I do? - Pam

To Pam, I try to keep it real here and say that I don’t have answers for everything sometimes.  This is a hard one to figure for me. 


    Part of me is questioning your stating that you began with “a guy "who likes me for me”.  Now your questioning whether if he likes you as you are, likes skinny women more, sexually attracted to you, or his physical dream?


    Confusing part #2,  "part of you thinks that he likes your personality”.  Which part of you is that?  I have to question if maybe he is a really nice guy treating you really nice, occasionally peeping at a skinny girl, come to find out you might be the over jealous type, for all I know! “from a man’s point of view”.


    Last Puzzle…"I need to feel I am everything he ever wanted".  If you really have a need for him to feel you are “everything he ever wanted” then only he can tell you what really pleases him.  I can’t answer that one for you. 


    Advice: If you met him and you knew he had never been with a Big Woman before, than you had the chance to smell the coffee a little bit from the beginning. Just in case your not the one for him, try to find someone who likes you for you, sexually attracted to you, physically dreams about you and needs you to be his everything. Talk to your man ask him honestly and figure out the verdict!


Q:   Dear Jay, I’m a SSBHM who likes SSBBW’s.  I enjoy reading your site.  I am from Tenn.  I am a short guy and I weigh over 500  pounds. I have a question and need your advice as to how an SSBHMFA might can find  SSBBW’s who like the bigger guys? - BigTenn


To BigTenn, There’s a saying that goes “there is always  somebody for everybody”! (If it’s true or not...that's another issue)


Large In Charge message board can personally help you by creating a poll for you. You can also send post to people who have similar interest and ask them to join in and help you find few SSBBW’s who likes your style. Post and tell the ladies more about yourself.  I hook you up like that TV show where the guy had to choose between like 50 women on dates or something!  Like right now, I give you the power to use The Large In Charge message board to just do your thing and find your Big Fat Honey Bun! You have the all out right to jump on our board and do an international SSBHM “Search for the ultimate SSBBW’s who luv them”…contest.  You as the prize! That how you meet them! From a man’s point of view. Have some fun, Big Boy style Baby!


Advice: Hang out at some of the BBW / BHM events and meet some nice women.  There are a lot of women who appreciate SSBHM’s at “Big World” events, message boards, dating services and BBW egroups. 





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