Issue #3 / May 2004

NEW CLOTHING IN OUR STORE!

 

 

www.LargeInCharge.com Holds Clothing Drive for HIP HOP APPRECIATION WEEK!

 

LargeInCharge.com Is Interviewed by: Jab Your Jaw Radio!

Welcome to the Large In Charge Newsletter

 

In this Issue of L.I.C

 

Featured Person - Interview Big Boi '00 Entertainment. Chi-town Crew!

 

Raqui's Spot - Can you find a Mate in the BBW Club Scene?

 

Jay's Spot -  Top BBW Online Link Review!

 

Food Relations - The Double Ended Sword. Family and Food!  

Readers own Experiences with there Families!

 

Art - Cartoons by A.S.  View and Vote which is your favorite!

 

Guest Spot -  How to Find a Size Friendly Gym!

 

Ask Us - Finally, a place to ask those questions you want answers to.  Ask Raqui and Jay your questions.  We handle all subjects.

 

Monthly Topic - BBW/SSBBW - BHM/SSBHM Hook up! Register on our Message Board and meet that Beauty or Cutie your looking for!

 

Events & Pictures - L.I.C.  Delivers Info. on the hottest BBW events and parties. Check out our Promo's, See what is happening near you!

 

L.I.C. Store - What's New? Plain White and Black Tee Shirts to 6XL, Hip Hop Tee Shirts to 6XL, Casual Wear to 8XL coming this month and EBay Auctions!

 

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Large In Charge Featured Person

Big Boi Entertainment - Chicago

Pat & Yolanda Founders

Big Boi Artists

   

Causal and Evening Wear

    

Sports and Night Wear

Big Boi Events

 

FROM: NEW YORK CITY

TO: CHICAGO  “BIGBOI00ENTERTAIMENT”

New Phrase of the Month: The Big World is Expanding

            New York City is where I was raised.  I personally have never yet been to Chicago.  Always wanted to go, but I don’t have friends or family there and I never had a reason to visit.  I always pictured Chicago’s skyscrapers and city photographs to be similar to New York City

Then I thought about the BBW scene.   I always wondered what the Big Women was like in Chicago New York City is supposedly known for kicking off the BBW Club scene.  Whether or not this is true….we will consider for a future issue.  The point is that subconsciously, as a native New Yorker, I have to admit that I thought that nobody could party like a New York City Party!  I am old enough and can say I was there when the BBW Clubs in NYC first started Poppin!  We had a lot of fun!  And, to this day….New York City is Still Live….No Dought!    

This Months Issue is dedicated to the site that woke me up to some brand new “Big World” BBW / BHM  , Next Level, Change the Game, Sharpen your Skills and Raise the Bar...Type of people.  To all my New York City brothers and sisters, I gotta give props where props is due.  If right now I had to choose the most creative “Big World” Family & Staff Award, I would have to give it up to BigBoi00Ent. Fam in Chi-Town.  They Making it Happen out there!

Top 4 Reasons:

Party Promotion- BigBoi00Ent BBW / BHM Events

Clothing Line- Online Store, Fashion Shows, Exhibit Booths

Record Label- People of Size Recording Artist

Website- World Wide Networking

 

May Issue #3 Bottom Line:  This company can throw a good party, pack in beautiful BBW’s / BHM’s, in custom made clothing,  allow shopping at the vendor tables, where you can purchase a Big Girl Jam CD…from the Big Size Record Label and interact with the crew on the website….You got my support! All the way!  100%.  Many people can talk about how they promote parties and music & entertainment and fashion dreams and internet ideas and so on and so forth…your company actually is doing it and doing it well!  I hope all people of size and supporters read this article and support you merely out of the inspiration given to the future entrepreneurs behind you.  I personally don’t know of any other company…right now in the Big World…that can say that they have all 4 of these areas “locked”!...Chicago’s BBW / BHM scene deserves Much Respect!

 

The May 2004 Issue “Big World” Business Mogul Award goes to

Click the Banner to visit

Jay of LargeInCharge

 

     If you think New York City got it going on.  It is time to head over to Chi-town!  This company has everything going for them along the lines of diversity.  I see two Mega Founders along with a bunch of talented people who are forming a united band that will not be stopped!

     From events, to clothing, and on with recording artists, they prove to be a formidable bunch.  All I can say is keep doing what is right! Show your pride and love yourself!  That is what they seem to be doing everyday and successful they are.  I have to say I am loving this great group of positive people!

Raqui of LargeinCharge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Interview with Big Boi Entertainment:

I.  BBE History

       1.  Who are the founders of BBE?

             The husband and wife duo, Patrick (BigBoi’00) and Yolanda (1st Lady)

 

2.        Do you consider yourselves BBW’s or BHM’s

Yes, both of us

 

3.        Have you been a BBW or BHM all of your life

All our lives

 

4.       Where were you raised and what was your family life like

Patrick,-Gary, IN; only child; had best of both worlds, mom/grandparents

Yolanda- Blytheville, AR- oldest of 4 children; large maternal family unit; had best of both worlds also

 

5.       How did your company get started

B.B.E. started because after attending various other BBW events, we felt the need to provide BBW events to the urban community.

 

6.       Where did your company name come from

                    The company was named after Patrick and was actually derived from his on-line name PBigBoi’00.

 

7.       How big is your staff

Can you believe it, only 6 people. We also have a VIP advisory committee of 10 people.

 

8.       What are the different departments in your company, who are the department heads and what do they do

-Monthly BBW/BHM dance parties- BigBoi’00/ 1st Lady

-Public Relations- Deborah (DIVA)- PR/AR Manager

-Security- Andrew (Ebony Knight)- head of security for all BBE events

-Charter members/VIPS-Jackie (Babyface Carmela) President of the VIPS; organize all of the volunteer needed help for monthly dance parties

-B.B.E.Records-BigBoi’00-CEO, Executive Producer

 

II.                  PARTY PROMOTION

1.       When did the BBW/BHM party scene begin in Chicago

The scene actually goes back to the late 80’s early 90’s.  We started attended BBW/BHM parties in the Midwest about 7 years ago

 

2.       When and where was your first party and was it a major success

First party was May 18, 2000- Park Inn Conference Center in Harvey, IL; No it was not.  Only 15 people attended the first party.  10 of those people were family.

 

3.       How are the events now

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

4.       Who is your house D.J.

None other than D.J. James E. from In The Basement Productions

 

5.       What’s the key to throwing a slamin party.  What makes BBE party better than the rest

The answer to this question is easy.  Our crowd is what makes our parties the HOTTEST in the Chi.  Our crowd is friendly, outgoing and just plain OFF THE CHAIN.  D.J. James E. keeps the music HOT. It’s a great atmosphere to get your party on anyway you choose.  We promote lots of participation and interaction.

 

6.       Do you have any major events or bashes coming up in the near future

We have monthly BBW/BHM dance parties every 3rd Friday of the month. Yes, we are going to have 2 bashes this year. 

Sept. 3,4,5 and Dec. 31-Jan. 1,2.  For more information, visit our website.

 

 

 

 

III.                1st LADY DESIGNS

1.       Where did the clothing line name come from

When I design garments or make an outfit for someone, they look and feel so good about themselves, it gives me a feeling that the individual feels like they are royalty.  So 1st Lady just fit

 

2.       How long have you been designing clothes

Professionally, for about 3 years.

 

3.       What type of clothing do you produce

Just about anything that someone wants.  My website shows, casual, sport, evening, sleepwear, and something for the kids.

If you can dream it up……We can hook it up…….

 

4.       What makes your clothing company different from others

My motto says it all…….(Plus size fashions at regular size prices)

 

5.       Does your company promote fashion shows, where and when

Only on a small level.  At the annual anniversary, pajama, and New Years Eve parties.  One of 1st Lady Design’s goals for 2004 is to promote and produce a BBW/BHM fashion show on a larger scale.  And to continue to make the brand better known to the BBW/BHM community.

 

 

 

IV.                BBE RECORDS

1.       What type of music does your label produce

                     Our primary genre at B.B.E. Records is Hip-Hop and R&B.  However, due to the varied musical backgrounds

                     of our production team, it’s not uncommon for other musical styles and elements to come into play.

 

2.       Tell us something about each of your recording artists, groups, and producers

B.B.E. Records uses a team approach to production.  Patrick, BigBoi’00 serves as Executive Producer as well as an artist on the label.  B.B.E. records currently works with several artists and or groups.  EarCandy, (Miles, Passion, Brain and Unspoken) do neo-soul and spoken word.  Asad, is an associate R&B producer and vocalist. Da Fam, consist of Ms. BMW, InfaMiss, Ms. Kitty, Nawledge and BigBoi’00. And  is definitely Hip-Hop and R&B with a serious adult edge. DIVA, is a spoken word artist.  All members have input and make artistic contributions to the records that we make. 

 

3.       Honestly, which artist or group is really hot right now?  Who’s in the forefront?  Who is the best musician

All of our acts are Hot and because we appeal to such a large range of musical tastes, everyone shine in their own area.  EarCandy is definitely emerging as one of the premier spoken word/neo-soul groups in the Chi.  Da Fam has Ms. BMW in the “Hot Seat” right now because so many people are loving her sexy, rap style.  And Asad is heating things up as one of the few real R&B crooners in the Chi.  All of these things come together to make B.B.E Records the label to watch.  We are definitely a “Small Independent Label with Major Label Attitude.”

 

4.       What is the hottest single your company has produced

                     We actually have a couple of really hot singles.  Ms. BMW featuring InfaMiss on “Big Girls Don’t Cry”. Asad brings

                     the heat on “Ghetto Tango”- a steppers cut.  EarCandy is moving quite a few units of their single “Bronzeville”

                     featuring Passion.  Diva has a hot spoken word joint in “Can I” to be featured on her Maxi-Single, to be released in

                     June 2004.

 

5.       Name the top 3 records that you would want the clubs and radio stations to play

1)       “GRIZZMATIZED”- a new joint featuring Ms. BMW

2)       “Ghetto Tango” – featuring Asad

3)       “The BigBoi’00 Bounce Remix”- this joint was written for the B.B.W. party community

 

 

 

 

V.                  WEBSITE

1.       Who designed your website and when did it first get published

Our website was built by Jim @ Risque Web Designs.  And has been published since Jan. 04.  We also have a yahoo group since 2000. 

 

2.       How are your models selected for your site

We try to take pics of all garments designed and made for people.  No special criteria needed.

 

3.       The pajama party looked like it was a lot of fun, will you continue to post more pics

Yes

 

4.       Are you getting positive feedback from online viewers worldwide

Yes

 

VI.                BBE’S OPINIONS

1.       What kind of overall response do you get from the BBW/BHM Chicago community

                     Generally, the response is very positive.  Our events and products are very well received.  However, we are always

                     on a mission to reach a larger audience. 

 

2.       Is your company growing rapidly

Yes

 

3.       Being that your company has more than one entity, what areas are you more satisfied with and what areas could use improvement

                     B.B.E. is a company committed to excellence.  We strive to make a positive impact on the markets that we serve. 

                     We are constantly striving to improve and provide better events, clothing and music to our audience.  All the while

                     continuing to improve that it’s cool to be “LARGE and IN CHARGE”.

 

4.       Give us one word that best describes your company

Can’t sum it up in one word.  How about 3  “BIG TYME FUN”

 

5.       What can WWW.Largeincharge.com readers do to help support your company

                    We are honored to be featured in your magazine.  It’s really great to see people showing love to the B.B.W.

                    community.  We would appreciate if your readers would check out the web site, join our yahoo group and just tell

                    everyone they know about B.B.E. and what we do.  And most definitely, a road trip to the Chi to experience B.B.E.

                     in real life.  Only then will they know why “Ain’t No Party Like… A BigBoi’00 Party……..”

 

6.       What advice do you have for inspiring entrepreneurs in this “Big World”

Don’t give up on your dreams.  Stay steadfast and unmovable.  Stay true to your cause……….

 

7.       Are there any other size positive companies that you admire

                    We admire any organization that is sincerely committed to serving and representing the BBW/BHM community in a

                     positive light.  We are all family.

 

8.       What are the future goals for each of our company’s department and what is the overall goal

                     Our general goal for the future is to create a network of BBW/BHM oriented companies from clothing, travel and

                     entertainment  to insurance and healthcare providers.  Over 75% of our society  is overweight.  So in the days of the

                     Atkins Diet, senseless Gastric By-pass operations, the world needs to remember “That Thin Maybe In, But FAT is

                     Still Where It’s AT”.

 

 

So there you have it!   This dedication is about asking readers to understand how much hard work goes into pleasing “a satisfied customer”.  When people party, they want to be entertained, be in a friendly crowd, hear good music, be comfortable, have a nice strong drink (just slipped that in because I hate when clubs try to hit you with the watered down drinks)…basically you wanna have a good time!  In reality, party promoters work hard to create a safe and entertaining environment.  Clothing designers work hard to produce wears that are fashionable, affordable, available, and comfortable.  We all have heard the stories about “the Music Business” so we can imagine the pressures of running a Record Label and lastly this Web Business is No Joke! (Im learning first hand…)  A lot of time and energy goes into web promotion.  Smash all of this together like Fat Gumbo and BigBoi00Ent gets Madd Love, Extra Props, and Much Respect.  Big shout outs to the Entire Crew and affiliates who supports  BigBoi’s mission.

 

To the Bronx , NYC surrounding areas, and LargeInCharge readers world wide….Check their website, buy something, and plan a trip to visit Chi-Town.

 

Ps…..to check out Jay's past  interviews, click on Back Issues

 

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Raqui's Spot

From a Female's Point of View

This month's subject:

Can you find a Mate in the BBW Club Scene?

 

Email Raqui:  raqui@largeincharge.com

 

This Months Subject:  Can you find a Mate in the BBW Club Scene?

     This seems to be the big question I get in my mail box.  I have also heard the same question over and over in the past few years.  Can you find Mr. or Mrs. Right in the BBW Club Scene?  Are these parties the place to find love?

     While I am sure some people have met through the parties that are going on.  I have to deal with what I know best (NYC), and what I have heard about other locations.

Honestly, No, I do not think the BBW Club Scene is the right place to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.

WHY?  Ok here is what I can come up with.

     The BBW Club scene like all club scene’s have a large percentage of people who are trying to hook up.  Male and Female’s alike are out there trying to find someone just for the night, or the near future. Is this wrong?  NO, But it does leave a stigma that many men believe "BBW’s are easy."  Any man, regardless if they like big women or not can walk into a BBW party, and have a 90% chance of leaving with someone either that night, or meeting up in the near future.  I have heard it many times and witness it also, men just going to the BBW parties because they know that if they are decently good looking they have a big chance of getting some nookie before the evening is over,  and they might have a pocket full of numbers for future nookie dates. 

     Does this mean all BBW’s are easy?  NO WE ARE NOT!  Some of us like to have sex and want to do it how we see fit, just like all the other women and men who are not large in the world.   On the other hand many of us don’t want to have casual sex and suffer with this stigma.  So people your going to have to make it clear when someone approaches you.  Ladies don’t think every man is there just to get some, just like men shouldn’t believe that every woman is on the hunt for someone to bed down.

     Men looking for a nice woman to date or make a life with often complain about the way they are approached and treated.  Many a man has told me he will not go to these parties because of the women who approach him. I have heard complaints like women grabbing penises, asking men what they are working with, wanting to hook up for the night, stating there room numbers and even cruel cases of men being made fun of because they were not down with having sex with just anyone.  Being called fagot and such names until they have left a party. 

     Women looking for a nice guy often complain about being treated like sex objects.  They deal with crazy pick up lines. Inappropriate touching or grabbing.  Out right asking to “Get with them for the night”.   Men chasing them down, sometimes when the men get rejected they heap insults on the woman.  

     I attended a party and invited quite a few of my friends. At least 4 were male.  By the end of the night a certain woman had walked up to 3 of my male friends and used the same line. “Hey you know I’m 20 years old, don’t have any kids, got my own place, and if you want to do this we can go right now!”  All three declined and laughed while they told me the story.  I laughed also, but then later I thought, I am sure she didn’t say this line only to them.  At that same party I danced with a guy who used a stupid line. “Hey girl you’re beautiful what’s your name”.  “Raqui” I replied.  “Damn baby can I Rock the Raqui?”   OH god what was I suppose to do fall in love with his words.  Needless to say I didn’t want to be bothered with him after that.

Below are a few accounts of club happenings from our readers.

 

Words from Readers about Love and the Club Scene:

     I don't like the way that the women are treated at these events.  Especially Black women. The last time that I ventured out to one of these events, I had some really bad experiences.  While I think that I have a healthy libido, I am not easy.  If anything, being larger has made me more selective in whom I date because I've found that since I have been over the 200 pound mark that men do make assumptions about how quickly they could arrive in my bedroom.

     In any event, I was dancing by myself, because unless you want to be dry humped on the dance floor, the men that I have come across at these functions do not want to dance with you.  A man came up to me and asked me to dance.  After dancing through a couple of songs, he asked if we could go sit down and talk.  I agreed.  I asked him the questions that women usually ask men when they are out socially and I offended this man because I did not want to go out to dinner with him to Applebees.  Why?  Because he told me that he was married, and had a 4 month old.  I didn't even go into the ethics of the situation.  I told him that it was nice meeting him, but that I was just trying to get out and socialize (I have a theory about clubbing: most women go to meet new men to date when they are single, most men go as a "guys night out" to get away from the woman they are already with and have no desire to leave -- they are just looking for a "break").  He did not want me to leave, but I got up and walked to the bar to buy myself a drink (didn't want him spending the diaper money on me).  He yelled obscenities at me as I was walking away and told me that my ass was too big anyway.

     When I got to the bar, another man walked up and offered to buy me a drink.  I told him that I wanted to pay for my own drink (since they always claim that women only want them to buy us drinks when we are out).  He insisted, so the bartender winked at me and said, "Let him buy it for you..."  Right after this guy paid for the drinks, he starts asking me the usual questions that guys ask when they are trying to get to know you, but while he is asking, he puts his hand between my thighs.  When I moved his hand from my thigh, he raises it to graze my breast.  I was like, "See...this is why I wanted to pay for my own damn drink!"  I broke away from him and made it through the crowd to stand by where the DJ was playing the music.  I thought that I lost this guy, but when I turned around he was right behind me and he pushed me up against the wall and started grinding on me.  I was trying to get away from him and he yelled in my ear that he knew that he would never see me again, so he needed to get his nut now.  For the record, I did not have on a revealing outfit (not that it should have mattered).  I had on slacks, with a top, and I showed a very minimal amount of cleavage.  It looked more like I was going to work than to a party.

From Diva

    

     When I go to the BBW parties, I don’t see it as a time to find a man.  The men there are not marriage material or men who really want to get to know you.  I have gone to lots of events and over the years have seen the same men go from club to club with different women licking on their necks, kissing on breasts and doing all sorts of crazy crap.  I have seen women go crazy over the new guy.  Since they have already went home with most of the regulars who attend.  Men and Women partake of each other as they want.  I personally don’t think it is right but that is not my business.

From Leesa

     I love going to the parties because they are easy to just hook up with someone when I want to.  Forget waiting for the right man, I want what I want now!  I got a man at home already but what he can’t do, a night at the club can do for me.  I think women have the right to do what they want and this is what I want to do.  I understand the whole BBW thing and us being easy.  But I am not doing anything my skinny chica friends don’t do at the regular club.  A lot of these guys have women and families anyway.  So I have a family and a man and still get to hang.  The guys there who are single are not trying to settle down or they wouldn’t be in a club.  Just take it as fun.  I got to say one thing, I saw a BBW girl get touched the wrong way once and I didn’t like it.  You should only be touched if you’re down with it.  Once I say I am down touch me anywhere.  But until then don’t push up on me. 

From China

     I go to different events on occasion.  I am the type of man who is very selective.  But I have had quite a few one night stands over the years.  I would say 85% of the people at clubs are there to hook up in one way or another for the night or in the near future.  Even a guy like me gets tempted when you have a beautiful BBW or ssbbw talking about what she wants to do to you.  I don’t take these women seriously; I know they are not the “take home to mom type of woman”.  Especially when you see them the next week doing the same thing to another guy.  But I have to admit with so many women ready and available it is hard to take notice of the nice girl in the corner relaxing.  I will have to try and push myself to talk to them and maybe find love.  I urge other men to do the same.  Just talk to them and maybe you would find a nice girl.  But fellows, please if your not serious about a relationship your better off leaving the nice girls alone except for nice conversation.  If you know you’re going to be in the club next week hooking up what is the point. 

From James

 

OK SO WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO?

     Well people male and female alike.  If you go to the club for fun.  Do just that, have fun!  Get a group together with as many people as possible.  Go, take a table and have a drink, talk, dance, listen to the music, have a good time.  Go around and meet the person who runs the party.  Smile and maybe make a new friend (male or female).  If someone approaches you for something your not down with just tell them that you don’t get down like that.  But exchange names and tell them maybe you can have a dance or just talk.  Nothing says you have to have sex to talk to a person.  The point is to open your circle of friends.  This way when you want to hit the club by yourself you know people there.  I find as a woman, a lot of women at the club like to talk and remember you more often.  Carry some Tylenol and if someone looks like they are in pain offer it.  I have made many a friend over having some pain medication at a party.  Carry some paper towels if someone is sweaty offer a paper towel. Much better than those thin napkins at the bar! Some people say I am not doing all of that!  There is nothing wrong with a little kindness. I am not saying to bribe or buy people, these are just a few ways to open conversation, you never know who you might meet and make a friend with.

 

HOW ABOUT FINDING MR. or MRS. RIGHT?

     Truthfully I have not heard many cases of love being found straight from a club.  Yes I know they exist but I have heard more cases of people meeting online, in the street, phone lines, or from an ad and then going to the club to meet in person using it as an outlet, which I think is very safe.  I would defiantly use the clubs for a public meeting place.  Make sure you pick one that has some seating away from the speakers so you can talk, sit and have a drink.

     I would say the best way to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right is to GO OUT. Not just to the club but everywhere.  Use your new friends from the club to go different places.  Go shopping or out to eat.  Maybe just walk a busy avenue and window shop.  Let yourself be seen and your chases of meeting someone get larger.  Chance meetings are usually how relationships start.  If your home all the time your not giving yourself the chance!

 

Thank you for Reading Raqui's Spot!

Would you like to give your comments?

Email Raqui:  raqui@largeincharge.com

 

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Jay's Spot

From a Male point of view.

This months Subject: Jay's Link Review

jay@largeincharge.com

This Months Subject: Jay's  Top Pick for BBW Links

    

               BIG LINKS

                          (In The Big World….There’s Enough Room for Everybody)

Today’s Big World Websites are growing fast.  The amount is increasing everyday. New sites bring about more people of size issues, more clothing, events, networking, new pictures,  and just about anything and everything that caters to BBW’s / SSBBW’s / BHM’s / and FA’s. 

It’s true that many Big World sites become dead links, but this month’s Jay’s Spot section is a dedication to the sites that struggle to survive. This is a spot for people who need to connect with the Big World to find out what’s going on? What's new? And what’s interesting?

For all readers, take time to thumb thru them and enjoy!

 

       TOP 10  WEBSITES of the Month

1)      www.citiartz.com

2)      www.nigelmorganart.com

3)      www.thebiggirlcompany.com

4)      www.scarletbbwart.com

5)      www.thebiggirlsshow.com

6)      www.biggalslingerie.com

7)      www.ladyjaisgiftcourt.com

8)      www.rundekunst.com

9)      www.widebodiesfurniture.com

10)    www.wctalent.com

 

 

TOP BBW / BHM  EVENTS SITES

 

CA                   www.bigdiff.com

                        www.bigboogienights.com

 

CT                   www.bbwpartyct.com

                       www.amplebeauties.com

 

FL                   http://hometown.aol.com/sflbbwdance/bbwdance.html

 

GA                  www.bigbeautifulatlanta.com

                       

IL                    www.bigboi00entertainment.com

                       www.lindasbigconnections.com

 

Mass               www.superbbw.com

 

MI                   www.moretolovemichigan.com

 

MO                 www.stlouisbash.com

 

NY                   http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BiggerandBetterThangsEntertainment/

                       www.phatboyent.com

                       www.clubcurvz.com

 

NC                  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/carolinaphatgurlz

 

NJ                   www.babsbbw.com

 

NV                  www.bbwnetwork.com

 

OH                  http://www.geocities.com/daytonohiobbwparty/

 

PA                   www.phillybash.com

 

TX                   www.clubenvy.net

                       www.austinbbwbash.com

 

WA                  www.bbwnorthwest.com

 

UK                  www.big-girls-paradise.co.uk

 

 

Thanks for reading Jay's Spot

jay@largeincharge.com

 

 

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Food Relations

What does food represent to us?

 

     Welcome to Food Relations.  The subject of food and people is an ever present concern.  What you eat, when you eat, how you eat, why you eat.  We all have to eat at some time or another.  Most of the time we eat for nutrition.  But food also makes us feel good.  The taste, texture, feeling, smell of food.  Some use food for release, or as a weapon for control.  Here in this section of our newsletter we hope to talk about the many aspects of food and get feedback from our readers of what food means to them.  Also how they view food.  So now sit back and read what this months food subject is about. 

The Large in Charge Staff

 

The Double Edge Sword! Family and Food!

 

    I know you have all heard this before.  Clean that plate! There are starving children in this world who would love to have that food!  We sit there and eat wiping our plates clean long after we are full.  In a few years when we show this same behavior we are greedy and fat!  How does Family affect our Food Relations?

    In many cultures food is a form of love.  It is prepared to be tasty and nourishing.  Long hours are spent making sure it is just right.  Our mother’s, grandmothers, and other family members showed love through food and felt honor when we took that second plate.  It is almost a holy experience when we bite into the soothing morsels of food that could be smelled from down the block. This is tradition that goes back into bible times.  Eating until sated (full).  Now in the days of trains, cars, 9-5 job hours, instead of working the fields.  That food stays and sits, it is not burned off with hard labor.  Lifestyles changed but eating stayed the same. 

     On one hand family is telling children to eat it all and never leave anything on the plate.   I remember watching the “We are the world!” campaign as a child.  Seeing the starving children in the world, watching on T.V. how they are dying everyday.  Just because they didn’t have food!  Then the remarks about starving children and how I wasted food made me want to never waste food again.  How does this affect the mind of children?  It is a slow program that is replayed and written on the brain everyday, 3 meals a day.  Just like the term “It isn't over till the fat lady sings!”  Only “It isn't over until your plate is clean!”  This leaves a physiological effect, your stomach says full, but your brain says “Eat, it isn't over yet!”

     Not all children can be grouped the same.  We all know the games children play when it comes to food, leaving the veggies behind.  Moving food around and not eating, then hours later they are starving.  You have to make a schedule and keep to it.  You also have to keep control over portions.  You can’t let children starve but you can’t let them get too used to over eating.  Children often get sick from eating way too much.  

     The truth is there are children who love to eat, and will eat as much as they can, the term used is “Eating with your eyes.”  Seeing it and wanting to eat it, and having as much as possible because it looks good.   It doesn’t matter if they are hungry or not, if it looks like it tastes good we are going to eat it.  Many children and adults live with this problem and only they can solve it if they want to solve it.  Plenty of people enjoy this lifestyle and are entitled to it.   The only thing you can do is have some control over what children consume and some how regulate it and even out all the good and bad foods so they don’t over eat.  Still it may and will happen.  In the end children grow up into adults who may or may not want to eat a lot.

So how do you handle your pudgy child?  With love encouragement and acceptance.  I suggest finding out how your child feels about themselves.  Are they ok with being a big child leading to a big adult?  If so then they should not be forced to change.  They should be loved accepted for the person they are.  If the child really doesn’t want to be big child or adult.  Then they should be counseled and start a lifestyle and food relation that will help them achieve who they want to be.   In both cases there will be some children who cant’s lose or cant seem to keep there weight level.  The child should know this from the start and realize there is a chance that they might stay big boned. They should never feel that something is wrong with them.  Everyone has a DNA make up and maybe they were meant to be large framed.  Giving the child a positive attitude will help them be happy in life.  

     Don’t we all wish we had parent who loved and accepted us as is.  With out the IF ONLY YOU LOST WEIGHT statement. Some of us hold on to the thoughts and behaviors learned through our family life and experiences.  Even though we are adults and create our own lives and choose our lifestyles.  Others of us have no choice but to sit back and accept all the LOSE WEIGHT statements we hear, wondering when we will be accepted as people and not the number of pounds we weight.

FROM OUR READERS:

     When I was 12 years old my mother went into the hospital, and my grandmother was left to take care of me.  Oh man did grandma feed me, and of course I was not allowed to leave anything on the plate, and I better not get up from the table until it was clean.  Well my grandmother started it, and my mother is still trying to end it.  She started with the blame game.  "Don't you feel ashamed of how you look?  You'll never get a man."  I listened to every word she said, and of course believed it because, hey she was mom and she knows best, so to please her I ate like a bird in front of her, and at night I would be so hungry that I would sneak into the kitchen and pull a chair up to the frig and pig out.  I would buy food at the store, hide it in my backpack, and when I got home I would hide it under my bed and in the closet.  She couldn't understand why I was getting fatter but I knew.  She would get so angry with me she would stand me up on a chair and make me look at myself in the mirror because I had stretch marks down the back of my legs, and she would make me look at her because of course she only weighed 105lbs.  She thought that by shaming me this way she would get me to stop eating, but it only put me into a depression which made me eat more.

Vandessa

 

     I have fought with my feelings for many years.  I was the only fat one out of all my brothers and sisters.  I ate the same amount of food as they did.  I remember them eating more than me many times.  They got all the cake, candy, and desert while I was told I was to fat to have any.  There were times when I wasn’t hungry and still forced to sit down and eat, not a little but a full portion.  “Look at how fat you are and now your saying your not hungry!”  I began to think that being fat meant eating a lot.  So I started eating more and more.  A lot of the time I ate because people told me to try something or have some.  Because they told me I should eat not because my body told me to eat.  After I got into my teens everyone seemed to accept that I was a big guy.  So now everyone wanted me to eat and eat a lot.  “YOU’RE A BIG GUY, COME ON TRY THIS, COME ON EAT THIS” If I told someone I wasn’t hungry they said.  “You need food to get energy, you need to keep going.”  “You need to eat, Men have to eat!”  I was already used to being told I was fat and had to eat more because I was a big man.  A part of me would look back on being a child and remembering fat as bad and being bad, then being told that I was a liar if I said I wasn’t hungry when food was around. I find out later in my years my weight is not the result of over eating but of a slow metabolism. 

 

Dameon

 

     My mother and I live together. Tied with a multitude of speeches about why she is so disappointed because I haven’t’ given her any grandchildren is some kind of speech about my weight.  As a matter of fact, just today I had to listen to a 15 to 20 minute speech about how I am going to eventually get diabetes or heart disease (she has both, so did my father).  It’s sort of ironic.  Every time I have gone to the doctor, I always get the “You need to lose weight” speech...which usually includes facts about cholesterol and blood sugar. But usually, the same docs are flabbergasted when they do my blood work and find out that my blood sugar, good cholesterol, bad cholesterol, total cholesterol ratio, triglycerides, and other levels that they use to determine how healthy you are, are ALWAYS within the normal range.  So it sometimes sort of grates one of my nerves when my dear mother gives me her “You are gonna get sick” speech.  And she added a little extra today.  She is 5’1” tall.  At her heaviest she weighed in the 170s (which is definitely overweight for her height).  She now weighs in the 130-140 range and went from wearing 16s to wearing 10s and 12s.  And I must admit, I am proud of her.  Along with being a diabetic, she has had 7 hip replacements operations, a heart attack, and a cardiac arrest.  I am very proud of her for accomplishing her goal of losing weight.  It has helped her to keep her diabetes under control.  And I know that with her limited mobility, it has been more difficult than some to get the type of exercise that she would have liked.  However, I did have some issues with her saying that she understands how hard it is for me to lose weight.  She even said, “I know you are going to say that I don’t understand how hard it is to lose weight because I am not as big as you, but I do understand because it was as hard for me to lose 30 pounds as it would be for you to lose 100 or 200 pounds.”  You know, somehow I just don’t think so.  I have been “dieting” ever since I was in the second grade when I went to Weight Watchers for the first time.  Since then, I have probably gained and lost and gained and lost again hundreds of pounds.  It is a well-known fact that that type of yo-yo dieting makes it harder to lose weight each successive time you try.  To be honest, I have probably lost at least 30 pounds in the past 6 months, simply because I am busier and don’t eat as much as I used to and I am not as sedentary as I used to be at work.  But because I had gained quite a bit in the past year or so and just because I am so big, a 30-pound loss on me doesn’t really show.  At any rate, I did what I always do when my mother gets in one of her speechy moods.  Because I love her and respect her, I just sat there and spazzed out looking like I was actually listening and just kept saying “Uh-huh” to everything she said

Shelia

 

What Can We Do?:

     The best thing we can do is think about who we are, and who want to be.  You have to remember that while your family loves you they don't dictate your feelings.  You have to be happy with yourself.   If your an unhappy fat person, it is time to ask yourself, why you're unhappy with your weight.  Is it because you cant do the things you want to? Or because your family tells you to be happy you have to be thin.  If your going by what others think and tell you, maybe it is time to think for yourself.  Will losing weight make you happy or will you just find something else to be upset about?  When you go by other people's standard you will never be good or happy.  You will spend your life trying to please everyone but yourself. 

     If it is a reality that you are mad and unhappy because you cant do things you used to, or you cant accomplish something directly because of your weight.  It is time to think, What can you do to change it? What will make you feel better? Then take action.  A lot of times we make excuses for the things we think are to hard to do because of our weight.  We just have to push ourselves sometimes.  With a little effort we can make huge moves to our happiness.  In the end no matter what effect your childhood had on you.  Your now an adult and it is time to make the moves to your happiness.  It is now time for you to decide if you want to clean that plate or not!  Either way make sure it is your choice!

 

Can you relate to the above story?   Do you have a story of your own to submit?

Email Raqui - raqui@largeincharge.com

 

 

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We want to hear and see your talents!

 

One of our favorite parts of the newsletter.  The Guest Spot is for our readers to submit there talents to be viewed.  We want to see all you wonderful supporters making moves of your own.  If you write poetry, short stories, commentaries, or just thoughts in general, please submit them to us.  If your a designer we want to see pictures of your clothing.   We would love to include your talents in our newsletter.  We hope you take an active part in the L.I.C. newsletter.

 

Finding a Size-Friendly Gym by Kelly Bliss

 

First off, don't get frustrated if there simply is NO size-friendly gym in your area. It happens. You CAN make your own fitness class for plus size people! Just gather two or three friends together who are committed to working out. Decide on a time that you will get together in someone's family room, apartment complex rec. room, church social hall, or any large space. If you each buy two or three fitness videos you will build a great selection of plus size fitness videos. You can work out together in your own little plus size fitness class! Check out the Video section of my Plus Size Yellow Pages for lots of choices. You will find plus size yoga, tai-chi, aerobics, sitting workouts, and more.

Now, what characteristics should a size-friendly gym have?

  • Are there armless chairs or loveseats in the waiting room and the locker rooms?
  • Do they have LARGE towels available (to cover large bodies)?
  • Is there diversity in the body size of the instructors?
  • Do they offer classes SPECIFICALLY designed for the unique bio-mechanics of the plus size exerciser?
  • Do you see other plus size people at the gym?

These are some of the things to look for when you seek a size-friendly gym.

If you have a gym in your area that you wish were more size-friendly, YOU can make a difference by requesting in writing that they implement the ideas in #1 through #4 above. You can request that your gym contact me, Kelly Bliss (1-877-KellyBliss), and I will coach them in the process of becoming more size-friendly.

If many, many plus size people ASK for these changes, then the fitness industry may get the idea ... our money is just as green as any other. If they want the MAJORITY of Americans to participate in fitness, then the fitness industry must make size-friendly gyms.

When you patronize size-friendly gyms or buy size-friendly fitness products, YOU become part of the "fitness for all sizes" movement! You are part of changing the way plus size people are treated.

(If you happen to live in the Philadelphia area, check out my classes in Lansdowne, PA, just twenty minutes west of Philly.)

www.KellyBliss.com has TEN different videos to meet individual needs...
(click link below for more information)

"By Kelly Bliss M.Ed.,

'Health for ALL Sizes' Lifestyle Coach and video personal trainer for those who are plus size and super size. 

1-877-KellyBliss  www.KellyBliss.com "
 

Are you a Writer? Send in your Article to raqui@largeincharge.com

 

 

 

 

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Large In Charge - Ask Us

Ask Raqui and Jay the questions you always wanted to.

Get the female and male point of view.

 

Ask Raqui and Jay your questions

 

 

raqui@largeincharge.com                                                                                       jay@largeincharge.com

 

Dear Raqui

Dear Jay

Q:  Dear Raqui & Jay,  If you are a Large person or you prefer dating large people, and your proud of it, What happens when you see that your child is starting to become chunky, how do you look at it?

UK Boy

 

A:   UK Boy,  I would hope most parents who are big would not subject their children to the same things they might have gone through as a child.  I would hope they would find out how their child feels about being a big child leading to a big adult.  Then go by their child's feelings not their own.

 

     Me personally I have a child and she looks up to me regardless of size.  I also told her that her body is much different than mine. I gain weight all over and she gains like her fathers family all in the tummy.  She did gain weight and never did we put her down.  But she did like it when she wore a little girdle and saw she looked flatter.  So I tell her that she if she wants a flatter tummy she needs to watch her weight and exercise.  She did do that and lost 1 1/2 inches off her tummy.  She is not big, not small, she is medium built but tall, and wears a medium in woman's.  She was happy with losing a little bit  and she still looks up to me.  It was all about how she wants her body to look.

 

 

Q:   Raqui, I have been reading your magazine and I'm keeping up with you. I have been looking at the pictures on your events and pictures section.  I would like to know which party do you like the best and why? - Junior

 

A:   Junior, I love all the parties for different reasons.  I like Peppers because of the cool show and comedians.  Goddess has a lot of booth seats even though there stairs suck big time.  They do got a giant bathroom. B52 hosts work the crowd like crazy and make everyone feel at home. Plus they are coming up with some very cool guests and events.  Big Connections I have to give it to them for comfort. I have never been at such a comfortable party and the people and hosts are great.  So each party is good and special in its own way.  The real question is which one do you think you will like best?

Q:   Hey Raq, Loving your newsletter *SMILE*.  Just wanted to know If you have ever thought of having a support group in your area or online some how.  I think you would be an inspiration to other Big People!  -  BBW also from the BX

A:   I was talking about some type of group a few months ago with another female I know from NYC.  She was kind of convincing me since she says I always am helping her feel better about herself.  I even talked to a SSBBW from the Bronx about me doing a inspirational seminar for big women,  She said she always looks at me as being so confident and content.  We talk a lot she say it seems to be a job I'm perfect for.  Maybe some sort of online chat room with voice would be good to do that sort of thing.  If I see a lot of interest for it I think I will try for all the Big  women and men out there.  I am seriously thinking about it. Thank you for the compliment BBW also from the BX.

Q:  Lady Raqui, I love BBW and SSBBW women and I want a girlfriend.  I am just so shy, what should I do?  - Shy Guy

A:   I understand a lot of men are shy about women.  Not only those who like BBW's and SSBBW's.  Many women are also shy, so this leads to a lot of lonely people.  My suggestion to get over being shy is to try attending a party in your area.  You may not find a mate there but you can start to learn to socialize with out being shy.  Go to the person who holds the party to start with.  They usually will say hello and talk to you.  I think you are mostly nervous  because your putting so much pressure on yourself to find love. Try just finding conversation first.  Go up to a woman or group of women and say.  Hi I'm new here and wanted to know if i can sit and talk a bit with you.  Or just sit down and say.  Hi there this is a cool party, I have never been here before are all the parties like this?  Learn to talk to women and men and then you will see the doors open when it is time for love.

 

Q:    Your article Internet Playas was awesome.  I really loved it.  But can you please tell me if it was true?  I know that this happens but how did you get this story? - SO SICK OF PLAYAS


A:   SO SICK OF PLAYAS - this story is true. It came to me because of a forward I sent to everyone on my yahoo list.  I got it from someone and sent it on.  This certain playa forwarded it and somewhere in the mess of forwards and names.  One of the females in the article came back to me a day or two later asking questions about the guy.  I had no idea how she got to me but,  Through her contacting the names on the forwards she found another woman and both happen to come back to me since my name was also among it. Since the article has been published, more women have been found and he has been spotted all over still continuing his playa tricks.  This story is very true so beware.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q:   Dear Raqui & Jay,  If you are a Large person or you prefer dating large people, and your proud of it, What happens when you see that your child is starting to become chunky, how do you look at it?

UK Boy

 

A:  
To UK Boy,  Everybody is different and every family is different.  So parents are proud to be big.  Some parents think that losing weight is the best thing.  If your happy with your child, then you will accept there are a lot of large men & women who are happy with themselves.  So if your child is becoming Chunky.  Who is to say they wont grow up happy and content when they are an adult.

 

     If you really feel that your child has a weight problem and you insist they lose weight, then you can research the different size positive group discussions that are available online.  You can ask large people how they felt as a child and what they did about it.

 

Q:  Hey Jay, I am an SSBBW (400lbs +).  Super Size Big Guys turn me on but they are so hard for me to find.  Can you help me find me some SSBHM’s who can appreciate a Big Girl like me?  I especially like guys with big fat arms.  Can you find me a few? - Rhonda


A: 
Hi, Rhonda, Last month I posted a question from a Super Sized Guy who only liked SSBBW’s but had a problem with finding women.  The next day, I was talking to another SSBHM who said the same thing.  After a while, I kept bumping into more big guys who claimed to be FA’s.  So I intended to do an SSBBW search.  Then it twisted a little because the SSBBW’s who admire big guys began to all “want the guys”…right now!  And now the response from the guys is a little too slow.

 All I can say is that I will dedicate one month issue ( June 2004), for an all out Super Friends Search and attempt to do a Big Guy Drive just for the FFA’s.   When I’m at Big World Events, I usually see SSBHM’s with smaller ladies and big ladies.  Some big men in clubs do prefer SSBBW’s!  So I know they’re out there.  Keep your fingers crossed and with some luck… LargeInCharge can make it happen for you!  The best thing that any admirers can do is post  messages on our board in the  SSBBW / SSBHM topic discussions.

 

Q:   Hey Jay,  First of all I would like to thank your staff for this newsletter.  I am an older gentleman looking to meet some nice, serious, and good looking Big Beautiful Women .  I am new to BBW and BHM events.  I plan on going to my first BBW Bash in the near future and I would like to ask you your opinion on which events should you suggest I attend?  And what are a few do’s and don’t that I might need to know? - Older GT

A:  
Depending on where your located, I suggest you check the web for BBW events in your area.  Also depending on your finances, check out the BBW events on the web and travel, travel, travel.  If you are an older gentleman, and love Big Women, and have never been to one Big Girl party, trust me, you’ll fit in and enjoy a few good spots.  One major problem is getting to them.  Another issue is, In my personal opinion, if you claim to be a gentleman then be a gentleman and respect the ladies.  Past that, check the net and pick a few man!  Events happen all year round.  Big People throw local meet & greets, dance parties, bowling parties, billiard parties, bus rides, beauty pageants, pool parties, fashion shows, stripper fest….you name it, Big People are doing it!  So the do’s is to figure out where you can afford to go, find a few E-friends who will be attending, or a local friend who might have the same interest and can travel and enjoy The Big World.  The don’ts ….don’t worry!  One thought is to remember that event promoters can be contacted.  Get in touch with staff to make sure that all your questions and concerns are answered.  Make sure that your trip is comfortable, safe, and that you are a satisfied customer.  Other than that, Big World events are not that complicated.  Just enjoy the festivities.



Q: 
Yo Jay,  I heard that your throwing a private SSBBW Pool Party this summer.  Is it true and if it is how can I get invited?  - Brian



A: 
Hey Brian, It’s true but I’m still undecided about the location at the moment.  I would like to throw a Pool Party Birthday Bash for myself in July.  The good thing is that I found a nice pool (and still looking for more swimming pool resources), but I need to have a definite, guaranteed, SSBBW crew that will attend for sure.  I’m currently searching for ladies!  I also have to make sure that all the guys invited are of age, clean, gentlemen, who know how to treat all guest with the utmost respect. 

     The invites are personal, strictly for SSBBW’s and SSBBWFA’s only…. Keep checking the message board for details or send an email request.



Q: 
Hello Jay,  Some of the women in your Events & Pics section look reeealllly sexy.  I saw these two beautiful women in your “Goddess Party” pics section (they have on the black dresses sitting in a booth).  I think they are so Hot!  If you ever get a chance to see these ladies again, let them know that I said Hello. - FanMan



A: 
No problem FanMan!  Matter of fact, the ladies who you are referring to are really cool people.  Any LargeInCharge readers who sees someone in the pics section, that you think is attractive, let us know.  The two ladies in that pic wouldn’t mind hearing that they have guys who feel they are sexy.  Ladies too…if you see a guy in any of our pics, let me know personally.  The best I can do, again, is ask readers to post on our message board.  If you can go to our board and let those ladies know how you feel, then the next time we see them in the club, we will let them know that they have an admirer on our board.  Hopefully they will respond

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