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Issue#6 - August 2004



Large In Charge August Feature

Jab Your Jaw Radio

Online Radio Station with Large Sized Hosts

 Hosts of Jab Your Jaw Radio

Left to Right

 Dj Spin - Rah Grizzly - Dred Grizzly

XL-Productions & Grizzly Bear Entertainment

I was relaxing at a Bigger and Better Thangs Event at B52's (27 PARK PLACE (between Broadway and Church)  When I came across someone handing out CD's.  I later found out it was Dred Grizzly of Grizzly Bear Entertainment.  Later we were contacted by Rah Grizzly of Grizzly Bear Entertainment. I soon found out more about this company and its partner company.

     Rah Grizzly and Dred form Grizzly Bear Entertainment.  They partner with a hot DJ name Dj Spin (XL-Productions).  Together they host a weekly online radio program called Jab Your Jaw Radio.  It airs on the internet and is recorded weekly.

    The first time i heard one of there shows i was really impressed.  They have some interesting interviews. The music is always jammin.  The jokes made me laugh and the whole style of the show was REAL.  No phony crap,  they really hit it on the nail and kept at it.  I feel these brothers are making real moves.  They invite you into a whole new world that consists of in your face thoughts, that make you think about there words.

     What i like the most is that all of these guys are size postive and are people of size themselves.  They dont hate on other big people in the Big World. They embrace it all and keep it balanced.  I have to be for real and up front just like them.  This show is something you all want to listen to.

Jab Your Jaw Radio - Interviews Raqui of

Listen to the Interview now! Click Here!



Interview with Jab Your Jaw Radio Who are the owners/founders of your company?


Dred: me.

Rah Rah : me

Dj Spin: me Where are you all from?


Rah Rah : jersey city

Dj Spin:  jersey city

Dred: brooklyn How did your company get its name?


Dread: i made up the name when i was in sixth grade, while watching an episode of transformers, optimus prime said " it's a great big grizzly bear". How did your company begin?


Dj Spin: well me and rah grizzly (then anonymous) was working on a mix cd.

Rah Rah :  yeah. i told spin what we wanted to do.

Dj Spin: i said we can do an online show.... and rest is history... How long has your company been in business?


 rah rah: 1 1/2 YRS Who are the staff members and what are their job assignments?


Rah Rah : Dj Spin - DJ/Proder "He only spins records", (lol)

Dj Spin : (lol) Grizzly bears: Rah Rah & Dred - HOST OF JAB YOUR JAW RADIO

Dred: NJDIVA - SECRETARY Tell us about your radio show?





Dj Spin: on the web, but the studio is in jersey city. What makes it different from the other stations?


 rah rah: WE CAN CURSE.  

Dred: WE SAY WHAT THE F@#K WE WANT, NO FCC Give us some history about Net Radio?


Rah Rah : the only history we're concerned with is our own, and we make history every show. What are some of the benefits your listeners get for tuning in?


Dj Spin: they get to laugh and be entertained " r u not entertained?".

Dred: lol

Rah Rah : they get to love and hate us at the same time. Is it easy to listen to a online Radio Show?


Dj Spin: yes. that is if u don't have a slow p.c. (stone age computer) What are the system requirements to listen to your show?


 dj spin: a computer.....with broadband. Is your show considered BBW friendly?


 rah rah: we love the big girls Does your company ever attend any BBW events?


 Dred: some of them, when we can Do you have any Disk Jocks who have live DJ Skills? (Turntabilist?)


Dred: yeah....Dj Spin....he only spins records. (lmao)

Dj Spin: if your asking if i'm like " dj craze or the executitioners..." the answer is no...I don't juggle records like that, but by no means any disrespect. I respect what they do. It take years of practice to perfect that craft of turntablism. I do have a few videos tape on it, but i can dj a club/party though. don't get it twisted. Name Top 10 Records in rotation on your show?


Dj Spin:  we have no rotation like other stations.

Rah Rah : we play what we want and what our listeners want to hear. never the same songs. Where and when does your show air?


Dred: .

Rah Rah : we record a new show every Tuesday, which stays up for 3 weeks on the site. How many people do you have listening to your show?


 Dred:  don't really know, I'll say about 14,000 or more Who are some of the people you look up to in business?


Dj Spin: so many to name....

Rah Rah : Star and Bucwild

Dred: I like (funkmaster) Flex and Angie Martinez cuz they did their own things.... not follow a set plan. Their personalities are real, not phony or overly bubbly.

Dj Spin: yeah i respect flex, he took it from where dj Red Alert/Chuck Chillout/Mr. Magic/Marly Marl left off.

Dred: i still have tapes of Red Alert and Chuck Chillout.

Rah Rah : Russell Simmons...

Dred: Diddy and Jigga.

Rah Rah : fat joe Dj Spin: yeah, yeah, yeah,.... damn.... see so many for all different reasons we can go on and on... Tell us about your recording artist and producers?


Rah Rah : rah grizzly - when bears coming soon cop it. next question. Any Up & Coming projects?


Dj Spin: a few...

Dred: refer to above answer. What is the future of Net Radio?


Rah Rah : i don't know about net radio, but we trying to do it all, be on radio and still do our net show. Being that your company has several partners, is it easy to get along when making business decisions or harder?


Rah Rah : both

Dj Spin: it's like a marrige....compromise. What is the response you receive from the BBW / BHM community?


Rah Rah : the response has been nothing but love since day one. and it continues to grow How can the readers at help support your company?


Dj Spin: click on our banner and listen to the hottest online radio show every week. 

Rah Rah : call the cave line (866-560-4715) leave a shout out or put some one on blast and they also can call us to do business or email us @ to promote their parties or other ventures. Do you have any other companies or entrepreneurs that you admire or collaborate with?


Dj Spin: full blast record pool 

Rah Rah : gang grizzly, 5xl, alpha omega

Dred: PhatBoy Entertainment & Ms Thang,  Bigger and Better Entertainment. Give one sentence that best describes your company?


Rah Rah : grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. grizzly (and we know this is not a sentence).


     Thank you Dj Spin, Rah Grizzly and Dread Grizzly for the interview.  We know that you will continue to blow up the online radio waves.  We wish you continues success and cant wait until we hear you with your own station.  Everything check them out weekly at

Wishing you the best






Raqui's Spot

From a Female's Point of View

This month's subject:

The Skinny Person you!


Email Raqui:


This Months Subject: The Skinny Person you! 

     “OH NO! Raqui’s going off!”  Some of you might be saying.  No, this is not an article on finding the skinny person and becoming them.  It is about finding the skinny person and destroying them.  “WHAT THE HELL!”  A lot of you are probably thinking right now.  “DESTROYING SOME SKINNY PERSON IN ME?!”  “This girl going off the rocker did she lose her mind?”  No, no I am not losing my mind.  I am very sane.  Just give my thoughts a listen ok.


     I want you to sit down and think that goes for you men as well as women.  Have you even been out and seen a big person, sometimes they are bigger than you, sometimes smaller, but they are a person of size.  You sit there, or stand there and start to look at them.  You see there stomach hang, you see the double chin, you see a fat person.  You think to yourself that they don’t look good or that you as a fat person look so much better than them.  You compare yourself to them and try to validate your fatness next to their fatness.  Who is that talking in your brain?  It is the Skinny person in you!


     I am not saying all skinny people think big people are fat, ugly or have bad bodies.  Shoot, my sisters are all skinny but they don’t compare my beauty to their beauty.  It is the ones who continue to put us down and make us seem inferior that I am talking about.   Weather it is by a look, laugh, joke, or friendly jest, skinny people have been putting us down and look down at people of size since there was a fat person to joke about. Now it has gotten to the point that we are looking down on each other, instead of supporting each other.  We now have the personality of those same skinny people, looking for a way to validate there hateful feelings.


     When did comparing fatness and justifying our fatness come into play?  When did a certain kind of fatness become appropriate?  Who decided that someone with a fat butt, big breasts, with a mainly flat stomach, become better than other big people?  When did it become good to be big, as along as you are not too big?  Who decided all of these things?  Well society, lets just come out and say it skinny people.  They decide who is acceptable and not.  They decided it is ok to be big only if you look the same as a skinny person does in the same clothing.  That means thick thighs with out cellulite when you wear a short skirt.  That means no stomach that cannot be made flat as a pancake in a girdle.  You cannot be attractive and be big unless your just a bit thicker than the skinny girls.  That is a skinny persons mind.  We as a big community have started to think like this also.


     Instead of rejoicing when our big men and big women celebrate themselves, we take on the same mind set that society has.  The Skinny mind set, the mind set that is against anything that is out of the norm.  We know we are considered out of the norm and instead of joining in the fight against those thoughts, we are putting each other down.   We don’t need to compare ourselves to each other.  That is something that skinny people do because they are all cut from the same mold.  Only skin color, hair and eye color makes them different.  But when you bring in the thickness of the body, you begin to see shapes. Some big on top, some small, some thick in the thighs some not.  We all have different types of shapes and it truly shows when the body got some weight on it.


     It is quite disturbing that in this time and day we are still not accepting ourselves, and on top of it we are also looking down on others.  It all has to do with the Skinny person in us all. That little voice who wants to some how believe we are better than others.  Even to the point of thinking badly or finding something wrong with another person of size.  That is not a healthy way of thinking and in reality only fosters the hate that society has for people of size, but now it is happening through our own brains.




     I cannot solve the problem, I myself am guilty of it.  But I can tell you one thing, I wont be doing it anymore, and I will stop myself and correct myself.  Yes we all have preferences and it is ok to not be attracted to someone. Or to think someone has a funny shape.  But when your putting down someone verbally or in your mind to make yourself feel better about your fat, bye looking down on another persons fat, that is wrong.  I went to a Pool party the other day, every woman there was a BBW or ssbbw and a few of the men were also large.  I sat down and looked at my fellow people of size and I refused to see anything wrong.  The more I looked the more I admired.  I saw beautiful legs, YES WITH CELLULITE, but the shape of them was amazing.  I saw bottoms, abundant, round, apple shaped, pear shaped, I saw them all.  I saw tops,  breasts, big and small, men breasts, women breasts.   I saw smiles, from full faces, some with the beginning of double chins, some were jolly and heading on a third.  I saw beautiful skin in different shades.  I saw cute wet curls upon there heads.  I saw women and men of size, proud women and men and I felt awe struck.  And they looked at me, I wasn’t sure what they saw, but I smiled.



Thank you for Reading Raqui's Spot!

Would you like to give your comments?

Email Raqui:






Jay's Spot

From a Male point of view.

This months Subject :

Big People got Skills Too!


Damage wearing NBA Glitter Shirt he created


Big People got Skills Too!



     While strolling in New York City you bump into a lot of people with skills that stand out. I came across someone that is special. “Damage” is his name!  He is a big guy with a big dream.  He intends to create the greatest art company of all time.  He plans on doing this by standing out. When you speak to him personally you hear the passion in his skill.  You can hear it in his voice that he loves what he does and he puts his heart in his work. The best word to describe his products is “beautiful”.  The best word to describe is character is hardworking.  The best way to appreciate his skill check out his interview!








Interview with B.T.F.U. What does B.T.F.U. stand for? 


B.T.F.U.: The name B.T.F.U. stands for “Brother’s Together Forming Unity” (or “Blowing The Fuck Up!”) Location?


B.T.F.U.: New York City How did the name originate? 


B.T.F.U.:  In 1992 my (physical) brother and I were living in one of our first apartments together.  We had a few friends who were always around. I had a dream to create a legal business to make some money. The name came about basically because we had to form some unity in order to really eat and pay bills.  We planned to use our art skills to get our name out there and “Blow Up!” How did your company begin?


B.T.F.U.: Our company started with a base in Harlem, New York.  With our first designs we started by adding rhinestones and sequence to clothing.  We also began experimenting with glitter art by creating t shirts with people’s favorite basketball teams.  After awhile, local people in our neighborhood gave us a lot of positive feedback.  This inspired us to keep building, being creative, and continue to produce good products. What makes your company unique?  Tell us about your art? 


B.T.F.U.: Our Art is called “Glitter Art” and let it be known that I am “The Original Glitter Man”. In the beginning my company was unique because my brother’s and I formed unity and then we focused on finding airbrush artist from the streets of New York.  We collaborated with locals brothers with skills and created an inhouse street promotion team.  The street team got the name out while the main staff focused on the business aspect, producing, and assisting the public with orders.  Now our company is unique because we produce one of a kind art.  We take something as simple as glitter “to the next level”.  When people look at our art we want them to see the time, energy, and effort we put into making our products.  Our company hand makes our products and we aim for quality and perfection.  What makes our Glitter Art really stand out is that “we always shine with the Bling-Bling”. How can the readers of LargeInCharge Magazine help support B.T.F.U.? 


B.T.F.U.: Honestly, our company is new to the web.  We always wanted to build a website and promote our merchandise on the internet but it was a future plan.  What we need is for readers to show us some love and help support us by giving us feedback and opinions on our art. Hoping to open my own site soon. What advice would you have for up & coming artist who would like to be successful in this business?


B.T.F.U.: Be consistent and promote.  Never let anyone or anything stop you from accomplishing your dreams. What is the future of B.T.F.U.? 


B.T.F.U.: The future of B.T.F.U. is to become so creative and professional that we gain support from corporate companies who can help us get to the level of producing our art with a strong staff.  Our main goal for the future is to hire people in our communities and create employment for skilled artists in need.  We also would like to change our goals to “Brothers and Sisters Together Forming Unity”.



Thanks for reading Jay's Spot






Food Relations

What does food represent to us?


     Welcome to Food Relations.  The subject of food and people is an ever present concern.  What you eat, when you eat, how you eat, why you eat.  We all have to eat at some time or another.  Most of the time we eat for nutrition.  But food also makes us feel good.  The taste, texture, feeling, smell of food.  Some use food for release, or as a weapon for control.  Here in this section of our newsletter we hope to talk about the many aspects of food and get feedback from our readers of what food means to them.  Also how they view food.  So now sit back and read what this months food subject is about. 

The Large in Charge Staff


The Fast Food Dilemma!

Almost two-thirds of Americans are overweight or obese.

Some nutrition and legal experts say it's not all our fault. (

     While individuals surely bear responsibility for what they eat and whether they move, some nutrition and legal experts say we may not be entirely at fault. Some say the food industry — particularly fast food, vending machine and processed food companies — should be held accountable for playing a role in the declining health of the nation, just as the tobacco industry ultimately was forced to bear responsibility for public health costs associated with smoking in its landmark $206 billion settlement with the states.

     This is a serious issue here.  We all have control over what we eat.  But it is true that what society deems fun, good, better and tasty is what we see as those things also.  The same way society tells us that slim is beauty, is the same way they are telling us to go eat here and there and that you will feel happy and reward yourself by eating something.  That something is hardly ever good for you.  Who is to blame here?  Are we to blame or are the commercials to blame?

     No matter how it happens, though, nutrition activists say corporate America must bear some responsibility for obesity.

     They point to a David and Goliath-like imbalance between the government's nutrition education spending and the food industry's $30 billion advertising budget. Only 2 percent of the industry's ad dollars go to promote fruits, vegetables, whole grains and beans, according to watchdog group Center for Science in the Public Interest. Most ads lure Americans toward high-fat, high-calorie, large-portion food.

     While McDonald's reportedly spent $500 million on the "We love to see you smile" ad campaign, the National Cancer Institute's "5-a-Day" campaign spends about $1 million a year to promote eating five daily servings of fruits and vegetables.

     The government's entire budget on nutrition education is estimated at just a fifth of the advertising budget for Altoids mints, says Marion Nestle, a New York University professor and author of the soon-to-be released Food Politics: How the Food Industry Manipulates What We Eat to the Detriment of Our Health.

"It's not fair," Nestle said. "People are confronted with food in every possible way to eat more. The function of the food industry is to get people to eat more, not less."

     But what do companies say?  They say that it is not fair,  they should not be blamed.  Yes. they are promoting there products, but they are not shoving it down our throats.  That is true we are picking fat filled food instead of going home and cooking good for you food.  With commercials that show these foods as rewards, good tasting, and so good it brings on smiles.  Is that a message to your brain or what?  These big companies know what they are doing, They run tests, have board meetings on how to make people buy more of there products.  They use music, celebrities, they cater to certain nationalities.  They actually have people dancing around as if they are in bliss to eat this fat filled food. (Buy the way I rarely dance after eating it!) They go into malls asking people to participate in tests and surveys.  They hire the everyday joe to watch a few commercials that are  pre made to see which ones make the person want to eat, buy, and run to get there products. How do you not blame them?

  This message is especially pertinent in lower-income communities, where it is most often easier to find a greasy burger and fries than a fresh head of lettuce. According to the surgeon general, women of lower socioeconomic status are about 50 percent more likely to be obese than their better-off counterparts.

SO WHAT DO WE DO? - I don't have the answer for you, I can suggest what I am doing. 

  • Figure out ways to make good food in a quick easy way. 
  • Limit your fast food intake,  I have done this already and I find that once you stop eating it you feel much different when you do eat it.  (I personally feel like I ate a bunch of grease and get acid taste in my throat) 
  • When you cook, cook enough so you don't have to cook everyday. 
  • Season meats ahead of time and freeze it so it is ready to make. 
  • Realize what your eating while your eating it.  This makes you more aware.
  • You don't have to stop cold turkey.  Instead of eating these food everyday, try 3 days a week, then slowly cut down until your actually using fast foods as a treat once a week or month not a daily part of your intake.

Try the above or you can try the below. But there is not grantee that it will work.

Obesity cited in fast food suit

Associated Press

A man sued four leading fast food chains, claiming he became obese and suffered from other serious health problems from eating their fatty cuisine.

Caesar Barber, 56, filed a lawsuit Wednesday in Bronx Supreme Court, naming McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

"They said `100 percent beef.' I thought that meant it was good for you," Barber told Newsday. "I thought the food was OK."

"Those people in the advertisements don't really tell you what's in the food," he said. "It's all fat, fat and more fat. Now I'm obese."

Barber, a 5-foot-10 maintenance worker who weighs 272 pounds, had heart attacks in 1996 and 1999 and has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. He said he ate fast food for decades, believing it was good for him until his doctor cautioned him otherwise.

"The fast food industry has wrecked my life," Barber told the New York Post.

Barber said there is no history of heart disease or diabetes in his family. He said he started eating fast food in the 1950s because it was cheap and efficient.

His lawyer, Samuel Hirsch, said the restaurants should list ingredients on their menus.

"There is direct deception when someone omits telling people food digested is detrimental to their health," Hirsch said.

The four chains have been providing nutritional information, including calorie and fat content, of their meals for many years.

Steven Anderson, chief executive and president of the National Restaurant Association, called Barbers claim "senseless and baseless."

"Obviously the lawsuit is a blatant attempt to capitalize on the recent publicity and news stories on the growing rates of obesity," he said.


NOW CHOOSE! - what are you going to do? 








Large In Charge Guest Spot

We want to hear and see your talents!


     One of our favorite parts of the newsletter.  The Guest Spot is for our readers to submit there talents to be viewed.  We want to see all you wonderful supporters making moves of your own.  If you write poetry, short stories, commentaries, or just thoughts in general, please submit them to us.  If your a designer we want to see pictures of your clothing.   We would love to include your talents in our newsletter.  We hope you take an active part in the L.I.C. newsletter.

NOTE: The Opinion of the writer is not always the opinion of The Large in Charge Staff.  We support the Right to all views.  We do not Condemn or Approve writing based on our personal thoughts.  We approve writing based on if the subject is a concern for the BBW / SSBBW / BHM Community.  Thank you for your writing and please send in those articles!  - The Large in Charge Staff


The Internet and Dating


About our Guest Writer
Name: Janice White
Age: 41
Ethnicity: Female/White/Canadian
Location: Ottawa Ontario Canada
Goals: To promote size acceptance rather than demoralizing people of size. 
I want to write freelance and do more research online.
Hobbies: Art: Chatting online, meeting new people, writing, matchmaking.


Internet and dating

     Internet and dating have been going hand in hand for a long time now. Most are open to the prospect of meeting someone online and going out on a date with them. I have been chatting for going on 8 years now and am very familiar with making dates with people you meet online. I have heard many a horror story, lived a few myself, and heard many a happy ending story. Many are afraid to meet strangers, but really, if you are smart, it is no different than going to a bar or café and striking up a conversation with a stranger. We will discuss safety tips later on in this article.

     Dating people off the net is now common practice. When I first started chatting, it was in the chart rooms where the net dating started things rolling. I met well over 100 people from chart rooms, of course not all were dates, some were get tog ether's where you could meet a whole group of people at once. Get tog ether's offered a secure environment for people to meet and mingle amongst themselves. It also allowed you some advance knowledge in what people had in common. For example, BBW chat rooms, the name of the room alone gave you immediate knowledge that people who went to these get tog ether's organized by BBW chat rooms, were either a BBW, an admirer of them, or friends. Like most groups, there are always the tag along fat bashes or bashes of whatever your group stood for.

     As chatting grew more popular, so did the number of groups popping up all over the internet. Every possible interest you might have in something, you could find a chat group just for that. BBW's have had chat rooms on a variety of chat platforms for longer than I have chatted in them. IRC seemed to have the biggest concentration for a long time. Eventually MSN, Yahoo!, ICQ, PalTalk, and numerous other chat platforms started appearing on the net. Word of mouth spread and of course that meant some cross overs from 1 platform to the other took place. Eventually you started recognizing people from 1 group to the next. Not a bad thing I suppose, but that of course depended on the people and the situations.

     The dating services have now jumped on board and for the last few years have been putting up new and improved web sites to attract the millions of net savvy people. Dating services have grown to be a huge boom on the internet. At first, these services were free. Unfortunately, it did not take long for the owners of these online dating services to realize they had a cash cow (no pun intended) just waiting to be marketed. The dating services offered their users a profile where they could summarize who they were, what they were looking for, what their interests were and to post pictures. Many of these dating services have incorporated a chat function into their list of available services.

     Now you will find BBW dating services online and that's 1 of the major steps forward for the BBW's online. With this type of service available BBW's can meet people that are specifically interested in them as BBW's. Being able to be up front and open about our size has been difficult for many a BBW. Knowing that your body shape was in fact sought after by others has driven the popularity of the BBW dating services upwards. Not only do these services attract BBW's, and those who are interested in them, in some cases the B.M.'s (Big Handsome Men), are now finding these sites useful for them to meet people of like mind and body.

     Of course, with any online service such as this, there are stories of stalking, lying, misinformation given to others and a fear of the unknown. It is important to remember, that even if you are meeting someone you have chatted to for whatever amount of time, you still don't know them. Do not give out your home phone number as it can be traced back to your physical location. If you call someone block your phone number prior to doing so. Your phone company should have that option available to you for a small monthly fee. If you plan on meeting or calling a lot of different people, I highly recommend that option. Avoid giving out your full name. Of course having said all that, it maybe difficult to get that very information you need to pass on to a friend!

     You must of think of your safety, no question about it. Chatting online seems to lower peoples inhibitions and things are said that, perhaps, shouldn't be said, or that are in fact out right lies. Having said that, be smart. Always tell someone where you are going, who you are meeting and contact them during the time you are on the "date". Give as much details as you know about the person you are meeting to several friends. It is better to be safe than sorry. Meet in public places, somewhere you are familiar with is best. Go to a café as opposed to a bar or night club. Bring a cell phone with you and have it on at all times. For those that are really nervous, program in 911, silly as it sounds, it might be a matter of seconds that you can't spare to dial it. Of course, these are all suggestions and the likelihood of something going wrong is slim.

Janice White -









Large in Charge Art

Beautiful images of BBW's / SSBBW's /BHM's

Send in your art work to be displayed and get featured in our Newsletter!

Email Raqui:




Our August Artist is


Name: David James
Age: 29
Ethnicity: Black as they come
Location: Newark NJ (Displaced Trini)
Goals: To be able to say "I did it my way!"
Hobbies: Art: watching dumb 80's action movies; 
Reading, 'riting & 'rithmetic
From Raqui:  David James work shines with originality.  
He style is versitile and expressive.  I can see that he takes pride in
his work and that it comes from a place with in.  He captures
the large form and weaves it into a work of art.  Not just any 
art, but one of class and structure.
I continue to wish David James success.  

David James

Click thumbnails to view images









Large In Charge - Ask Us

Ask Raqui and Jay the questions you always wanted to.

Get the female and male point of view.


Ask Raqui and Jay your questions                                                                             

Dear Raqui

Dear Jay

Q:   I just happened across this site.  I am not big, but my sister is.  I never really knew how it felt being a big person. After reading some of your site it made me think twice. I make fun of sister a lot.  She laughs but now I am wondering if she really laughing.  I love her and don't want to be one of the bad guys.

Brother wondering about his Sis

A:   I would suggest that you sit down and talk to your sister.  Ask her to tell you the truth.  How does she feel when you make remarks.  Which ones bother her even a little, and under which circumstance does it bother her. Tell her you love her and don't ever want to hurt her feelings.  After she tells you want does and doesn't bother her. Tell her if you ever say anything that bothers her to sit you down and let you know.  The comments might bother her or they might not.  It might only bother her in public not in private.  Or maybe in front of certain people.   Just tell her you support her and don't ever want to be one of the people who make her feel bad about her size.  I think after a good talk you will both know how to deal with each other.


Q:   I find that a lot of men who approach me are white.  Either on the internet or in public.  I am a white ssbbw from Florida.  Is it that way for other SSBBW's?  Where are all the other men at?  I sometimes feel that they will go for BBW's but not SSBBW's. My BBW friends have lots of friends and boyfriends and they are of many races.  I am pretty tired of only white guys talking to me then getting mad when I don't date them.  Just because I'm white doesn't mean I have to date only white men.


Tired of the White Boys

A:  I have heard the same thing from a many other SSBBW's also. As a SSBBW myself I find that many more white men talk to me than men of other races.  I am not sure if it is because white men are more educated in what a SSBBW is. If they know how to search it out on the net or what.  But I know there are men of many races who are attracted to SSBBW's.  What I do is tell them your not interested or unavailable. If they push you for more information tell them it is not there concern.  Your allowed to like who you want and have a partner of your choice. 


Q:   Raqui, I wanted to tell you I love your writing.  My question is, do you feel things have changed.  I feel we are more accepted now than before.  Do you feel the same?


A:  When I was a teen there was hardly a guy my own age who wanted to date me.  If he wanted to see me it was the whole come to my house hide in my room thing.  It was never public, The few guys who did date me where the type to fight at the drop of a hat and I was always trying to break up a fight. Someone always made fun of me when we were traveling.  I think that a lot of people have found some respect for big people as people. I know some still do make fun but they don't do it in a way for me to hear it, they keep it to themselves which I think is more acceptable. I make fun of people in my head all the time.  So yes I believe being big is being a bit more accepted, but we have a LONG WAY TO GO!


Q:   There is a SSBBW that I like. But she says she doesn't want to get involved with anyone because of past relationships.  She is not a proud SSBBW and I want a proud woman. What do I do?

Loving a SSBBW

A:   First of all you need to find someone who is interested in having a relationship.  Sounds like this woman has some past issues she needs to deal with and she is not ready yet for the commitment needed for a relationship.  I think she is doing the right thing.  If you want a proud SSBBW look for one.  But you have to be realistic, most SSBBW's are not proud. They are working on it and sometimes a good man can help that out a lot.  So don't throw away a good thing of you find a beautiful SSBBW.  You might be the one thing that makes her feel proud.

Q:   I just happened across this site.  I am not big, but my sister is.  I never really knew how it felt being a big person. After reading some of your site it made me think twice. I make fun of sister a lot.  She laughs but now I am wondering if she really laughing.  I love her and don't want to be one of the bad guys.

Brother wondering about his Sis

A: I really didn't catch what the question was but I figure your either asking if you sister was offended by all the negative comments you've ever said to her or if she laughs and was really hurt!  Ask her!  Some big people might be laughing with you....or could've been really proud of themselves might've been laughing at you. Tell the truth, what was the one thing that your sister use to snap on you about.  Bottom line, nobody's perfect and if you love her, ask her if she ever thought you were 100% perfect.  The negative views in today's Society taught us that Fat People are funny!  If your her brother and you got jokes, imagine all the negative comments she's gotten from all people.  Apologize and ask her!


Q:   I find that a lot of men who approach me are white.  Either on the internet or in public.  I am a white ssbbw from Florida.  Is it that way for other SSBBW's?  Where are all the other men at?  I sometimes feel that they will go for BBW's but not SSBBW's. My BBW friends have lots of friends and boyfriends and they are of many races.  I am pretty tired of only white guys talking to me then getting mad when I don't date them.  Just because I'm white doesn't mean I have to date only white men.


Tired of the White Boys

A: Sounds personal.  I've seen interracial groups on the net and it seems like all the other couples find each other.  Maybe your just looking in the wrong places.  Florida has BBW / SSBBW Clubs.  Hang out, meet some new friends...make it happen!


Q:  Hi Jay, here's a question.  I know this girl that I like a lot.  We know each other through friends and I see her a lot.  I have never dated a big girl even though I like them.  How do I tell this girl I like her, she is always joking on me about my so called preference in women.  She says get a real woman.  How do I tell her she is my type?  Will she even believe me?

Mr. Ready

A:   Key word, "I like this girl a lot".  Define a lot because if you liked her a lot then you gotta do what you gotta do! If she was anyone else that you like a lot, how would you have dealt with.  Because she's big shouldn't matter. If your a little yourself because you really can't be anybody else.  Ask her to go on a romantic date!


Q:   There is a SSBBW that I like. But she says she doesn't want to get involved with anyone because of past relationships.  She is not a proud SSBBW and I want a proud woman. What do I do?

Loving a SSBBW

A: "She says she doesn't want to get involved with anyone because of past relationships" this what makes her not be proud to be an SSBBW?  I'm confused because It sounds like a one sided issue.  For all I know she could be just telling only you that to get rid of your company.  Or you might be right and she be really insecure about her weight and just not what your looking for in a woman.  Either way, I think you should evaluate if you like her enough to figure if it's her you want or if you can find a proud woman that can give you what you want.  Lastly, if she doesn't want to be in a relationship, No means No!






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