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Welcome to the Large In Charge Magazine                              Issue #43 - October 2007

OCTOBER'S COVER MODEL

 

 

 

In this Issue of L.I.C

 

Feature of the Month - Kira Nerusskaya of The Ground Breaking Documentary "The BBW World - Under the FAT!"

Cover Model of the Month - Nevada's Own Fransica Ramos

CONFESSIONS - Let it go and Confess! Get it off your Chest!

Raqui's Spot - Living My Life Breathless

Super Sized Sounds - Lola Dutronic & George Lamond

                                            ~ SUPERSIZED SPANISHFLY LYNX

From the Plus Side - Blushing ~ Emily Smiltneck

Why, OH Why - They just wanted to be loved... Is that so wrong?                                ~ Diabolique Belle

Good 4 U Food - Sveggie Soup ~ Xander

Guest Spot - Send in your writing for our Guest Spot

Fashion Furious - Fashion Finds with Plus Size style. Submit a Find!

Product of the Month - Products for People of Size

Ask Raqui - Get some advice from one Big person to another.

FREE RAFFLE - Enter to win our next prize!

Events & Pictures - Events, Parties, Press Releases, Pic's & More.

 

LargeInChargeDating - Dating for the Large People who are going to be in Charge of their Love Lives!

 

LargeInCharge Friends - The Place for Big People to make Friends and maybe MUCH MORE!

Feature of the Month

Kira Nerusskaya

The BBW World - Under the FAT!

 

Kira Nerusskaya with Camera in Hand

Visit www.TheBBWWorld.com

 

 

Kira Nerusskaya

  

     I had heard about a special woman named Kira, who was making a Documentary about big people.  I passed through her site and was truly impressed.  It is about time that people of size get to tell their story.  What makes this Documentary different is that it is the only Documentary about Big life made by a Plus Sized person.  The ability to not only tell our story but to have someone who understands what life is like because they themselves are living the same life.  No one can truly capture big life and all the aspects except a person of size.

 

     Later in meeting Kira, I found I had already known her in passing through the BBW parties.  What really held me to her was the great intelligence and passion she holds.  Her way of speaking and relating to those around her and most importantly her project.  A true Labor of Love that has been in the works for the past few years.  In mind and then moving into filming it.

 

     In my eyes she is an inspiration because she didn't  just speak about what should be done, She has done it herself.

 

Raqui

 

 

                                               

Kira Near the Eiffel Tower             Kira in London               Kira in Paris                  Kira Red Square Moscow  

                                                    

Kira with Olga of BBWshop.ru     Kira with the ladies of BBWshop.ru     Kira with Aunt Svetlana   Kira with Raqui @ BBWPartyct Event

Interview with Kira Nerusskaya

 


www.LargeInCharge.com : What is your name/names?

My name is Kira Nerusskaya. I am the director and co-executive producer of the first ever BBW documentary created and filmed by a BBW called The BBW WORLD: Under the FAT. This is my idea, which I had for a long time. I knew I wasn't getting any younger, certainly-- so I put a plan into action. I feel very blessed to have teamed up with my friend and partner from Brown Eyed Intelligence (his production company) the internationally known, nationally recognized, and locally respected Jonn Nubian. He did the one thing that no one else did for me, for which I am eternally grateful: he believed in me---and my idea.

www.LargeInCharge.com : Where are you from and what is your current location?

I am from a place where I felt the world did not end at my parents' property line. Currently, I am a veteran resident of the East Village of Manhattan-10009!  New York City, baby!

www.LargeInCharge.com : Do you consider yourself people of Size?

Am I a person of size? Yes I am. I am a proud BBW.

www.LargeInCharge.com : Have you always been a person of Size?

Yes. I have been overweight since early childhood.

www.LargeInCharge.com : Please tell us briefly about your status, single, married, race, age, etc?

KIRA
AGE: Old enough to know better, and young enough to go dancing.
RACE: I don't like running! But I will probably race you to the curb. But I am nice-- I will let you have the taxi first. [Wink.]
STATUS: Standing up straight! And single.


www.LargeInCharge.com : You have begun a marvelous project with people of size and Plus Sized life as the subject, tell us about it.

This project, a dream realized, and a long time in pre-production, has a strong plan to make its mark in the documentary community. Showing what is under the fat, what most people never see, wish to see, or bother to notice--from the inside out. The production is set to outline all forms of discrimination, BBW organizations, fashion, health, sex, celebrity, sizism and fat rage, the BHM and FA communities, international perspectives, and personal narrative(s).

www.LargeInCharge.com : What inspired you to create this project?

I have always been more of an observer than an active participant in our community. I always thought it very interesting. It always seemed to me like a microcosm of within a social phenomenon. I thought that this community should be documented, to show the subculture in which we live. In another sense, to some, I am sure it is also a cultural phenomenon. Nonetheless, I thought that our community should be documented, and thought it would be better if it was done from the inside out. I guess I always had a fear of "a skinny blonde sticking a camera in someone's face asking, 'So, how does it feel to be fat?'" I thought it would be better if the documentation came from one of us, from someone who knows what it is like to walk around with a fat body.

www.LargeInCharge.com : What is the main objective of showcasing Plus Sized people and life in this light?

The film and web site share a three-pronged goal:

(1) To provide worldwide exposure further establishing our community, so that people know we exist.
Kira's Reason–"There might be some girl or guy in Iowa, or some where else, for example, that is feeling pretty bad about her/himself. If she knew that our community exists, that she could have friends, find better products or fashion that will accentuate and accommodate her body, perhaps find a man and/or a romantic interest that appreciates her body, or one who is open minded, and most importantly never again feel alone."

(2) To show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to show what is "under the fat."
Kira's Reason–"If the fat is all you see, then you don't see me. There is so much more. Let me show you what's there, let me share all of me with you. And "the fat" is part–but it sure as hell ain't all! And if you want me, then you gotta take ALL of me."

(3) To stop the fat bashing.
Kira's Reason–"We are the last prejudice that seems OK to bash--constantly. Well, if you can't make fun of someone's religion (Again, why would you want to?) why MUST people feel that is it always OK to make fun of us? With the presence and strong voice of fat comedians like Ralphie May, we might be able to change that. But he, like we, need help in changing people's minds about the myths and stigma attached to us. We are not all the same, and fat is not a four-letter word. It is, however, an adjective. And its association need not be negative!

Stop the fat bashing, America…..we have had enough! Like any kid who is made fun of, we need to unite and demand it stops. We need to unite as one and say, "We have had enough!" that the bashing is unacceptable, and most importantly–we aren't going to take it anymore! We are standing up for ourselves. How do you like that?!

Like facing a bully in school yard–and surely some of us have encountered that in or throughout our lifetime–some of us face the glances, the glares, the looks, the snickers [not only the candy bar], and the drive-by comments just on our way to work in the morning–never mind at the doctor, the laundry, eating out, going grocery shopping, standing in line, on mass transit, shopping, walking down the street, at work, in romantic situations, etc. etc. etc.—but I ask you to ask yourselves, do we need to? Is it necessary? Answer me, how? Better yet, why?

We are just like everybody else. Only bigger. And bigger might be not only be in stature, but also in heart. Don't misunderstand me, not all fat people are alike–good or bad–[nor skinny people]—and bigger might not necessarily mean better, but it doesn't mean worse, either!

I am blessed and honored to share a birthday with Dr. Martin Luther, Jr. He felt that no one should be discriminated against by the color of his or her skin. I agree with that idea and statement; and I would like to further incorporate his dream into mine—-'No one should be judged by the color of one's skin–NOR ITS SIZE'."


www.LargeInCharge.com : I know you have traveled around the country to film your Documentary, can you tell us about some of the places you have gone and what have you filmed?

I have filmed many BBW events and parties from all different sub-communities within the umbrella of the BBW/plus-sized community as well as many isolated interviews of individuals and some experts.

I have traveled to Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston, New Jersey, Connecticut, New York, Las Vegas, London, Paris, and three cities in Russia.

And I have done it all on my own dime.


www.LargeInCharge.com : We would like to know how you were received by the many organizations, established events, and people you visited?

Over all, I would have to say that everyone has been very nice and supportive. My Russian experience was especially nice, partly because I got to visit my friends and family, and make new friends. They certainly know how to throw a party!

In many cases in the United States, I got to see people who had moved from one end of the country to another, and ran into people who I haven't seen in 10 years. That is always nice. And it is also great to meet new faces, and have people make you laugh---as in ha! ha!

Some people really went out of their way to help me, and extended themselves greatly to this cause while I was filming, and I would like to take a moment to recognize them in particular:

Olga in Moscow, owner of www.bbwshop.ru 

Julia in St. Petersburg, Russia; Jo (and Richard!) from www.bigpeople.org.uk

Kay from Biggie's London,

Juanita from Big Connections in Connecticut www.bbwpartyct.com

Cher Rue from Club Bounce in Los Angeles www.clubbounce.net

Peggy Howell from NAAFA and the always cordial Heather Boyle from Heavenly Bodies in Boston.

www.LargeInCharge.com : What has been the hardest obstacle to overcome in filming your Documentary?

Fatigue! and lugging around the equipment. In Russia, i actually got a black and blue mark the size of my palm, which has healed but left a permanent skin indentation thus far. I soooooo need an assistant! Or an intern! The other thing is coordinating blogs on the web site-- it is hard to do everything by yourself. And many days, there just isn't enough time in the day.

www.LargeInCharge.com : Has there been a moment in filming where you said "YES! this is what I want to capture?"

Yes, a couple of things stand out in my mind. Certainly the Vegas Bash 2006 round-table, a 62 year old lady from Chicago who I call Super Star Marie, and the ladies I met abroad. I think I find that moment in every interview I do-- because people are speaking from the heart.

www.LargeInCharge.com : What was the most touching moment during your filming that hit a core with you?

I can't really say that there was one in particular except the Las Vegas 2006 roundtable where nine women shared all their inner thoughts about what it was like to be in the body they had. Many basically broke down, but I don't see that as a sense of weakness, but rather, strength. It was amazing the words they shared with each other and how some can have such similar thoughts in some ways and such vast ideas about others. Hey, we all have a story of how we got to be the size we are, some are simple, others more complicated. And as I say-- it is the only common denominator that brings us together in many instances. But in trying to explain why I am a different interviewer than the typical is that I understand what is means to walk around fat--what it feels like in side and out, how people treat you differently, have experienced fat discrimination, and understand what it looks and feels like when you walk into a store and the sales clerk rolls her eyes at you--(it ain't because I am a brunette!) or some other of the many instances of public humiliation, albeit it be mild to extreme.

And basically, even though I have been to many countries and interviewed women from all over the world-literally!--I would say that we really are the same all over, which is some ways is both a shock and a relief at the same time. It also shows the one and only thing... which in some small ways I have mixed feeling about (ha!) which is: we are the same as everybody else! Yet, we aren't seen that way.


www.LargeInCharge.com : How long has your Documentary project been under way?

Well, I guess the best way to answer this would be by re-asking the question: when did I begin production? We began production in July 2006. It is a dream realized of an ongoing conversation JN and I have been having for about 5 years plus.

www.LargeInCharge.com : How long do you believe it will take to complete it?

We have over 100 +hours of footage to comb through.

The initial film will take about 4 months in post production, whatever doesn't make into the finished product will be put up on our web site and later on the DVD release.

www.LargeInCharge.com : This is a huge Project, are you funded or do you have any sponsors?

My only sponsors are my faith, the Blessed Mother and God's grace.
But, I am always keeping one eye open for funding. I will be concentrating more on that this year.


www.LargeInCharge.com : What is your background in Filming?

I made a film when I was 17. It was a documentary that won a social science award. I really don't mention it too often, because I kinda feel like a dork. I am no Spielberg --walking around with a camera at a tender age or anything. And dude, let me just tell you -- this was before anyone "had equipment"---back when you put the VHS cassette INTO the camera!

But I can appreciate the dramatic, the truth, and the factual. I think the most interesting stories are the ones that are true, not that dramatic art isn't amazing in and of itself. I just have always felt that life should imitate art and art should imitate real life-- and I feel that naturally happens in the form of a documentary.

And lastly.. I liked getting "street credit" when the NBC crew from Vegas Bash 2006 asked me what kind of camera I was using-- SONY PD 100, for the record! And when I told them, suddenly-- I wasn't JUST another fat girl. I was a fat girl with a bad ass camera! Word!

Luckily I was able to get a crash course from Jonn. Admist a sighs and laughing, I was off and running. I am glad we both are patience, flexible people!

Jonn's background in filming is quite extensive. He received aBA in communications and taught television production course for 6 years. He produced and directed a documentary titled "Brown Eyed Intelligence" a program designed to utilize information and communication to stimulate social consciousness. It won the Award for Cultural Excellence from the National Cable Television Association in 1997.

He also has an extensive background in web development and project management. He was the first to develop Spike Lee's 40 Acres and a Mule Filmworks and Sean "P.Diddy" Combs Bad Boy record label.

He has served as technical consultant on 3 Spike Lee films; Bamboozled, The Original Kings of Comedy, and Summer of Sam.

In 1999, George Jackson , former CEO of Motown Records, one of the producers of the movies House Party II and New Jack City hired Jonn to serve as Director of Streaming Media/Broadcast Technology /Media Services for a new online venture.



www.LargeInCharge.com : If your every dream is realized in this Documentary what would you like to see happen?

To be able to say the following words: "I would like to thank the academy....." LOL And if I have to wear high heels anywhere, to hope I have a date and/or at least don't trip!

Professionally: To possibly enjoy bringing this subject matter to a wide array of media. To be recognized in some small way. To make the term BBW nationally known--and to make them believe it!

Personally: To make a difference. To change one person's mind, and to open someone else's. Just to be proud of the final cut. To show the world....that a fat girl and a dream--hard work, and determination made this happen. To make the BBW world proud. To take pride in what I accomplished, and to be humble. To inspire others.

Seriously, it all about changing one mind, one person. I saw evidence of that when I returned to Vegas Bash 2007. There was a very nice young lady from out west who partook in my round table interviews on my last night in Vegas, 2006. There were nine of us siting in a circle, sharing, and answering my questions. 7 out of 9 cried. Many came up to me the following day to say that THAT was one of the best things they liked about the bash that year. I was touched. That's what it is all about--caring, sharing, supporting. That is what I think about the BBW community ---and what I would like to see more of--rather than who is trying to outrun who in high heels--mind you-- to run after some guy. Or disrespect someone for "what she is wearing." Lose the negativity and the negative responses. Just because the world does it to us, it is not OK for us to then do it to our "own kind."

We unite over a very interesting fact-- we are all fat. Which, I think, is pretty interesting. And we may have nothing else in common (such as likes/dislikes in film, music, politics, etc.)-- but that binding force needs to be reinvented for this century -- my opinion. But I really believe that the BBWs of the world should unite. It ain't just a tag line--it is a belief! And that belief has formed a faith that keeps me dragging myself all over the world--literally--and putting my money (yup, that's right---my own hard earned cash!) where my mouth is-- to show the world we are just as beautiful, just as sexy, and worthy of everything everyone else is. It is about equality in mind, body, and spirit, veiled in a good attitude. I would want the world--especially the US-- to understand that fat is a part of us, not all of us. If all you see is the fat-- then you don't see me. If all you see is the fat-- then you just may be missing out on a good person, friend, spouse, business contact--whom/whatever.


In Vegas Bash 2007-- that same woman told me how that experience in 2006 lifted her up, and changed her life. I saw with my own eyes a change in attitude, despite facing obstacles that were in her path upon her return home. She made it through. She IS making it through. And doing that with a glorious smile and good attitude. And making good progress. She lifted me up with that news, and gave me encouragement I feel I needed at the time (timing is everything, right?) and a feeling that you need to celebrate the small blessings along the way-- and any road to success, whatever it may be, really is a celebration of small blessing rolled into one generous plus-sized combination of belief, faith, determination, and hard work.


www.LargeInCharge.com : Do you have any words of advice for those out there who think about doing a Project of their own?

Plan accordingly-- and don't give up.



www.LargeInCharge.com : Is there anything the Readers of LargeInCharge can do to help you?

Yes! Put the word out! Visit my web site: www.thebbwworld.com !

If anyone wants to write an article, send it in with the links.

Donations would be helpful to defray production and post production costs.

And of course-- if anyone knows of an event, or has something they would like to share.....email me!

And just a plain shout out or feedback would be great! :)

I am thinking about having an open camera day somewhere on the streets of NYC. Kinda like an open mic, but with a camera... for everyone to come out and voice their opinions, be open, share, cry, scream, and just get it off your chest. It is an idea I have had for a long time, but I am trying to coordinate things in order to make it come to fruition. Stay tuned for more info at www.thebbwworld.com !

And I still have another thing or two to shoot-- and that is going to require a busload of fat chicks in New York City! More info to come!


www.LargeInCharge.com : Give us a single word that bests describe what you believe in and what this project represents?

 

LOVE
 

 
 

Thank you for Reading The LargeInCharge Feature

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

Cover Model of the Month

Francisca Ramos

 

Interview with Francisca Ramos

 

 

LargeInCharge.com: What is your name?

 

Francisca Ramos

 

LargeInCharge.com: Where are you from and what is your current Location?

 

I was born and raised in the San Fernando Valley, (Canoga Park), California but now living in Gardnerville, Nevada.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Can you give us some information about yourself (Age, Height, Size, Nationality, Marital Status, Children, etc.)?

 

I am proud to say that I am 35 years old.  I am 5’7”, a size 18w, I am part American and part Mexican, married for 10 wonderful years to the best man in the world and I have three children.  My daughter Julia is going to be 17 in Sept., Ryan is 10 and Kristofer is 8.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Were you a big child, or did you gain weight later in life?

 

Once upon a time I was a wonderful size 9 and in a bikini.  Now that I have three kids, I will never get into a bikini again…LOL.

 

LargeInCharge.com: (If you were a big child) how did you feel growing up as a large child?

 

I was stick thin as a child.

 

LargeInCharge.com: (If you gained weight later in life) what caused you to gain weight and how did you feel about it?

 

After I had my children I did loose some of the weight but then I got lazy and put it back on.  I’m ok with it now.  This is the way I have been for the last 16 years and I have learned to accept it.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What made you decide to enter the Large In Charge model search?

 

I just learned about plus size modeling a few months ago.  I entered my first contest back in Sept 2006 and I won for public choice.  After that I was hooked.  I started entering a few contests here and there and then I noticed this one on Myspace and decided to enter it.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Did you find it a hard journey to be accepted for your size?

 

Yes!!!  Omg, I took a lot for me to learn to accept my size.  I went from wearing oversized clothing and my husbands shirts to wearing beautiful women’s clothes.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance among your family and friends?

 

Friends yes, family no.  I ALWAYS get crap from my family about being over weight.  I have come to the point where I just ignore it.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What would you say inspires you most in life?

 

My children.  Everyday I learn something new about them and they learn something new about me.  I live for my kids.  I want to show them that I can be the best mom ever.  Not only can I be a mom but I can be a friend.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What is your primary job?

 

I am in accounting.  I take care of a/r, a/p and payroll.

 

LargeInCharge.com: How did you get into this line of work?

 

I started out as a receptionist and just worked my way up the ladder.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance in the work force?

 

Yes, very much so.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you believe should take place for Large People in the work force?

 

Acceptance. 

 

LargeInCharge.com: What do you think about the fashion industry for big sized clothing?

 

MOST of it is terrible and the clothes that look cute and fashionable are too expensive.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What do you wish to see change with the fashion industry?

 

Better looking clothes at a reasonable price.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think will happen if plus sized modeling for men and women were to expand?

 

I think there will be more acceptance around the world.  There will be for fashion shows, more t.v. reality shows…so on and so on.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Tell us some of the places you buy your clothing from.

 

Wal-Mart, Target, Ross and sometimes Lane Bryant.  Just depends on what I am looking for and how much money I have.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Tell us one of your secret beauty tips.

 

I really don’t have any.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Give us some tips on how to have a successful Photo shoot.  What should models be prepared for?

 

Just be yourself, have fun and remember to smile.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Look at Size acceptance five years ago... look at size acceptance now. What changes do you see?

 

Some acceptance.  I think clothing has improved big time…NO MORE MOO MOOS!!!  I see women coming out of their shells more now than ever.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think will happen five years from now with size acceptance?

 

It’s hard to say what will happen.  It would turn for the better or it could turn for the worse.  With the way people are in the world, it really is hard to fore see what is going to happen.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Tell us about your goals as far as modeling and other interests.

 

Well, first and fore most, my number one goal is go get my Graphic Designing degree for which and I am in the process of getting right now.  I would love to see my modeling go further but it is hard for someone my age.  Every contest I WANT to enter has an age limit, so I am limited to what I can do.

 

 LargeInCharge.com: Can you tell us about an inspirational moment in you life that made you feel good about your size. 

 

After I had my first photo shoot, I posted my pictures on Myspace to get comments and I could not believe how many comments I got saying how beautiful I looked in them.  I’ll tell ya, it put such a smile on my face every time I read them.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Is there a person in your life that makes you keep going?

 

My husband.  You know it’s funny, every time I look in the mirror, I some times still see myself as an ugly fat person and my husband looks at me dead in the eyes tells me how beautiful I look no matter how I feel.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What advice would you give to other people of size who want to model?

 

Go for it!!!  Don’t ever let anybody tell you, you can’t do it just because you are on the heavy side or because of your age.  If you want to do it, just give your all and show the word what you have.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What plus size figure do you admire?

 

Queen Latifa and Emmy.  They are both just BEAUTIFUL!!!!

 

LargeInCharge.com: Describe yourself with one word.

 

Confident.

 
   

Thank you for Finding out more about our Cover Model

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

Raqui's Spot

     Raqui the Owner and Founder of LargeInCharge Magazine.  This spot is dedicated to her thoughts, vents, and observations of Plus Sized Life.  Raqui's  "Tell it like it is" style of writing has brought hundreds to her blogs and thousands to LargeInCharge.com.  There is so much behind the woman who has brought this magazine into existence.  Being Internationally known as a wrestler lead the way to modeling for companies and being featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.  She has made a career out of her size and personality.

 

     For the past 4 years moving into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.  She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her.  Knock her down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.  Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized people online her grace and style has made people love her.   Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend the world to fit her, her way.

Raqui Appears on The Christina Show                   Raqui Appears on The Maury Show

Living my Life Breathless


     As a FAT person in today's society I observe many things.  As one of the Biggest Women you will probably see in your lifetime, (6'4 and 600 lbs) I tend to notice reactions.  As a hell bent woman ready to put you in your place, I take both and turn them around in my head and spew it out for you in this nice little article.  (
LOL - YES I AM LAUGHING)  Seriously this months article started taking form in my mind when a particular event happened.

 

     It was August 15th, 2007 and I was in Miami taping the Cristina show.  It was a long afternoon waiting for my segment to come up.  I had been shooting all the B takes.  I walked up and down the halls, kissing he camera and giving my shoulders a shimmy.  I stood for the camera, I held little conversations with my man in the green room while cameras were inches from my face.  Me and my man stood side by side while cameras zoomed up and down my body.  I provided them with all the pictures and information about the many things I do.  Got my make up done, and chatted with other guests. It is my time I am ready to go out on stage.  But they don't want me to just walk out on stage, or to resume the segment with me already seated.  They want me to be the sexy super sized diva, so I salsa out on to the stage.  Using a bit of style and grace I slink over the wires that could trip me and shake my booty with Spanish style.  Finally I seat myself on the super almost low to the floor seat.

 

     Wow the excitement was pumping through my veins, the crowd clapped and Cristina herself said "Wow you can move"  I found myself breathless.  Dancing is a regular thing for me, but I must have been holding my breath as I danced out because now I was breathless, and was expected to speak! Ok I can handle this.  The interview goes its way and I catch my breath and even though I didn't get to say all I wanted to, and though my segment was cut super short because of the previous guests, I hoped that I represented properly.  Now it is time for the end of my segment.  I was requested to lift two men back to back one over the shoulder and the other with my legs.  Each man 200lbs each.

 

     Here I go, as the two gentlemen approach me.  The first man I will lift over the shoulder.  But he didn't relax he was stiff as a board and I struggled to keep him from falling off my shoulder.  I held him in place and set him down.  Then I kick off my shoes and get down on the floor,  No there wasn't a mat provided, no I wasn't given an elevated platform like I usually use.  I was on a throw rug on a hard word floor.  Suck it up I say and down I go,  I direct the man into placement and begin to lift him.  He keeps himself stiff just as asked to and you see him perfectly go up into the air on my feet.  I hold him in place for a while and then slowly bring him down.  He gives me a hand to help me up off the floor.  But I know the best way to get up and bring myself to my feet.

 

     Yes now I feel a bit tired and breathless AGAIN!  I sit on the VERY LOW COUCH and resume the interview.  She thanks me for coming and says to take care of myself because I am a bit out of breath on the show today.   Afterward she asks me if I need help to get up off the couch (Says she even needs help sometimes)  But No I don't need help after a little try and my foot slides on the throw rug.  I grip my feet to the floor and get up on my own steam and go off stage.

 

     Breathless!   I am a little breathless on the show today?   Well lets see I am a 600lb woman who just Salsa out onto the stage and then lifted two 200lb men.  Not only that but I threw myself down on the floor for you and got myself back up off the floor.   Not to mention you gave me the lowest seat in all creation.  I know slim people who would have to try a couple of times to get out of that seat.  Hey I am going to be on a national Spanish speaking TV show.  She is considered the Spanish Oprah.  YES I AM BREATHLESS!  Did you have to point it out on TV for all to know that I am Breathless.

 

     Now in her Cristina's defense I will say I don't believe she was malicious toward me.  She is like most slimmer people who see a FAT person and sees them breathless and is suddenly alarmed by it.  This makes me think, and I rolled the thought over and over again in my brain.  Why are people alarmed if they see a big person do a form of exercise and be BREATHLESS?

 

  • If you saw a slim girl doing an active Salsa and then be Breathless would it concern you?

  • If you saw a body builder lift up two 200lb men and be Breathless would it concern you?

  • If a slimmer person who weighed 200lbs, put on a body suit that weighed 400 lbs, and did all the things I did on the stage that day, and was breathless afterward, would it concern you?

  • If you saw a slim person taking a brisk walk down the street and be Breathless would it concern you?

  • If someone was climbing up flights of stairs and was breathless would it concern you?

     NO IT WOULDN'T!   Slap a Fat person into the equation and LORD HAVE MERCY CALL THE AMBULANCE!  Something must be wrong,  Your Fat, your a bit flushed in the face, your breathless, your having a fucking Heart Attack.  Your too fat to be breathless!

 

     You know what, I like to be breathless sometimes.  I like to feel the blood pumping into my heart and veins.  I like to feel flushed in the face with the cool wind blowing my sweat away.  I like to push myself to the limit sometimes.  Maybe not everyday, maybe not all the time.  But sometimes I do.  I want to be BREATHLESS on the dance floor.  I want to sweat, because I have been stomping my feet and having a good time.  I want to take a walk and let it be ok if I am a bit breathless.   Let me feel flushed in the face.  I am carrying around 600lbs of weight here.  Every day I get up I prove I am stronger than the average person.  Every time I walk out my door and do something I show that I am holding my own.  LET ME BREATHLESS!  Let it not be a crime.

 

     Oh but Raqui, you may say.  Fat people get more breathless more often.

 

     So what.  So do people with asthma.  yes I am usually more breathless than other slimmer people.  I am usually breathless if I climb up stairs or if I am taking a brisk walk.  Yes I am breathless after lifting things and doing exercise.  Yes I am breathless after dancing.  You rather me sit on my behind so I don't become breathless.  I want to be active I don't want to be worried that I am seen breathless.  Why should I hide the fact that I am working my body out.  Why should I be ashamed. 

 

     Maybe because I am bigger I cant walk as far as some with out becoming breathless.  But god I am walking.  Maybe I cant dance as long as some can with out become breathless, But god I am dancing.  Maybe because I am carrying this weight every effort I take is my exercise.  That is ok, I am going to keep on going.  It makes me feel good to go out and shoot a few hoops.  it makes me feel good when I am walking around enjoying the day or night.  I want to live my life.  There is nothing wrong with it.  I am going to live damn it and I am going to Live my Life Breathless.

Raqui will be Honored for her Work in the Plus Sized Community at the below event.  Join in my JOY!

 

Contemporary Art Video "DOUGH" Staring "Raqui" is being shown @ The Guggenheim

NOW SHOWING @ The Guggenheim Museum in NYC. "DOUGH" Contemporary Art Video Staring Super Sized Model, Wrestler, Size Activist, "Raqui"

For more information and pictures  go to www.raqui.com

Black Student sits under the "White Tree" - next 3days NOOSES were hung from the Tree!

The History: Six black students at Jena High School in Central Louisiana were arrested last December after a school fight in which a white student was beaten and suffered a concussion and multiple bruises. The six black students were charged with attempted murder and conspiracy. They face up to 100 years in prison without parole. The fight took place amid mounting racial tension after a black student sat under a tree in the schoolyard where only white students sat. The next day three nooses were hanging from the tree.

This can not be tolerated

The Jena Six Petition...help end racism in America!! Stand up

add your signature

http://www.petitiononline.com/aZ51CqmR/petition.html
 
 

Raqui's Cool Links

www.raqui.com

Raqui's Blog-Spot Page 

Raqui's My Space Page

Raqui's Yahoo 360 Page

Raqui's BBWVibe Page

 

Thank you for Reading Raqui's Spot

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

Super Sized Sounds

with

Lynx

     Super Sized Sounds will be a Music Column that will feature those who are in the industry or up and coming who are size positive. Giving recognition to the plus sized people who are out there and showcasing themselves.  Reviews, Interview, News and more from our new writer Super Sized Spanishfly Lynx.

 

      Lynx Garcia, also known as "SUPERSIZE SPANISHFLY", is a Latina BBW from Queens NYC.  Lynx is an activist speaking out against size discrimination and began performing back in 1996 at social events for big beautiful women and big handsome males and their admirers. Her special mixture of sound held true as she sang, spat, danced and performed spoken word, soon she was in demand by Big and Beautiful parties nationwide.  Lynx taking her "look" and sound mainstream was rejected because of her size. She did not let this break her spirit, hurt her confidence or minimize her drive. Instead she rose up and started a public access show (LYNX' LAIR) aired in Queens on TIME WARNER QPTV . Combination of comedy and sexy style, she showcased underground artists of all walks of life. The response to her show was PHENOMENAL....in less than a year she has showcased many artist, some who moved to bigger and better things.

 

     Currently Lynx has caught the attention of Joey Mekkah of BLACK SOLARIS ENTERTAINMENT and found herself on the Grandmaster MELLE MEL's SOLO ALBUM "MUSCLES" featured on the hot latin hip-hop track called 'DIMELO", she is the only collaboration on the album. Lynx recently has started her own radio show on EXTRAVAGANGSTARADIO.COM  called Ladies Night. EXTRAVAGANGSTARADIO is #1 on the itunes network.

 

     WANT TO SUBMIT YOUR VOICE FOR REVIEW? See Below

Artist of the Month

 

    

My people, mi gente… I was invited to a special exclusive Ice T performance @ The Plumm in Manhattan and he gave an awesome performance (you can check it out in our video section E.G.TV). My boy Jeff put this event together and had me up in the VIP section. Jeff you’re the man.!!

But let's face it ...It's Coco’s WORLD my girl stole the show ,as usual,  with her killa curves and stunning smile, she is absolutely BOOTYFUL (I would Supersize her, but that’s just me Yes, Ice T called her up on stage and smacked and grabbed at that booty to dispel the rumors. (Check out the footage on E.G.TV) Don't forget to my girl out at www.cocosworld.com

What I love about them both (Ice T and Coco) is they are so down to earth (The last time I chilled with them COCO offered me some of her fried chicken, like Woody from Disney's Toy Story would say "You Got a Friend in ME" Coco is my cat for life!!!)They really look like they are in love. Every time I see them they are always touching and hugging and laughing and mingling with the crowd. Ice T really loves his fans and was ready to give ExtravaGangsta Radio an exclusive interview but due to the lighting and the loud music it was impossible, but look out for a phone interview soon to come. I'll keep you all posted.

I was in my element doing what I do, networking, taking flicks and working the room. I had had my fill and you know the life of a single mother - I had to be up early in the am to get my little Lynx ready for school. I had danced my** off partying like a rock star and I was so glad I found parking directly across the street.

It was a PURRRFCT night and Jones (my co host), being a purrfect gentleman, walked me out of the club and was crossing the street to where my car was...

 

"Lynx, your car WAS right here right?"

"LYNX?"

WAS!!!!!!!!

Was the key word here.

Que , que , que????

Maldita sea...Konio...hijo de la gran p***... Yes, my people, mi gente, NYPD towed my shit and took it to the pound. Andar Diablo...only me. Me and my culo salao!!!

Normally I turn the other way when I see NYPD in blue but I had to find out where my Infinity was. The officers barely even looked at me (and I was cute, but flirting would have got me no where) when one of the officers told me "Oh your about the third person tonight, your car was taken to the pound at 38th and 12th.

Queue Rayos!!! Jones is my dog though; he hailed a cab and accompanied me to the dreaded pound yard. "Dayum, Lynx that's F***ked up, man, I'm sorry Ma"

Jones was sympathetic for about a minute then I heard the all time worst thing to say to someone after their shit got towed "QUIEN TE MANDA" you have to read the signs Lynx this is Manhattan!! I wanted to scratch his eyes out.

But I was still fly and I got to chill with Ice T and Coco.

All I could do was laugh (after I cried) if you want to witness my ordeal (for those of you who been through it I know you'll feel my pain) Check out the footage at www.egradioonline.com  in E.G.TV section) It is some funny and my co host Jones steals the show mocking me and laughing at my ass the whole time. But like I said I was still fly (but not lucky) as one of the pound officers let me know.

Shout out to all the GARGULAS that got their shit towed as well.

Aye us Latinos. Always in some shit.

Did I mention I'm broke but ...still fly!! Meow!! Pura Vida!!!

 

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS MONTHS FEATURED ARTIST    

GO TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO SEE LYNX AT THE IMPOUND! HER CAR GOT TOWED HA HA HA!!!    

LOLA Dutronic

LOLA DUTRONIC

Album: The Love Parade

Genre: Pop Electronica

I had no music submissions and I was floating through pages and pages of the abyss that is myspace when in my inbox I found a very nice message to come check out the music Lola Dutronic. I’m so glad I did.

At a first glance and judging from the cd cover, I had assumed that Lola Dutronic was a solo artist this 60’s Superhero chick or modern day girl like Marlo Thomas from the hit T.V Show “That Girl”. The only thing I was right about was the 60’s inspired look…and soon, I would find out, sound as well, but…with a refreshing twist.

Lola Dutronic is a Canadian duo made up of producer extraordinaire Richard Citreon (formerly of The Diodes) and female singer Frankie Hart. I am really feeling the overall sound and style of Lola Dutronic. Richard’s production is crazy. It’s mellow but boppable and I love the way he smoothly infuses 60’s and 70’s British pop sound with modern electronic spice. Richard is well on his way to giving other producers out there a run for their Cheddar $$$KACHING! Look out Timberland, Richard’s unique style is a hot new sound. I predict some heavy duty mainstream artists will be knocking on his studio door (if they’re smart). Frankie’s sweet sexxxy angelic voice  is the purrrfect compliment and adds a certain nostalgic timeless element reminiscent of singers like Barbarella. I should also mention that their cover of "Beyond The Sea"( in French) "La Mer" is nothing short of brilliant. They even have a Japanese influenced track "Sukiyaki"  making this album an yummy international recipe.

You take one part British pop

One part French

Two parts English

And a dash of Japanese influence

Throw in plenty of Canadian swag

Some soft sexy vocals

Toss in plenty of modern electronica

Mix it all up

And what you get is the tastiest treat your ears ever had the pleasure of sampling

So my people, mi gente…get up and do the “Lolatron” with “Maritza 3000” cause “The World Is Waiting” to take advantage for “It’s A Lovely Day” for some “Sukiyaki” and we all need to hear what going through “The Strawberry Filter” sounds like or “The Last Day Of The Season”. While we are “Driving in the Rain” listening to “Chanson De L’amour” remember it’s a “Beautiful World” and we all need to go to THE LOVE PARADE at least once in our lifetime.

Lola Dutronic’s The Love Parade is available through CDBABY and Itunes

Don’t forget to check out their myspace page @ www.myspace.com/loladutronic

 

Free Style Interview Series

This month is Hispanic Heritage Month. The U. S. Census Bureau reports that there are about 44 million Hispanics here in the United States.

In honor of Hispanic Heritage month I’d like to feature an interview with a Hispanic entertainer like no other. My people, mi gente  ...allow me to present freestyle King George Lamond.

Interview with King George Lamond


Supersize Spanishfly: What is your real name?

 

George Lamond: I was Born George Garcia in Washington DC, Representing the State!!!
 

 

Supersize Spanishfly: When did you know that singing was what you wanted to do?

 

George Lamond: The day my home boy distributed Cassettes! Yes I said Cassette’s to my classmates in high school and everyone kinda loved it..

 

 

Supersize Spanishfly: You have a distinct quality in your voice that is unmatched by most tenors of our time, did you receive any formal training?

 

George Lamond: Training? Nah..LOL Thank God I could say I was blessed with a gift and I have no problem using it. I did take a course once on breathing exercise, not to damage it.. But, no I never received any lessons and for the record to all aspiring singers out there, taking lessons does not make you a better vocalist. It's more of a tune up..
 

 

Supersize Spanishfly: Who were some of the artists you sang back up for before you had your solo career?

 

George Lamond: Backup singing? Well I never actually sang backgrounds on stage or for a band but I did background recordings, To name a few you would know uhhmm, Marc Anthony, Jerry Rivera, Brenda K Starr, DLG, Safire, TKA  and few others ..
 

 

Supersize Spanishfly: How did you feel when you first got signed to Columbia Records?

 

George Lamond: Getting signed to Columbia Records was a good look back in the days. Man, I mean it was like getting signed to the Yankees! “Don’t get it twisted I am a die hard Met fan!!!” but you know what I mean. It was like starting with the big boys. It was a huge moment for me, at the time I was very proud of that accomplishment.
 

 

Supersize Spanishfly: How was it dealing with the success of your first album “Bad of the Heart”?

 

George Lamond: The Success to be honest with you I really don’t remember it much, unfortunately. The music business then was so Hollywood and phony there was just too much going on when on the real there should not have been. I mean there where people working for me that to be honest, didn’t need to be there. So it was like fast forwarding a movie.
 

 

Supersize Spanishfly: I remember catching your performance at L’amour East in Queens and the girls were going crazy for you, how was it for you being so young and being a sex symbol?

 

George Lamond: Young and single? Come on now? Need I say more. I was a rock star, limos, money, a click; the hits were coming one after another. It was plain….. Sex, NO DRUGS, Liquor and rock and roll sweety..
 

 

Supersize Spanishfly: Ladies he is now a married sex symbol with children. So forget about it!! George, is it difficult to maintain a marriage and raise children being an entertainer?

 

George Lamond: Yeah it was kind of crazy but you need to remind yourself where it all started and it took me a long time to get it right.  I am not going to front; I have Players scars…lol


 I found myself a good strong Latin woman that’s real. She reminds me everyday that she’s my friend and my boo. She’s stuck with me for life. As for my kids they know now what daddy does. They are kind of proud to tell their friends what I do, so I guess that’s a good thing..huh? I’m kool in there eyes. You can’t ask for anything else

 

 You’re Kool in our eyes as well George. Thank you for your time and best of luck in all you pursue.

 

Don’t forget to check out George at his myspace page @ www.myspace.com/therealgeorgelamond  

LYNX AT THE IMPOUND FUNNY AS HELL!!!

 

 

 
   
Want to send in your Voice in for review? Are you a singer, rapper, or poet who performs spoken word?  Up and Coming, already established?  Contact Lynx through her Myspace page or email articles@largeincharge.com and all information will be forwarded to her (PUT "FOR LYNX" IN THE SUBJECT AREA) 

You must be a Size Positive Artist, or a Plus Sized Supporter.

Thanks for reading

Super Sized Sounds with Lynx

articles@largeincharge.com

 

Lynx Cool Links

www.myspace.com/supersizespanishfly

www.myspace.com/somemorelynx

www.Extravagangstaradio.com

From the Plus Side

with

Emily Smiltneck

     From the Plus side will be column dedicated to short stories that deal with all aspects of Plus size Life.  Emily Smiltneck was chosen for this position because of her dedication, and realistic writing style. She captures the emotional and mental rollercoaster those who are Plus Sized go through.

 

     Emily Susanne Smiltneck lives in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (pretty much dead center in the middle of nowhere). She is a substitute teacher, and has recently started a tutoring business. Emily is currently working on several writing projects, including a historical fiction novel and several collections of poetry.

 

Blushing

    

“Why are you so fat?  Mommy?  Mo-o-om, why is she so fat?” the little voice sing songed.  My face flushed hot with embarrassment and I turned away quickly.  All I could think to do was try and hide myself under my towel.  It was too small to be of much use, though.  All around the locker room, there were tiny, perfect girls that had their tiny, perfect bodies completely wrapped in towels, towels that they could absolutely drown in.   Every inch of their toned flesh was covered up by those teeny little towels, a fact that I hate.  I always look even larger and more awkward and jiggly-skinned than I am, in comparison.  The corners of my towel, see, barely meet under one armpit, leaving plenty of room on the side for my rolls of fat to show themselves off between the gaping sides of the towel.

            And then, just when I was ready to shove my wet body into my clothes, go home and cry into some ice cream, maybe, just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, when I thought that I couldn’t possibly be any more humiliated or possibly have any more attention called to me, I was proven wrong.  As usual.

            “Miss Cammie!  Hi, Miss Cammie!  It’s me, Nora!  I seed you at school today!  I did all my homework soon’s I got home and it’s all in my backpack for tomorrow already!  And Sarah’s comin’ home with me on the bus to spend the night!” crowed another tiny voice.  One of my students, great!  Nothing calls attention to a naked fat chick in a locker room better than a screaming preschooler.  Didn’t seem to bother her any, though.  She flew across the floor with her swimsuit hanging off one ankle and her underwear hanging off the other, with her arms out for a hug.

            It’s always really awkward when I meet one of my students in situations like this.  I mean, first of all, it just seems somewhat inappropriate and even borderline obscene to be hugging the kids from school when we’re both in various stages of undress.  But they always want a hug.  Four-year-olds aren’t shy, don’t have any sense of nakedness even when they’re stark naked.  Hell, they’re proud of their bodies, no matter what they look like, and anxious to show them off to the everyone. 

            Besides that, though, there is the issue of the parents.  See, I am not the most confident, graceful person in the world.  I mean, when it comes to the kids, I am.  I know just what I’m doing and how to relate to them—it all comes naturally, with the kids.  The parents are another story.  I never know quite how to tell them when their kid is having problems in school.  Or how to talk to them about anything.  I am the teacher here, but I always feel like they outrank me, somehow.  Like they are the real adults and I’m just playing grown-up and hoping they don’t notice that the high heels I’m teetering around in are 6 sizes too big and my lipstick is crooked.  Of course, that’s just an example, and not even a real one; I would never wear high heels to school, or lipstick, either.  I don’t carry things like that off very well.  I’m not quite that sophisticated.  But you get what I mean, anyway.

            I hate parent-teacher conferences.  I have to sit there all day long and face a never-ending line of the people I fear most.  I break out in a cold sweat just trying to figure out what to wear, much less what to say to them.  I always feel like a total imposter.

            And you know that cold, clammy, shaky feeling you get when you’re in a situation like that, forced into doing something you’re petrified to do?  Multiply that by, like, a billion.  That’s how I feel when I run into one of the parents while I’m naked in the locker room, struggling to be invisible while I try to cover my ugly, flabby body with clothes and shake hands at the same time.  I wish they could feel as awkward as I do.  I cannot begin to understand how they can just approach me when I am sitting here naked as a three-hundred-pound jaybird and act as if everything is totally normal, like we’re in the grocery store or something.

            I skip the gym a lot in the fall, up until the first round of parent-teacher conferences, anyway.  The only thing that can make running into parents while I’m stark raving naked worse is meeting them for the first time while I’m stark raving naked.  And the kids don’t have that filter that says, “Hey, there’s a naked person here.  Better leave her alone.”  They run up to me, all excited, going “Mom!  Mommy, mommymommymommy!  This is Miss Cammie, from school!”  And then everyone in the entire locker room looks at Miss Cammie, and Miss Cammie wants to crawl into one of the lockers and suffocate herself with the smelly, mildew-y, wet towel that will inevitably be inside the one she chooses.

            Except, Miss Cammie wouldn’t fit in the locker anyway, because she’s fat.  Ginormously fat, and now anyone who wasn’t aware of that fact knows, because little Suzy is so proud of her teacher that she wants everyone to know who Miss Cammie is.  That part feels good, anyway, knowing I am so important to the kids.

            And on the up side, I am now totally immune to embarrassment of any kind.  Which, being who I am, is an amazingly good thing.

 

            Driving home from the gym, I rounded a curve in the road to see the Devil looming ahead.  Okay, so it was just the Golden Arches, but close enough.  After a massive internal struggle, I found myself turning into the driveway and parking my car.  Maybe I was completely derailing the two hours I had just spent working out by giving in to that ninety-nine cent six pack of McNuggets, but at least I parked at the far side of the parking lot.  The walk to the door probably worked off a tenth of one of those warm, crispy, salty pieces of chicken.

            I went inside and ordered not one, but two, six piece McNuggets before I could stop myself.  I got a large diet Coke to go with it, though.  I read this thing on the Internet once that said if you get something with lots of calories and then get diet pop to go with it, they cancel each other out.  I refuse to believe that statement was made in humor rather than truth.

            I searched the restaurant desperately for a table with chairs.  Those damn booths are hard to squeeze into, and how are you supposed to eat with a table cutting off the circulation to your entire midsection?  There were no tables open, though, so I was forced to slide into a booth.  A tight fit, to be sure, but I could at least breathe.  Maybe working out was doing some good after all.  I pulled a copy of Cosmo out of my purse and settled down to undo everything I had accomplished at the gym.

            I was startled out of a deep, philosophical article about the virtues of skinny jeans by a guy wearing a McDonald’s uniform.  A very cute guy, who was probably a good ten years younger than me, but wow!  He was asking me something.  Between the fascinating list of reasons why skinny jeans are more versatile than a little black dress, and this man/boy’s soulful eyes, I was a bit distracted.  I rewound what he had said in my mind and then answered the question I guessed that he had asked me (Do you need a refill?) with a standard, “No, thanks.  I’m fine.”

            But, judging by the look on his face, I had said or done something very wrong.  Seldom have I seen such a look of confusion. 

            “Okay, Ma’am,” he said, and walked away slowly.  So much for my little crush.  Ma’am?  He had called me Ma’am!  Even if I was ten years older than him, everyone always says I look young for my age!  And now, he thought I was a freak, too.  Because as he approached the next table and repeated his question, I could hear him clearly.

            “Excuse me, are you Anita Hill?”

            Good GOD, why do I always do that?  I should know better than to read in public.  I always get so lost in whatever I’m reading, even if it is just Cosmo, that I totally lose touch with the real world.  Besides which, I’m deaf in one ear, so my hearing is off anyway.  It’s not totally my fault.  I threw away my remaining 5 McNuggets and walked out of the restaurant with my head held high.  And as soon as I was safely in my car, I let out a whoop of uncontained laughter.  I have gotten quite good at laughing at myself over the years, and I even enjoy it most of the time.  “Misunderhearing” people (that’s what a friend of mine calls it; I misunderstand, but mainly as a result of my lack of hearing skills) is one of my many useless talents.  And “Anita Hill” and “need a refill” could be confused by anyone.  Couldn’t they?

            I cranked the radio on the way home and sang out loud with it, still giggling a little between verses.  Figured it would help me forget about my little mishap.  But still, in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help going over and over the incident.  I could just imagine the guy from McDonald’s telling all his friends about it later.  He would tell them all about the fat lady at work who was obviously mentally impaired, and they would all laugh.  His pretty blonde girlfriend would throw her hair back in near hysterics and he would casually drape his arm around her shoulders as they laughed. 

            Because, of course he would have a beautiful girlfriend.  All those attractive types do.  Hell, everyone has someone.  Everyone except me.  I turned down the radio and lapsed into deep, dark, depressing thoughts as I pulled up to a stoplight, then turned and headed home.

 

            I woke up the next morning with an aching back and a terrible headache.  And all I wanted to do was cry.  I hate it when the stupid depression sets in.  Most of the time I’m fine, pretty mentally stable, but then every so often, I get like this.  It’s like all I can think of is being alone.  I come home alone at night, make dinner for myself, and then go to bed, all alone.  I just crave human contact.  There is no one at all that I can even touch.  I want to feel warm, living, human flesh against my skin.  But, it just won’t happen.  And you can’t lie in bed forever crying, even if you want to.

            So, I got up and cried my way through my shower and breakfast before I headed to school.  At least I have the kids to make me smile.  I can get some human contact through them.  Not exactly the kind of contact I crave, but I do get lots of hugs.

            I cringed when I walked into the classroom.  Sarah was running toward me, full tilt, talking excitedly and very loudly.

            “Hi, Miss Cammie!  Nora said she saw you at the gym last night when she went swimmin’!  And she talked to you! And she said you were n—”

            I froze when I heard the “n” sound coming out of her mouth.  Naked.  She was going to say naked, and she was going to tell them all how fat and ugly I was and then the little kids were going to hate me just as much as the rest of the world already did.  It was just one of those days.

            But she didn’t.

            “—not even wearing your hair up like you do here!  I wish I got to see you outside of school.”

            “Well, Sarah, maybe someday you will.  Let’s go join the others for a story.”  Wow, that was close.  But I made it through the rest of the day with no other problems, so it must have been a good omen of some sort.  And, just like always, the kids managed to make me smile. 

 

            It was Friday.  It had to be Friday, had no choice but to be Friday, because I couldn’t stand another weekday even if I tried.  Two and a half whole days to sit around and do absolutely nothing.  Except be depressed, probably, but there are ways around that.  Like sitting in a hot tub, for instance.  No one can sit in a hot tub and be depressed.  So, I called upon a couple of friends, Rob and Jake, to accompany me to the Y and attempt to cheer me up.  Attempt.  That was all I asked.

            Of course, things never go that smoothly in my life.  We got there and I managed to change without too much trouble.  There were no little kids drawing undue attention to me in the locker room or anything this time.  I even got a locker in an empty row so I didn’t have to close my eyes to avoid watching the supermodel types change while I half-hid behind my locker door to change myself.  So that was good, anyway.  And I met Rob and Jake in the hall outside of the hot tub, so I didn’t have to brave it alone at all.  And then my usual luck came rushing back.

            It all started when Rob and I noticed that Jake was staring at something, totally zoned out.  And Rob asked him what he was looking at.

            “Nothing.  Just that lifeguard.”

            So Rob asked him if the lifeguard was hot.  Completely innocently.  I’m sure he didn’t mean to cause any trouble.  It’s just that we all like to tease each other, have a little fun.  So Jake turned into a smart aleck and said he couldn’t decide if the dude was hot or not, that’s why he was staring.  And that was where I entered into the equation.  The next few moments of my life all happened in slow motion, just like in the movies.  It was exactly like a movie, really.  I was the female version of Chevy Chase, all of a sudden, the queen of awkwardness.

            “I’ll letcha know if he’s hot!” I heard myself proclaim loudly.  I say I heard myself because that was how it happened.  I did not intend to say it, at all, I swear.  I was totally not in control of my speech.  And then I felt myself stand up and slowly make my way across the hot tub.  About halfway across, I think (I’m not sure, because I was staring intently at the lifeguard, not looking where I was walking), the lifeguard looked toward the hot tub.  Our eyes met.  It was like the falling-in-love scene in a movie.  I could practically see hearts pulsing at the point where our gazes met, even though I’m pretty sure he wasn’t seeing or thinking or even considering the same thing.

            And at the exact moment that our eyes met, while we were staring intently into one another’s souls, I reached the edge of the hot tub.  Unexpectedly.  And I stubbed my toe and tripped over the seat.  Fell.  Smashed my head into the floor on the edge of the hot tub, hard.  The hearts I had seen only seconds before turned into stars and tweeting birds circling in a halo above my head.

            Of course, my dear friends didn’t let me have any time to regain a sense of dignity, or to come up with any way to explain what had happened so I didn’t look quite so stupid.  Instead, they burst out laughing.  And asked me if he was hot.  Loudly.  Leaving no question in the lifeguard’s mind, whatsoever, about what I had been looking at, or why.  Good thing I’m immune to embarrassment.

 

            The fun stayed with me for a while after I got home.  I didn’t need to stop at McDonald’s for reinforcement this time.  Not that I would have gone to McDonald’s anyway, to risk being recognized, but the point is that I just went home, French fry-free.  It seems like I always manage to humiliate myself.  I don’t mind, really.  It’s kinda funny, gives me something laugh about.  The thing is, I am so many things besides silly and klutzy and funny.  I’m smart, too, and I really care about people.  But when I am constantly making a fool of myself, I’m not sure if that comes across.  My greatest fear is that the rest of the world will think I’m just a brainless, blundering idiot.  Then people won’t like me for my intelligence, my class.  And they sure aren’t going to like me for my looks.  So what’s left?

            My sense of humor, that’s what’s left.  But that won’t get me far.  Not when everyone else has one, too.  Friday night I spent in bed, alone, crying.

 

            Monday morning dawned bright and clear.  Okay, so it didn’t really, but that always seems like such a great way to describe a morning.  In reality, it was cloudy and a little cold.  Cold enough to wear my pink sweater dress, even, which did brighten my outlook on the day, at least.  It’s my favorite thing to wear, my go-to confidence outfit.  And confidence was something I really needed.

            Of course, though, something had to go wrong, otherwise it would have been someone else’s life instead of mine.  My underwear drawer was empty.  Absolutely empty.  Turns out, when I’m depressed, I don’t do laundry.  Didn’t bother me terribly much, though.  There was one point in time when I decided that body confidence, rather than an entirely new body, was all I needed, and in a fit of insanity, I bought myself a bikini.  I was just so astounded to see a bikini in my size that I was completely shell-shocked and the part of me that normally would have said, “Uh-uh.  Not a good idea,” failed to kick in.

            It’s a hideous bikini, too.  Neon green with big black polka dots.  Even if I had a body like Twiggy’s, I wouldn’t wear the thing.  Not that that stopped me from buying it, of course.  And now, I was glad I had.  I slipped on the bottom half of the bikini and pulled on my pantyhose over it.  Once I had my sweater dress and knee boots on, I was ready to strut off to work, on the top of the world.

            I was restocking the art shelves when the kids got there.  Nora came over to me as soon as she walked in to give me a hug.  She stood behind me, off to one side, almost touching my hip, and chattered on and on about her weekend with Sarah while I continued placing paint and crayons and glue sticks on the shelves.  Suddenly, she stopped herself, mid-sentence.

            “Miss Cammie, what’s that?” she asked and slapped my on the rear.  I jumped when she did and spun around.

            “What’s what?”

            “I can see something on your bum,” she told me seriously, then giggled.  I twisted my head and bent my body in a futile attempt to see what she was talking about, but I could only see about as far as my shoulder.  I was always getting something stuck on me, though; the room was full of stickers and static clings and felt story boards.

            “I don’t know, just something I sat on, probably.  No big deal.”  I led Nora back to the others and situated them by the rocking chair so one of the other girls could read them a story.  I went across the room and leaned against the wall to listen and offer assistance if the kids got too rambunctious.  Maureen, one of the other teachers, came over to me, leaned close.  I bent my head toward her, expecting to hear something funny one of the kids had said, or maybe even something she was concerned about with one of them.

            “Um, Cam?” she whispered, eyes aimed at my rear.

            “Yeah?”

            “You have—um, I’m not sure how to—there’s something showing through your dress.”

            Something showing through my dress?  My mind raced.  What could she be talking about?  All that was under my dress was my pantyhose and my underwear, and you wouldn’t be able to see those.  Maybe a sock had gotten staticked to it in the dryer or something, though—oh.  Oh, God.  My underwear.  Or rather, my screaming neon bikini bottom.

            “Is it—is it a bright green something, with big black dots?” I asked her, careful not to burst into snorts of embarrassed laughter.

            “Um, yeah, actually.  It does appear to be a little greenish, and there are most definitely some large black dots.  Goes really well with the pink dress.”

            “Thanks, Maureen.  I feel good about that.”

            I exited the room and disappeared into the staff restroom.  Great.  Now what?  It wasn’t like I had a spare pair of underwear stashed in my purse or something, but I couldn’t keep wearing them all day.  Why hadn’t it occurred to me that the brightest swimsuit in the world might possibly show through my pale pink dress?  I giggled to myself a little while I perused my options.  Which didn’t take long, because there were only two: leave them on, or take them off.  And of course, I would have to take them off.  There was no way I was going to explain to the kids or the other teachers that I wasn’t a big fan of doing laundry so I just wore a swimsuit instead of underwear.  I unzipped my boots and kicked them off so I could take the stupid bikini bottom off.  When I was finished, I replaced my pantyhose.  At least I still had those to wear.  I balled up the bikini bottom and stared at it.

            “Cam, you in there?  We’re trying to get our art project started and we could really use you,” Maureen called through the bathroom door.

            “Yep, coming,” I replied, still giggling softly.  And when I absentmindedly walked through the doorway with the bikini bottom still balled up in my hand, my giggles turned to a full-fledged fit of laughter.  Maureen looked at me awkwardly and then joined me in my mirth. 

            “Um, what are you going to do with those?” she finally managed to say.  She had the grace not to ask me why the hell I was wearing them in the first place.

            “I have no idea,” I muttered through clenched teeth as the kids trouped out of the classroom with the head teacher to see what we were laughing at.  I casually slid my hand behind my back and took baby steps backwards toward the bathroom, hoping to keep my fashion faux pas hidden from all the prying little four-year-old eyes.  No such luck.  I bumped into the door frame, my hand sprung open, and the offending bikini bottom fell to the floor.  Before I could even register what had happened, one of the kids had sprinted toward me yelling out, “What’s that?” as he grabbed it.  It’s a good thing pink and red are in the same color family, because otherwise, my face would really have clashed with my dress.

 

            The only thing that got me through the rest of the day was the knowledge that it was Margarita Monday at the Mexican dive bar down the street from my house.  Once I got home, I allowed myself a couple of hours to sit around and be depressed that all the embarrassing things have to happen to the fat chick who’s already at a disadvantage, socially.  Two hours is my limit, though.  Pity parties are no fun, and besides, I really needed that margarita.  Or a couple of them.  Five or six, at most.  After the day I had, I deserved it.  I called Kelly, my margarita buddy, and headed out to meet her at the bar.

            When the waitress asked me what kind of margarita I wanted, I may have frightened her a little.

            “Regular, strawberry, cherry, blackberry, peach, or strawberry banana?” she rattled off.

            “Mmm, one of each,” I told her.  I wasn’t serious, of course.  I mean, if she had brought them to me, I probably would have tried to finish them, but I really wasn’t serious.  She stared at me warily.

            “Are you—serious?” she asked.

            “If I said yes, would that make me an alcoholic?”

            Kelly shot me a look and slapped my shoulder.  “She’ll have blackberry.  Bring me one of those, too.”  And when the waitress had gone to put our order in, she said, “Cam, what exactly is wrong with you tonight?”

            “Oh, you don’t even want to know.”  I told her about my day and about the hot tub incident from Friday, too.  By the time we got our drinks, we were both laughing so hard we were crying.  The man who brought us our drinks shut me right up, though.  The one time that I cannot make any noise at all, not even to talk, is in the presence of a man I am attracted to.  And this man definitely fit that description.  I stared at him as he set our drinks down and took out his pencil to take our order.  I reached for my glass of water as I stared at him, unable to take my eyes from his gorgeous face.  When I lifted it to my lips, icy water splashed down my chin and soaked my shirt.  I sputtered and slammed my glass onto the table.  Except, it wasn’t my glass.  I saw immediately what the problem was.  I had picked up the entire carafe of water to drink from!  Even the freezing water wasn’t enough to cool my burning face, especially when I ventured a glance at the waiter and noticed that he had, indeed, noticed my mishap.  He was grinning broadly at me.

            “If ya need a bigger glass, I can bring ya a carafe of your own.”  His voice, with just the faintest hint of a Puerto Rican accent, matched his dark skin and inky black hair perfectly.  My insides turned to jelly and I didn’t have any ability at all to speak.  Luckily, Kelly stepped in for me again.

            “Nah, I think she’s fine.  She’ll make do with her glass.”  They both laughed at me while I struggled to regain control of my mouth.  Well, with me, I guess, really, but I couldn’t seem to laugh, either.

            “Oh, my God, that was horrible!” I mumbled when he had walked away, finally.

            “So ya like the waiter, do ya?”

            “He’s kinda cute, I guess.”  I lifted my margarita and drained the glass in one drink.  By the time the waiter reappeared with our food fifteen minutes later, I had finished another.  When he bent with his back toward us to set the tray on the table next to us, Kelly glanced at him appreciatively.

            “He is a cutie, isn’t he?  Buenas nalgas.”

            She said the last just as he turned to place our plates in front of us.  He grinned at me.

            “Well, thanks!” he said.  I couldn’t talk, of course, so I couldn’t tell him to thank Kelly, not me.

            “Buenas what?” I asked her when he had once again left us alone.

            “Nalgas.  Nice buns, roughly translated.”

            “Oh, great!  He thinks I think he has a nice butt?  Thanks!”

            “Well, you do, don’t you?”

            This day was just getting better and better.  I suppose most women my age wouldn’t be nearly as horrified if a man overheard that they thought he was attractive, but things like that don’t go well for me.  I am not the kind of woman that men want to be attracted to them.  I’m pretty sure they don’t even take it as a compliment, because they’re too busy trying to figure out how they’re going to evade the fat ass without being completely rude.   No guy wants to have to deal with some fat chick fawning over him.

            And yet, sad as they are, there is only way to deal with these situations.  Soon, we were laughing uproariously again.  Crying again, even.  It was probably even worse this time, with a couple of margaritas in us.  Laughing that hard makes it hard to hold liquids in yourself.  I excused myself and walked blindly toward the hall that the restrooms are in.  I swung the door open with my elbow and burst into the room, still laughing. 

            There was someone in the bathroom already, though.  I could see his back when I walked through the door.  Yes, his.  Even through the tears in my eyes, I could see that it was definitely a man.  A quick glance around told me what I feared most: I had walked into the wrong bathroom.  My laughter fell off sharply and I backed toward the door, tripping on the garbage can and slamming into the wall as I did.  As the man turned to see what all the commotion was about, I saw his face.  Of course it would be the waiter.

            I swung around and ran into the door before I finally made it out of the wrong bathroom and into the right one.  I sat there for a good ten or fifteen minutes trying to gather myself before I went and joined Kelly again.  I glared at her when she asked what had taken so long, so she graciously dropped the issue and ordered me another margarita.  By the time we left the bar, when they closed at eleven, I was pretty much okay again.  I still hadn’t told Kelly about my little bathroom adventure, because every time I even though about it, my face caught on fire and my eyes teared up, but I was able to talk, at least, and I wasn’t completely convinced that I should spend the rest of my life locked up in my bedroom anymore.

            As we started to walk back toward my apartment, someone yelled, “Hey!  Hey, hold up for a second.”

            I turned and looked behind me.  It was the waiter from the bar.

            “I wanna talk to ya for a minute, wait.”

            We stopped and waited for him to catch up to us.  I hung back to let him talk to Kelly.  He made it hard, though, because he kept dropping back to walk next to me, forcing me to step back out of the way.  Finally, he gave up and walked next to Kelly, leaving me trailing behind.  I hate being the third wheel, but it always happens.  Whenever I go out with someone, there’s always some guy that starts a conversation with whoever I’m with and I get left to my own devices.

            When we got back to my house, we all sat down on my porch and continued our conversation.  Well, they did, anyway.  I, of course, sat silently, trying to come up with some way to excuse myself politely so they could be alone.  Finally, Kelly stood up and yawned. 

            “I better get going.  I have to be up in 6 hours.”  The waiter said goodbye, and I managed a weak wave as she got into her car.

            “I thought she’d never leave,” the waiter said, looking at me.  “Now I finally get to talk to you.  I’m Raul.”

            I was so shocked that it was me he wanted to talk to that I forgot to forget how to talk.  “I’m Cammryn.  Cam.”

            “I just wanted to tell you—well, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out some time.  You seem like you’d  be a lot of fun to chill with,”

            That explained it.  I was just funny, silly, goofy Cam.  Of course he wasn’t really interested in me as a woman.  A pang of disappointment slid down my throat, through my stomach, and sank slowly to my toes.  But, at least I didn’t have to be nervous anymore.

            “Cool, I’d like that.”

            “Great.”

            I stood up and started up the stairs.

            “I really should get some sleep.  I have to work in the morning, and with all the tequila in me, I should probably get as much sleep as I can.”

            Raul stood and followed me up the stairs.  I turned and leaned against the door while he pulled a scrap of paper and a pencil from his pocket and scribbled something on it.

            “Here’s my number,” he said, and handed it to me.  “Give me a call sometime.”

            I knew then that we would never really hang out.  Finally managing to talk to the guy was one thing, but I would never be able to call him.  I sighed.

            “Oh, c’mon.  Smile.  You’re pretty when you smile.”

            I did smile, then, a little sadly, but I smiled, anyway.  And he leaned toward me.  It was then that I realized what was going on.  I’m pretty when I smile.  He had said so!  And he was leaning toward me.  I could see his lips moving slowly toward mine.  I don’t have much experience with these things, but from what I gather, you’re supposed to close your eyes when someone kisses you.  Besides, it just seems awkward to keep staring at them.  But that was exactly what I did, because I was in total and complete shock.  He was going to kiss me, going to kiss me, going to kiss me… the words echoed through my head.

            He stepped forward slightly.  As he did, his foot bumped mine.  He jerked to one side a little as he tripped, then quickly leaned in for his kiss.  Which landed on my front door.  When he tried to recover, he stepped squarely on my foot, and when he jumped off of my foot he nearly fell down the stairs before catching himself on the guard rail.

            “Damnit!” he muttered.  “These things always happen to me!”

            I broke into a smile, almost laughing out loud.  Then I took his face in my hands and kissed him.  When we broke apart, my face was once again flushed and red.  And not from embarrassment, this time.

 

   
   
 

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From the Plus Side with Emily Smiltneck

articles@largeincharge.com

 

Emily's Cool Links

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Why, OH Why

with

Diabolique Belle

     Why, OH Why will be column dedicated to all the experiences Plus Sized people go through that make you want to say WHY OH WHY does this have to be.  Part vent, part inspiration this column will surely be one that readers will related to. Diabolique Belle was chosen for this position because of her flare for telling it like it is and turning it around for the better. 

 

     Diabolique Belle originates from Brooklyn, NY. She is a computer specialist who passionately loves making toiletries and designing gift baskets. She is capricious and dynamically outgoing and loves to say what she means and she means what she says. Diabolique is currently working on several entrepreneurial endeavors, including taking her toiletry hobby to a professional level and transitioning her writing hobby into an erotic mystery novel series.

 

They just wanted to be loved... Is that so wrong?

  

For the longest time I would NOT date a heavy guy.  My feelings were that the only stomach I am trying to worry about when trying to get it in is my own and I have enough for the both of us.  I really didn’t see anything wrong with my preferences.  Everyone is entitled to pursue whatever it is they find attractive.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  If beauty, for me, is not being squeezed to death while trying to get my groove on, who are you or anyone else to say differently?  Five to six hundred plus pounds in one bed is just not a good look.  Box springs and frames are not cheap, you know.

Then one day, a friend of mine confronted me about my attitude and I had to take a deep look at myself. 

As a plus sized woman, why aren’t I more sensitive about dating a BHM?

As a plus sized woman, am I obligated to at least entertain the thought?

Do I secretly hold the same stereotypes and biases that I blast other people for having? 

I repeatedly blast people for being shallow and allowing themselves to be caught up on the physical instead of taking the time and initiative to get to know the person within.  Imagine my dismay to be caught committing this very same crime.  A slew of questions followed… Am I secretly a fat hater?  Am I ashamed of fattiness?  Why was I cutting my fellow brothers in the weight struggle off at the knees without as much as a second thought?  Was it the desire to blend with society on some level?  Have I been programmed not to see heaviness as attractive? 

Human nature dictates that we are attracted to people by what we see initially.  Something about the person catches our eye.  The way they are dressed, something they say, their physical features or facial structure… something wow’s us about them and we feel a spark and thus an attraction is born.  Only time spent with a person will reveal if the person is really as attractive as we perceived them to be. 

But I digress.  Why was I biased against heavy men?  Is it the physical limitations?  I mean we are all adults here… having sex as a plus sized woman is already a challenge.  I feel that I have to exert more energy and be more flexible and more creative.  Oral sex is especially exigent for me.  Either the man or I have to lift up my girth in order for pleasurable activities to proceed.  Let’s not forget the missionary position.  How the heck is the thought of a man my size or bigger on top of my fat an enjoyable concept? 

Then one day, I was forced to realign my thought process.  I met Teddy (yes, the name have been changed to protect the innocent and sexy).  Teddy was 6”2’ and about 325 pounds. Not what I was typically into but there was just something about him that I could not put my finger on.  We took the time to get to know each other and I found myself attracted to him.  Teddy showered me with genuine affection and attention.  He was more sensitive to my needs and insecurities, (Yes, I had those!).  He was gentlemanly and courteous.  We were able to talk inexhaustibly on any topic.  However, I found myself not wanting to go out as much as usual.  We mainly stayed in and watched movies together or… you know.  We would go to BBW/BHM events together with no problem; however, regular events I declined or took a smaller friend.  Again, my friend checked me about my actions.  I tried to defend my actions but in the end I had to admit that I was acting really messed up.  She asked me why I was acting like Teddy wasn’t good enough to be seen in public with me all the time.  I had to admit that I didn’t want to be seen with a fat guy at nonfat functions.  She asked me why and I said that I didn’t want to fall prey to all the stereotypes, comments, and criticisms that followed fat couples.  Yes, I had to admit that I was guilty of being shallow and self centered.  I was guilty of committing the same crime was I had fallen victim to on various occasions.  Men who had no problem sexing me or coming over to my house to hang out but going out in public were not options.  How could I have done such a thing?  I could make all kinds of excuses but I won’t.  I won’t claim to be a product of society. I will acknowledge that I made hasty and hurtful decisions.  I was more concerned with my image than the feelings of another person.  I had fallen prey to vanity.

Things didn’t work out between Teddy and me; however, he came into my life to teach me a lesson about myself.  He is one of the best friends that I have in my life.  I came to grips with my own biases.  I realized how easy it is to point the finger at someone without first taking a look at my own actions.  I realized how quickly be develop attitudes and mindsets.  Just because you have experienced prejudice does not mean you will not commit the same injustice against another.  The old tutelage really does apply:

 

Never judge a book by its cover!

 

   
   
 

Thanks for reading

Why, OH Why with Diabolique Belle

articles@largeincharge.com

 

Diabolique Cool Links

360.yahoo.com/taystee_lique 

Good 4 U Food

Recipes for Good... Healthy Food

By: Xander - The Food Dude

   

I Am More

          History is a cruel biographer.  I think back a few years ago when the only clothes a fat kid could get made him look like a character off the Addams Family.  Horizontal lines….get real!   I think of the suffering, humiliation, intimidation, and outright degradation that I went through as a child and young adult.  My first true ray of hope was presented by a short story during my freshman year of college.  The story entitled

     That Lean and Hungry Look by Suzanne Britt Jordan provided a spin for me.  She presented a world where the “thin, beautiful people” were actually the problem, not me.  It wasn’t my perception of the world that was inaccurate, it was the flawed reality created by those pale-skinned, anorexic beings whose hollow existence could only be made better by there superficial attacks on me.   I think that was the time when a speck of a breakthrough occurred to me.  Whereas, I would have loved to believe that I could be like everybody else, I knew that I didn’t want to be.  Because of my own doubts I always that I was less than I should be.

     Sure, I’d have loved to have women throwing themselves at me on an hourly basis.  Sure, it’d be cool to have a model looking woman on my arm every night.  But, that was the perception then.  Over the years, a rising acceptance of particular groups of overweight persons has opened up opportunities within the social realm.  Traditionally, during my lifetime, overweight woman team up with overweight men.  Over the last ten years the acceptably trendy concept of the self-confident, self assured BBW phenomenon are still causing huge ripples in the social scene.  And, to some extent, I can truly say that I have been encouraged by this.  As a whole I think at some level the strength and confidence projected by a BBW exceeds the abilities of their less weighty counterparts.  In many ways they are taken far more seriously and more realistically then the “thin”. 

     In the process it has transformed how BBW’s perceive themselves, and now you’re as likely to see a BBW with a thin man.  In fact in more cases then not, that’s the exact case.

     At least that was the case for me.  So being an overweight man, being forgone by the “thin” and now I can’t even get a date with the BBW.  This left me two choices:  first, I could become a monk.  This prospect didn’t me as great or realistic.  I go back to the drawing board.  In the early years of BBW-ism, I heard a phrase of BHM, or big handsome men.  At the time I thought, “Hey, if there’s a support group for my issues with other guys of like minded problems then it may be worth the time.  Upon searching the internet at the time I find 43 entries.  Eight of these sites are merely defining the issue “What is a BHM?”   Thirty-five of the sites are based on Big Handsome Men who are….. Gay.  Now don’t get me wrong I’m not bashing anyone, it’s a lifestyle choice.  It’s just not my choice.  My choices now stand at become a monk or become gay.  What’s a heterosexual fat guy to do?  Who was I supposed to be?  How can I change this?  The first step was to realize that I was just a guilty of putting people into boxes as I had always had done to me.  The second step is to realize that they deserve it no more than I.  I don’t have to “be” anything for anyone.  I don’t have to be with any particular type or shape of woman as long as we care about each other. 

     Along about five years ago it hits me.  I’ve spent all this time being what other’s expect me to be.  Perhaps, my own ignorance of myself had been my worst enemy.  In retrospect, for the most part I’ve had some interesting successes in theatre, radio, television, singing, and public speaking.  It strikes that those successes have been based on the person I projected.  I gave them what I wanted to see.  In some cases, I’ve broken the mold for what I am expected to be.  In some cases I changed the parameters of who and what I am expected to be.  It seems interesting that in those instances where I am on “the stage”; I present myself as confidently as anyone could.  I show myself to be as knowledgeable as anyone could be.  I always thought I was giving the audience the person that that they wanted me to be.  The reality is that I am giving the audience, the image of the person who I want to be, the person that I can become.  Maybe with that in mind, after the stage is bear, the television is turned off and the audience has gone home I don’t have to stop being that confident, charismatic, or outgoing.  Maybe in the end the true measure of personal breakthrough is not creating what I want to be but actually to finally stop denying what is already there.  Maybe for you and me the meek, self-doubting, self-esteem issued man that I think I am IS the act.  Perhaps, just maybe, there is more truth in the self-confident, direct, incisive person I pretend to be.  Perhaps he is who I actually am.  Maybe I need to quit acting like a fat guy and just start being a man.  The truth is I am already the person I aspire to be, I just have quit hiding it.  Once I realized this, my life, socially or otherwise, has expanded greatly.  The truth is I am not less, I am more!

     The link below is the article that really was my first realization that maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with me.  I hope you enjoy as much as I did.

http://faculty.millikin.edu/~mdwiggins/that_lean.htm

Xander's Recipe of the Month

Sveggie Soup

Sometimes I think I only do the cooking thing is to come up with silly names for the dishes.  This is a uniquely light and filling soup.  It has a great flavor, easy to make, and will help keep you healthy during this time of year when illness is so prevalent.  This is a great soup for the coming fall season.

 

INGREDIENTS

  • 1 pound ground sausage (your choice of brand)
  • 4 (14.5 ounce) cans reduced sodium chicken broth
  • 1 (20 ounce) package diced potatoes (not frozen hash browns)
  • 1 (16 ounce) package frozen mixed vegetables of choice
  • 1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
  • If you like it spicy use a hot sausage or add some hot sauce to taste.
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • Enjoy a variety by using you favorite seasoning it takes on extra flavors very well.
  • Top with a shred of your favorite kind of cheese.

 

DIRECTIONS

  1. In medium skillet over medium heat, crumble and cook sausage until brown. Place in slow cooker. Add remaining ingredients. Cover and cook on low 6 to 8 hours.

In the time it takes to slow cook this it really creates a blended flavor dish.  Creative and enjoyable the flavors combine to make a hearty and tasty dish.

 

   
 

Thank you for Reading Good Food 4U

By Xander the Food Dude

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

CONFESSION

 

Time to tell it like it is!

    

     This is an experiment in Confession, you can anonymously confess, or let everyone know something that you feel.  Every Month we will post all the confessions and you can come and view them and be inspired to make your own.

 

     You can send in a picture,  You can make a graphic,  You can just send in your written words.  You can do it anonymously and get something off your chest.  You can let everyone know who you are and liberate yourself.

 

     Hope you enjoy Confession!  Send in your own check the bottom of this page!

 

CONFESSION

 



  
 

I hate dancing with men that have no "Rhythm" its too much work for me! Trina

 

 

****CONFESSION*****


I have been chatting with an old flame lately and we have been trying to rekindle our romance. The only problem is that I am married with 3 beautiful kids. I do love my husband very much, but I do care for this man, and I know he cares for me. I have thoughts of sleeping with him and plan on making my thoughts real, very soon.

 

 

****CONFESSION*****



When my relationship is rocky I feel like I just want to go out and find someone else to give me the affection I need. Being a Big woman doesn't stop the men from coming after me. I have to try so hard not to cheat.

 

 

****CONFESSION*****


  
 


I wish I was the woman he wanted, Now that I am fat he never looks at me when we have sex.

I wonder what he sees behinds his eyes when he closes them.
 

 

****CONFESSION*****

 


 

I have a best friend who dates big women, I never liked big women until I met his current girlfriend.

For two years I watch them, I am in love with her so deeply I cant date anyone else.  He trusts me around her because she is not my type.  If only he knew I would do anything to take her from him.

 

 

****CONFESSION*****

 

 
Send in your own Confession,  Use the email to the Right and send in a your confession, weather it is a graphic you made (NO BIGGER THAN 5x7 92 DPI) or a picture you saw.  You can also just send in text words.  Your Confession can be Anonymous or you can tell everyone who you are.

Send in your Confession NOW!

Thanks for reading Confession

Send in your Confession to

articles@largeincharge.com

 

Large In Charge Guest Spot

We want to hear and see your talents!

 

One of our favorite parts of the newsletter.  The Guest Spot is for our readers to submit there talents to be viewed.  We want to see all you wonderful supporters making moves of your own.  If you write poetry, short stories, commentaries, or just thoughts in general, please submit them to us.  If your a designer we want to see pictures of your clothing.   We would love to include your talents in our newsletter.  We hope you take an active part in the L.I.C. newsletter. Send in your article, poetry, comments to - articles@largeincharge.com

NOTE: The Opinion of the writer is not always the opinion of The Large in Charge Staff.  We support the Right to all views.  We do not Condemn or Approve writing based on our personal thoughts.  We approve writing based on if the subject is a concern for the BBW / SSBBW / BHM Community.  Thank you for your writing and please send in those articles!  - The Large in Charge Staff

Send in your Work to Appear in LargeInCharge

We love our guest writers, they help us to make LargeInCharge more personal and reader friendly place.  We bring the people words from there own peers.  If you always wanted to write but never knew what to do with your thoughts and opinions.  Send them in to us we love to feature you in our guest spot.

 

What type of entries do we accept?

  • Original Articles that have not been placed in publication.

  • Size Empowerment Stories

  • Discovery of Size Acceptance

  • Romance of Large Size

  • Poetry - at least 25 lines in length

  • Complaints about Society

  • Complaints about what is provided for Big People

  • Complaints about Health Care

  • Weight Loss Surgery Experiences

  • Dealing with Doctors

  • The Joy of being Big

  • Learning to Love yourself

  • etc.

How to Submit my Article for review?

  • Check your article for spelling and correct format, We do not edit articles.
  • Attach your article either in Word, Text Format, or in the Body of your email.
  • In your email send your Real Name, E-mail and Address (state, location).
  • Under your Name and Address include date, and the line. "I give www.largeincharge.com and there owners, permission to use my written article. I am submitting it for there use at their discretion."
  • Include a picture if you so wish in .jpg or .gif format and a brief description of yourself.
 

Send in your stories, poems, etc. to

articles@largeincharge.com

 

 

Ask Raqui

Ask your Questions and We will answer!

Send your question to Raqui - articles@largeincharge.com

NOTE: The Opinion of Raqui  is just that. I do not claim to be professional or to solve your problems.  I can however give you a real answer that may help you out.

Ask Raqui

Q: Raqui your eye brows are FIERCE, how do you get them that way?

Nicole

Raqui:  Well I know you going to hate me LOL.  My eyebrows are naturally shaped like this.  I also happen to be blessed with an abundance of eyebrow hair so they do not look thin.  I do groom them to keep them looking naturally tame.  I use one of those eyebrow shavers to keep the stray hairs in line.  I always make sure no hairs are growing on my bridge and use it to define a bit on my lid.  

One trick I also do is trim my eye brow hairs.  My hairs grow long and I hate when I am sweating and wipe my face that my eye brows hairs kind of paste against my face and looks weird.  With an eyebrow brush I brush some gel on to my eyebrow making the hair stand up then I trim them with little scissors  according to the line of my brow.  You can always add a little gel when your going out to keep your eyebrows in line.

Here is the product I promised I would find for you to help with your eyebrows.  They are eyebrow stencils and if you don't like these just put eyebrow stencil in any search bar.

http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=164366&catid=50622

Q:   I keep entering the raffle but I haven't won yet? 

Liz

Raqui: Hi Liz, All I can tell you is keep entering. Every month we have hundreds of people who enter our raffle and even with out a prize people send in there information for when we have our next prize.  You just have to keep at it and hope to win.  It doesn't take much time to enter and it is free so you can't go wrong.

Q:   When will you have your next cover model search?

SSBBW MODEL

Raqui:  We usually have our cover model search between December and January.  That is also our voting time for Model Model of the Year.

Q:   When I submit a confession how private is it?

 

Not Telling

Raqui:  The confession doesn't go from hand to hand it comes directly to me through email and I don't know who you are.  If you chose to post a name then that is all I know and your email address.  I don't keep confessions I copy the confession and immediately delete the email so no one could hack my box or look into and get your information. I pride myself in keeping things as private at possible.

 

 

Thank you for Reading Ask Raqui

Please send thoughts, comments and questions to

articles@largeincharge.com

Large In Charge

Fashion Furious

BBW/BHM Fashion of the Month

     We all hate how the Fashion Industry is just scratching the surface when it comes to Large Sized Fashion.  But I have found out that many clothing stores and online companies are beginning to take up the slack.  Creative BBW, SSBBW and BHM's are making there own clothing or mix matching and finding basic everyday wear and night club wear. 

     Making it affordable is what can be hard so showcase your wonderful finds here.  If your a regular shopper, sew your own clothing or a designer showcase your clothing here by submitting a picture for Fashion Furious of the month.

 

Fashion Furious of the Month

How to send in your Fashion Find. Send a Clear Picture as an attachment

and use the Format Below to describe your Fashion Furious picture.

Email to Raqui:  articles@largeincharge.com

Fashion Find by: Raqui

Fashion Type: Big and Tall Men's

Description:  Clothing for the Big and Tall man.

 

Why I like this item: I wanted everyone to know about the great 40% sale and the Clearance and King Sized.  Of course it is a men's clothing company but some great things for ladies are.

 

For the Ladies look for:

  • Drawstring jeans,  I bought a pair and they are great.  you can take them to the cleaners to shorten them or role them up.

  • Drawstring chino pants - I bought 3 pairs they give me a cool baggy skater girl look. I match them up with some skater boy sneakers and a girlie top.  Best thing is I can wear some thick spandex under them in the winter,  also dryer safe because they are baggy and can shrink a little.

  • Tee shirts I buy the v neck look and take the pocket off some of them, the fabric they are using now is very soft

  • Long johns - Have a hard time finding long johns to keep you warm in winter,  I get mine from here.

 

For the Men look for:

  • Liberty Blue jeans, They have some great new looks now

  • Tee Shirts - the fabric is soft and comfy now

  • Long Johns - keep them legs warm this winter

  • Fleece - they have some nice fashionable fleeces now

  • Leather - hey who doesn't want a leather jacket now up to size 9XL

 

 

King Size - www.kingsizecatalog.com


 

 

 

   

Send in your Fashion Furious Picture and Details to

articles@largeincharge.com

Large In Charge

Product of the Month!

What is good for Big Sized Bodies

 

    A very important and necessary part of LargeInCharge.  Find out what is helpful for big bodies.  Keep your self straight with some of our tips and tricks. Find out what other Big Sized people use to keep themselves smelling, feeling, looking, and living a proper life.  What kind of products are allowed. Anything that deal with the body. From cleaning aids to soap, lotions, powder, healing aids etc.  anything that can help a big body!

NOTE: The Opinion of those who submit items are not professional.  They are everyday people who found something that worked for them.  We are not held responsible for there opinion - The Large in Charge Staff

Send your favorite Item to be Product of the Month - Follow format below, include a picture of product (most can be found online) and Send to articles@largeincharge.com

Product of the Month

 

About the Product

Recommender: Raqui

Name of Product:
Palmer's - Skin Success Eventone Fade Cream


Type of Product: Skin Cream

Cost of Product:
$7.00 - $9.00

Where Product can be found:
www.etbrowne.com any rite aid, walgreens, cvs etc.

Description:
Palmer's Skin Success Eventone Fade Cream Regular Jar

A unique fade cream formulated with Vitamins C and E, Alpha Hydroxy and Sunscreen. No other fade cream smoothes out skin tone more evenly or fades dark spots more effectively.


Why I like this Product:
Recently doing the Cristina Show in Miami caused a terrible break out on my face.  I believe it was either the make up or the sponges they used to apply the make up.  This break out left behind darkening on my face.  I bought this product in hopes of lighting the dark spots.  Theses marks were almost black as a mole.  Now they are lightening on a daily basis and I see a big improvement.  I recommend this product highly.  I also have been using it on dark spots on my legs and elbows and it is great.  I have been using it only two weeks I cant believe it works so fast.

 

 

 

Send in your Product recommendation to

articles@largeincharge.com

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