The Adventures of Phatgurl
by Emily Suzanne
Adventures Of Phatgurl
is a serial collection of stories about the adventures of Jany, a
plus-sized young woman who, in desperation, places an ad on a
personals website. As she embarks on her dates, she meets many
different kinds of men who expect many different things from her.
Some of her adventures are wildly amusing and others are more
serious and even sad.
If you have any
ideas or experiences, funny or otherwise, that you would like to see
depicted in a future Phatgurl story, please e-mail me at
I will do my very best to incorporate all reader ideas into future
SM willing to ask her out. Need not buy gifts, remember dates, put
toilet seat down. Video game fanatics and men who require guys’
nights out okay. Willing to watch action movies and avoid “the
talk.” Reply to:
Candidate 1: The
Subject: must c pics!!!
Subject: Pics- Don’t Get Scared Away!
Here are some pics for you. A lot of people don’t know what SSBBW
means. As you will see in the pics, it means super sized big
beautiful woman. Well, I don’t know about the beautiful part. I
guess that’s in the eye of the beholder. Anyway, I am probably
saying way too much here, but that’s what I do when I’m nervous. I
ramble. Even in print. So yeah. Hope you like the pics. And if
you don’t, don’t tell me. Ha, ha, ha. Hope to hear from you. If
you like them. Not if you don’t. Anyway, have a good night. I
swear I’m not this stupid normally. I’m just nervous. First time
I’ve ever done a personal. Lots of firsts for me, actually. See ya!
Subject: Re: Pics- Don’t Get Scared Away!
U R HAWT! love titties! how big r they? wanna get wit u. ph #?
Jany’s phone rang. Her heart twisted and ducked out of
her chest for a second when she looked at the screen. Bob. The guy
from the ad. Her first response. Didn’t seem that smart, but he
had responded, at least. She picked up her phone and held it in her
hand, unanswered, for one more ring. Then she flipped it open.
“Hello?” Her voice came out very small.
“Hello,” he answered. His voice came out loud but low
and growly, almost like he was whispering to a woman he was in bed
with. “How ya doing, sexy?”
“Um. Okay. Uh. How are you?” Each word was higher
and squeakier than the last. He had called her sexy.
“Not too bad. You like black guys?”
“Uh, sure? I mean, I don’t really care. I guess so.
“Good. ‘Cause I am. And you know what they say about
black men, right?”
“Mm hmm.” It was all Jany could say, because she did
know what they said about black men, and because she couldn’t
believe she was talking about what they said about black men with a
black man. Couldn’t believe she was talking about sex or male
anatomy with anyone at all, actually, because it just wasn’t what
she did. He didn’t seem to find it awkward at all, though.
“We’s a little thicker. Ya know, down below.”
Jany’s mouth went dry and her palms went wet. She
couldn’t think clearly enough to determine if it happened out of
attraction or fear. She emitted a strangled-sounding giggle.
“Don’t laugh, baby. It ain’t funny. I wanna do you all
And again, the strangled giggle.
“What’s funny, hot mama? You won’t be laughin’ when I’m
done with ya. You’ll be moanin’ instead, maybe even screamin’.”
“Uh huh. Well. Yeah. Hmm. Hee.”
“Oh, come on, sexy. You know you want it. Am I gonna
get that hot, fat ass in my bed when we meet?”
“I—I was looking for—well, see—” Jany sputtered, then
trailed into silence. A date. That’s all the ad had asked for. In
fact, this was the kind of thing she was trying to avoid. She’d
found plenty of guys who were willing to sleep with her. It was
just that none of them were willing to take her out for dinner
first, or hold her after, or even just hang out for a while.
“You was lookin’ for me, baby. And ya found me. Now
tell me little bit ‘bout your fantasies. I’m a-gonna make all
your dreams come true.”
“Honest? You really wanna hear my fantasies? You think
you can handle it?”
“Oh, I can handle anything. Tell daddy what you want.”
Jany’s squeaky voice was beginning to gather some power. After all,
he was just a guy, and he was on the phone. She could hang up any
time. And now that she was beginning to see what he really wanted
from her, she didn’t feel the need to impress him anymore. In fact,
she was just a little bit angry because it seemed like he was making
assumptions about her just because of how she looked.
“Okay, well, my hugest fantasy is pretty simple. I
want, more than anything else, to go out to dinner with a guy.
Nothing fancy, just maybe someplace with outdoor seating, a good
burger place or something. After dinner, we could go back to his
place. Or mine, doesn’t really matter. And we’d watch a movie.
And we’d hold hands.”
“And? Oh, that’s it. Maybe kiss at the end of the
night. You know.”
“What kinda movie would it be?”
“What kind? I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. Maybe an
action movie or a comedy. Just whatever the guy wanted.”
“You don’t watch porn, baby?”
“Well, no! I mean, yeah. Well, I have. Once in a
while. No, not really. I—never mind. No! Not porn, just a
movie. A plain old movie, any movie.”
“If I meet you, I’ll have to have you. You wouldn’t
stop me, right? You’re sooo damn hot. I just can’t control myself
around fine big girls like you, with those curves in all the right
places. Can’t keep my hands off. I wanna sink my—”
“Ha! Haha! Um, yeah, I might stop you. Yeah.”
“How long has it been, baby? How long since you got a
Jany was almost shocked into silence. She would have
been, if that’s the kind of person she was. Instead, she was
shocked into uncontrollable words. Words that spilled out without
permission from her brain.
“It’s been long enough—NO! I didn’t mean to answer
that. It doesn’t matter. This isn’t about sex. It’s about a date,
getting to know someone, having the kind of relationship I’ve always
wanted, a real one that doesn’t end as soon as the dick goes down or
the sun comes up! It’s about more than that.”
Bob laughed quietly for a second and then there was
silence. Jany held the phone away from her mouth so he couldn’t
hear her raggedy breath. She waited a full two minutes for Bob to
“So when we gonna meet, baby? When do I get to rock
“I don’t think—maybe we—you still want to, even
“You’ll change your mind. Meet me Saturday, ‘round 8,
at the Branch. 57th Street, know the place?”
“Yeah.” Jany’s voice was small again. And it was set.
Saturday night, Jany got dressed and undressed a hundred
times or so. She ended up in the same outfit she’d started in, a
black skirt and a purple tank top. She made sure to wear
comfortable shoes. She didn’t really think he’d rape her or
anything, but she wanted to be able to run, just in case. She also
stuck a butter knife in her purse. Not that it would do much good,
but it didn’t qualify as a concealed weapon, she didn’t think. It
would work well enough to gouge out an eyeball or two without
getting her arrested. She walked out of her apartment with her head
held high. This few moments of confidence, of knowing she was about
to be in the presence of someone who found her attractive, was the
only part she liked about first dates. Or first meetings, anyway;
she’d never really been on a date. She was determined to make this
a date and not just another random, singular coupling between
strangers. She’d had enough of that.
She stepped onto first the train and then the bus
without losing the smile. If only she could feel like this all the
time, maybe she’d have better luck. Maybe she wouldn’t have to
place ads on sleazy personals websites.
By the time she had stepped off the bus and walked the
two blocks to the restaurant, the smile was accented by a flushed
face. Shaking knees, too, but no one could see those underneath her
calf-length skirt. She looked around, not sure exactly what she was
looking for. Bob had never sent her a picture. She had just
arranged herself against the brick wall of the building so that her
curves were half hidden and half displayed to best advantage when a
voice behind her made her spin around and knock her shoulder into
“Hey, hot mama. Good to see ya. Mmm mmm.”
“Hi. How—how’re you?” Jany clutched her sore shoulder
and rested against the wall again to take the pressure off her
“Not as good as you’re gonna be when I getcha nekkid.”
Jany’s only response was a giggle.
“I told ya, it ain’t funny. Whaddya say we skip dinner
and just go back to my place?”
“No way!” Jany said, or tried to say, but the words were
swallowed by her fear and she felt her head nodding yes.
“Good girl.” Bob took her by the hand and led the way.
Jany felt like she was a puppet being manipulated by an evil
puppeteer. Well, not evil, maybe, but he was definitely following
his own rules. She wanted to stop him, knew she had to do it soon,
before she was in his apartment, but she couldn’t. Maybe because
there was a tiny voice inside of her that kept pointing out all the
people who saw them holding hands, all the people who probably
thought she was his girlfriend. That part was a good feeling, one
she’d never had before.
He led her into a crumbly brick building that housed a
comic book store. They went up a flight of stairs that left her
breathless and sweaty. She stood against the stained wallpaper
across the hall from his apartment as he dug a key out of his pocket
and unlocked the door.
She had been expecting the inside of the apartment to
reflect the outside, but it didn’t even come close. There was a
black suede couch in the center of the room with a glass-topped,
black metal coffee table just in front of it. A few black wooden
chairs were scattered around the room, interspersed with smaller
glass tables. The carpet was immaculately white. A fake fireplace
stood against the wall across from the couch with a television on
one side and a stereo on the other. On top of the fireplace was a
glass vase of red roses. The perfect bachelor lair. Bob was
definitely a player.
“Wanna get comfortable?” Bob asked.
The word no somehow changed into the word yes between
Jany’s brain and her mouth. Bob kicked off his shoes, so Jany
followed suit. They settled on the couch. Bob picked up a remote
control and Jany breathed a sigh of relief. They were going to
watch TV. The remote control turned on the fireplace rather than
the TV, though. Jany’s heart sank. How could she get herself out
of this situation when she couldn’t even manage to talk?
Every cell of her body jumped when Bob put an arm around
her, but she didn’t have time to react because his lips were almost
immediately covering hers. She found her pulse quickening and her
body straining toward him even as methods of escape raced through
Before she knew it, their clothes were scattered across
the floor and she felt the softness of the suede couch against her
rear. Jany was so out of her element that it barely entered her
mind to be self-conscious about her nakedness. She was still trying
to figure out how to get away, but her ideas were coming more and
more slowly and were often interrupted by passionate gropings, both
his and hers.
“Come on, baby, touch me. Talk to me. Tell me what you
Jany wanted to tell him that she wanted to get dressed
and go back to the Branch for dinner, or that she just wanted to
leave, or that his lips and his hands and his hardness were killing
her and she wasn’t quite ready to die, but she found herself unable
to speak. The best she could do was a deep moan, which was totally
“Yeah, baby. That’s my girl. Moan for daddy.”
His hands slid down her body and it was at that moment
that Jany separated from herself and started watching the whole
thing from a distance. The floating-in-the-air Jany worried that as
soon as he felt her doughy fatness, he would push her away, stand
up, leave the room. The floating-in-the-air Jany also knew it would
probably be best if he did.
As his hand sunk into the warm space between her legs,
the naked-on-the-couch Jany pushed toward him, scratched her nails
down his chest. The in-the-air Jany screamed silently at him that
she wasn’t ready for this, that she wasn’t looking for sex. The
naked Jany, who definitely was looking for sex, lifted her legs and
tilted her hips upward as Bob positioned himself over her. Just
before he lowered himself, the in-the-air Jany found a voice.
“Condom!” she screeched.
Bob responded calmly in his low, sexy voice.
“Oh, baby, you don’t want that. You know you don’t.
You wanna feel me, really feel me.”
And the floating-in-the-air Jany slipped back into the
naked-on-the-couch Jany. Bob rocked back and forth on her, sliding
himself deeper and deeper into her existence. It wasn’t until he
pulled away, spent and satisfied and gloating at his latest
conquest, that Jany fully realized what had happened. The date she
had been looking for had turned into exactly what she wasn’t looking
for, exactly what she’d always had before. Her intellect had, once
again, been destroyed by a penis. A condomless penis. Maybe her ad
should have been more specific: Fat fetishists looking for a good
time need not apply.