The Adventures of Phatgurl
by Emily Suzanne
Adventures Of Phatgurl
is a serial collection of stories about the adventures of Jany, a
plus-sized young woman who, in desperation, places an ad on a
personals website. As she embarks on her dates, she meets many
different kinds of men who expect many different things from her.
Some of her adventures are wildly amusing and others are more
serious and even sad.
If you have any
ideas or experiences, funny or otherwise, that you would like to see
depicted in a future Phatgurl story, please e-mail me at
I will do my very best to incorporate all reader ideas into future
SW SSBBW seeks SM willing to ask her out.
Need not buy gifts, remember dates, put toilet seat down. Video
game fanatics and men who require guys’ nights out okay. Willing to
watch action movies and avoid “the talk.” Reply to:
Candidate 9: The Feeder
I was browsing through
the ads on here, looking for someone to go out with, maybe next
weekend, when I came across yours. Wow. You are a beautiful
woman. I would love to take you out to dinner and buy you course
after course until you were so sated that you could hardly walk
anymore. Then I’d take you back to my place and we’d cuddle on the
couch until you were ready for more dessert. Mmm. Sound good?
Subject: Re: Hello,
Um… okay, to be honest
I have a few issues with your message. Or maybe with you, I don’t
know. First of all, I just wanted to point out that there is no
picture with my ad, so while you may have a picture of me in your
head that makes me the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, you
haven’t actually seen me yet. I’m not going to lie; that’s a little
weird. And besides that, being so “sated” that I can hardly walk
doesn’t really sound like fun. I’ve done that a few times before.
By accident. Didn’t enjoy it. Just because I’m fat, there is no
reason to think that I am food-obsessed. But here is a real
picture, so you can see what you really think. I’m willing to give
you another chance to impress me.
Subject: Re: Re: Hello,
Sorry, m’ lady. I was
merely foreseeing the future. You are gorgeous. Absolutely
gorgeous. I’d tell you about all the things I’d like to do to you,
but at this point you would most likely find them rather
inappropriate. Wow, you’re beautiful, though. Have you ever
considered gaining weight?
Subject: Is There
Something Wrong With You?
Really? Of course I
haven’t thought about gaining weight, for several reasons:
For most of my
life, I have actually been trying to LOSE weight.
I prefer to be
healthy, and while I am now, I probably wouldn’t be if I gained
weight. Not if I gained a lot, anyway.
I already have a
hard time meeting men the way it is, so why would I want to gain
I would never,
ever, in a million years, lose weight just to make a man happy.
I used to think I would, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I
would rather be alone than have to change into a different
person for someone else. If I decide to lose weight, it will be
for me and no one else. So why, why, WHY would I gain weight
for a man? Like me or leave me, the way that I am. That’s it.
Subject: Re: Is There
Something Wrong With You?
Let me explain a little
more about myself. I realize that I may not have approached that in
the best way, and I can see why you’d be upset.
I’m a lawyer, if you
didn’t figure that out from my screen name. Low man on the totem
pole at my firm, but still a lawyer. I have a decent job, I’m not a
serial killer, and I’m not a total freak. I just have a weird sense
of humor and an unusual attitude about women’s bodies.
The thing is, I like
big women. Always have, always will. There’s just something
unwomanly about a thin woman to me, or even an average woman. In
fact, the larger a woman is, the more beautiful she is to me. Most
of the women I date are in the 4-500 pound range. And I’m a
feeder. That’s the part that gets weird to most people. Judging by
your reaction, I’m guessing you either don’t know much about that or
you are a little weirded out yourself. A feeder is someone who gets
erotic pleasure from watching his or her partner eat, especially
when eating leads to weight gain. The reason why eating and gaining
are such a turn on, I suppose, varies. For me, it’s like I said.
The bigger and softer and fuller a woman is, the more beautiful and
womanly she is.
That being said, no
matter what you weigh or what you plan to weigh five years from now,
I would love to meet you. I’m sorry you’ve spent your life
dissatisfied with your body. Too many women, of all sizes, find
themselves unable to be happy with who they are. And I do realize
that weight gain can compromise a woman’s health, and I would never
want you to lose your health because of me. It’s the one aspect of
who I am that I struggle with constantly. As for your issue with
finding men, you’re probably looking for the wrong ones? Just a
guess. There are lots like me out there.
And even though I’d
love for you, assuming we met and enjoyed each other’s company, to
enter into a feeder/gainer relationship with me, I am also happy to
hear that you wouldn’t change for a man. Confidence is the other
thing I find extremely sexy. If you chose to gain, I would want it
to be for your pleasure, not just for mine.
I know this was really
long, probably too much so, but I didn’t want to blow my chances
with a beautiful woman because of my off-kilter sense of humor and a
failure to explain myself. And, I have to admit, I wanted to
impress you with my intelligence and wit and empathy. So how about
a date, just to get to know each other? Dinner and a movie, maybe,
or we could go somewhere to dance. Sound okay?
Subject: Re: Is There
Something Wrong With You?
To be honest, I
have no idea what to say to you. It’s a lot to process. I
definitely find myself interested in you, but I can’t be sure
whether it’s genuine interest or some weird curiosity about the
taboo. What I am feeling could equally well be excitement or my
womanly instincts warning me against you. But yes. There, I
said it. I will go out with you. FYI, I’m kinda nervous,
this is okay. You never really said what kind of food you like.”
at a quiet restaurant on a side street, one that had a small menu
and an enormous wine list. Jacob appeared to be the prototype for
the storied tall, dark, and handsome man, and he was well-dressed
and polite. It was definitely the classiest date Jany had been on.
More like something out of a movie than something that would really
happen, which was probably why Jany felt rather like she was playing
approached, poured water, doled out menus, verbally ran down a list
of dinner features. Jany listened carefully, then studied the
menu. There was a steak Caesar salad that sounded good, but what
would Jacob think if she just ordered a salad? Maybe she could
order something else with it.
trust me?” Jacob asked, just when Jany was beginning to realize how
ridiculous her dilemma was—how dumb to suddenly worry about not
looking like a pig on a first date..
know, to be honest. In what context?”
you want me to trust you about?”
meant, do you trust me to order for you? I come here pretty often.”
sure.” At least that took the pressure off Jany. Jacob ordered
steaks and potatoes, salad, and soup for each of them, and an
appetizer sampler to start it all off. Jany felt almost full just
thinking about all the food. She forced herself to smile anyway.
You really are beautiful, you know. Thinner than most women I’ve
dated, but still beautiful.”
stiffened up at his words, but tried to keep her face relaxed and
friendly. She failed.
“Hey, did I
offend you? I’m sorry.”
just—well, yeah, I guess you sort of did. I mean, I get that you
like fat chicks, and I really appreciate that. But I still think
that was a little out of line. I mean, a guy would never get away
with telling a girl she was beautiful, even if she was heavier than
most of the women he dated. Why should I react differently, just
because you called me too thin instead of too fat? That, my friend,
is assuming that thin is the best way to be, whether you believe
that or not. Otherwise, you wouldn’t assume it was okay to comment
about my weight just because you were positively mentioning my
fatness instead of my thickness.
Nellie! I’m not even completely sure what you just said! But I
didn’t mean to insult you.”
feisty one, aren’t you?”
blushed and looked down at the table.
“Actually—well, I’m not. This is totally uncharacteristic for me.
I honestly don’t know what happened. I just—I don’t know.”
Well, how about this: I will forgive you for your little outburst if
you forgive me for accidentally insulting you.”
Could we—is it possible for us to just not talk about my weight?”
Jany looked up to see the waiter approaching. The bemused
expression on his face, and his obvious effort to hide it, told her
that he had overheard. She flushed again. The waiter set a plate
of appetizers on the table and disappeared. “This is quite possibly
the most awkward date I’ve ever been on, which is saying a lot. But
for some reason, I’m still enjoying myself a little.”
glad.” Jacob smiled and loaded a small plate with bite-sized pieces
of food from the platter. He handed it to Jany. “Here. Eat.”
Jany took a
bite, but could barely chew. She kept wondering if Jacob was
watching her, and if it was turning him on. The thought made her
shudder. Food and being turned on did not go well together in
Jany’s mind. They ate in silence. It was the most excruciating
appetizer experience Jany had ever had.
meals came and they began eating those. With every bite, Jany felt
more and more self conscious. Was Jacob really staring at her more
adoringly with every bite, or was she overanalyzing and only seeing
what she imagined she might? It was during dessert that she finally
snapped. Well, snapped again. She’d been having trouble curtailing
her emotions ever since she’d started talking to Jacob.
“I can’t do
this anymore!” she said abruptly, shoving her dish away almost
violently, so that it knocked into her water glass and caused water
to slosh out onto the half empty plate. Jacob tipped his head to
the side, very apparently confused.
okay? Do what?”
I can’t just sit here and eat and eat and eat just to make you
happy! I’m full, I’m self conscious, and I feel like if I stop
eating, you’ll never talk to me again!”
wow. Let me explain some things. I know you’re new to this, and
feeling kind of uncomfortable with it, but you don’t need to attack
me every three minutes. I didn’t do anything to you. You knew who
I was and what I was about and you agreed to go out with me anyway.
And I told you before we even met that I wanted to meet you whether
or not you got into this whole thing. So can you relax and have a
good time for a little while, and maybe stop making me into a demon
that needs to be slayed?”
up and ran toward the bathroom. Jacob caught up with her just
before she got there. He grabbed her by the shoulders and turned
sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. But it’s frustrating for me,
too, you know.”
without much success, not to cry. She did, at least, manage not to
burst completely into tears. When she spoke, her voice was quiet
no idea what my life is like. I’ve never been able to be with a man
who respected me, or even a man I was attracted to, really. It’s
terrible, and I’m lonely, and I just want my life to be different.”
we get out of here? Come on.” They stopped by the table to get
Jany’s purse and take care of the bill, then slipped silently
outside. Jacob guided Jany gently by the elbow and they settled
onto the stairs of a vacant building down the street. “Okay, now we
can talk. I’m not really sure, to be honest, what any of what you
just said has to do with anything. I don’t understand. But I want
know, either. It’s just what came out. I guess it’s just that I
want, so badly, to be with someone who likes me the way I am, and
respects me, and doesn’t want me to be somebody different. I never,
ever say anything to anybody about this. I don’t know why you turn
me into a shrieking, screaming freak. It isn’t because I don’t like
you or anything.”
honored to be able to bring out the freak in you.” They both
laughed softly. “I do respect you, and I don’t want you to be
someone else. I want you to be you, so I can get to know you and we
can see if we get along or not. But I want you to be a you that has
a little more confidence in herself. You do have some, you know.
But you keep it buried so deep that when it comes out, it comes out
sounding more like hatred for everyone else than respect for
“Give me a
minute. I don’t know what to say to that.”
watched an ant scurry by on the sidewalk, studied a crack in the
sidewalk, inspected her fingernails. He was right. He was
absolutely right. And it scared her that someone she had known for
so little time seemed to know her so well.
you’re right. Well, I know you are,” she said. “I just—I don’t
know. I can’t explain what’s wrong. Not even in my own head. I
have to be afraid of me. I will not ask you to change. I will not
hurt you if I can help it. All I want from you is to get to know
luck. I don’t even know if I know me.”
I know what I’m up against.” Jacob grinned and stood up. “Okay,
enough of this deep stuff. It’s not typical first date fare, you
have some fun. I want to take you to a club I go to a lot.”
were standing outside of a brick building with smoked glass
windows. A small sign above the glass door said Club Bubbles
mirrored lettering. Jacob opened the door and Jany walked inside
ahead of him. A man asked to see her ID, which she provided. He
called Jacob by name. What Jany saw when she got inside made her
squinch her eyes shut, shake her head, and look again. The place
was full of men and women—dancing, sitting at small round tables,
settled into black leather couches, talking, laughing. Like any
other popular night club. Except, for the first time in her life,
it was entirely possible that Jany was the thinnest woman in the
room. The women were of all shapes and heights and colors. Some
were dressed in classy business attire. Some were dressed in jeans
and t-shirts. Some were dressed in leather and chains. Some were
barely dressed, in teeny skirts and bikini tops that didn’t do much
at all to cover their vast, rolling bodies. But almost every single
one of them was a large woman. And none of them seemed to care.
like most bars, where the larger women hid in corners and discreetly
watched the men at the bar in the hopes that one of them would
approach, at least until they’d had a few drinks. These women were
dancing, swaggering, swaying their enormous hips and glancing coyly
at any man who caught their attention. The men were of all shapes
and sizes and colors, too; they ranged from tall and thin to short
and barrel-chested, and hit on every size in between. But Jany
couldn’t take her eyes off the women. She was completely without
this place?” she finally whispered to Jacob.
Bubbles,” he replied.
yeah. I got that. But what is it?”
night club for the plus-sized. Well, mainly plus-sized women, and
men who like them. But in general, just a size-positive club.”
never knew there was any such thing.”
lots of them. That’s what I tried to tell you. I’m not the only
guy like me out there. I brought you here to show you that.”
Wow. That’s all I can think of to say. Wow. Thank you.”
Subject: The Other
I can’t even begin
to tell you what it meant to me to go to a place like the club
we went to. It was amazing. And you were amazing. You’re a
great guy. I think that maybe I’m not ready for someone like
you. You saw everything I try hard to hide, and you called me
on it. It didn’t make me angry, or really even hurt me all that
much, but it made me think. That’s my biggest problem; I’m a
thinker. And the whole night, being with you was almost like it
would have been to be with a guy who liked skinny women. At the
restaurant, I saw you watching me eat and I worried that I
wasn’t eating enough. In the club, I saw you looking at other
women and worried that I wasn’t fat enough. I never feel like
I’m enough. I think I’m just not mature enough for this whole
dating thing yet. I feel like a twelve-year-old. I’m not sure
it’s fair to you for us to see each other again, at least not
until I manage to get a handle on things and grow up a little.
But you have no idea how much you changed my outlook on life. I
will always be grateful to you for that. Keep in touch and I
hope that some day we can try this again. Jany.