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LargeInCharge Magazine - Six Years on the Net!

 Issue#79 - October 2010

Welcome to LargeInCharge Magazine

In this Issue of L.I.C.




Words of Wisdom from the Heart & Mind of Raqui


Big Girls on the Red Carpet  ~ Cher Rue

From the Plus Side ~ Emily Smiltneck


Good 4 U Food  ~ Xander


The Big GB My Gastric Bypass Memoirs - Soyna Bennett


Tales of a Happy Fat Girl ~ Estrelia Mateo


From the Desk of NAAFA

National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance


Fashion & Products with The WebGirl ~ Lucia Roth


F.A.T. - Free All Thinking ~ Candace Lane

Reflections from a Plus Sized Sista


LargeInChargeDating - Dating for the Large People who are going to be in Charge of their Love Lives!


LargeInCharge Friends - The Place for Big People to make Friends and maybe MUCH MORE!
written by Raqui


Raqui's Zappos Experience

     This months feature is a company that I really love.  Why do I love  How can you not?  The quality of the merchandise is great, I have shoes from 4 years ago that are still going strong and are so comfortable that I wouldn't trade them for any other shoes.  Zappos has a wide variety of shoes, boots, sneakers, sandals and clothing as well as accessories.  My main focus has always been the shoes and sandals,  I truly appreciate the facts that zappos has large sizes in footwear for both men and women. 

     Zappos carries up to size 17 in women's and up to size 20 in men's, and yes they do have wide, double wide and triple wide width.  The children's section is also quite extensive.

     What enforced my desire to feature this month was a purchase I made last month.  Delivery was free for a pair of lovely sandals and they were delivered quickly (more praise for my favorite shoe company) they fitted nicely but once I started walking in the sandals, I realized that my toes were slipping right out the front and my toes were hitting the floor.  Needless to say a return was in order.

     Zappos customer service was not only polite and professional,  they were also nice.  I was given many options on return imbursement of my money.  Since I didn't have a printer Zappos would send me a return mailing label.  I didn't have to pay for return shipping either.  I was then upgraded to VIP Status and sent a email so that I could purchase another pair of shoes.  I would be credited for my new order.  I was able to pick out some new shoes and they were delivered just as quickly at the first pair.

     Some say you shouldn't toot your own horn so that is why I am tooting for this great company.  There customers do come first and while some may say that the shoes are expensive.  I say you pay for what you get.  I got great quality shoes and service.  TOOT TOOT Zappos you deserve it.

Your Faithful Customer Raqui


Thank you for Reading The LargeInCharge Feature

Please send thoughts and comments to

Jeni Pierce

Cover Model of the Month Interview What is your name?

Nashira, but my friends call me Nicole (middle name) Where are you from and what is your current Location?

I am a southern girl at heart and grew up in Mississippi, however I've been Midwestern for 10 years residing in Wisconsin currently. Can you give us some information about yourself (Age, Height, Size, Nationality, Marital Status, Children, etc.)?

Let's see I'm 31, 5'5", 317 pounds and a size 24. My nationality is African American and I'm a mom to a beautiful seven year old little girl. Were you a big child, or did you gain weight later in life?

I've always been a chunky girl. But, when I moved on my own at 20 my weight ballooned hence I was eating alot of fast food. (If you were a big child) how did you feel growing up as a large child?

The most complicated thing was never being noticed by guys my age. Since I was very well developed, (especially in my chest), I got more attention from upperclassmen but it made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Also, I wasn't necessarily teased but kids treat you differently and make you feel like the "odd one out"! (If you gained weight later in life) what caused you to gain weight and how did you feel about it?

Well, I lived a very sheltered childhood and also emotionally and physically abused. Food was EXTREMELY comforting and once I left home it became a bad habit hard to break. When I was stressed or dealing with unresolved feelings about my past I'd eat. I fell into a big denial in 2006 when I became a size 28 and was wearing one pair of jeans that flattered me. I wore cat lady gowns (as most would call them ha ha) at home, and when I went out it was either the one pair of jeans, sweat pants or a few other outfits that actually made me look flattering. I hated going shopping because it was a big reminder of how much weight I had gained. It was the pits-and I didn't know how to come out of the hole I dug for myself. What made you decide to enter the LargeInCharge model search?

Even though I've always been full figured I still loved the camera. Over the years I began to develop confidence and realized the person that hurt me in the past is a reminder of the person I should never be. This model search is not about me attempting to gather a name for myself, attention from the fan base of the magazine, etc. It's part of my liberation to say this is me, love it or leave it..and if I can have the confidence to accept who I am then hey you can to! I've always wanted to model, but felt I wasn't what they call "industry standard". Did you find it a hard journey to be accepted for your size?

When I was younger yes! As I got older I realized once I loved me others did to. Of course you have those that are shallow and it seemed some people have been offended by my confidence. Society says beautiful doesn't have curves, love handles, belly, and wear spanx. I say screw society, and love yourself for who you are and you'd be surprised how people can't help but respect that and love you as well. :) Do you find acceptance among your family and friends?

Yes, I receive a lot of love and support from my peers and family. What would you say inspires you most in life?

My daughter motivates me to be successful in every aspect of my life and knowing I'm her role model makes me push myself harder and harder. What is your primary job?

I am a Restaurant Manager. How did you get into this line of work?

Well, I was self employed for five years and decided I wanted to do something different! Do you find acceptance in the work force?

Absolutely! My co-workers are awesome. What changes do you believe should take place for Large People in the work force?

It should be mandatory company required attire accommodates all sizes. Whether you are a size 1x, 2x, or 6x, the opportunity to be hired for a position and wear the same uniform as the other employees is fair. If not, I feel that is discrimination. What do you think about the fashion industry for big sized clothing?

Some retailers have made huge mistakes in fashion and I have wondered why they think someone wants to wear a tablecloth or grandma's curtain. (ha ha) Before it was hard finding anything fashionable and cute. Presently, more stores carry clothes that flatter large women and men. What do you wish to see change with the fashion industry?

I wish there was more lingerie that accommodated the bustier woman. But the creme de le creme is everything running true to size. It's extremely frustrating to buy a size 24 in one brand and it fits but in another brand your a size 26 or 28! What changes do you think will happen if plus sized modeling for men and women were to expand?

I think the fashion industry would try to discourage it. We've lived in a world where big is not beautiful but we've fought the good fight and gained some acceptance. In sincerity I don't think we could ever gain that respect across the board. They want to sell the idea that thin is in and if you have curves or God forbid love handles its not appealing. Most full figured models are still within the guidelines of what is considered "attractive" Think about it, Lane Bryant and Torrid never have models over a size 20. There are still way too many restrictions and I'd love to see those barriers broken. Tell us some of the places you buy your clothing from.

Torrid, Lane Bryant, Target (I lovee them), Ebay, and Macy's Tell us one of your secret beauty tips.

Exfoliate your skin daily with a cleanser such as Apricot scrub or Neutrogena face wash with an exfoliation pad. You can purchase both at Target. Give us some tips on how to have a successful Photo shoot. What should models be prepared for?

Always have a variety outfits, and plan what you want to wear a day or two early. This gives you time to make a final decision or change your mind. BE sure to wear shapers/girdles, because it makes a big difference when you wear form fitting clothing. Also, if you don't know how to apply makeup, find a makeup artist who does TFP work if your budget won't allow you to hire someone. They advertise all the time on craigslist and model mayhem! When doing a shoot, have a theme in mind, such as location. You want your outfits to coordinate with where you will be taking pictures. You can find examples in magazines, or model profiles. It can also simply be what you decide creatively! Just be sure to not wear a ball gown at the beach. (smile) Try an area such as a vineyard, park gardens etc. Your photo shoot depends on the look you are trying to achieve. Lastly, practice your poses in front of the mirror at home. Although it seems ridiculous, you are able to see yourself and decide if it seems natural or too forced! Look at Size acceptance five years ago... look at size acceptance now. What changes do you see?

There is still pressure from the media that only thin is beautiful, but there is a bigger acceptance of the large community. Monique did a great job having the first full figured beauty pageant and as time goes on I'm sure other opportunities will come forth. Our voices are not being ignored and we are receiving the same opportunities in areas of acting, fashion, and music. Five years ago, large women competing in a televised pageant would have been unheard of. We have come a longggg way! What changes do you think will happen five years from now with size acceptance?

We will have the opportunity to express ourselves in many areas, and I think the issue of size won't matter. More importantly, insurance companies will lift the ban on offering coverage to larger applicants and not consider them a risk simply because of their weight. There are people who have been large for years and not have one health concern. Whereas, someone smaller receives coverage and acquires a multitude of illnesses. It's an unfair practice that I hopefully will change in the future. Tell us about your goals as far as modeling and other interests.

I've decided to take a leap of faith and try my hand at modeling again. I did years ago, but I was burned badly by someone in the industry. However, that is the past and I think life is too short to not pursue my goals. I'd love to do print modeling and possibly host or co host a radio or TV show. In addition, I'm writing a novel and looking to start a nonprofit organization in the future. What have you accomplished as a Plus Sized Model?

I am more grounded than ever before and when you receive positive thoughts and well wishes from your peers it encourages you to keep pushing forward. I've gained alot of courage to fulfill my dreams as a model and hopefully it will happen for me! Have you entered or won and Contests or Pageants? What was the experience like?

I entered a contest once and I was extremely nervous. I didn't win but it was fun and because I had the confidence to try is what mattered most. Sometimes an experience is just as fulfilling as winning! Can you tell us about an inspirational moment in you life that made you feel good about your size.

I was out shopping one day and a lady stopped me and said, "You are so gorgeous!" At this point in my life I had already gathered an abundance of confidence but that made it jump 1,000 points higher. Is there a person in your life that makes you keep going?

My daughter is my biggest motivation. What advice would you give to other people of size who want to model?

If you don't think your beautiful other people won't. So what if you have parts of your body that aren't flattering! Most models who aren't large are airbrushed to cover their flaws. (a secret we all know about) A model isn't always who we see on the cover of Cosmo, it could be someone who has established a name for themselves and want to showcase their beauty independently or for an organization that will accept them. We are in an era where more opportunities are available so get off the couch and make your dreams come true. What plus size figure do you admire?

Queen Latifah. I've followed her career since she graced the scene as a rap artist. I am so amazed at all she has accomplished- especially with Cover Girl. Describe yourself with one word.



Thanks for reading about our

Cover Model of the Month


     Raqui the Owner and Founder of, Raqui's  "Tell it like it is" style of writing has brought thousands to her blogs and millions to  There is so much behind the woman who has brought this magazine into existence.  Being Internationally known as a wrestler/squasher lead the way to modeling for companies and being featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.  She has made a career out of her size and personality. Born, Raised and Residing in the Bronx NYC. This city girl is taking the world by storm.


     For the past 6 years Raqui officially moved into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.  With the creation of LargeInCharge she took what she said to individuals to a higher level and made it public to the internet world. She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her.  Knock her down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.  Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized people online her grace and style has made people love her.  Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend the world to fit her, her way.


     Raqui's appearances include, Uk Television, German TV, Japan, Europe, Sweden and the Spanish circuit.  Her many magazines appearances have been world wide.  She has hit American Television in 2006 with Good Morning American and since has appeared on The Cristina Show,  The Maury Show and The Tyra Banks Show.

To view her Online portfolio visit

Raqui featured on and Glamour Plus - go to Portfolio Section

Raqui-ism - Loss isn't about Forgetting it is about Accepting!

Written By: Raqui 


     Around this time of year I think about many things. Most importantly I think about the death of the most influential man in my life, my husband.  October second makes the ninth anniversary of his passing.  Even with time I still feel it deeply.  The tears didn't come as much this year.  They threatened my eyes often, but I held them back to remember the good things.


     I visited his grave again with my sister and planted beautiful flowers. I brought something's he would have liked to leave behind. It made me happy to take care of his gravesite, sad that I had a grave to visit in the first place.  Mad because I feel the pain of not being able to put a stone on his grave because I don't own the plot and those who do are no where to be found.


     The hardest lesson to learn with loss is that most people just will not understand nor will they have sympathy long term.  Most believe that you need to just get over it, forgetting is said to be easy.  Just don't think about it,  That is completely wrong and one of the most hurtful things for a person to say to someone who has lost someone they love.


     When I talk about losing someone you love I compare it to getting a limb cut off.  It is a life changing experience and you go through all the same stages;

  • Denial (this isn't happening!)
  • Anger (why is this happening?)
  • Bargaining (I promise I'll do anything if...)
  • Depression (I just cant deal with this anymore.)
  • Acceptance (I'm ready to live again)

       You have to learn to accept the unacceptable, it can be one of the most difficult, challenging things you do in your life.  Just because you accepted reality doesn't mean the work is over.  For many years maybe most of your life, you will go through phases back and forth at different times.  Especially when something is not going right in your life.  It feels as though the weight became so much more heavier because of the loss you have been through.  So you will feel many things such as;

  • Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insolation)
  • Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
  • Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)

     You may very well going through all these phases several times and randomly.  So accepting is just the beginning of Adapting.  Learning to live with out that limb/person and adapting yourself to a whole new way of life.  You change and you will not be your old self.  You become a new person one that has learned a hard life lesson.  It is up to you how that change will affect you.  It is up to you to decide if you will be able to grow and keep the memory of them alive in you heart.  You don't need to forget... you need to accept... then adapt.


LargeInCharge Radio - Weekly Radio show discussing Plus Sized Issues.  Friday's 7-9 pm EST - Call in & Chat in our Chat Room.

Raqui's Cool Links  

Raqui's My Space Page

Raqui on Twitter


Thank you for Reading Raqui's Spot

Please send thoughts and comments to

From the Plus Side


Emily Smiltneck

     From the Plus side will be column dedicated to short stories that deal with all aspects of Plus size Life.  Emily Smiltneck was chosen for this position because of her dedication, and realistic writing style. She captures the emotional and mental rollercoaster those who are Plus Sized go through.


     Emily Susanne Smiltneck lives in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (pretty much dead center in the middle of nowhere). She is a substitute teacher, and has recently started a tutoring business. Emily is currently working on several writing projects, including a historical fiction novel and several collections of poetry.

Emily Smiltneck receives recognition in Neighbors Daily Press - See article below


     It is a great joy when our fellow Plus Sized people receive recognition for their life's work.  Join me in this Joyous moment when one of our LargeInCharge writers is seen for her contribution and great dedication to her goals in life.  Click the images above to read the article about our dear Emily. When the page open click on the article to zoom in and read it.


The Adventures of Phatgurl

by Emily Suzanne Smiltneck  


The Adventures Of Phatgurl is a serial collection of stories about the adventures of Jany, a plus-sized young woman who, in desperation, places an ad on a personals website.  As she embarks on her dates, she meets many different kinds of men who expect many different things from her.  Some of her adventures are wildly amusing and others are more serious and even sad. 


If you have any ideas or experiences, funny or otherwise, that you would like to see depicted in a future Phatgurl story, please e-mail me at  I will do my very best to incorporate all reader ideas into future columns.  Thanks!


The Ad (Part 2)

SWSSBBW seeks SM who will not rape her, emotionally or otherwise.  The ability to both speak and write in complete sentences is a plus.  Must not inadvertently throw her down stairs or pretend that she is “Mama.”  Intelligent conversation, a little respect, and the lack of a current significant other will get you far.  And a well-developed sense of humor won’t hurt, either.  If you like smart chicks with jelly bellies and thunder thighs, reply to


Looking Back ... Continued



Jany slowly opened her eyes.  She was tense, nervous, and had no idea why.  Cautiously, she pushed the blankets down to her waist and stretched an arm out.  It touched flesh.  Jany was standing up next to her bed before she realized she was even moving, then let out a shaky sigh of relief when she saw Selena sprawled across her bed. 


            Then, the relief gave way to something else, anxiety, maybe, or embarrassment.  What should she do?  She didn’t want to leave the room, the comfort of Selena’s company, but she wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened yet, wasn’t ready to talk about what it might mean.  And if she was there when Selena woke up, the conversation would be inevitable.  She started to sink back onto her bed, then froze.  The shifting of her weight onto the mattress might wake Selena up.  Instead, Jany sat at her desk and turned her computer on.  She checked her e-mail, but there was nothing exciting to read.  Then she went to the web site for the university she wanted to attend.  It was too late to sign up for any fall classes, but she mostly just visited the web site to dream anyway.  Someday, maybe she’d have the courage to start taking art classes, but not yet.  It was a scary prospect; if she failed, if she wasn’t any good at art after all, her dreams would be dead.


            Too depressing to think about, and she had enough to deal with today.  Absent-mindedly, she went to and logged in.  No new messages, but she spent a few minutes perusing the profiles of the men she had yet to make a second date with.  There were only three that she really wanted to see again.  Three that made her feel like a real woman, just as attractive as any other woman, a woman who had options.  The rest didn’t seem to fit who she was anymore.  She paused to smile at that thought.  Perhaps she was starting to be who she wanted to be instead of who she felt like everyone thought she was supposed to be.


            Jacob was a lawyer.  A professional.  He hadn’t been a creep—no almost-rape, no groping in the backseat of a car, no head-shaving requests on their first date.  The only thing he’d had working against him was that Jany didn’t think she deserved him.  That and the fact that he’d brought her to the Club Bubbles before she was ready to accept the fact that places existed where she was the norm, even one of the “cool kids,” instead of being a fat freak.


            And there was Trent.  He’d been fun and funky and artsy, just the kind of guy she’d always imagined herself with.  Even though he’d taken her to a play about transvestites with an audience of half naked people, and even though she, herself, had been one of the half naked spectators, he’d made her feel completely comfortable.  She’d felt confident after their date, strong.  The only thing that had kept her from contacting him was that he’d told her he wasn’t really into fat chicks.  Granted, he’d also said weight didn’t matter at all to him, but it was hard to believe that an average guy, one who didn’t like her merely because she was a plus-sized woman, could like her.


            The third guy she still wanted to go out with was Haroon.  She hadn’t gone out with him to begin with, but he’d been friendly when she’d met him in the park, and he had given her his number.  Contacting him would take a lot of courage, though, since she didn’t know for sure that he had feelings for her.  He also didn’t have a profile on, so she couldn’t check out his status to see if he was still single.


            And there was William to think about; they’d stayed in contact and he had said he’d like to see her again.  And Michael, who loved her but wouldn’t meet her anyway. 


And looming above them all was Selena.


            “Jany?  Morning.”


            Almost as soon as Jany thought Selena’s name, she heard Selena’s voice coming from directly behind her.


            “Oh, hey.  Morning.”  Jany busied herself with rearranging things on her desk so she didn’t have to look at Selena.  She wasn’t used to waking up with someone, to the morning after.


            “So—did—last night didn’t mean anything to you, did it?”


            Selena’s voice was soft and sad, and Jany finally forced herself to look up.  Selena was standing behind her, studying the computer screen, which displayed William’s Personalz profile.


            “I—yes.  Yes it did, I just don’t know what yet.  I know I keep avoiding this issue, but I really don’t know what I’m doing here.”


            “Jany, you can’t keep messing with me.  I can’t take it.  One minute you’re all warm and soft and then you’re cold and hard and looking for someone else, for a guy.  You always talk about how you never feel like you’re good enough for anyone because they never want anything more from you than to cop a feel or get their rocks off, so you of all people should know how I feel when you keep changing your mind about me.  It’s driving me crazy!”


            “Selena, I’m really sorry.  I don’t have the words to explain myself is all.  Last night, in bed?  After the wine started wearing off a little, when we were falling asleep?  I’ve never felt that good before, that—acceptable.  I loved how I felt.  But I don’t know if I’m really gay or bi or whatever or not.  I mean, I guess I know I’m not gay, ‘cause I do like guys, but I don’t know if I feel like I do about you because you’re a girl or just because you’re you.  I mean, it might just be you being a friend and making me feel good that makes me feel that way.  It’s just so—weird for me, still.”


            “I know what you mean, but maybe you’re just going to have to make up your mind pretty soon so I don’t, like, lose it.  This yes-and-no, hot-and-and-cold stuff is killing me.  And maybe it doesn’t matter if you like girls or not.”


            “But—I think it probably matters.  I mean, you are a girl.”


            “No, that’s not what I mean.  This is a strange idea, I think, but I’ve always had it.  I’ve just never tried to explain it to anyone before.  What if—what if it doesn’t matter if someone is a girl or a guy?  That’s what it’s like for me.  I honestly don’t really care at all what parts a person has, it’s just, like, the way they make me feel that matters.  And sometimes it’s a guy that makes me feel all excited and jittery and giggly and sometimes it’s a girl.  It’s the—like, the feeling that matters.  Maybe most people don’t think that way just ‘cause they know they’re supposed to only feel that way about the opposite sex.  Do you get what I mean?”


            Jany got up from the chair by her desk and arranged herself cross-legged on her bed, then immediately regretted the move because there wasn’t anything other than Selena to pay attention to.


            “Kinda.  I understand what you’re saying, I just don’t know if I agree or not.  I mean, I totally understand, because last night I felt really, really good being with you and I didn’t even really think about you being a girl.  At least for part of the time.  And I was—well, I mean—never mind.  I enjoyed it.  But sometimes, I really do want to feel a guy’s arms around me and stuff.  There are times when I want to be with someone and I know for sure it’s a guy I want to be with.”


            “So are you saying you were turned on last night?”


            “Oh, god, Selena, I don’t know.  I don’t want to say that.”


            “But it is what you were going to say, right?”


            “Kinda.  Maybe.”  Jany had never looked so closely at her bedspread in her entire life.


            “And sometimes, guys turn you on.  Like when you’re in the mood, you think about a guy automatically and not a girl.”




            “Okay, so think about this, then.  What if you were in a relationship—would you expect to never get turned on by another person, ever?  That’s, like, totally not how it works.  You just learn to, like, kinda tune it out or whatever.  You don’t act on it.  So as long as guys and girls can both turn you on, it’s just like—whatever.  You just don’t act on your feelings with someone besides the person you’re with.”


            “I get what you’re saying, I do.  I just—this is the first time in my life that I’ve ever felt like I have options.  I mean, I don’t really feel like I have options, but I feel like I might have options.  And I’m afraid I’ll regret it if I don’t take advantage of them.  What if I don’t at least try to see these guys again?  What if I say, okay, fine, I’ll try dating you, and then you decide you don’t like me anymore?  It’ll be too late for any of the guys I’ve gone out with already, and there’s no guarantee I’ll ever meet anyone who likes me again. 


“I think about that just about every day.  I’m afraid to be happy with what I have right now because it could all be gone, just like that.  Every time someone touches me or kisses me or even says something nice to me, I think that it could very well be the last time it ever happens.  Don’t you see?  Can’t you be patient?  No matter what, I’ll always be your friend, but I just have to explore all my options before I can settle down with anyone.  It’s too scary not to.”


“Whoa, girl.  Slow down.  First of all, you’ll totally always have options.  Don’t be silly.  And I get it that you want to, like, check things out and finish off your list of dudes before you take yourself out of the game, and I, of all people, know how scary it is to make the decision to swing the other way.  I’m okay with you going out with the rest of the guys or whatever.  I just gotta know if I’m, like, still on your list or what.  I gotta know how you feel.  It kills me to have to be wondering all the time where I stand.”


            “You’re one of my favorite people, okay?  I like you a lot.  You are one of my best friends, probably my best friend, and I think you’re beautiful.  It has nothing to do with you as a person.  I’m just not ready to make a choice yet, at least not if that choice is a girl.  I really don’t know if I’m fighting it so much because I’m scared of an actual relationship or if it’s because I’m really just not made to ‘swing the other way.’  But I definitely don’t want to give up my friendship with you.  I just need time.”


“Okay.  But do you just need, like, time to decide, and we can still see each other and stuff, or do you want time completely away from me?”


“No, no, no.  We can still see each other.  I’ll even—I’ll even go out with you or whatever.”  Jany ducked her head even lower as her cheeks blazed.  “I just want to be free to test my wings on the guys I haven’t gotten to see again yet.  I decided something, though.”


“What’s that?”


“I was going to go out with all of the guys again, even the ones I didn’t really like, because I thought it was just my insecurity or whatever.  But now I decided to just get ahold of the ones I liked.  I’m getting better, I really am.  Maybe I’m getting closer to knowing who I am.”


“Okay.  I’ll take it.  I’m okay with that.” 


“Good.  Now, should we go get some breakfast or something?  This is the problem with a relationship between two chicks, I think.  Too much thinking, too much talking.”  Jany stood up, finally looking at Selena again, and took a few steps toward the bedroom door.


“Yeah, that kinda is a problem.  Let’s get outta here and go have some fun.  We can get all emotional and depressing again some other time.”




Thanks for reading

From the Plus Side with Emily Smiltneck


Emily's Cool Links


Cher Rue is an actress, writer and producer. Starting out with writing "Dear Cher" she knew she loved helping other people. Being plus size all her life this was where she knew her calling was.

Cher was seen on "Dr.Phil, "Good Morning America", "Entertainment Tonight", "Russian, British, Japanese, and Viet Vietnamese Television". Also a documentary filmed at the Las Vegas Bash on the Travel channel, and Current TV, a online station, with numerous radio interviews talking about size acceptance.
You can also see a recurring show "Secret Lives of Women" seen on the We channel "Women's entertainment".

Cher was recently in a new movie "Forever Plaid" coming out soon.

Cher is now involved with mainstream "Hollywood" and charity events showing that beauty comes in all sizes
it is what is inside that counts.

Cher has always loved seeing others happy and helping others to find their inner self and beauty.
Ten years ago, she found the plus size community and she knew this is where she would focus on helping others who were like her and had some of her experiences and pain that she went through.

Old School Meets New Skool Concert
Article by: Cher Rue

Los Angeles, California, September 2010 – French Royalty Entertainment in partnership with Bigg Whale Distribution presented Old School Meets New Skool Concert celebrating the album release of one of the most dynamic music artists in the country today Pop/R&B/Hip Hop singer Trueful. His newest music offering “A Taste of Class” took place in a red carpet setting at the Los Angeles Convention Center 1201 South Figueroa Street Los Angeles, CA 90015-1399 @ 7:00PM on Saturday, September 18th.
Main performers: Trueful, Ricky Jones, Trueful, H-Town and Dru Hill

This was truly an amazing concert. The Chamber brothers were there giving their support and even went on stage to do a number aw just like the old days, and I loved it.To see old legends still performing was surreal, and then to see some young performers so talented knocked your socks off, Young wisdom I couldn't take my eyes off of them as they had their choreography so together and their singing got you rocking in your seat. I also was taken back by Three beautiful girls "Certified PYT" who gave an amazing performance.
All in all it was a well put together event by the amazing Publicist Eugenia Wright and the show was a huge success. Many celebrities attended and it was great to see everyone standing and rocking to the music.

About H-Town
Platinum group H-Town - members Solomon “Shazam” Connor and Darryl “GI” Jackson (Keven Conner – deceased) - are also promoting a new album, “Child Support,” which features Jodeci and Pretty Ricky on the single “Knocking Your Heels.” Their past hits include “Knockin’ Da Boots,” which went #1 on R&B charts and “Lick U Up.” Their 1993 debut received a Soul Train Award for Best New Artist and reached Platinum status.
About Ricky Jones aka “The King of Hearts”:

The traditional line of R&B love men is a long and distinguished one. Many are led to believe they have the calling, but few live up to the standard. One man who has put in the time,
preparation, and inspiration to carry the torch is Ricky Jones. The versatile singer, songwriter, producer, and performer is working on an astoundingly well-rounded soul album, thoroughly
living up to his newly acquired nickname, “The King of Hearts.” (Excerpt of biography, read the rest and sample music here):

About Dru Hill
Multi-Platinum R&B group Dru Hill’s anticipated fourth CD titled “InDRUpendence Day” was released in July, 2010. Members Nokio, Jazz, Sisqo and Tao will perform their current single “Back to the Future” and other selections from the new album. The passionate R&B singers are known for such hits as “In My Bed,” “Never Make a Promise,” “How Deep is your Love,” and “We’re Not Making Love.” You can find Dru Hill currently appearing on BET’s CENTRIC Network in the “Keith Sweat’s Platinum House” reality show which airs on Mondays at 8 p.m. ET.
About Trueful
In 2008 Trueful debuted with“Truth Be Told,” which reached #13 on the R&B charts. It garnered him qualification status for a Grammy Award nomination for Best New Artist. Trueful will be performing songs from his new CD, “Taste of Class,” such as the first single “Feeling You” and his second single release “Beast.” Trueful will be joined by the French Royalty Dancers (Jazzy and D. Valentine). Fans will be able to see more of Trueful as he segues into acting. Trueful will appear in the Screen Gems film Easy A, in theaters September 17, 2010. To add to his growing list of accolades, Trueful recently received a Rising Star Music Award. Log on to
Celebrities who attended;
Quinton Aaron (The Blind side), Cher Rue (actress/producer/plus model), Annie McKnight (BET Comic View), R&B Princess Dvyne (BET Night Cap and talk show host for Soul Beat), Kathleen Bradley former Barker's Beauty, Louis Price (former lead singer for the Temptations), the legendary singing group The Chambers Brothers, actress, Irene Mama Stokes (actress/ star of Cooking with Irene), Playboy model
Josie Goldberg, Playboy model Donna Rowe, video vixen Porscha Coleman, Miss Tami "The Lyrical Boxer," international film star Xango Henry, Melissa Grimmond (Zane's Sex Chronicles), TV producer Fay Hauser (Story of a People), Kymedienne (stand up comic), Vincent M. Ward (series regular True Blood), Joslyn Pennywell (several episondes of America's Next Top Model), Tanya Kersey (Producer of Hollywood Black Film Fest), Isa Hall (Voice Over Actor, recent credit The Lottery Ticket), Jarvee Hutcherson (Producer of the Multi-Cultural Motion Pic Assn), DJ Tre Luv, Tami Mac and Kevin Nash of KJLH Radio, R&B singer Maiya Sykes, Leo Rodgers (Sr. VP of Bungalow Records) Folk singer Martha Liz, exotic dancer Dayshia, child actor/model Anthony Hobbs, child TV reporter Harmony Bailey (daughter of famed photographer Hiltron Bailey) actress Suzette Tomlinson, Record Producer AVI, The French Royalty dancers, dancer/actress/model Krystal French, rap group Young Wisdom, rapper G-Flame, rappers The Circle, producers APT 6, Beauty Queens from the Ethnic World Beauty Pageant,
Joslyn Pennywell – America’s Top Model contestantVincent M. Ward – True BloodRapper, MaxsoErnest Thomas – Everybody Hates ChrisMaiya Sykes – VH1 Band on the Run (Macy Gray’s back up singer) Mishon – Interscope music artist and former series regular on Lincoln Heights.

Eugenia Wright @ ISA Public Relations Production.
Media Affiliations:Entertainment Contributor to Lee Bailey's, "Kleopatra Girl's Ringside Report";
DV8 Mag ;; English Gal blog; Crunk Weekly, The Scoop LA and Fashion Meets Music, Hollywood Nights and Velvet Ropes

Videos  Certified PYT  Young Wisdom


Thanks for reading Big Girls on the Red Carpet


     Xander brings blend of life experience and culinary twist to his writing. From cooking on television and live demonstrations, to writing Xander cook’s like he feels. A former Chicago native transplanted to Tennessee, His goal has been to experience the fullness of food heritage. He believes that as a people and society, can learn a lot from what we eat. Combining a great life lesson and a easy recipe.  They go hand-in-hand to provide a tasty addition to your day. Xander has to confess that ingredients in a great meal are like the ingredients in a great life are never far apart.



Dressing It Up

by Xander The Food Dude


     Ok, I hate to admit it, but I love Halloween.  While we all have heard the basics of what Halloween is about, what about all the other, like dressing up in a costume and trick or treating, how do those play into it.  For this month, I let someone else do the work and in my research found and absolutely awesome article that takes all the guessing out of the Holiday.  It gives me more time to work on my costume  J  I hope you enjoy the story, the holiday, and the food.


     Halloween is an annual celebration, but just what is it actually a celebration of? And how Or is it just a harmless vestige of some ancient pagan ritual? The word itself, "Halloween," actually has its origins in the Catholic Church. It comes from a contracted corruption of All Hallows Eve. November 1, "All Hollows Day" (or "All Saints Day"), is a Catholic day of observance in honor of saints. But, in the 5th century BC, in Celtic Ireland, summer officially ended on October 31. The holiday was called Samhain (sow-en), the Celtic New year. One story says that, on that day, the disembodied spirits of all those who had died throughout the preceding year would come back in search of living bodies to possess for the next year. It was believed to be their only hope for the afterlife. The Celts believed all laws of space and time were suspended during this time, allowing the spirit world to intermingle with the living.


     Naturally, the still-living did not want to be possessed. So on the night of October 31, villagers would extinguish the fires in their homes, to make them cold and undesirable. They would then dress up in all manner of ghoulish costumes and noisily paraded around the neighborhood, being as destructive as possible in order to frighten away spirits looking for bodies to possess.


     Probably a better explanation of why the Celts extinguished their fires was not to discourage spirit possession, but so that all the Celtic tribes could relight their fires from a common source, the Druidic fire that was kept burning in the Middle of Ireland, at Usinach.


     Some accounts tell of how the Celts would burn someone at the stake who was thought to have already been possessed, as sort of a lesson to the spirits. Other accounts of Celtic history debunk these stories as myth.


     The Romans adopted the Celtic practices as their own. But in the first century AD, Samhain was assimilated into celebrations of some of the other Roman traditions that took place in October, such as their day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple, which might explain the origin of our modern tradition of bobbing for apples on Halloween.


     The thrust of the practices also changed over time to become more ritualized. As belief in spirit possession waned, the practice of dressing up like hobgoblins, ghosts, and witches took on a more ceremonial role.


     The custom of Halloween was brought to America in the 1840's by Irish immigrants fleeing their country's potato famine. At that time, the favorite pranks in New England included tipping over outhouses and unhinging fence gates.


     The custom of trick-or-treating is thought to have originated not with the Irish Celts, but with a ninth-century European custom called souling. On November 2, All Souls Day, early Christians would walk from village to village begging for "soul cakes," made out of square pieces of bread with currants. The more soul cakes the beggars would receive, the more prayers they would promise to say on behalf of the dead relatives of the donors. At the time, it was believed that the dead remained in limbo for a time after death, and that prayer, even by strangers, could expedite a soul's passage to heaven.


     The Jack-o-lantern custom probably comes from Irish folklore. As the tale is told, a man named Jack, who was notorious as a drunkard and trickster, tricked Satan into climbing a tree. Jack then carved an image of a cross in the tree's trunk, trapping the devil up the tree. Jack made a deal with the devil that, if he would never tempt him again, he would promise to let him down the tree.


     According to the folk tale, after Jack died, he was denied entrance to Heaven because of his evil ways, but he was also denied access to Hell because he had tricked the devil. Instead, the devil gave him a single ember to light his way through the frigid darkness. The ember was placed inside a hollowed-out turnip to keep it glowing longer.


     The Irish used turnips as their "Jack's lanterns" originally. But when the immigrants came to America, they found that pumpkins were far more plentiful than turnips. So the Jack-O-Lantern in America was a hollowed-out pumpkin, lit with an ember.


     So, although some cults may have adopted Halloween as their favorite "holiday," the day itself did not grow out of evil practices. It grew out of the rituals of Celts celebrating a new year, and out of Medieval prayer rituals of Europeans. And today, even many churches have Halloween parties or pumpkin carving events for the kids. After all, the day itself is only as evil as one cares to make it.



Xander's Recipe of the Month


Halloween Eye of Newt



  • 12 eggs
  • 2 drops green food coloring, or as needed
  • 1 tablespoon sweet pickle relish
  • 1 tablespoon mayonnaise
  • 1 pinch celery salt
  • 1 (6 ounce) can sliced black olives, drained
  • 1 tablespoon prepared yellow mustard


Place all of the eggs into a large pot so they can rest on the bottom in a single layer. Fill with just enough cold water to cover the eggs. Bring to a boil, then cover, remove from the heat and let stand for about 15 minutes. Rinse under cold water or add some ice to the water and let the eggs cool completely. Peel and slice in half lengthwise.

Remove the yolks from the eggs and place them in a bowl. Mix in the relish, mayonnaise, celery salt and food coloring. Spoon this filling into the egg whites and place them on a serving tray. Round the top of the filling using the spoon. Place an olive slice on each yolk to create the center of the eye. Dab a tiny bit of mayonnaise in the center of the olive as a finishing touch.



Halloween Brain Dip



  • 2 avocados
  • 1/2 cup prepared salsa
  • 1 head cauliflower
  • 6 thin slices red and blue fruit leather


Slice the avocados in half. Remove the seeds and set aside. Scoop the avocado out of the skin into a bowl. Mash with a fork or whisk and stir in the salsa. Set aside. Slice off one side of each pit to make it flat and expose the cores of the pits. They will look like eyes.

Remove all of the leaves from the cauliflower and remove the stem, leaving a nice hollow area with the outer part of the head intact. Use toothpicks to hold it together if it starts to fall apart.

Place the cauliflower into a small bowl, so that the hollow is facing upwards and most of the cauliflower is up out of the bowl. The bowl is just for stability. Fill with the avocado dip and arrange the pits as eyes. Decorate the white ''brain'' by weaving thin strands of red and blue fruit leather between the florets to make veins and arteries. I wrap the bowl with cheesecloth and decorate with red food coloring to make it even more horrific!



Witches' Broomsticks


  • 2 1/3 cups biscuit baking mix
  • 2/3 cup milk
  • 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
  • 3 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted
  • 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese


In a bowl, combine biscuit mix, milk and Italian seasoning. Turn onto a lightly floured surface; knead 10 times. Divide into 30 portions; set half aside. Roll the remaining 15 pieces into 7-in. ropes for broom handles; fold in half and twist. Place on ungreased baking sheets.

Shape reserved pieces into 2-1/2-in. circles; cut with scissors to form a bundle of broom twigs. Place below each broom handle; pinch edges to seal. Brush with butter; sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake at 450 degrees F for 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned. Serve warm or cool on



Thank you for Reading Good Food 4U

By Xander the Food Dude

Please send thoughts and comments to


In 2007, Sonya was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes; a generational curse that she had prayed to avoid, but didn’t worry about while she piled butter pecan ice cream on her German Chocolate Cake.    Only a few months into this diagnosis, she woke up one morning unable to walk and in excruciating pain in her left foot.  Doctors finally diagnosed an acute tendonitis, exacerbated by uncontrolled diabetes. 

That was the wake-up call, She had suffered for years with high cholesterol and sleep apnea; all associated with her weight,  it wasn’t until this happened (wheelchair bound for a month and on crutches following that) did she tell herself "I have to do something about my weight."  On April 17, 2008, Sonya had the gastric bypass medical weight loss procedure and it was the best decision that she made for herself.  In these upcoming writings, Sonya invites you to learn the ups and downs of gastric bypass: through the eyes of one who lives it every day.


with Sonya Bennett



I continue to follow Angela in her quest for the gastric bypass. She shares her next steps in her own words as follows:

I managed to get to my nutrition consult appointment ON-TIME (which is a rare accomplishment, indeed!) and my counselor was a delightful woman. She greeted me and seated me in her office, and together we discussed how my life and eating habits would change during this weight loss process.

Some of the pre-surgery preparations that she recommended seemed to be simple enough...
1. Begin cutting food into small pieces and chew each bite 20 times (I can do that!)
2. Slow the pace of my eating to last 20 minutes each meal (I can certainly eat for 20 full minutes!)
3. Minimize multitasking when eating (well, I DO eat at the computer and in front of the TV - I think I can do that).
4. Limit carbonated beverages and reduce caffeine intake (check... got that covered)
5. Practice NOT drinking with a meal, and for one hour afterwards.

WOW! No drinking with my meals!? How am I supposed to wash it down? This is a HUGE thing for me! All these years, I thought that filling up on liquids while I ate actually was a helpful thing to do. If you filled up on liquids, you ate less food... right? I guess not. In fact, during a recent support group meeting, I learned that drinking while eating post-surgery can actually prevent you from feeling full and encourage you to eat MORE!
I understand now why old-wives tales say to not drink while you eat. WOW!

Now that the nutritional consult was over, my next step was my psych consult. I knew that this appointment would take about three hours to complete, but I didn't realize how intense it would be! Forms to fill out before the exam... surveys to fill out... questionnaires to fill out... before AND after meeting with the counselor... all requiring truthful responses, and all very in-depth. I really needed to think about each response before answering.

Well, during my exam the counselor suggested that I have some "tendencies towards binging". I never knew that! I thought a "binger" was a person like Eddie Murphy as Professor Klump: a person who just sat and ate pounds of food through their tears. I don't do that... I just clean my plate... and her plate... and his plate... food is not meant to be wasted! I am a proud member of The Clean Plate Club! Isn't everybody?

By the end of my appointment, the counselor revealed even more to me... that I was currently exhibiting symptoms of depression. In some cases, post-surgery patients experience bouts of depression, and if I am entering surgery with symptoms, then she could not yet clear me for surgery. WHAT!? You can't clear me for surgery!!! Don't you think that losing weight would help lift my depression!!! Do you think I want to keep taking 14 pills a day? Some of them I take three times a day PLUS two injections a day!

Well, the psych counselor will check with my regular therapist to get a back-up clearance; to see if my therapist agrees with the surgery and will follow-up with me post-surgery. Once the two of them agree, then I can proceed with my next step. I knew this would be a process... and what a process it is!

Here's to waiting... on my new life!




Thanks for reading

The Big GB - My Gastric Bypass Memoirs

Sonya's Links:

Sonya Bennett on Facebook

 Tales of a Happy Fat Girl is the story of one girl’s journey towards size acceptance in a positive light. Estrelia Mateo was born and raised in Miami, Florida. She began writing poetry and short stories in middle school as way to deal with the teasing and bullying she received due to her weight. She has won numerous awards for writing including being nominated for the Silver Knight Awards in Journalism by the Knight-Ridder Foundation.
Estrelia is also one of the founding members of Chi Zeta Theta Sorority, Inc. Chi Zeta Theta Sorority, Inc. is a multi-cultural sisterhood with the purpose of uplifting, encouraging and empowering the plus size woman. Estrelia currently resides in Boca Raton, FL.



A Happy Fat Girl's tale of Growing Up

with Estrelia Mateo



     When you are a child you always think about what or who you’ll be when you grow up and as you grow older you start to focus more on the details and less on the abstract notion. When you were a kid you would probably say you wanted to be a doctor when you grew up and as you got older you would start focus on getting good grades and thinking about the best schools you could get into.  Growing up isn’t just about getting older in age, it is also about taking those necessary steps into adulthood.  There are rites of passages in every culture that person must go through to be considered an adult in their community.


     In the Hispanic culture one of the most important events in a young woman’s life is her Quinceañera, which is her fifteenth birthday. While most people see it as a huge birthday party rival to that of a wedding, there are certain ceremonies that each girl must go through to show her ascension into womanhood. There is usually a ceremony where the young girl takes off her shoes that represent her childhood and puts on her first pair of high heels, which symbolizes her adulthood.  I love this ceremony the most because I feel like it really reiterates what stepping into adulthood is all about.


     When I turned fourteen I was looking towards my quinces with so much anticipation as a kid on Christmas Eve. All I could think about how much fun party would be with all my family and friends looking on as I took my steps into adulthood. As we began the planning process everything seemed so real. From the moment I tried on that first dress I realized that after that night I would no longer be look at as a child but as a young woman.  The concept made me a little scared because I knew there were certain things that were required of a young woman that I didn’t have to do as a child. I knew I would have to act a certain way and carry myself in a certain way.

     I knew things would be different when my mom started pushing me to wear more feminine clothes like dresses and skirts. She started giving me tips about wearing make-up and jewelry and where before she would send me out of the room when she was talking with her girlfriends, she began to let me stay around for the conversation. She extended my curfew and even talked about letting me date boys. She even gave me the dreaded sex talk.  She began to talk to me about the importance of being a lady and having a sense of class and decorum.  She taught me that part of being a woman is being confident in your decisions whether they are wrong or right and to always stand up for yourself. The day of my party came and went but the lessons about being a woman stay with me always and when it is time to throw my daughters quince I will past on those lessons so that I can make her first steps into womanhood as solid as mine.




Thanks for reading Tales of a Happy Fat Girl

     Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.


     This Column is dedicated to the tremendous work NAAFA has been doing for over four decades.  LargeInCharge wishes to support NAAFA in spreading the word of its work, and give the public more information into issues we as plus sized people should be aware of.  The fight for equality for people of all sizes is one we support.


     This Column will include News Releases and Calls to Action from NAAFA Directors.


This Column has been Approved by


NAAFA 2010 Fashion Design Scholarship Winner


NAAFA is pleased to announce that Sarah Rosandick has received the NAAFA 2010 Fashion Design Scholarship.  “Sarah’s professionalism, passion and unique design vision put her ahead of all other applicants.” said Jason Docherty, NAAFA Co-Chair. Sarah is currently enrolled in the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Los Angeles, CA and graduated in September.

"I believe that it is important for fashion designers to realize the importance of plus size clothing in today’s fashion industry.  The clothing I have designed is suited for women that want to be bold and show their curves....It is my goal to satisfy all women's tastes in a fun and edgy way that compliments their unique shapes." states Rosandick.

Sarah was presented with a $1,000 scholarship to continue her studies and develop her line. She received her award as well as premiered one of her winning design pieces, worn by Jessica Bell, in the 2010 NAAFA Fashion Show.



Thanks for reading

From the Desk of NAAFA



Our WebGirl Lucia Roth, was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. Graduated with a B. A. degree in Communication from Southeastern Louisiana University and is considering going back for her Masters degree. Lucia a people person and is always willing to help out a friend in need. She enjoys music, movies, poetry, and good book on a rainy day. Lucia has several mottos about life.

This is one: Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.



The WebGirl Picks of the Month

Fashion Find Product of the Month

Fashion Find

Fashion Find by: Lucia

Fashion Type: Sale

Peggy Lutz gives you style, quality and personalized service at a great price. Sale Subsections: Bridal/ Dresses/ Jackets & Coats / Skirts / Tops/ Separates

Prices for Outlet section: $40.00 -$ 300.00
Product of the Month

Recommender: Lucia

Name of Product: Naturally Fresh
Type of Product: Deodorant

Cost of Product: (affordable) Price Varies

Where Product can be found:

Description: Can’t beat value and I love it! Like most men and women when it gets hot it hard to find the deodorant that will keep your dry and keep you from having under arm odor. Well… I found a product for you it’s recommended by doctors including oncologist, dermatologists and allergist.

Thanks for coming to Fashion & Products with the WebGirl

     Candace Lane (C.L.) is a 24-year-old plus sized artist from Illinois, where she was born and raised. She is a graduate of Proviso East High School. Candace is a certified Patient Care Technician who is experienced in the medical field.


     C.L. now works in technical support for a major electronics manufacturer. C.L. is currently pursuing a bachelorette degree in Mixed Media Art. Her artwork has been featured in local artist competitions. Candace considers herself a spiritual person. Being the oldest of four siblings gave her courage to lead and the wisdom to know when to follow.  As a member of what has been labeled Generation Next, she believes that life is a learning experience and everyone can teach you something; you just have to be willing to learn.


     In her free time, she enjoys traveling, art, music, good food and great conversation. Presently she is single, sassy and satisfied with where life is taking her.



The Important Things

with Candace Lane



“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”- Buddha


             When was the last time you treated yourself to something nice? I don’t mean the this-cost-$50 and-it-looks-like-it-cost-$200 nice, I mean the Yes-I-paid-$200-because-I-am-Loreal-worth-it kind of nice. How many times a day do you think about the wellbeing of the people around you before you stop to think about yourself? As women, we are natural born caregivers conditioned to fulfill that roll from birth. Think about it, your first toy was probably a baby doll. When we become women we are supposed to care for our children, our parents, our husbands, our friends, the homeless, and fight world hunger, but when do are when are supposed to care for us? Who takes care of us when we get sick or have a tummy ache? Who nurses us back to health? I remember seeing my mother always make sacrifices for my dad and her children, but I cannot remember one single time were she took time out to pamper and fuss over herself. I am not even sure if she knows how to.

             You do not have to have the IQ of Albert Einstein to know that life is short. Now, figuring out the meaning of life… well, that is another story. Sometimes it is not the destination, but the path we drive to get to the destination that makes the trip worthwhile.  Do you treat yourself the way you treat others? For many of us the answer is no. Grace Mirabella was the one who said, “The name of the game is taking care of yourself, because you're going to live long enough to wish you had.” I think of my mother every time that statement comes to mind. When I see tired in her face, I wonder if she had to do it all over again, would she. I think of the parents that work 80-hour workweeks to put their children through school. I think of the children who gave up school along with their childhood to take care of ailing parents.  I do believe that you can give and give and give to the point where you have nothing left for yourself and don’t even think about still being able to take care of others.  

             I found myself at a place where I was evaluating my wants, dreams, goals and desires and wondering if I would be like my mother. She is the world’s sweetest person. She is warm, funny, beautiful, kind, patient, loving, unselfish, gentle and a whole other list of words that cannot begin to do her justice. My mother is the only person in the world that I know has always had my best interest at heart. I have never doubted the authenticity of her love for her children. The only one word that I question whether it accurately describes her is happy.   I am saddened when I think about that, but It would hurt more I think, if I ever asked her about it. What is it that makes her happy? I hope to be even a half of the woman that she is, but my desire is happy. I desire to know joy and to have joy be as much a part of my life as my future children and husband. Is it possible to find a balance between humility and self-importance?  Does it make me selfish to desire the balance? I do not know, but I do know that I am not will to sacrifice happiness. So what exactly is it that makes me happy?


             It is okay to make sacrifices in life; everyone sacrifices something sometime. It is important that we take care of ourselves as much as if not more than we do others. You cannot be someone’s rock and foundation of you are withering and decaying away. When you get to a point where you are too tired to be tired, it is probably time to take a break and get some much-needed R&R. Get a pedicure, go on a vacation, buy yourself that sexy black dress even if you wear it just for you. Take a nice long no technology allowed walk at the beach and feel the sand in your toes while you listen to the ocean sing to you. Do something that gives you pleasure and makes you happy. We will only live a short while on this large rock; you should be able to enjoy it at least part of the time. When everything in your life becomes hectic, you cannot forget to take care of number one. We get one body, one soul, one mind and one heart.  Take care of these things; they should be your most treasured possessions. If you cannot do that for you, then do it for the ones that love you. You are just as important to the people you love as they are to you.  Never forget that.  I dedicate this message to all of the YOUS out there.


Be Blessed- C.L.





Thank you for Reading FAT - Free All Thinking

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