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LargeInCharge Magazine - Starting our Eighth Year

 Issue#84 - March 2011

Welcome to LargeInCharge Magazine

In this Issue of L.I.C.




Words of Wisdom from the Heart & Mind of Raqui

From the Plus Side ~ Emily Smiltneck


Good 4 U Food  ~ Xander


The Big GB My Gastric Bypass Memoirs - Soyna Bennett


From the Desk of NAAFA

National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance


Fashion & Products with The WebGirl ~ Lucia Roth


Big Beautiful Hollywood ~ Jonny T


Fattitude - Its a Fat way of Life ~ Pat Llewellyn


The BIG - Beautiful Inspirational Girl  ~ Ms Suga


Large Ladies in the Work Place ~ Sherry Graf


LargeInChargeDating - Dating for the Large People who are going to be in Charge of their Love Lives!


LargeInCharge Friends - The Place for Big People to make Friends and maybe MUCH MORE!

An Internet Playa/Predator
Recent accounts
Ira Bobby Patrick Toole

Ira Bobby Patrick Toole the saga continues!

By: Raqui


     We have all heard of them.  Internet Players, men and women on the net who take advantage of others.  I have seen all types of groups dedicated to warning others of these harmful people who are running rampant on the Internet.  Anything from heart break to taking money to taking lives.   Internet Players are making others miserable.  They are not hurting one person at a time but many people at a time.  Since the Internet is full of people all over the world and most of them want to meet others and have different types of conversation.  Many are looking for that special someone and this leads to falling into the traps of Internet Players. These men and women who make up numerous stories and make you believe they love you. They take you on a world wind romance and often get away with a lot more than they came in.


   Now we continue a 7 year long history with personal written experiences from females who have come across one particular man. This is the fourth appearance in LargeInCharge as we learn more. Join us as we add two new accounts from women who are victims of Ira Bobby Patrick Toole Jr.


Please note some of this information may have changed in the past 7 years

Name:  Ira Bobby Patrick Toole Jr.

Age: 40 

DOB: May 4, 1971

Height: 6'8

Weight: 321

Location: Sacramento California

Yahoo Name: itoole

AOL Name:

His Game:  He targets BBW's and SSBBW's.  He is on numerous dating sites, and messages boards.  I likes to view BBW and SSBBW porn or adult material.  You can find him on those boards often.  He often goes by the name Patrixx.


     Ira heaps compliments on you and talks about his love for you and your beauty. He claims to fall in love with you and wants to marry you.  He says he has bought a ring for you.  He claims to have bought you a car to travel in when you go to see him. Sometimes he says he will send the vehicle to you.  He shows the cars he claims to have on web cam.


     He says he has a twin brother named Bobby, many sisters,  and numerous family members in Louisiana, Texas, Atlanta, New York City and California.  He says that he was suppose to be married but his fiancé died in a car accident. Sometimes she dies while pregnant with his child sometimes not. 


     Ira claims he has been in the reserves, is a US Marine, sometimes in Iraq sometimes not. A heavy equipment operator, that he works with children, is a construction worker, has a business as a tow truck driver, Is certified to drive for EMS,  has sold drugs in his past and worked at Wal-Mart.  It is unsure which he has or has not done.  Ira often talks about his family and how some members cause him to not have a phone.  He claims some members of his family hate, then other times they love him.  He complains about having to help them all the time or he will say they never help him.  These persons change from time to time.  He talks about his Bingo playing Aunt and his father a lot. 


     He often says he will cook for you and clean and you will never have to do anything.  He seems to have an aunt or family member everywhere.  He disappears at times to come back saying he was either in jail, that his computer broke or he was in the hospital.   He uses his associates at times for phone access.


If you want a full history you can go to the below links:
1st account:  
2nd account:
3rd: account:




From V:

     I'm so sad I didn't run across your magazine BEFORE I met Ira Toole for only a year of my life. I had too question everything he EVER SAID AT LEAST 3XS OR MORE he didn't KNOW the the truth if if walked up him and spit in his face. But enough about that but I'm written to say that I saw a obituary of Ira Tool in Homer ,LA but I cant find out if the story is true or not It means NOTHING!  So could u try to find something I want to know for sure is HE DEAD because I cant sue a dead person .




From Tasha Crawford (if you look up the history above he used her email address to send me an apology in 2005):

     I am so sorry about the lies Ira told you, I know form experience that he aint no damn good, my name is Tasha and I was with him for 1 year and ½ . HE is the worlds biggest liar. He cannot do anything else but lie. I know his father, and his father told me that :

1. He never graduated high school or college
2. He does not like anyone telling him what to do
3. He is nothing but a big bully
4. He is a thief, he came to Rancho Cordova, that is where he lives, with his girlfriend her name is Geraldine Core. She lets him live with her, so all the women call there and cuss her out.

     I am one of his victims, he is also a pedophile, my sister was 15 years old and he took some naked pictures of her, and then lied about her.  Ya’ll should call John Walsh for AMW, and see can you get his pic on the air.
He never goes to prison where he belongs, where the big boys play, he just goes to jail and then he goes home to Gerry. He lives on some street called Spring valley, or something.



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Tahlia W.

Cover Model of the Month Interview

Interview: What is your name?

Tahlia W. Where are you from and what is your current Location?

I was born in the beautiful Island of Trinidad and Tobago and I currently reside in Jersey City. Can you give us some information about yourself (Age, Height, Size, Nationality, Marital Status, Children, etc.)?

I am 25 years old. I am 5 feet 6 inches tall, I wear a size 20, I am a Black Trinidadian, Currently single and I do not have any children.  I am a college graduate who is in the process of going back to school for my masters degree. Were you a big child, or did you gain weight later in life?

I was skinny up until the age of 12 and then I began to gain weight rapidly in my teenage years. (If you were a big child) how did you feel growing up as a large child?

Well I was a small child but a big teenager. It was difficult because just by observation you knew that you were different from others your age. Growing up in the US it was not as big of a deal. However having a West Indian family made it difficult because they pointed out that I was bigger than everyone else every chance they got and they still do it to this day. What made you decide to enter the LargeInCharge model search?

I am always looking for different opportunities to get my face out and to inspire others in the process. I came across this model search and I thought that it would be the perfect opportunity to accomplish both those goals. Did you find it a hard journey to be accepted for your size?

It definitely was as and it still is. I find that when you are larger people tend to notice that first. They may think your pretty or fashionable or talented but for every compliment there is a comment about your size. For example or You have a pretty "face" for someone of your size or you dress nice for a "big" girl etc. Do you find acceptance among your family and friends?

As I stated earlier being from Caribbean culture people tend to blurt things out without regard for ones feeling. So although I am accepted by friends there is no one in my family that is my size so I find myself in a constant battle with them about my weight. What would you say inspires you most in life?

Anyone who follows there dreams without regard for what other people say and think is inspirational to me. Just reading stories about individuals who have overcome obstacles besides there naysayers is a great inspiration What is your primary occupation?

I am a social worker. How did you get into this line of work?

I always wanted to be a lawyer because I wanted to help people. However when I started college I took one sociology class and I was hooked. I also enjoy helping others and working in my community to link people to the resources that they need. Do you find acceptance in the work force?

I do find acceptance in the workforce my coworkers and clients always compliment on my style. They really have no negative things to say about my weight. What changes do you believe should take place for Large People in the work force?

I think that the stigma with being LARGE should be changed in general. I think in some work places have negative things to say about bigger people. I believe that just as the awareness has been raised for those who are homosexual there should be heightened awareness in the workplace and in society for those that might be different than the norm. Such as being a large individual. What do you think about the fashion industry for big sized clothing?

I believe that more designers are recognizing the need for larger sized clothing. However I think there should be as much variety for plus size clothing as there is for regular sizes. I don't always find that when I am shopping for myself. I think every store should have a component for stylish plus sized clothing. What do you wish to see change with the fashion industry?

I want to see all designers, stores and major clothing hubs embrace plus size fashion. I find that the plus size fashion industry is very limited and it needs to be expanded. What changes do you think will happen if plus sized modeling for men and women were to expand?

I think it would change the way society viewed larger people and I think that it will help more people to feel comfortable in their own skin. If you look in magazines and turn on the television and saw more people that looked the way you did it would be a self esteem boost for young and old. Tell us some of the places you buy your clothing from.

Torrid, Forever 21 +, Ashley Stewart, Lane Bryant, ASOS Curves, H&M, Marshalls, Rainbow, and Target mostly. Tell us one of your secret beauty tips.

I wear a girdle ,wash and moisturize my face everyday and I buy accessories weekly. I do not wear a girdle because I am trying to hide or camouflage anything , it is just a finishing touch to any outfit to make it look uniformed. It is my number one accessory. Give us some tips on how to have a successful Photo shoot. What should models be prepared for?

A model should be prepared for hard work. Though photo shoots are enjoyable, they are usually long and tiring as well. So you should make sure that your fully rested otherwise it will show up in pictures. Look at Size acceptance five years ago... look at size acceptance now. What changes do you see?

I see more people being accepted for their size in the media. However I do believe that there is a lot more work to be done. I see more shows about size, more plus size models and actors but I still feel like the media will only put plus size model in one category and not give them enough range. What changes do you think will happen five years from now with size acceptance?

More laws about bullying, more positive messages about size in the media and more job opportunities. Tell us about your goals as far as modeling and other interests.

As far as modeling goes I want to get into print work and some runway. I also want to open up an organization about self image for youth after I receive my Masters in counseling. What have you accomplished as a Plus Sized Model?

I have done a music video for an artist from Vegas. A print ad for Finishing Touches Accessories and photo shoots for a few local photographers. Have you entered or won any Contests, Pageants or Awards? What was the experience like?

I have entered many contest I have not won any yet but I am hoping to do so soon. I was randomly picked as the fashionista of the week from a plus size blog. That was an extreme self esteem booster. Can you tell us about an inspirational moment in you life that made you feel good about your size.

I hosted a girls night in at my home with a group of my friends. We started a game where each person had to go around the room and share there thoughts about each friend in the room. Playing this game I expected to get the usual "I think your great" and "I love you" comments. However what came out of each person mouth was, how much of an inspiration due to my positive attitude on size and body image. Each person said how they admired me and looked up to me, even individuals who were older than me. This made me feel so empowered and loved. It made me happy to see that size could not measure how beautiful a person was inside and out. Is there a person in your life that makes you keep going?

My mother and my grandmother. I believe that those two women are definition of strong black women in their own right. My grandmother who struggles with disability after raising 11 children and my mother who fought as a woman to accomplish all her goals in life. Buying a house, raising a daughter, becoming a nurse and owning her own business without the help of anyone. She is truly my definition of a strong, independent woman. What advice would you give to other people of size who want to model?

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. There is nothing that cannot be accomplished if you put your mind to it and trust in God. What plus size figure do you most admire?

Madeline Figuerora Jones, Queen Latifah I admire there drive and determination. Describe yourself with one word.





Thanks for reading about our

Cover Model of the Month


     Raqui the Owner and Founder of, Raqui's  "Tell it like it is" style of writing has brought thousands to her blogs and millions to  There is so much behind the woman who has brought this magazine into existence.  Being Internationally known as a wrestler/squasher lead the way to modeling for companies and being featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.  She has made a career out of her size and personality. Born, Raised and Residing in the Bronx NYC. This city girl is taking the world by storm.


     For the past 6 years Raqui officially moved into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.  With the creation of LargeInCharge she took what she said to individuals to a higher level and made it public to the internet world. She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her.  Knock her down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.  Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized people online her grace and style has made people love her.  Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend the world to fit her, her way.


     Raqui's appearances include, Uk Television, German TV, Japan, Europe, Sweden and the Spanish circuit.  Her many magazines appearances have been world wide.  She has hit American Television in 2006 with Good Morning American and since has appeared on The Cristina Show,  The Maury Show and The Tyra Banks Show.

To view her Online portfolio visit

Raqui featured on and Glamour Plus - go to Portfolio Section

Raqui-ism - Back by Popular Demand - Approaching a Woman Online!

Written By: Raqui 

Approaching a Woman Online

     Ever since my recent break up, I have been thrown back into the dating scene.  Not always by choice.  It almost seems like some have just been waiting for me to be single again.  Now the men are really out there saying "What can I do to get a woman like you"?   Problem is there is no real recipe to get with a woman online that you may like.  Because it all comes down to compatibility. You can think your doing all the right things but your just not compatible, the chemistry is not there.


     If your not compatible it doesn't mean that either of you are bad people.  It just means that you don't make a good match.  The thing is finding out if you do match and if there is chemistry.  I know some of you are saying, "How can I find this out online"?   Well there is something called "Getting to know you".


     The point is approaching a woman online can be tricky.  You sometimes want what you want but your not thinking about how the woman feels.  That is a sign that "HEY I probably don't want this woman for the right reason". 


     This article is not going to help the Playa Playa types.  This article is for the men who do want to find a nice woman who they want to meet one day.  Maybe make them there girlfriend or more.  Who knows right?


     Many women are different so this is not concrete.  But lets just say that a lot of women agree with me in these terms.  So it is a good guideline to follow and then go with the flow while your getting to know this cool new woman your trying to bring into your life.


A Good Impression

     How to make a good impression?  It is really simple,  I personally hate when men send me a message or email with the subject "Damn Sexy".  Yes I know I am sexy, and I know if your taking time to send me a message or email that chances are you find me Sexy.  What I don't need to feel like is a sex object.


     With all the things in the world to say, leave sex out of it.  Because if the first thing or most of the things you say deal with physical attributes and sex.  Women are going to think all your out for is the physical. 


     It is an automatic that if your taking the time to talk to us that you are attracted to us.  If you want to express that you are attracted to us say so in a tasteful way



  • Your very pretty.

  • I find your look pleasing

  • You really captured my attention with your;  Eyes, Smile, Skin, Hair, Body Type, Style, Clothing Choice, etc.

  • I just had to get to know a woman as beautiful as you.


     Approaching us with sex on the brain is not the way to capture a women you want to get to know.  We already know you want to have sex with us.  We want to see that you have control over yourself and that we are not a sexual conquest for you.  That you want to get to know the woman behind the sexy outside. 


Say Her Name

     Baby, Boo, Honey, Sweetie, Sexy, Babe, Darling.  Pet names are a big NO NO.  Did you forget our name?  Are you talking to so many women that you cant get there names straight?  Are we just not important enough for you to remember our name?


     This is what women will think.  Some don't really care but any woman who is going to take you serious wants you to use her name.  She wants to know that you know who your talking to.  That you took the time to remember a simple thing HER NAME.




     Your talking to a woman who you really like.  Maybe even chatting for a month or so.  Your ready to talk on the phone.  Just when your about to give her your number she asks "What's your name again"?  She didn't remember?  What the HELL you might think.  You just were not that interesting for her to remember your name?  That can make you feel like crap.


     Using a persons name when talking to her is just a common respectful gesture.  Don't take intimacy.  Pet names equal intimacy and represent a close friendship and relationship.  You don't take that you are supposed to earning.



     The art of conversation can be tricky for some men.  Your not sure what to say.  Your not sure what to talk about.  Maybe your just not the greatest conversationalist which makes the online approach hard.  Remember you can always say, Hey I am not that great at conversation but I am going to try my best.  At least you put it out there.  Maybe someone who likes a great deal of conversation is not for you.  But chances are in the beginning your going to need some help so try these great ideas to promote conversation that will help you learn about the women you like and help her learn about you.


     Leave sex out of it, until your both comfortable enough to flirt and say cute little sexy sayings.  Don't bring it up.  Let her bring up sex and take your queue from there.



  • The News and things you have seen on TV.

  • Your favorite Television shows and why you like them.

  • Favorite Cartoons as a kid.

  • What was your day like - good and bad.

  • What are your hobbies.

  • What type of goals do you have.

  • Find out what they like to do; example: read, draw, talk, go out.

  • What is your favorite restaurant.

  • Where do you hang out.

  • What kind of work do you do?

  • What is your family like

  • What was it like growing up.

  • What is your home town and state like.

  • What do you like to do on a date

  • Funny experiences as an adult or child.

  • Most embarrassing experiences.

  • Do you have children?

  • Do you want kids?

  • Have you been married or not?

  • Have you had long term relationships?

  • What are your feelings on Internet dating?

  • What are your favorite website?

  • The Fun stuff to do on the net?

  • Wanna play a game together?

     I am sure you can think of a ton more.  Hey even make a list and you can talk about these things over and over and share cool and many times funny stories.  If you can laugh together that is a good sign.

The Number

     Many men are in a rush to get the number.  They don't want to chat via email and graduate to instant messenger.  They don't want to take the time to peek the woman's interest.  All they want to do is hear your voice and not take the time to earn the phone number.


     There are a lot of women now including me who don't want to give out there numbers unless they trust you.  That can take a little time or a long time.  I have a friend of mine now that chatted with me occasionally for 2 years until I gave him my number.  We are best friends now.  But it took that long.


     That's bullshit, many men will say.  I am not waiting like that if she isn't giving up her number then I am moving on. That is your right to do that.  But you might be missing out on an amazing woman because you don't have the patience to earn her trust.


     If a woman gives you a total stranger her number so quickly doesn't mean you are so amazing that she had to give you her number.  It just means she gives it out regularly.  So don't be surprised when she is to busy on the phone to talk to you.  Or if during your conversations she has to go to the next line a lot.  If her voice mail is full from many left messages.  If your out on a date and her phone is ringing off the hook.  Or even once you get in a relationship that it is ringing from all the people she gave her number out too.


     Do you want to be one of the many or one of the few?  Do you want your conversations to be something new and different.  Or part of her regular day that she goes through with many people.  Either choice isn't wrong but it is different.


     Many women wont give out there number right away because of bad experiences in the past.  Or stalkers.  Phone stalkers are just as bad and real time ones.  If the woman is worth getting to know typing some emails or instant messages shouldn't be that hard.  It is a safe way for her to get to know you so she will want to call you.  Keep that in mind when approaching women online.  She isn't being difficult by not giving you her number.  She is watching out for her own safety and the safety of her family.


The So Called First Move

     Regardless of the Woman's Right movement.  A lot of women still want to feel pursued.  Many men want to be pursued also.  But the fact is many women will not pursue you unless they feel you have real interest in something other than a booty call.  I know it is hard but if the woman really likes you after you purse her for a while you will notice that your getting emails first and instant message first because she is thinking about you.  If she is worth going after what is wrong with you making the first move for a while.  It says Hey I like you and want to talk to you.  When she does it back it says, I like you too and want to talk to you.


     Yes there are still men who believe in gifts.  It can sounds strange that women are actually suspicious of a man who wants to send them flowers.  Especially if he hasn't met them yet. 


     Many men are saying, "Damn, I cant do anything right"!  If I want to send her flowers she is suspicious.  If I don't, I don't like her.


     No gentlemen it is not that your doing something wrong.  It is other men who are doing something wrong.  Between worrying about who we are giving our address out to.  The crazy stalker who showed up at our door one day.  Or that dude who threw it in our face when we wouldn't have sex with them on the first date and  how about that guy who said he was sending you the new book you wanted and he also started sending a bunch of stuff to your address as part of a credit card scam.  Only to show up on our door step or harass us via email demanding we hand over the goods. Women are downright confused and scared by a seemingly nice gesture.


     It is hard to know if a man's gift means I like you.  Or if it is some type of payment for future sex.  We know men do purse us and give us nice things because ultimately they want to get close to us and it is the way they show it.  But we don't want to feel that we have to give it up because we got flowers by surprise one day or that we might be blackmailed by a internet scammer.


     Some men think that gifts will buy the woman and then guarantees them something.  Really a man shouldn't expect anything from a woman.  You might find love or you might only get a date and our company.  The thing is to only give a gift as an expression of liking a woman.  Not in exchange for something later.


     If your the type of man who expresses yourself with gifts from time to time, and you find a woman who is nervous about it.  Reassure her that it is only your way of expressing your interest and you don't expect anything but a smile and thank you.  Don't forget to mean it.

Invite Her to Share

   So you have been talking for a while, maybe on the phone or via instant message.  You want to get to the subject of meeting her.  But you don't want to push to hard.  Try inviting her to share something you like to do. 


     Maybe a concert, nightclub, or party.  How about going to one of those cool classes or seminars?  An art exhibit or museum.  If your lady is a bigger woman remember to take her somewhere with good seating or resting areas.  Take a little time to think about it and tell her you know a great place you can go to with lots of seating that is comfortable.  Some bigger ladies find it hard to express there needs and shy away from public places.


     The park or zoo is great because there is always lots of benches.   You can invite her to a gathering in which there are many people attending.  So many options see if she has any particular preference and go from there.


The First Date

     You made it,  your going on your first date!  Wow after all the emails and instant messages.  After taking on the phone and chit chatting.  You are finally going on a first date.  Just you and her.  OH WHAT A FEELING!  By now you have had great conversation maybe a few bumps in the road.  But now face to face your going to see that person you been waiting to really know in person.


     This is not just hanging out.  This is Dating and expressing that you like her THAT MUCH.  What to do what to do?  Take it easy big boy,  This is the time to flirt easy if you haven't already.  This is the time to express serious interest slowly.  Don't jump to fast.  Easy body language should follow.   You want to let her know she is not just your hang out buddy or fun friend.  She means just a little bit more.  How do you flirt in a non vulgar way but still make your point?  I SEE YOU AS MORE THAN JUST A FRIEND!


     Take into consideration how your relationship has been building.  How much flirting you have done by now will show you what level your at.  You might have even talked already about what she likes as far as behavior in men.  You might still be unsure.  Here are some easy flirting tips.  Watch her reactions and if you see her get serious maybe you might have to change the subject or back away a bit.  But in general these are nice flirting techniques that are not overly aggressive.



  • Looking at a women with interest says a lot.  Pay attention hopefully you are interesting enough for her to look back.

  • You can never go wrong with compliments.  Telling a woman how beautiful she is will capture her heart.

  • Help her at the table at dinner.  Pulling out her chair, making sure she is totally comfortable, Putting her straw in her drink, handing her a napkin, maybe even wiping some food off her face.  Sharing a taste of your food and letting her eat it off your fork.  Feeding her can really be sweet and just a bit sexy.  All subtle ways to feel close.

  • The hand touch, your sitting there talking and you want a little contact. You touch her hand, maybe hold her finger between your fingertips.  If she responds nicely a little hand rub or hand holding might be in order.

  • Are all the signs pointing toward her responding well to your flirting?  Time to make her laugh, after a really nice laugh touch her chin or cheek softly for a moment.  She might be taken by surprise if she blushes, looks down or smiles  YOU SCORED!

  • Your walking to the car, or waiting for that cab to take her home.  Guide her with your hand on her arm.  Maybe even a hand on her lower back. Above the butt.  Hold open her door for her.

  • It is the end of the night time for that first kiss if all went well.  Brining her hand to you lips to kiss it or kissing her on the forehead will tell you if she wants more.  If she moves closer to you or does the same blushing, looking down, smile thing.  Hold her chin and kiss her softly.  If your not sure leave it at the safe hand or forehead kiss.

  • MAKE SURE SHE THINKS ABOUT YOU ALL NIGHT - If you really like this girl leave her with something to hold.  You should know her really well by now after all that chatting about things that you both like.  Bring out the flowers or small present at the end of the night.  Doesn't have to be expensive but handing her something at the end of the date will leave an impression for the whole night and hopefully days to come until you talk to her again.

     I hope this article has helped you and give you a bit of insight into approach a real lady online.  Have luck on your search.

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From the Plus Side


Emily Smiltneck

     From the Plus side will be column dedicated to short stories that deal with all aspects of Plus size Life.  Emily Smiltneck was chosen for this position because of her dedication, and realistic writing style. She captures the emotional and mental rollercoaster those who are Plus Sized go through.


     Emily Susanne Smiltneck lives in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (pretty much dead center in the middle of nowhere). She is a substitute teacher, and has recently started a tutoring business. Emily is currently working on several writing projects, including a historical fiction novel and several collections of poetry.

Emily Smiltneck receives recognition in Neighbors Daily Press - See article below


     It is a great joy when our fellow Plus Sized people receive recognition for their life's work.  Join me in this Joyous moment when one of our LargeInCharge writers is seen for her contribution and great dedication to her goals in life.  Click the images above to read the article about our dear Emily. When the page open click on the article to zoom in and read it.


The Adventures of Phatgurl

by Emily Suzanne Smiltneck  


The Adventures Of Phatgurl is a serial collection of stories about the adventures of Jany, a plus-sized young woman who, in desperation, places an ad on a personals website.  As she embarks on her dates, she meets many different kinds of men who expect many different things from her.  Some of her adventures are wildly amusing and others are more serious and even sad. 


If you have any ideas or experiences, funny or otherwise, that you would like to see depicted in a future Phatgurl story, please e-mail me at  I will do my very best to incorporate all reader ideas into future columns.  Thanks!


The Ad (Part 2)

SWSSBBW seeks SM who will not rape her, emotionally or otherwise.  The ability to both speak and write in complete sentences is a plus.  Must not inadvertently throw her down stairs or pretend that she is “Mama.”  Intelligent conversation, a little respect, and the lack of a current significant other will get you far.  And a well-developed sense of humor won’t hurt, either.  If you like smart chicks with jelly bellies and thunder thighs, reply to





Frank was waiting when Jany stepped off the train. She had no time to get herself together. Oh, well.

“Hey,” she said, trying her best to sound seductive.

The trouble was, now that this whole thing was real, she was sort of scaring herself. It sounded more like she was choking than trying to be seductive.

“Hi, there.” Just like last time, Frank hugged her inappropriately closely, and for just a little too long, letting his hands graze the sides of her breasts as he pulled away. Jany tried to ask where they were going, but it was hard to talk over the sound of blood rushing in her head. Walking was a problem, too. Finally, Frank saved her.

“What ya want for dinner?”

“Uh—uh. Um. I’m good. With whatever. Is there someplace nearby?” She remembered how fast he had walked last time, and nervous as she was, she knew there was no hope of keeping up with him on her short, chubby, shaky legs.

“You told me you’ve lived here all your life. You know as well as I do that there’s always someplace nearby. Being this close to me again have you rattled?”

“Wow, you’re arrogant.”

“Not arrogant. I just know my worth. I’m right, aren’t I?”

“I’m not going to answer that.” Frank’s casual arrogance, which Jany now remembered from their first date, gave Jany something to react to other than the way her body was begging her to touch him and she found it easier to speak. “I guess I was wondering if there was anyplace nearby where you’d like to go.”

“Well, Baby, I don’t know what you like. There’s a diner down the street that has great burgers and breakfast all day, or there’s a Chinese place. I think there might be a new seafood place that just opened.”

“Seafood sounds good.”

“Oysters? They say they’re an aphrodisiac.”

“Well, then I definitely don’t need any.” Jany stiffened up a little when she realized how her words had sounded; that was something she might have said, joking, to Selena or Mala, but not to a guy. Not to a guy who had the kind of plans for her that Frank had. She was definitely finding some of the excitement she’d been looking for. Luckily, Frank only smirked. If he would have suggested that she was coming on to him, she would have tried with all she was worth to deny it.

“Let’s go, then,” he said. He took her hand and led her out of the train station.

Jany actually enjoyed dinner. She relaxed as their conversation reminded her that, although Frank was arrogant and bold and dead set on getting what he wanted, he was also intelligent and well able to keep up with her in conversation. And this was the first time they’d been together, really, other than the few minutes they’d spent in the train station before their first date, that didn’t feel sleazy. Dinner was nice, and since Jany was pretty sure of what Frank had in mind for later, there was still an air of excitement about the meal.

“So,” Frank said, as he pushed his empty plate back from the edge of the table and signaled to the waitress that he’d like the bill. Jany’s pulse sped up a little. Frank did not continue, letting his single word reverberate in Jany’s head. Finally, when the waitress had taken Frank’s card and scurried away, Jany ventured a response.

“So,” she managed.

“What now?”

“I guess—I mean, I don’t know. I—what next?”

“I asked you first.”

“Do you ever not know how to respond to something? No matter what I say, you always have an immediate answer.”

“That’s how I roll.”

“Okay. Um—did you want to—go to a movie, or for a walk? Or did you want to just—hang out?”

“I think you know you I want to do, Sexy. I’m just waiting for you to say you want it, too.” Jany’s head spun and her face went hot. She sat in silence, cursing herself for setting this whole thing in motion. If she waited for a guy to initiate an interaction, she could relax and let him take responsibility for everything that happened. If she did it, though, it meant accepting not only that someone could see her as a sexual creature, but also that she was a sexual creature. Both of those things were a little scary. Tonight, it was up to Jany to say what was or wasn’t expecting. “You gonna make me wait all night?” Frank asked, as he reached across the table and lifted Jany’s chin with one finger, forcing her to make eye contact.

“Sorry. I was thinking. Yeah, I think that’s what I want, too.” She spoke quickly, to hide the tremor in her voice and to get the words out before she changed her mind.

“You think what is what you want?”

“I—God, why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you’re cute when you blush, and because I want to hear you say it. It turns me on.”

“What if I don’t want to turn you on?”

“You do. You just came pretty close to saying so. Come on, Baby, you can do it.”

Jany pulled her hands back and looked away before she spoke. His arrogance, and the way he was almost but not quite making fun of her, made her a little angry. She was starting to realize that anger fit her well, though. It fed her confidence, made her less afraid. She forced herself to look Frank in the eye when she finally spoke.

“I want you. And don’t make me explain what I mean by that. You know.” It took every bit of courage Jany had to say it, and the result was that, after she had spoken, she simultaneously felt as though she could run a marathon and like she might pass out at any second.

“Well, then, let’s get the hell out of here.”


“So where we gonna go?”

“I hadn’t thought of that. To be honest, I’m sort of used to playing follow the leader. I didn’t think to plan—”

“Settle down, there, girl. Not everything in life has to be planned. I was just askin’. How ‘bout if we go to your place?”

“My place?” Jany’s body froze while her mind raced. She mentally ran through all the rooms of her apartment, trying to remember if there was anything he shouldn’t see, anything that might embarrass her. She’d never brought a date to her apartment before—well, Selena, but never a guy. And then, as soon as Selena’s name popped into her head, she had to say something, anything, to make herself stop thinking. “Um…okay. My place is fine.”

“Lead the way.”

The closer the train got to the station near Jany’s apartment, the more panic-stricken she became. Or at least, she thought it was panic she was feeling. Her thoughts were bouncing around in her head like ping pong balls on speed, her blood felt like it was flying through her veins even faster, and the only time she managed to breathe was when the rattling of the bus forced air in or out of her lungs. And every time Frank brushed against her—Jany was pretty sure he was doing it on purpose—all of the rushing stopped for just a second before her insides pounded back to life.

Maybe it wasn’t panic, though. It was basically the same feeling she had almost every time she went out with a guy, especially if a hook-up seemed imminent. This was exactly what she’d been craving—not panic at all, but just excitement, anticipation! It was empowering to think that she might not be afraid after all, that what felt like fear might just be a perfectly normal sensation. So empowering that she found herself wrapping her arm around Frank’s neck and stretching up to kiss him.

He looked down at her and laughed.

“Not that I mind, but what was that for? You surprised me.”

“I surprised me, too.” Jany laughed. “I don’t know, I can’t really explain. I just—became a little more enlightened and wanted to celebrate.”

“Well, feel free to becoming enlightened as often as possible, then.”

Enlightened was a good word, because Jany heart felt a thousand times lighter now.




Thanks for reading

From the Plus Side with Emily Smiltneck


Emily's Cool Links


     Xander brings blend of life experience and culinary twist to his writing. From cooking on television and live demonstrations, to writing Xander cook’s like he feels. A former Chicago native transplanted to Tennessee, His goal has been to experience the fullness of food heritage. He believes that as a people and society, can learn a lot from what we eat. Combining a great life lesson and a easy recipe.  They go hand-in-hand to provide a tasty addition to your day. Xander has to confess that ingredients in a great meal are like the ingredients in a great life are never far apart.



To Where It all Started and Ended

by Xander The Food Dude


I sit here tonight with a vague impression of what I want to convey this month.  At last March has arrived and thus the dance of Spring is on us again.  Yes, at last the cold and snow is gone for another few months, but damn, here come the bugs and sweltering heat of the summer.


I have spent the last couple of days rounding up all the magazines I’ve collected over the last few years and have torn out the articles I want to keep.  At this point, I’ve gotten rid of about 1,000 pounds of magazines and kept about 200 pounds in articles.  Eventually I hope to scan those into the computer and get rid of the paper version.  I ask myself quite often, that if I haven’t looked at them in two years what do I need with them now ?  Ah, the questions that can’t be answered by a packrat.


The things that hits me the most is the dates on the magazines.  Some of these are better than 5 to 10 years old and I’m only now looking at them.  However, I have noticed the dates on them and for some I can actually recall the date of purchase.  I can see myself in my mind of when and where I was when I bought them.  One, for example was a Men’s Health I bought for an article on losing weight from April 2000.   Another was a cooking magazine from 1996 that I specifically recall purchasing because of the Spanish Soufflé recipe it had in it.  I detail this to you because since April of 2000 I haven’t lost any weight and I never did make that Spanish Soufflé.


As I continue through I find a magazine on sky diving (once a serious goal, If I would only lose the necessary weight) and a hiking magazine in which is notes the ultimate goal of any backpacker is to lighten the load for the journey.  AND THEN IT HITS ME….


My greatest fears have come to pass and only reason I haven’t realized it is that I am too stupid to see it.


For the last year I have been thinking that through some oddity I am in the midst of a mid-life crisis due to my turning 40 almost a year and a half ago.  Now I can honestly say its turned into a high level of self-loathing.  I have to finally acknowledge that ultimately I have failed at everything I have undertaken.  I have no goals that inspire me, no dreams to achieve.  I have surrounded myself with a mountain of shit I can never hope to use and it’s burying me.  In short, I am not happy and don’t see the hopes of every truly being happy with my life. (If you’re thinking, Damn, this is a major Bummer to read, think about how I feel to actually writing it.)  THEN I DO IT….   I actually take the time to read two articles that I just tore out.   I read the one about skydiving and hiking.   I read this knowing that the reality is that I will never go hiking or skydiving.  I’m thinking the whole time… what the heck am I doing wasting MORE time just throw them away

The two articles, oddly present me with maybe a partial solution to one of my problems.  The hiking article talks about when people first start hiking they think they have to take everything they might need with them.  This results in a heavy load to carry and make the hike more taxing than it needs to be and you can’t go as far as a result of the effort.  The skydiving magazine has a primary story on being able to recover from a snag primary chute.  The first thing your must do before you can open your reserve chute  is to dispense with the failed primary chute otherwise it will only snag your reserve chute on deployment.  They call this the act of “cutting away”.


The stories spoke to me in my desperation.  It’s time to lighten my load and cut away parts of my life to lighten my load.  Maybe this will make the long journey ahead easier.  Maybe its my desperation that makes me look for meaning in places that there shouldn’t be, or maybe it’s God’s sense of humor, or God’s pity for me.  Whatever it is, some things have come closer to being clear.  One, you can only read so many self help books before you know the real reason you fail.  You can only ignore the problem so long before you know what the real problem is…..  in my case.. the problem is me….. there something wrong with me.  The reality is that its always be there and its time to fix it.


Over the next few months I’ll keep you posted on the cut away process, the ups and downs.  I hope through it all we can all garner something good from it.  Some of you may feel the same way… If so, welcome to my boat, and no, you can’t bring that will you.


Keep posted.  In the mean time, enjoy the recipe I’ve included for you, it from April of 1996…   (yeah, go ahead and laugh,  I did.)  Next Month… Hot Sauce…. Just in time to start grillin’ and turn up the heat.



Xander's Recipe of the Month

 Spanish Soufflé Omelet

The soufflé omelet is an omelet in which the eggs have been beaten until they triple in volume, It is then started on the stove top and finished in the oven where the eggs soufflé up yielding an omelet with a huge WOW factor. This omelet is easy to make and the finished product is light, airy and quite delicious.


Start by sautéing 3-4 tablespoons each of diced onion and red bell pepper in 1 tablespoon olive oil. Saute until soft, about 5-8 minutes. Add 1/4 teaspoon salt to 3 eggs in a mixing bowl, beat with an electric mixer until the eggs triple in volume.

Heat an eight inch oven safe skillet on the stove top on medium heat add 1 tablespoon of olive oil and butter, when the foam subsides add egg mixture. When edges just start to set add sautéed onion pepper mixture, 3-4 tablespoons of your favorite salsa and 1/4 cup shredded pepper jack cheese.

Place skillet on the middle rack of an oven preheated to 350 degrees. Bake for 4-6 minutes or until the middle is just set.

When the omelet is fully cooked remove from the oven, be careful the handle is hot, and start to slide the omelet onto a plate. When the omelet is half way out of the skillet use the pan to fold the last half of the omelet over the first half so that it looks like the picture above.

Finish the plate with fresh fruit and heart-shaped scones like above. The recipe for the dried fruit cream scones, a staple at my restaurant The White Bear Cafe, can be found in another February 2010 blog post.
This omelet can be served for breakfast, brunch or dinner. How about at midnight after you return from the theater? Also you can serve 2-3 people by doubling the ingredients and using a 10"-12" oven safe skillet.






Thank you for Reading Good Food 4U

By Xander the Food Dude

Please send thoughts and comments to


In 2007, Sonya was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes; a generational curse that she had prayed to avoid, but didn’t worry about while she piled butter pecan ice cream on her German Chocolate Cake.    Only a few months into this diagnosis, she woke up one morning unable to walk and in excruciating pain in her left foot.  Doctors finally diagnosed an acute tendonitis, exacerbated by uncontrolled diabetes. 

That was the wake-up call, She had suffered for years with high cholesterol and sleep apnea; all associated with her weight,  it wasn’t until this happened (wheelchair bound for a month and on crutches following that) did she tell herself "I have to do something about my weight."  On April 17, 2008, Sonya had the gastric bypass medical weight loss procedure and it was the best decision that she made for herself.  In these upcoming writings, Sonya invites you to learn the ups and downs of gastric bypass: through the eyes of one who lives it every day.

Time is Now!

with Sonya Bennett




The beginning of the end.. my sister, Angela, has finally her surgery date! Share her excitement with me as she prepares for her new ‘birth date’

Today, I got the phone call that I've been waiting for. The surgeon's office called to schedule my surgery. "Hi, this is Amanda from Dr. Kim's office. I'm calling to schedule your surgery! Give me a call when you can so we can get you scheduled!". This excited voice mail message was on my phone today... and Amanda sounded more excited than I could ever describe.

My surgery date is February 28th, 2011. It almost seems surreal. In April of 2009 I attended my first information session where I learned about the three types of weight loss procedures available at the time: the gastric bypass, the duodenal switch and the lapband. It was then that I decided to travel this path, but at the time, my insurance company wanted me to be on a medically-supervised diet for six (6) months. During those six months I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, uncontrolled Type II Diabetes, and I started having symptoms of obstructive sleep apnea. The last thing on my mind was trying to diet... the stress and the medical treatments (insulin and a high blood pressure pill) began to creep up on me. My weight ballooned from 246 to 295 pounds.

Over time, I attended more information sessions, I tried to lose weight. I struggled with stress and heartache, and I longed for the day when I could really be in charge of my life. I don't feel like I am in charge of my life when I have 12 pills per day that I need to swallow (some even need to be taken WITH FOOD). I don't feel like I am in charge of my life when I am struggling to walk, struggling to stand and struggling to breath. If I was a large woman and had no health challenges, that would be a different story... but at 5'5" with 350 pounds to carry around, there is nothing that I am in charge of! Even my worship life is compromised with this weight! I can't get on my knees to pray, and standing in church to worship is more painful than joyful.

Next week, I start my liquid diet, and my endocrinologist has recommended several drinks that will fulfill my protein requirements without crashing my blood sugars. After increasing my insulin intake to 40 units, and taking over 1000 milligrams of diabetic pills, I am finally waking up with blood sugars in the low 100's. After getting a new CPAP mask, I can finally get a good night's sleep again! My income tax refund should be here soon and I will set aside some of that money to get a workout outfit and swimming suit for my exercise plan. God is good and this summer looks like it will be a fabulous one! I will be traveling with The 7 CHOSEN in '11 Tour and taking advantage of the fitness areas in the hotels we plan to stay in! I am really excited now, and I am feeling like life is about to be new again.

This will probably be my last article before surgery. After this, you will hear of my recovery. You will hear the improvement of my health and hopefully you will be encouraged by my "growth". I am proud to travel this road with each of you...

Watch my weight loss documentary on The Faith Internet TV Network, featuring my sister Sonya Bennett. Log onto  to watch.

Listen to my radio show ministry weekdays from 4-8 pm EST on  - for the BEST in Holy Hip Hop, Christian and Gospel Rap music, ministry and FUN!

Keep me in your prayers on Feb 28th!



Thanks for reading

The Big GB - My Gastric Bypass Memoirs

Sonya's Links:

Sonya Bennett on Facebook

     Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.


     This Column is dedicated to the tremendous work NAAFA has been doing for over four decades.  LargeInCharge wishes to support NAAFA in spreading the word of its work, and give the public more information into issues we as plus sized people should be aware of.  The fight for equality for people of all sizes is one we support.


     This Column will include News Releases and Calls to Action from NAAFA Directors.


This Column has been Approved by


Justice for Us - Takes all of Us!

from: - Lisa Tealer


February was a month where we celebrated a plethora of events: Presidents' Birthdays, Chinese New Year, Ground Hog Shadow Day, Valentine's Day and Healthy Hearts. We also celebrated Black History throughout the month and highlighted and recognized the contributions of African Americans. However, as a woman of color, I am surprised how monolithic our size acceptance movement is and continues to be, basically white and female. Where are the men, the people of color and other people of difference in our movement?

Historically, any revolutionary or evolutionary changes in our society haven’t been achieved just by the people that were affected. It was a collective effort by people from various sectors of our society who were committed to equality. Our movement is no different. Last month, I was encouraged to see Democrats and Republicans sitting together at the State of the Union Address, although symbolic, it's a step in the right direction. It will take both political parties working together to solve our nation's problems. The solving of complex problems benefits from diverse thoughts and perspectives. Check out Dr. Scott E. Page's research, a professor from University of Michigan. He has written about this topic in his book The Difference: How The Power of Diversity, Creates Better Groups, Firms, Schools and Societies.

Stepping out of our comfort zone of like-minded individuals is not easy, especially for those of us who face the potential of ridicule. How our society views and treats fat people is not acceptable and therefore our only option is to forge ahead, learn from our failures and continue the fight. However, we can't nor should we do it alone. Together planting those seeds of sacrifice and struggle now, allows us to harvest a crop of equality for all later. Recently, The Los Angeles Chapter of NAAFA branched out to the attendees at Club Bounce (a social club for people of size) to highlight the work of NAAFA, to broaden our reach and strengthen our membership. Even small efforts can build towards a bigger goal. Encourage a colleague and/or friend to attend a size acceptance event or meeting, give them a NAAFA membership, donate to other size positive organizations, write to your legislator or local paper about fat rights and when opportunities come up, speak up and share your story. Better yet ask people how they were like to be included in the movement.

If it weren't for people like Eleanor Roosevelt, President Kennedy, Harvey Milk, Martin Luther King, Jr., Harry Wu, Gandhi and Cesar Chavez, how might our lives be impacted? The sacrifices of these individuals and many others provided opportunities that have benefited us all. We now have a Black President, a Latina Supreme Court Justice, a gay senator and a visually-impaired governor. I couldn't have imagined that in my life time.

At our convention this year, I'll facilitate an interactive workshop on diversifying our movement and including others who may not look like us. We'll discuss strategies and specific actions that will require all of us to seek justice for us. I hope to see you there. In the meantime, I call upon you to take steps now. If you have any constructive ideas or suggestions, I want to hear from you! Please contact me at

We Shall Overcome!!

Lisa Tealer is a NAAFA Board Member, Director of Programs and co-creator of NAAFA's Size Diversity Tool kit. She is a Diversity and Inclusion professional at a leading biotechnology company. To learn more about Black History, visit

Two for One Convention Announcement!
Two times the excitement! Two times the info!

NAAFA is pleased to announce the dates for both our 2011 and 2012 Convention.

As a strategic goal, the NAAFA Board has set out to simplify and streamline all of NAAFA's activities. One of the organization's key events, our major fund raising event of the year, is our annual convention and as such it has been a major focus of our streamlining efforts. In order to help members get the most for their money and budget their time, we have been able to secure the Convention location contracts for the next two years. These contracts lock in our cost at the same levels as our 2010 convention and in some cases gives a further discount.

This year we will be returning to the Washington, DC area for our annual convention.

Thursday, August 4, 2011 - Monday, August 8, 2011!
The Westin Washington Dulles Airport
2520 Wasser Terrace
Herndon, VA 20171

In 2012 we will be having our annual convention in San Francisco.

Thursday, August 2, 2012 - Monday, August 6, 2012!
The Westin San Francisco Airport
1 Old Bayshore Highway
Millbrae, CA 94030

Make plans now to join us in August, 2011 at The Westin Washington Dulles Airport. Room rates are a super low $79 per night and can be booked for Thursday, Aug 4, 2011 - Monday, August 8, 2011! The Westin is prepared to receive your NAAFA convention reservations today at: 

We have worked hard to keep the cost of this convention down and to get the lowest hotel prices we could. $79.00 per night for a premium hotel in the DC area is a significant deal. The Early Bird Special price is $225.00 and will be available beginning February 1 through May 31, 2011. Beginning June 1, full convention price will be $265.00.

We will have again made it easy for you to register for the convention as well as the hotel through our website at We encourage you to register for the NAAFA convention package today and look forward to seeing you in DC.

Watch our website for more exciting details as they become available.

Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

On the web:  




Thanks for reading

From the Desk of NAAFA



Our WebGirl Lucia Roth, was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. Graduated with a B. A. degree in Communication from Southeastern Louisiana University and is considering going back for her Masters degree. Lucia a people person and is always willing to help out a friend in need. She enjoys music, movies, poetry, and good book on a rainy day. Lucia has several mottos about life.

This is one: Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.


I just wanted to re- introduce myself, since I just joined Large In Charge magazine last year. My name is Lulu, and I am a fashion writer for I am a fashion junkie:) I look forward to finding wonderful fashion find and product of the month for you. I also look forward to chatting with you all an reading some good fashion comments! Please let me know if you have a favorite.



The WebGirl Picks of the Month

Fashion Find Product of the Month

Fashion Find by: Lucia

Fashion Type: Simply Be
Prices: $10-40.00
Introducing Simple Be - Be your own fashion icon with this new British and European fashion website, clothes
yourself with the cutest trends. Sizes ranges from 10 – 28, check out the accessories, and the shoes so,
ladies get you Simple on. The best part FREE shipping and FREE return. What can be better than that!
Check out Simple Be and just be Simple Be.
Product of the Month
Recommender: Lucia

Name of Product: Really Cute Stuff

Type of Product: Website
Cost of Product: Varies
Where Product can be found:
Description: Free website where you can get really cute stuff and ideas at a cool price and even free.


     My name is Jonny T. I have been an admirer of plus-size women for many years. As a recording artist, I have released a number of projects that celebrate the beauty of big beautiful women.  Over the years, I have seen a lot of faces, heard a lot of stories, and participated in a lot of bashes and clubs. I enjoy a professional career as a recording artist, label, and executive.  I am currently the Executive Assistant for Street Scholar Music Group (SSMG), a new label exclusively distributed by Bungalo Records and Universal Music Group Distribution. So far, it has been a great experience and I have gained a tremendous amount of insight from both the standpoint of artists and decision-makers in the music industry, as well as the entertainment industry as a whole. The goal of my articles is to provide information about what it takes to be successful in the mainstream entertainment industry while being a woman and/or man of size. I look forward to making contributions to Large in Charge and those who read the articles. Choose well, Live well!



The BBW Plan

with Jonny T


Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jonny T and I have been an active member of the online BBW community since 2002 and what I call a certified admirer since 1998. I have a professional career path as an administrator in the field of education, as well as an Executive Assistant for Street Scholar Music Group – a label exclusively distributed by Bungalo Records and Universal Music Group Distribution. As a recording artist, I have recorded many compositions and albums that celebrate the beauty of plus-sized women. Over the years, I have had an opportunity to attend bashes, night clubs, hang out with web models, and do a whole lot of chubby chasing!  I have had the pleasure of meeting many people.


I recently made a new friend. We have had a few exchanges online and a few conversations by phone. She is attractive and has a certain style and swagger.  She shares with me an aspiration I have heard expressed by many women in the community over the years. Her goal is to be the spokesperson for BBWs by becoming the first BBW model to go “main stream.”  And how would this get achieved? Some photo shoots that involve nudity, an adult-oriented pay website, a few adult scenes, and there it is.


I hope the person who devised this strategy put a patent on it because I know if I made a quarter for every time I heard a BBW say it, I’d be rich and retired myself! Ladies, let me be among the first to share a truth with you –“THE BBW PLAN” DOESN’T WORK! Unless you have plans to root and plant your career in the adult entertainment world primarily. 


To be perfectly honest, most mainstream vehicles that are driving forces in the media frown heavily upon “THE BBW PLAN.” Honestly, the majority of both non-BBWS and BBWs that have followed that formula have found themselves out of work and rejected by the major television and movie studios as well as their agents. Granted, there are some exceptions, they are few and far between. There have been actresses and recording artists of size that have made it. Among them include the late great Tony Award and Emmy Award winner Nell Carter, Wynonna, Aretha Franklin, Camryn Manheim, Kathy Bates, Carnie Wilson, and Rosie O’Donnell. CBS delivers their hit #1 show Mike & Molly –a comedy centered on an overweight couple. These are proof that Hollywood is ready for women of size, contrary to popular belief.  Plus, this distinguished group of entertainers never utilized “the plan” to garner mainstream success.  So how did they do it and can you pattern your road to success similarly? Here are a few tips for breaking into mainstream entertainment:


·         Take high quality photos. Headshots and full body shots that show your assets – no nude pictures!

·         Create a video of you doing what you do (Singing, acting, dancing, etc). If you are a model, stage a photo shoot and have it filmed. This allows the gate keepers of that industry to see how well you respond to directions.

·         Recognize your talents and play them up to the best of your ability

·         Get some experience and build a resume. This may mean some free projects to build a portfolio

·         Solicit professional management after you have developed a portfolio of some sort

·         It is also important to understand how imperative it is to use one path to open up another.  It is really ok to be a model with more than great looks! For example, Kim Kardashian is a great model, Las Vegas Party Host for certain clubs and now recording artist being produced by The-Dream. But she started with one talent and expanded. By the way, she is making more money more frequently on the additional projects and appearances.


While this is not a list in totality required to make it in the mainstream entertainment business. However, this is a great starting point and I assure you I am not selling a dollar and a dream. Here’s a real plan geared toward achieving some real results in a very real and cut throat business. All the best!

Pat is a forty something woman living in Southern Ontario, Canada. She has a varied past and has worked teaching literacy and English as a second language to adults, as an environmental science technician and in the health and safety field. Currently she works in marketing.

Pat fiercely believes in human rights for all and has volunteered for organizations that raise funds and develop and implement programs to help impoverished people and educate women in third world countries. Although relatively new to the size acceptance movement, Pat believes with all her heart that people of size deserve equal treatment and respect.
In her spare time she likes to read fiction, go to bashes and spend time with friends.

Facebook Changed my Life...

with Pat Llewellyn



Let me explain. As most fatties do, I had struggled with my weight all my life. I had been taught to hate my fat body and strive to be thin at all costs. Needless to say, I failed at loosing weight miserably. I would loose the weight and then gain it back.  In 2007 I was a few years away from turning 40 and I was tired of hating my body.


Like many people, my first glance into the subculture of BBW’s and FA’s was the on CSI episode where they featured the Vegas BBW Bash. I wasn’t ready to do anything with that information yet, but I kept the information filed away in my brain.


A few years later after the death of my mother and a failed engagement I was ready to shake up my world. I didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew I wanted more. At this point I had discovered Facebook and started to reconnect with people from my past. One of these people had a link to a Toronto group that was for plus size women and their admirers.


I joined the online community/bulletin board and eased my way into the community. After 2 months of chatting and having my interest piqued, the time to put up or shut up came. The first BBW event since I joined the board was happening.  I had never met any of the people on the board in person and I was nervous.


I booked a hotel room and bought a ticket and announced my intentions to attend the event alone. Thankfully someone took pity on my and invited me to stay in her hotel room with her. I cancelled the room that I booked, packed up my stuff for the night, drove to Toronto and patiently waited for my roomie @ the hotel.  I met so many people that night and had so much fun.


I’m not going to lie and tell you that my life has been a bed of roses since that night, but in the 3+ years since then I have made some fabulous friends, gone to several mini bashes and I am going to my 3rd BBW Las Vegas Bash this year. Most importantly, I have learned to love the body I have.

     Ms Suga is a plus size woman hailing from Sunny South Florida. She is a 24 year old recent recipient of a Bachelor in Arts degree in Communication Studies. Being plus size for the majority of her life she has overcome many obstacles to finally come to the point where she is fully content with herself and her life. This self love has also allowed Ms Suga the privilege of sharing her love with those around her. She is very passionate about life and loves to help others.

     Ms Suga likes to see herself as the one everyone can go to for positive, inspirational and truthful words of advice and/or support. She is the Beautiful Inspirational Girl that is blessed, intellectual, trustworthy, caring and hardworking.

     Ms Suga has had a passion for writing since she was a little girl when she used to think of short stories about what her life would be like as she got older. This is Ms Suga’s first opportunity for her thoughts to be public for the world to see. Excited about this column Ms Suga is also very optimistic of her future in writing and promoting self love and acceptance in the plus size community.


Loving Me: To be truly happy with your Mind, Body and Spirit

with Ms Suga


When you look in the mirror, are you happy with what you see? Self esteem issues and depression are very common in our plus size community and do you know why? Because we have gotten away from what truly makes us happy and fall into the mindset of what society says is beautiful. Contrary to what you may think: WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL! I have been plus size my whole life and as a little girl I was always told “You have such a beautiful face, if only you would just lose some weight.” I resented every person that told me that or anything close to it and I allowed myself to be lazy and gain more weight. Now at 24 years old and 320 pounds I am at a point where I do LOVE ME. I love myself, I am in love with myself and no one can discourage me or make me think otherwise.

I’ll tell you how I got to this point. I stopped letting other people think for me and started to see myself the way I was created. I can look in the mirror at the 50 pounds I want to lose and still smile because regardless if those 50 pounds are on my body or on someone else I know I am still beautiful. It is a wonderful feeling when you accept and are happy with yourself. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to be fat, lazy and content. I mean do what is right for yourself and enjoy the life you are given. Yes I work out and yes I am eating healthier than I was 2 years ago, and yes I am trying to lose 50 pounds but that is for my health. It’s so that one day I can play with my children and climb two flights of stairs without feeling like I need an oxygen mask.

To love yourself you have to be happy with your Mind, Body and Spirit. Mentally, that means erasing all the negative thoughts and energy from your mind and focusing on the positive. Instead of thinking “Ugh, I’m so fat I need to lose weight” try thinking “If I cut down on all this take out and eat more fruits and veggies then I’ll have the energy to climb these stairs and not feel like a blob.” Physically, you have to get moving, get your heart rate up, and sweat a little. Yes you’ll be sore in the morning but after 2 weeks of being physically active you will start to feel better. Literally…Less back pain, less joint pain, you’ll sleep better and those around you may see you as more than just the grouchy bitch they tolerate. Spiritually, get right with your God. If you are a Christian or an atheist, you still know the difference between right and wrong. Do what is right by others and in turn things will be right for you.

So remember my words, and do what you need to do to love you and be happy.
Until next time, I’ll still be loving me


Sherry Jackson Graf was born and raised in Richlands, VA. She was raised in a musical family and began playing bass guitar in the family's gospel group at the age of 8. Her family toured and recorded albums until she was 15 years old. She wanted to attend public high school and chose to go to public school instead of continuing her education with a home tutor. She played flute, bassoon, and percussion for Richlands High School band and was chosen for Flag Corps during marching season. The band won numerous marching and performing awards.

She studied Business Administration in college and moved to Nashville, TN with her father, Larry Jackson and began working at Buddy Lee Attractions, Inc., a booking agency on Music Row. She is currently Executive Assistant to Donna Lee.

She continues her career in the music industry, is an actress, stage manages theater and is looking forward to writing for large in charge.



Growing Up

with Ms Sherry Graf


I grew up in the country. My grandmother didn’t serve food to me in regular portioned bowls. Ice cream, cereal, etc. was given to me in serving bowls. As I grew older my mother told me that I was so tiny when I was born and developed pneumonia the doctor thought I might not survive. I wonder if this is what my grandmother was trying to prevent from happening. Maybe she was afraid I wouldn’t survive unless I was given all this food to make me bigger.

Once a year, we were weighed in gym class throughout elementary school. I can still remember how nervous I would be waiting in line for my turn. I dreaded and prayed that no one else heard the gym teacher call out my weight for all my classmates to hear. Yet the gym teacher called it out, some of my classmates would gasp, others would giggle and I would retreat to the back of the line wanting to melt into the floor.

When I entered high school I began starving myself to get smaller never getting below a size 14. I learned to live with my size and tried to make people see me for what I was a person on the inside instead.

As a society I wonder why we judge each other by size automatically. It’s the first thing we notice about someone.
When a picture is taken with me in it, I try to camouflage myself in the rear peeking from between peoples shoulders, etc. Then I don’t have to be embarrassed.

I see my issues within my youngest daughter now. She has been so unhappy in school and has come to me crying. She too carries this stigma and probably will most of her life. I try to tell her that she is beautiful and people are cruel but it doesn’t dull the pain that I too know all too well.

When will we be able to love ourselves as we are. We have more to offer than a dress size.

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