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LargeInCharge Magazine - Starting our Eighth Year

 Issue#86 - May 2011

Welcome to LargeInCharge Magazine

In this Issue of L.I.C.

 

 

Raqui-ism

Words of Wisdom from the Heart & Mind of Raqui

From the Plus Side ~ Emily Smiltneck

 

Good 4 U Food  ~ Xander

 

The Big GB My Gastric Bypass Memoirs - Soyna Bennett

 

From the Desk of NAAFA

National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

 

Fashion & Products with The WebGirl ~ Lucia Roth

 

Big Beautiful Hollywood ~ Jonny T

 

Fattitude - Its a Fat way of Life ~ Pat Llewellyn

 

The BIG - Beautiful Inspirational Girl  ~ Ms Suga

 

Large Ladies in the Work Place ~ Sherry Graf

 

LargeInChargeDating - Dating for the Large People who are going to be in Charge of their Love Lives!

 

LargeInCharge Friends - The Place for Big People to make Friends and maybe MUCH MORE!

 
Big Belly Dancer's of the Net!

Big Belly Dancer's of the Net!

By: Raqui

 

The art of belly dancing is something ancient. It was meant for women with some meat on there bones to shake.  Yet it is disturbing that so many women are not celebrated for the courage to go against societies norm and showcase themselves (Bigger Bellies and All) as sexy, artistic, talented dancing, athletic women. 

 

Now some will say that Belly Dancing is not athletic.  Yet no one can deny that a dance performance for an audience is a work out. Not to mention the practice it takes to gain this talent and to perform it beautifully.

 

In my search of the net so I can showcase these amazing women to you. I ran across the image to the left on a site called LOLHome.  They have it listed as a funny picture.  I wonder who this lady is and if she knows she is being used as a joke?

 

My Dear there are no laughs here I instead will use your image as it is supposed to be used.  To show that any woman of any size can be a beautiful entertainer. KUDOS to you Miss whoever you are.

 

Now join me in an adventure of some Plus Sized Ladies who are showing the World what its like to Shake them Mega Hips!

Celebration of Courageous Women!

 


 
 

Thank you for Reading The LargeInCharge Feature

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

 

Francisca Ramos

Cover Model of the Month Interview

Interview:

 

LargeInCharge.com: What is your name?


Francisca but everyone calls me Franny


LargeInCharge.com: Where are you from and what is your current Location?


I was born and raised in Canoga Park, Ca, home of the valley girl and the galleria, and I now live in Gardnerville, NV



LargeInCharge.com: Can you give us some information about yourself (Age, Height, Size, Nationality, Marital Status, Children, etc.)?


I am 38, 39 on February 24th, I am 5'7" and weigh about 235lbs. I am Part American and Mexican and I have been married for 14 yrs. I have one daughter and we have two boys and one grand-daughter.


LargeInCharge.com: Were you a big child, or did you gain weight later in life?

As a kid, I was stick thin. I was able to eat just about anything and stayed thin. The thinnest I have ever been was 135lbs and wore a size 9. Now that I have had three kids, I am a lot larger than a size 9...LOL, I am a wonderful size 18w.


LargeInCharge.com: (If you gained weight later in life) what caused you to gain weight and how did you feel about it?

What caused me to gain weight was just plain laziness! I have no excuses for putting on this much weight. For a long time I felt depressed and hid myself because of the weight. NOW, I feel proud, beautiful and sexy. I have learned to embrace and love me for who I am and love me for me.


LargeInCharge.com: What made you decide to enter the LargeInCharge model search?

 
Why not enter? It's fun to see how different everyone looks. How beautiful all these women and how handsome the men are. So why not enter...


LargeInCharge.com: Did you find it a hard journey to be accepted for your size?


It took me a very long time to love me again. It wasn't so much what other people thought of me, it was more of what "I" thought of me. I have learned to dress up and not dress to hide. I have learned to make myself pretty for me and not for others to accept me.


LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance among your family and friends?


Friends yes, family is another story. I have some family that support me and others that tell me to give up plus size modeling, that it's never gonna happen for me. I will never give it up, I have become a plus size educator, a plus size mentor and I feel that I am a wonderful roll model for others to look up to.


LargeInCharge.com: What would you say inspires you most in life?

 
My husband, my kids and my beautiful grand-daughter. Without them, I am nothing.


LargeInCharge.com: What is your primary occupation?


I am an Administrative Associate for a wonderful winery in Northern Nevada.


LargeInCharge.com: How did you get into this line of work?


Believe it or not but shear luck. There was this woman that came to my door trying to sell me home owners insurance. I told her that I hadn't worked in 2 1/2 yrs. She asked me what I had done in the past and I told her. She then told me that she had a friend that was looking for someone and I gave her my name and number and her friend called me. I went for the interview and was interviewed by 4 people at once! Was kinda fun though...LOL. Two days later I got a call and the job!!!!


LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance in the work force?

 
Where I work yes. I get more compliment about the way I conduct myself and the way I dress.


LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you believe should take place for Large People in the work force?


Look at a persons experience, NOT their size. If you have a thin woman and a heavy woman and they both apply for the same position, the potential employer is always going to pick the thinner person. This needs to change now.


LargeInCharge.com: What do you think about the fashion industry for big sized clothing?

 
I think it has come a long way. 10 years ago, the clothing was NOT as fashionable as it is today nor was it affordable. I, myself, have noticed how more and more clothing has gone from moo moo's, to beautiful pieces of clothing that I would be proud to wear.


LargeInCharge.com: What do you wish to see change with the fashion industry?


I believe that "High Fashion" designers can do much better than they are doing right now. I want them to be a little more open minded and see the beauty in plus size women. The only thing they see is a heavy person and their high fashion clothing won't look right.


LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think will happen if plus sized modeling for men and women were to expand?


More men and women will come out of their shells and become the people they have always wanted to be. We will all see more "REAL SIZE" people on the runways and in high fashion magazines.


LargeInCharge.com: Tell us some of the places you buy your clothing from.


I am super cheap...LOL, but I can find some great finds! I love Wal-mart. I can honestly say that a lot of their plus size clothing is pretty ugly but there are those times where I can find something wonderful. I love going to Ross. I mean really, I can get a top for as cheap as $3.99! If I was to splurge, I go to Lane Bryant but even then, I go straight to the clearance section :-) Beautiful clothing for super cheap prices....Come shopping with me!


LargeInCharge.com: Tell us one of your secret beauty tips.


I have no beauty tips. I don't was my make-up off at night, I pick at my face all the time and I don't use any facial moisturizers.


LargeInCharge.com: Give us some tips on how to have a successful Photo shoot. What should models be prepared for?


1. Listen to your photographer, he/she knows what they are doing to make you look beautiful.

2. Be yourself! Don't pretend to be someone you are not.

3. Relax and have fun!


LargeInCharge.com: Look at Size acceptance five years ago... look at size acceptance now. What changes do you see?


I see some things have gotten better and some things that have gotten worse. It's hard to point out one for either. I think when you are in a metropolis like L.A. or New York, things are harder. When you are in a smaller town, like the one where I live, things might be a little easier because everyone knows you.


LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think will happen five years from now with size acceptance?


For all we know it just might stay the same.


LargeInCharge.com: Tell us about your goals as far as modeling and other interests.

 
I am still pushing myself to get out there, to be seen, to have my name known. All I can do is the best I can to be a model, knowing that I may never make it.


LargeInCharge.com: What have you accomplished as a Plus Sized Model?


Public Choice Winner for Buxom Entertainment 2006
Cover Model for Me, Myself & I, April 2007
Head Shot of the Day August 2007- Sugar Loot
Uniquely Plus Size Model of the year 2007, 4th Place Winner
Model of the Moment for SprungPhoto.com March 2007
Cover Model for Large in Charge Magazine October 2007
Model of the moment for Me, Myself & I, November 2007
Cover Model for Hott Bellz 2008 Calendar
Miss February for Hott Bellz 2008 Calnder
Cover Model for Sassy Sistah, June 2008
Glamour Girl Spot Light October 2008
Cover Model Primo Plus Magazine Dec 2008
Real Women Summit Model June 2009
Real Women Have Curves Model of the month Dec 2009
Curvy Chick of the month winner December 2009
Solid Magazine, Spring Cover Model 2010
Snog Tee Shirt Contest 2010, 177th out of 2502 entries
Purple Lab modeling contest 2010 61st place out of 2518 entries
My Fabulous Body Contest winner Summer 2010
e.l.f. (Eyes, Lips, Face) modeling contest 2010, 176th place out of 10442 entries
Hugo Boss Runway modeling contest 2010, 44th place out of 702 entries.
Tara Smith modeling contest 2010, 73rd out of 3041 entries.


LargeInCharge.com: Have you entered or won any Contests, Pageants or Awards? What was the experience like?


Please see answers in the above question. Winning any contest give me more and more confidence.


LargeInCharge.com: Can you tell us about an inspirational moment in you life that made you feel good about your size.


I know this is gonna sound snobbish but oh well, every time I see an man take a 2nd glance at me it makes me feel really good and sexy.


LargeInCharge.com: Is there a person in your life that makes you keep going?


I have my husband’s 150% support! That means more to me than anything else.


LargeInCharge.com: What advice would you give to other people of size who want to model?

 
NEVER, EVER let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. You are a beautiful person and if you want it bad enough, go for it! Do anything and everything you can to make it happen.


LargeInCharge.com: What plus size figure do you most admire?


To tell you the truth, there are so many that I can not just pick one.


LargeInCharge.com: Describe yourself with one word.


Confident



 

 

 

Thanks for reading about our

Cover Model of the Month

articles@largeincharge.com

 

     Raqui the Owner and Founder of LargeInCharge.com, Raqui's  "Tell it like it is" style of writing has brought thousands to her blogs and millions to LargeInCharge.com.  There is so much behind the woman who has brought this magazine into existence.  Being Internationally known as a wrestler/squasher lead the way to modeling for companies and being featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.  She has made a career out of her size and personality. Born, Raised and Residing in the Bronx NYC. This city girl is taking the world by storm.

 

     For the past 6 years Raqui officially moved into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.  With the creation of LargeInCharge she took what she said to individuals to a higher level and made it public to the internet world. She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her.  Knock her down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.  Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized people online her grace and style has made people love her.  Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend the world to fit her, her way.

 

     Raqui's appearances include, Uk Television, German TV, Japan, Europe, Sweden and the Spanish circuit.  Her many magazines appearances have been world wide.  She has hit American Television in 2006 with Good Morning American and since has appeared on The Cristina Show,  The Maury Show and The Tyra Banks Show.

To view her Online portfolio visit www.Raqui.com

Raqui featured on Gordos.com and Glamour Plus - go to www.Raqui.com Portfolio Section

Raqui-ism - Its a Come Back - GYN isn't enough get a Sonogram!

Written By: Raqui 

Why test for Ovarian Cancer in Plus Sized Ladies

    
I received the scare of my life a few weeks ago when I went for my yearly GYN appointment.  My doctor has been my GYN doctor for almost 10 years.  After my exam She casually says, "I think you should go for a sonogram."  "A Sonogram?"  I reply "Why?" "Well I want you to get checked for Ovarian Cancer."  "CANCER" is the only word I heard.

 

     Me Cancer,  no way I mean come on.  I am too healthy for cancer.  Wait I am to young for cancer.  I CAN'T HAVE CANCER!  I kept calm and she gave me some paper work so that I can get the sonogram done.  But inside I was really scared.  Because in reality Cancer can hit you at any age and that last thing I wanted to think about was that I might have something hidden in my body that could take my life.

 

     So I start asking all my bbw friends about this certain test but no one knows about it.  I start asking smaller women, ssbbw women, shoot I asked strangers in the doctor's office.  But no one knows anything about it.  My mother almost had a nervous break down when I mentioned it so I decided to change the subject.  I  began to ask my online friends and one woman had the test but for different reasons.  I really started to get frustrated and very worried.  Finally I got some answers and it came to a surprise, but completely makes sense:  EVERY SINGLE big woman bbw or ssbbw should be getting this test YEARLY.

 

     It is called a Vaginal Sonogram,  It is done while your on a regular GYN table.  They put a plastic coated wand about the size of a hot dog into your vagina.  It does not go very deep.  The wand takes the sonogram through your pelvis and they are able to get pictures of your uterus and ovaries.  You don't have to drink water and all they do is move the wand  around a little to get a better picture.  It takes about 10 minutes and is simple.  It was much better than getting a Pelvic exam and was not a big deal.

 

     Why should all Big Ladies get this test on a yearly basis?  I talked to a friend of mine who gets these tests, and a  friend who is a Nurse and these are the reasons.

  • With many plus sized people during a GYN exam the uterus and ovaries are NOT being felt properly or not being felt at all!

  • The Vaginal Sonogram enables the uterus and ovaries to be seen and examined for growths, cists and tumors.

  • Cancer, Cists, Growths etc. do not hurt until it is too late to do something about it.

  • The Vaginal sonogram allows the doctor to see what they cannot feel.

  • Cancer and other problems can be detected early with this test when the chance of recovery is good.

    

     It is a shame that all GYN doctors are not informing Plus Sized ladies about this during an exam.  If the Doctor cannot feel every thing they should automatically send you for this exam for YOUR OWN GOOD.  Out of all the people I talked to  80 % of them being BBW or SSBBW.  Only one person was able to tell me more about it in detail and why we should be getting this exam every year.   That means most BBW's and SSBBW's are not being examined correctly.  Most women in general do not go for the yearly GYN exam especially Large Ladies who are embarrassed, ashamed or just don't want to go through the hassle.

 

     My friend who is a nurse said that all women should get this test from time to time but especially Bigger women should have it no less than every other year. Large Ladies can go on for years with tumors, cists, growths that might be cancerous or non cancerous growing and have no idea about it.  When you start getting pain the cancer might have spread to much and you might not be able to recover.  Or they might have to take out all your reproductive organs instead of an ovary.  With out your ovaries to give you estrogen you will have to take estrogen pills which can actually cause different types of cancer over time. So the most important thing is to get examined yearly and if you got a problem with regular testing and exams problems can be detected early enough to do something about it.

 

SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT IT:

  1. Find a GYN doctor you like and get yearly exams.

  2. Ask your Doctor if they are able to feel your uterus and ovaries properly during the exam.

  3. If they don't feel them perfectly ask to have a Vaginal Sonogram.

  4. If your doctor refuses find another doctor and speak to them in advance saying you want Vaginal sonograms at least every other year.  In reality you should have it every year.

  5. If you feel pain at anytime go in to speak with your doctor.

  6. Remember Early Detection is the Key, If your doctor doesn't have your best interests at heart you need a new doctor.

 

     We need to fight for our rights,  We are paying for medical care and if you have government assistance or insurance it is there for a reason.  So that you stay healthy.  If you don't demand the proper treatment who will?  If you don't have insurance or any way to pay for your GYN, birth control and other treatments.   Look up Planned Parent hood in your area.  At planned parent hood you can apply for a special Medicaid that takes care of GYN, birth control and any type of medical care that has to deal in the GYN field.  You will be able to use it with your own regular doctor you don't have to use Planned Parenthood services.

 

Stay well Ladies and remember, even though you might not like the exam or test it is important for your health and life!

 

 


LargeInCharge Radio - Weekly Radio show discussing Plus Sized Issues.  Friday's 7-9 pm EST - Call in & Chat in our Chat Room.

Raqui's Cool Links

www.raqui.com  

Raqui's My Space Page

Raqui on Twitter

 

Thank you for Reading Raqui's Spot

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

From the Plus Side

with

Emily Smiltneck

     From the Plus side will be column dedicated to short stories that deal with all aspects of Plus size Life.  Emily Smiltneck was chosen for this position because of her dedication, and realistic writing style. She captures the emotional and mental rollercoaster those who are Plus Sized go through.

 

     Emily Susanne Smiltneck lives in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (pretty much dead center in the middle of nowhere). She is a substitute teacher, and has recently started a tutoring business. Emily is currently working on several writing projects, including a historical fiction novel and several collections of poetry.

Emily Smiltneck receives recognition in Neighbors Daily Press - See article below

    

     It is a great joy when our fellow Plus Sized people receive recognition for their life's work.  Join me in this Joyous moment when one of our LargeInCharge writers is seen for her contribution and great dedication to her goals in life.  Click the images above to read the article about our dear Emily. When the page open click on the article to zoom in and read it.

 

The Adventures of Phatgurl

by Emily Suzanne Smiltneck  

 

The Adventures Of Phatgurl is a serial collection of stories about the adventures of Jany, a plus-sized young woman who, in desperation, places an ad on a personals website.  As she embarks on her dates, she meets many different kinds of men who expect many different things from her.  Some of her adventures are wildly amusing and others are more serious and even sad. 

 

If you have any ideas or experiences, funny or otherwise, that you would like to see depicted in a future Phatgurl story, please e-mail me at emilysuzanne20@hotmail.com.  I will do my very best to incorporate all reader ideas into future columns.  Thanks!

 

The Ad (Part 2)

SWSSBBW seeks SM who will not rape her, emotionally or otherwise.  The ability to both speak and write in complete sentences is a plus.  Must not inadvertently throw her down stairs or pretend that she is “Mama.”  Intelligent conversation, a little respect, and the lack of a current significant other will get you far.  And a well-developed sense of humor won’t hurt, either.  If you like smart chicks with jelly bellies and thunder thighs, reply to phatgurl@personalz.com

 

Enlightened

    

 

“Selena, I’m sorry. I need you. I didn’t know who else to call. I did something bad. Really bad.”

“Jane? You’re crying. Are you okay?”

“No. Yes, I’m okay, but what I did isn’t. It’s terrible.”

“Are you—are you safe? Where are you?”

“Home.”

“Hold on, I’ll be right there. You didn’t answer me. Are you safe until I get there? Do you need me to call someone?”

“It’s okay. I’m okay. I just need—someone. Something. I don’t know.”

“I’m on my way.

Jany hung up the phone and dissolved into tears again. She couldn’t help picturing Frank’s poor wife—she was fat and barely escaped being unattractive, in Jany’s mind—home alone, in bed, wondering where her husband was. Wondering if he’d come home smelling like another woman, again, and if she’d be able to ignore it, again. Wondering why she wasn’t enough for him.

And Jany kept remembering Frank’s hands on her body, how warm they’d felt and how on-top-of-the-world they’d made her feel. It was a sharp contrast from the vast emptiness she felt when she forced herself to also remember that she would never feel them again. The emptiness made her cry, which made her feel guilty: she shouldn’t even want to feel those two-timing hands again! And the guilt made her cry harder.

Selena let herself in when she got there, and Jany was glad she’d given her an emergency key. She was in no shape to get up.
“What’s wrong, hon? Tell me all about it—Jany? Honey? Are you sure you’re okay? You’re—not wearing any clothes. Oh, my god, did you—did someone—?”

“No! No, I wish that’s all it was.” In her agony, Jany had forgotten that her clothes were still on the floor across the room, on the floor in her bedroom, scattered across her apartment. She pointed weakly at a blanket that was draped across the back of a chair and Selena covered her with it.

“I swear to god, if someone forced himself on you, you better tell me. I’ll kill the bastard!”

“No, Selena, it’s okay. It wasn’t that. I did something bad. It wasn’t even his fault, really, I should have asked, but I didn’t think to, I was so antsy and I needed some excitement and I was so proud of myself and then he told me and oh, god, I can’t believe I did what I did.” Jany started crying all over again. Selena sat down next to her, pulled her close.

“Jane, you can’t keep just ranting like that. I don’t know what to do. You have to tell me what happened. What you did. Did you—hurt someone?”

“Not on purpose.”

“What did you do?”

“I slept—” Jany dropped her voice to a whisper. “I slept with a married man.”

“You what?”

“I slept with—”

“No, I heard you, you don’t need to say it again. That’s what this is all about? You’re this upset because you slept with a married dude? Women do that all the time, Jane. I thought you killed someone and I was gonna have to be your alibi!”

“I swear I didn’t know. I didn’t ask, that was my fault, but he didn’t tell me, either, not til after we were done. I was with him once before, and he didn’t tell me then, either. I never would have, ever! I didn’t know and I asked him out again and we came back here and did it and then he was getting dressed and he was all like, ‘Well, I better get home before my wife gets mad,’ like it was no big deal. What am I gonna do?”

“You’re gonna get a grip, to start with. Sleeping with someone else’s husband is only wrong if you know, hon, but if he didn’t tell you, he is, like, totally the one who should feel guilty. It wasn’t even your fault. And even if you did know, I mean, it’s not a good thing, but it isn’t like, the same as murder or something.”

Jany let her head fall back against Selena’s chest and Selena smoothed her hair back.

“I just keep thinking about his wife.” Jany’s voice caught on the word “wife” and she almost started crying again, but she managed to stop herself. “I mean, she was probably sitting home alone waiting for him when he was in my—my—with me.”

“Or maybe she is a cold-hearted bitch who won’t touch the guy, or maybe they just both got busy with life and don’t make time to be together anymore, or maybe she has a lover or two on the side, too. Hell, maybe they have an open marriage. You have no idea what the situation is, Jany, and you didn’t know he was married anyway. I promise you, you do not need to feel this terrible about it.”

“I guess. But I—I can’t help wishing he wasn’t—you know. I wish I could have him. Because he’s really a nice guy, and—”

“If you feel this guilty about sleeping with a married guy, Jane, then there’s no way you think he’s a nice guy anymore. That alone should help you get over him.”

“Yeah. But he seemed nice. He took me out for dinner this time.”

“This time? What does that mean?”

“It was the guy that took me to the gay bar and the liquor store—”

“Holy hell, Jany! You are this upset over the guy that fucked you in a whorehouse on your first date? Okay, remember when I said you needed to get a grip? I take that back and double it. Triple it. He is so not worth all this! Go take a shower and get dressed. Wash his stench off of you and get dressed up all pretty. We’re going out and I am going to show you how much better you can do, because you need to get a new opinion of yourself. Now go!”

Selena stood up and dragged Jany off the couch, then pushed her into the bathroom.

“Are you gonna take a shower, or do I gotta give you one?”

“I think I can manage.”

“’Cause if you need me to get in the shower with you—”

Jany giggled and felt herself relax a little. Laughter was still possible; life could go on. “That’s okay. I think I’ve had enough of that kind of stuff for one day.”

“Sure, rub it in. I was sitting home alone tonight, and you were—well, you know.”

“Shh. Don’t go there. I need to not think about that for a while.”

“Sorry, hon. Take your shower. I’ll find you something to wear.”

“We’re really going out? It must be like eleven already.”

“It’s only ten, on a Saturday. We are totally going out.” Selena turned on the water and adjusted the temperature. “Night’s still young and we’re gonna have us some fun. Now get your naked ass in the shower and stop tempting me with it.”
When Jany got out of the shower, there was a stack of neatly folded clothes on the bathroom counter, along with a bottle of lotion she assumed was on loan from Selena, because she didn’t recognize it. She smoothed it over her skin and looked at the clothes Selena had picked out for her.

“Um, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” She opened the bathroom door to glare at Selena, who was waiting on the couch.

“I’m sitting on your couch. Waiting.”

“I mean with these clothes! I’m not wearing them. This skirt barely covers a half inch of my nasty thighs; I’d need leggings or something to go under it. I only got the damn thing for Halloween and I wore a trenchcoat over it then.”

“It’s spring.”

“I don’t follow.”

“It’s spring. You don’t need leggings.”

“I’m talking about modesty, not frostbite! I don’t want my butt hangin’ out all night.”

“Come on. We’re gonna party. Be cool.”

“Selena, how can I have a good time if I gotta worry about showin’ off my hoo hah every time I sit down?”

“Okay, fine. Hold on.”

Jany was actually happy with the results when Selena had finally come up with an outfit they could agree on. She’d kept the short skirt but added some black leggings Jany had forgotten she even had, and the tall boots she’d work with the skirt on Halloween, and a button-down shirt that was less buttoned than Jany would have liked, but she’d compromised on that. She had to admit that Selena was good with makeup; she’d managed to make Jany look like most women did when they got dressed up to go out instead of like a little girl playing dress up.

“All right, let’s get outta here,” Selena said when she was finally satisfied with her work.

“Where are we going?”

“We’ll figure that out on the way there.”

“Selena? Thank you.”

“Any time. That’s what friends are for.”

“I mean—not just for tonight. For everything. I sort of—well, I’m not as good a friend as I should be. I want to be. I’m just not used to this. I’m not used to having friends.”

“It’s fine, Jane. Relax. I’m a big girl, I’ll deal, and someday you’ll get your head screwed on straight. Or gay, which would be fine by me. Now, can we stop with this, like, mushy shit? ‘Cause I don’t need to be sittin’ on a bus cryin’ with mascara runnin’ down my face.”

“Sorry. I’ll try to rein it in.”

“Thank you. So I was thinking about going to that one place you told me about, that Club Bubbles place. You down?”

“I—I don’t know. I mean, it might be fun. But there, I might—I’m not sure if I can handle getting hit on or whatever. I might snap and punch some poor, innocent dude in the face. I’m a little frustrated with men right now.”

“So we’ll pretend we’re there together.”

“Selena, I’m not sure that will exactly keep us from getting hit on.”

“No, but it might be fun anyway, and it’ll give you an easy excuse. Dudes try like hell to get chicks to tag team ‘em, but they don’t actually expect it to happen.”

“And I’m sort of afraid—“ Jany looked away from Selena, dropped her voice. “What if we go there and someone starts talking to you or whatever and—and not to me. At least if we go somewhere else, well—I mean, it could happen, you’re a lot skinnier than I am, but even girls your size don’t get that much attention, so—“

“Hey, now! Speak for yourself. I get plenty of attention. And so do you, if you’d stop being so damn stubborn and just see it. Yeah, there’s a bunch of assholes out there who say rude shit and count ya out just ‘cause you’re fat. Lots of ‘em. But you know what? There’s way less than you think there is, it’s just that they’re the loud ones and the ones that hurt, so you remember ‘em. Let me ask you this: how many men do you see—just at work, out on the street, whatever—that don’t insult you?”

“Whoa, calm down. I didn’t mean to set that off. I don’t know, I don’t exactly count ‘em or anything.”

“Okay, then how many do insult you in any given day?”

“Maybe one or two.”

“How many did yesterday?”

“Yesterday? None, I don’t think.”

“And the day before?”

“I—I don’t remember any.”

“And the day before that? I’m a fat girl, too. I know how exactly you remember that kind of stuff. Come on. When was the last time it happened?”

“I guess it was when I was waiting to cross the street and this guy opened up his car window and yelled that I should lay off the Twinkies and drove away.”

“And when did that happen?”

“What are you, my therapist? I don’t know, maybe a couple months ago. Last summer sometime, I think.”

“Somebody’s gotta be your therapist. Think about what you just said, girl. One asshole insulted you—and it wasn’t even an original insult, by the way—almost a year ago, and you’re judging all men based on that? Why not judge them on the ten thousand or so dudes you’ve seen since then that didn’t insult you?”

“Selena, you know what I meant.”

“Uh uh. I’m not done. Beyond that, what kind of a friend do you think I am? Knowing what you went through tonight, if some guy hit on me, I don’t care if he’s a fucking rock star, I’d tell him to leave me alone ‘cause I’m hangin’ with my girl tonight. And if I did get hit on and you didn’t, or you did and I didn’t, especially at that Club Bounce place, that’s just the luck of the draw. It doesn’t mean a damn thing. God, girl, sometimes it seems like you’re getting’ your shit together and then all of a sudden I find out you’re right back where you started from.”

“Holy hell, Selena, chill. You’re not making me feel any better, really.”

“Sometimes ya gotta hear the truth, kiddo. So where we goin’? Club Bubbles is my choice, but since it’s your night, you decide.”

“Okay, fine, we’ll try it. But if I need to bail, can we go someplace else?”

“Deal.”

 

   
   
 

Thanks for reading

From the Plus Side with Emily Smiltneck

articles@largeincharge.com

 

Emily's Cool Links

www.myspace.com/heartsoulspirit

 

     Xander brings blend of life experience and culinary twist to his writing. From cooking on television and live demonstrations, to writing Xander cook’s like he feels. A former Chicago native transplanted to Tennessee, His goal has been to experience the fullness of food heritage. He believes that as a people and society, can learn a lot from what we eat. Combining a great life lesson and a easy recipe.  They go hand-in-hand to provide a tasty addition to your day. Xander has to confess that ingredients in a great meal are like the ingredients in a great life are never far apart.

 

   

To Where It all Started and Ended

by Xander The Food Dude

 

I sit here tonight with a vague impression of what I want to convey this month.  At last March has arrived and thus the dance of Spring is on us again.  Yes, at last the cold and snow is gone for another few months, but damn, here come the bugs and sweltering heat of the summer.

 

I have spent the last couple of days rounding up all the magazines I’ve collected over the last few years and have torn out the articles I want to keep.  At this point, I’ve gotten rid of about 1,000 pounds of magazines and kept about 200 pounds in articles.  Eventually I hope to scan those into the computer and get rid of the paper version.  I ask myself quite often, that if I haven’t looked at them in two years what do I need with them now ?  Ah, the questions that can’t be answered by a packrat.

 

The things that hits me the most is the dates on the magazines.  Some of these are better than 5 to 10 years old and I’m only now looking at them.  However, I have noticed the dates on them and for some I can actually recall the date of purchase.  I can see myself in my mind of when and where I was when I bought them.  One, for example was a Men’s Health I bought for an article on losing weight from April 2000.   Another was a cooking magazine from 1996 that I specifically recall purchasing because of the Spanish Soufflé recipe it had in it.  I detail this to you because since April of 2000 I haven’t lost any weight and I never did make that Spanish Soufflé.

 

As I continue through I find a magazine on sky diving (once a serious goal, If I would only lose the necessary weight) and a hiking magazine in which is notes the ultimate goal of any backpacker is to lighten the load for the journey.  AND THEN IT HITS ME….

 

My greatest fears have come to pass and only reason I haven’t realized it is that I am too stupid to see it.

 

For the last year I have been thinking that through some oddity I am in the midst of a mid-life crisis due to my turning 40 almost a year and a half ago.  Now I can honestly say its turned into a high level of self-loathing.  I have to finally acknowledge that ultimately I have failed at everything I have undertaken.  I have no goals that inspire me, no dreams to achieve.  I have surrounded myself with a mountain of shit I can never hope to use and it’s burying me.  In short, I am not happy and don’t see the hopes of every truly being happy with my life. (If you’re thinking, Damn, this is a major Bummer to read, think about how I feel to actually writing it.)  THEN I DO IT….   I actually take the time to read two articles that I just tore out.   I read the one about skydiving and hiking.   I read this knowing that the reality is that I will never go hiking or skydiving.  I’m thinking the whole time… what the heck am I doing wasting MORE time just throw them away

The two articles, oddly present me with maybe a partial solution to one of my problems.  The hiking article talks about when people first start hiking they think they have to take everything they might need with them.  This results in a heavy load to carry and make the hike more taxing than it needs to be and you can’t go as far as a result of the effort.  The skydiving magazine has a primary story on being able to recover from a snag primary chute.  The first thing your must do before you can open your reserve chute  is to dispense with the failed primary chute otherwise it will only snag your reserve chute on deployment.  They call this the act of “cutting away”.

 

The stories spoke to me in my desperation.  It’s time to lighten my load and cut away parts of my life to lighten my load.  Maybe this will make the long journey ahead easier.  Maybe its my desperation that makes me look for meaning in places that there shouldn’t be, or maybe it’s God’s sense of humor, or God’s pity for me.  Whatever it is, some things have come closer to being clear.  One, you can only read so many self help books before you know the real reason you fail.  You can only ignore the problem so long before you know what the real problem is…..  in my case.. the problem is me….. there something wrong with me.  The reality is that its always be there and its time to fix it.

 

Over the next few months I’ll keep you posted on the cut away process, the ups and downs.  I hope through it all we can all garner something good from it.  Some of you may feel the same way… If so, welcome to my boat, and no, you can’t bring that will you.

 

Keep posted.  In the mean time, enjoy the recipe I’ve included for you, it from April of 1996…   (yeah, go ahead and laugh,  I did.)  Next Month… Hot Sauce…. Just in time to start grillin’ and turn up the heat.

 

 

Xander's Recipe of the Month

 Spanish Soufflé Omelet

The soufflé omelet is an omelet in which the eggs have been beaten until they triple in volume, It is then started on the stove top and finished in the oven where the eggs soufflé up yielding an omelet with a huge WOW factor. This omelet is easy to make and the finished product is light, airy and quite delicious.

 

Start by sautéing 3-4 tablespoons each of diced onion and red bell pepper in 1 tablespoon olive oil. Saute until soft, about 5-8 minutes. Add 1/4 teaspoon salt to 3 eggs in a mixing bowl, beat with an electric mixer until the eggs triple in volume.

Heat an eight inch oven safe skillet on the stove top on medium heat add 1 tablespoon of olive oil and butter, when the foam subsides add egg mixture. When edges just start to set add sautéed onion pepper mixture, 3-4 tablespoons of your favorite salsa and 1/4 cup shredded pepper jack cheese.

Place skillet on the middle rack of an oven preheated to 350 degrees. Bake for 4-6 minutes or until the middle is just set.

When the omelet is fully cooked remove from the oven, be careful the handle is hot, and start to slide the omelet onto a plate. When the omelet is half way out of the skillet use the pan to fold the last half of the omelet over the first half so that it looks like the picture above.

Finish the plate with fresh fruit and heart-shaped scones like above. The recipe for the dried fruit cream scones, a staple at my restaurant The White Bear Cafe, can be found in another February 2010 blog post.
This omelet can be served for breakfast, brunch or dinner. How about at midnight after you return from the theater? Also you can serve 2-3 people by doubling the ingredients and using a 10"-12" oven safe skillet.

 

 

 

 

   
 

Thank you for Reading Good Food 4U

By Xander the Food Dude

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

   

In 2007, Sonya was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes; a generational curse that she had prayed to avoid, but didn’t worry about while she piled butter pecan ice cream on her German Chocolate Cake.    Only a few months into this diagnosis, she woke up one morning unable to walk and in excruciating pain in her left foot.  Doctors finally diagnosed an acute tendonitis, exacerbated by uncontrolled diabetes. 

That was the wake-up call, She had suffered for years with high cholesterol and sleep apnea; all associated with her weight,  it wasn’t until this happened (wheelchair bound for a month and on crutches following that) did she tell herself "I have to do something about my weight."  On April 17, 2008, Sonya had the gastric bypass medical weight loss procedure and it was the best decision that she made for herself.  In these upcoming writings, Sonya invites you to learn the ups and downs of gastric bypass: through the eyes of one who lives it every day.
 
Life After Surgery: Chronicles from Angie Bee
with Sonya Bennett

    

 

  

 

Life After Surgery: Chronicles from Angie Bee

It’s been 30 days+ since my sister, Angie had her gastric bypass! She has chosen to share her experiences with LIC readers, on her FaceBook and through her documentary…. Enjoy as she continues to forecast her ups and downs of living after the surgery:

Dealing with a new "life" after having gastric bypass surgery is an adventure in itself. Learning how to eat again and how to tolerate your new digestive system allows you to resume a lot of control over your life; while pointing out the bad eating habits that you once had.

For example: I was INFAMOUS for talking while I was eating. Over the years, I had even learned how to hold liquid in my mouth before swallowing without drooling all over myself. Try having a conversation with me while we were eating together! It certainly must not have been attractive :). Now, I am learning to pay attention to my food and chew thoroughly to avoid complications. I am now one step closer to being in "charge" of my life while eating.

Another example is that I am learning what a "grazer" I was. I would eat one meal a day while working at home, but then I would eat an after school snack with my daughter, dinner, dessert and a before-bed snack as I lay in bed watching the 11 pm news. WOW! Now, I am more focused on eating breakfast, lunch, an after school snack and dinner at 6 pm verses 9pm. I am now one step closer to being in "charge" of when I eat, and not have the call of the food to control me.

Yes, I have struggled with the after-effects of the surgical procedure. Having no appetite and unrelenting constipation, however I have realized that I have more control over those issues that I originally thought! Eating is just like putting gas in your car. It is a necessity. Now I focus on eating because it is time to eat and I need the fuel. I don't wait until I am hungry to forage for food. Now, I don't overeat! The constipation is handled by increasing my fiber and liquid intake. Am I actually drinking 80 ounces of liquid per day? Hmmm! I am in charge of my health and healing, and I need to do more to remain in charge. The last thing I want to do is have a setback.

This week, my sister Sonya celebrated her third post-surgical anniversary. I could not have been more proud of her! Three years later, she is diabetes-free, cholesterol-light and in charge of her health and her growing business. She is dating, she is socializing, she is in charge of her life AND she is 151 pounds smaller than before. Sonya is defiantly my inspiration and her renowned journey has been documented in several episodes of "350 & closing... A Gastric Bypass Story". Through these links you will see Sonya three days before surgery, the morning and afternoon of her procedure and three interview episodes with her nearly three years later. Just yesterday she sent me a text message photo of herself with the caption "I lost another three pounds!" Sonya is very much in charge of her life!

Enjoy the documentary episodes and keep me in your prayers. Search for Angie BEE on Facebook and message me with your comments about the documentary.

BEE Blessed

Sonya Bennett two days before Gastric Bypass Surgery

Sonya Bennett's surgery and recovery

An interview with Sonya, nearly three years later

An interview with Sonya, part 2

An interview with Sonya, part 3



Angie BEE Productions
Producing Christian entertainment enjoyed by the entire family!
Check out The BEE HIVE at www.AngieBEE.com
See our past projects at www.YouTube.com/AngieBEEpresents

Come see me on tour this summer!
Log onto www.TheChosenTour.com for details

The shows that we are currently creating include:
The Hottest Home Hotspot WORLDWIDE Radio Show -
with THE BEST in Holy Hip Hop - airing weekdays from
8am - 10 am EST on www.HeatfortheStreets.com (Our first secular station!)
noon - 4 pm EST on www.MyJBN.com (returning for our 3rd year!)
6pm - 10 pm EST on www.ChicosRadio.com (Look for us on Chicos TV soon!)
11pm - 3 am EST on www.TheArkRadio.com (The BEST in Holy Hip Hop!)

Glorious Cooking -
returning for a third season on www.FaithiTV.com
350 Pounds and Closing... a Gastric Bypass Documentary
debuting exclusively this fall on The Jericho Broadcast Network
Highly Opinionated - A Teen Talk Show
debuting this fall on www.UrbaniTV.com
VIDEO NEWS - A video version of YOUR press release!
airing Friday's on www.FaithiTV.com
That's What's Up - A weekly bible study discussion hosted by Evidence 322 COMING SOON!

Come check us out on tour this year! For details, log onto www.TheChosenTour.com

Visit us online today at
Twitter.com/HHHotspot
www.Facebook.com/MeAngieBEE
www.ooVoo.com - account Angie BEE
www.Skype.com - AngieBEEproductions
Call us today at 407-914-6519
BEE Blessed!


 

   
 

Thanks for reading

The Big GB - My Gastric Bypass Memoirs

Sonya's Links:

www.SonyaBennett.com

Sonya Bennett on Facebook


     Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

 

     This Column is dedicated to the tremendous work NAAFA has been doing for over four decades.  LargeInCharge wishes to support NAAFA in spreading the word of its work, and give the public more information into issues we as plus sized people should be aware of.  The fight for equality for people of all sizes is one we support.

    

     This Column will include News Releases and Calls to Action from NAAFA Directors.

 

This Column has been Approved by NAAFA.org

 

Help Stop the Bullying of Fat Kids!

from: NAAFA.org

 

Help Stop the Bullying of Fat Kids!

Watch the video, read below then take action! 

http://www.nowpublic.com/world/casey-heynes-exclusive-aca-interview-bully-victim-who-fought-back

 

New "Anti-Bullying Act" Missing a Few Teeth

The current version of the Safe Schools Improvement Act (SSIA) does not prohibit bullying and harassment based on weight and height. It is imperative that SSIA be amended to include weight and height to protect all our children.

 

NAAFA applauds Senators Bob Casey and Mark Kirk for introducing the Safe Schools Improvement Act (SSIA), a bipartisan bill recently introduced in the Senate to help prevent bullying in schools, but the Act does not go far enough.

 

The SSIA does prohibit bullying and harassment, based on a student’s actual or perceived race, color, national origin, sex, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or religion.  Why are weight and height missing 

 Multiple studies indicate that fat children are the group being most bullied.  NAAFA believes leaving any group without protection will remove protection for all and ultimately lead to the failure of the SSIA as a whole. The bullying must end!

Some Bullying Facts:

          Children who are obese are more likely to be bullied, regardless of a number of potential socio-demographic, social, and academic confounders. No protective factors were identified. Effective interventions to reduce bullying of obese children need to be identified. [Lumeng, et al, 2010]

          Bullying victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University (Yale University, Office of Public Affairs, "Bullying-Suicide Link Explored in New Study by Researchers at Yale" ( http://opac.yale.edu/news/article.aspx?id=5913 )

          Teasing about body weight is consistently associated with low body satisfaction, low self-esteem, high depressive symptoms, and thinking about and attempting suicide. [Eisenberg, et al, 2003]

 

NAAFA asks that all concerned individuals write to your Senators and urge them to see that weight and height are added to the Safe Schools Improvement Act (SSIA).  It will take only a moment of your time and it can help change the lives of our children. Go to:  http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

 

Search the listing by State to find the names of your U.S. Senators. Click on the link to complete an online form and ask your senators to amend the Safe Schools Improvement Act to include weight and height as protected classes.  This is a very important step toward protecting children of all sizes. Thank you for making your voice heard!



Two for One Convention Announcement!
Two times the excitement! Two times the info!

NAAFA is pleased to announce the dates for both our 2011 and 2012 Convention.

As a strategic goal, the NAAFA Board has set out to simplify and streamline all of NAAFA's activities. One of the organization's key events, our major fund raising event of the year, is our annual convention and as such it has been a major focus of our streamlining efforts. In order to help members get the most for their money and budget their time, we have been able to secure the Convention location contracts for the next two years. These contracts lock in our cost at the same levels as our 2010 convention and in some cases gives a further discount.

This year we will be returning to the Washington, DC area for our annual convention.

Thursday, August 4, 2011 - Monday, August 8, 2011!
The Westin Washington Dulles Airport
2520 Wasser Terrace
Herndon, VA 20171

In 2012 we will be having our annual convention in San Francisco.

Thursday, August 2, 2012 - Monday, August 6, 2012!
The Westin San Francisco Airport
1 Old Bayshore Highway
Millbrae, CA 94030

Make plans now to join us in August, 2011 at The Westin Washington Dulles Airport. Room rates are a super low $79 per night and can be booked for Thursday, Aug 4, 2011 - Monday, August 8, 2011! The Westin is prepared to receive your NAAFA convention reservations today at: http://www.starwoodmeeting.com/StarGroupsWeb/booking/reservation?id=1101116740&key=4FB52 

We have worked hard to keep the cost of this convention down and to get the lowest hotel prices we could. $79.00 per night for a premium hotel in the DC area is a significant deal. The Early Bird Special price is $225.00 and will be available beginning February 1 through May 31, 2011. Beginning June 1, full convention price will be $265.00.

We will have again made it easy for you to register for the convention as well as the hotel through our website at www.naafa.org. We encourage you to register for the NAAFA convention package today and look forward to seeing you in DC.

Watch our website for more exciting details as they become available.

Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

On the web: http://www.naafa.org  

 

 

 

Thanks for reading

From the Desk of NAAFA

Link

www.NAAFA.org

    

Our WebGirl Lucia Roth, was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. Graduated with a B. A. degree in Communication from Southeastern Louisiana University and is considering going back for her Masters degree. Lucia a people person and is always willing to help out a friend in need. She enjoys music, movies, poetry, and good book on a rainy day. Lucia has several mottos about life.


This is one: Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.

 

I just wanted to re- introduce myself, since I just joined Large In Charge magazine last year. My name is Lulu, and I am a fashion writer for largeincharge.com I am a fashion junkie:) I look forward to finding wonderful fashion find and product of the month for you. I also look forward to chatting with you all an reading some good fashion comments! Please let me know if you have a favorite. Web_girl1999@yahoo.com

 

 

The WebGirl Picks of the Month

Fashion Find Product of the Month

Fashion Find by: Lucia

Fashion Type: Sale

Price: Varies

Link: http://www.plussizefix.com/plus-size-sale-clearence.aspx

Ladies it’s Summertime I found this cute site call Plus Size Fix. I’m in like, Did I say cute? Ok Super Cute fashions. Size 1XL – 3XL
Product of the Month

Recommender: Lucia

Name of Product: Book/Video/Audio

Type of Product: Breaking Free by Beth Moore

Cost of product: Prices varies: starting at $ 37/month for 3 Months

Where Product can be found: http://www.lifeway.com 
search Book Title and author

Description:
Breaking Free: The Journey, The Stories
Member Book by Beth Moore

Beth Moore leads you through a study of the Scriptures to discover the transforming power of freedom in Jesus Christ. Themes for this study come from Isaiah, a book about the captivity of God's children, the faithfulness of God, and the road to freedom.
 

 

     My name is Jonny T. I have been an admirer of plus-size women for many years. As a recording artist, I have released a number of projects that celebrate the beauty of big beautiful women.  Over the years, I have seen a lot of faces, heard a lot of stories, and participated in a lot of bashes and clubs. I enjoy a professional career as a recording artist, label, and executive.  I am currently the Executive Assistant for Street Scholar Music Group (SSMG), a new label exclusively distributed by Bungalo Records and Universal Music Group Distribution. So far, it has been a great experience and I have gained a tremendous amount of insight from both the standpoint of artists and decision-makers in the music industry, as well as the entertainment industry as a whole. The goal of my articles is to provide information about what it takes to be successful in the mainstream entertainment industry while being a woman and/or man of size. I look forward to making contributions to Large in Charge and those who read the articles. Choose well, Live well!

 

 

Big Beautiful Hollywood

with Jonny T

Greetings and Salutations from Los Angeles!

     The awards season is coming to close for 2011. The Oscars have passed. The Golden Globe Awards are completed. The People’s Choice and Teen Choice Award ceremonies have made their impact on the industry for the year. Essentially all that remains are the BET Awards in June and the American Music Awards later this fall. The BET Awards recognize the top urban acts and performances of the year relevant to that particular market. While she may not make the nominee list for 2011, I am certainly inclined to believe Joyce Licorice has the ability to make that list for the 2012 nominations.

     When it comes to vocal prowess, Joyce is the total package. Her vocal range is incredible. Not only does she have the ability to hold notes in the R&B/Soul genres, she also has a background with performing Opera as well as live musicals like Dreamgirls –a theatrical showcase directed by a former Fox casting director. She has had the honor of opening for A-list acts like 112, Chaka Khan, Babyface, The Isley Brothers and Joss Stone.

     Joyce Licorice hails from Indianapolis but frequents the New York and Los Angeles areas and all places relevant to the promotion of her projects. I had the opportunity to catch up with Joyce on the set of her new video in Los Angeles. When asked what can be expected of her new project and her as an artist, she said something special and major is on the horizon. She is currently in negotiations with a major label and ready to launch the F.A.T. National Anthem –a new single recording that celebrates the strength of the large and lovely woman.

     It’s nearly the wrap for her new video Big Girls Need Love Too and she is already coordinating the next one. This plus size beauty is ready to create the paradigm shift needed to change the entertainment game in Hollywood and beyond. Don’t sleep on Joyce Licorice! You can hear samples of her work and read more about her in depth at

www.joycelicorice.com

 

Pat is a forty something woman living in Southern Ontario, Canada. She has a varied past and has worked teaching literacy and English as a second language to adults, as an environmental science technician and in the health and safety field. Currently she works in marketing.

Pat fiercely believes in human rights for all and has volunteered for organizations that raise funds and develop and implement programs to help impoverished people and educate women in third world countries. Although relatively new to the size acceptance movement, Pat believes with all her heart that people of size deserve equal treatment and respect.
In her spare time she likes to read fiction, go to bashes and spend time with friends.

Who do you Love?

with Pat Llewellyn

 

 

Everyone has one of those moments when someone says something and you think, “What are they talking about?” or “That is not me at all.” You just can’t see what they are saying about you as true. Now, how many of us are willing to own up later when you realize that what they said is true? I am ready to own up to my moment of denial.

In December I was told I needed to put on my big girl panties and realize that I am worthy of love and respect. I was also told that you get back what you put out to the universe and until I got my act together I wouldn’t get the love and respect that I deserve.

My initial response to this was “I know I deserve to be loved, you don’t know what you are saying!” Of course I didn’t say that to the wise and courageous person who said those words to me, but I thought them. Turns out I was the person who was wrong.

My light bulb moment came when I was chatting with a guy. Even though things didn’t feel right I kept talking to him. It took two anxiety attacks before I drew a line and said this is what I need from you for us to keep chatting. Even then I second guessed myself. Looking back on past relationships and interactions with men that I’ve been attracted to, I’ve put up with a lot of things I shouldn’t have.

I’m a self-confident person, I like who I am and I am beautiful. I truly believe these things. So I have to ask myself why? Why I would put up with bad or inappropriate behavior? What could possibly make me want to continue seeing someone who betrayed my trust, someone who didn’t respect my beliefs when they conflicted with theirs, someone who wouldn’t make me a priority in their life? After all, if any of my friends were dating someone who treated them poorly I’d be the first to say get rid of him.

The only thing I can come up with is that some part of me thinks that I do not deserve better, that I deserve to be marginalized. Intellectually, I know this isn’t true. The root of the problem could be many things. Whatever the cause is I know that I want things to change and that I will do what I need to make those changes.

My name is Pat and I am worthy of love.

     Ms Suga is a plus size woman hailing from Sunny South Florida. She is a 24 year old recent recipient of a Bachelor in Arts degree in Communication Studies. Being plus size for the majority of her life she has overcome many obstacles to finally come to the point where she is fully content with herself and her life. This self love has also allowed Ms Suga the privilege of sharing her love with those around her. She is very passionate about life and loves to help others.

     Ms Suga likes to see herself as the one everyone can go to for positive, inspirational and truthful words of advice and/or support. She is the Beautiful Inspirational Girl that is blessed, intellectual, trustworthy, caring and hardworking.

     Ms Suga has had a passion for writing since she was a little girl when she used to think of short stories about what her life would be like as she got older. This is Ms Suga’s first opportunity for her thoughts to be public for the world to see. Excited about this column Ms Suga is also very optimistic of her future in writing and promoting self love and acceptance in the plus size community.

 

I LOVES me SOME ME!

with Ms Suga

 

I have something to tell you all. It’s not really a secret or something that you have to keep between us but please don’t think I’m crazy for saying this but….I LOVES ME SOME ME! Yes I said it and I mutha-fucking meant it!! (Trick Daddy flash back LoL). I don’t want you to think I’m being cocky or conceited or stuck up but I do really love myself. From the short patch of hair on the crown of my head to the bottom of my pedicured feet; I love every scar, freckle and dimple that is on this body to make me the woman I am today. I love myself inside and out. If I don’t love me how can I ever expect someone else to?

Can you say that you truly love yourself? Can you accept yourself with all your flaws and be truly happy? Why or why not? Really sit down and think about it. If you have a negative mindset about yourself, you really need to get to the bottom of that feeling. Has someone told you something that makes you doubt yourself? Do you have low self-esteem? Well I’m no mind changer and I sure as hell am no Dr. Laura but I can help you develop the right mindset to be able to say “I loves me some me” & mean it.

First things first know the difference between self love and conceitedness. The definition of conceit is an excessively favorable opinion of one's own ability, importance, wit, etc. The definition of love is a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. You don’t want to be excessive but you do want that deep affection and attachment type feeling. So look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see and how do you feel? Is there something you want to change? Then stop sitting around hating the world and change it! Yes it really is that simple. It may take some work but go for it.

You hate your short nappy hair? Get a weave, get some extensions, try a new color or a cut in a style. You hate those 20 extra pounds you gained over the past 2 years? Lose them! go walking, join an aerobics class, stop drinking soda all day everyday and grab a bottle of water. Take the stairs down those two flights instead of waiting on the elevator while you eat that 2:30 bag of chips. Get up! Get out! Do SOMETHING!!

I encourage you to think positive and be positive. If you feel that you need to sit on the couch waiting on the world to feel sorry for you while you spew hate and anger into the atmosphere here is a reality check GET OVER IT! We are born, life happens and we die. You don’t get many do-overs in life, so take what you get and make the most out of it. “But Ms. Suga that’s easier said than done” blah blah blah…you don’t know how hard something is until you start doing it.

Consider this: Is there someone that you look at and think they are the bees knees? Is there someone that makes you think I wish I could do what they do? Well guess what…you can! All you have to do is stay focused and really try your hardest; your hard work will pay off in the end. You may not reach the goal you set but you may discover something all the more better for you.

Until next time Sweethearts!! Get inspired by someone else’s story. Inspire someone else by your story. DO SOMETHING to show that life really is worth living and that one person can make a difference to someone else.

~Ms Suga~

 

Sherry Jackson Graf was born and raised in Richlands, VA. She was raised in a musical family and began playing bass guitar in the family's gospel group at the age of 8. Her family toured and recorded albums until she was 15 years old. She wanted to attend public high school and chose to go to public school instead of continuing her education with a home tutor. She played flute, bassoon, and percussion for Richlands High School band and was chosen for Flag Corps during marching season. The band won numerous marching and performing awards.

She studied Business Administration in college and moved to Nashville, TN with her father, Larry Jackson and began working at Buddy Lee Attractions, Inc., a booking agency on Music Row. She is currently Executive Assistant to Donna Lee.

She continues her career in the music industry, is an actress, stage manages theater and is looking forward to writing for large in charge.

 

 

Large Women In The Music Business

with Ms Sherry Graf

 

For the past one hundred years or so, large women have been a big part of the music business. Even when women were fighting for equal rights elsewhere, large women in the music business have always had a leg up on their compatriots because their voices produce not only a different register of sound than men, but also a different timbre. Therefore, there have always been large women in the music industry.


Granted, the tradition of castrati and government policies that kept women off the stage altogether have put a few roadblocks in the trajectory of woman's rise in the music business, overall female performers have always been welcome in the music industry. Around one hundred years ago, when music distribution through phonograph records became commercialized, women's voices were heard all over the country. At that same time there was an increased demand for accompaniment and female piano players were often used at a cheaper rate than men.


Large women in the music industry have come a long way since then. Today, there are many large female artists that are not only performers but also songwriters and producers. An outstanding example is Aretha Franklin. Although known for her soul recordings and referred to as The Queen of Soul, Franklin is also adept at jazz, blues, R&B, and gospel music. “Rolling Stone” magazine ranked her atop its list of The Greatest Singers of All Time and the ninth greatest artist of all time. Large women make up a large portion of not only performers but music business professionals as well.

Sherry Graf



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