More of Me to Love - Size Doesn't Matter You Do!
LargeInCharge.com: What is your name?
MOMTL: My name is Jay Solomon, and I created
More of Me to Love.
LargeInCharge.com: Where are you from and what is your
MOMTL: I'm from Atlanta, GA and live there now.
LargeInCharge.com: Do you consider yourself a BHM, BBW,
SSBBW, SSBHM or a supporter of size?
MOMTL: I'm an advocate for size acceptance, Health at
Every Size and loving your body no matter what size it is.
LargeInCharge.com: Who is the owner of your company... do
you have any partners?
MOMTL: My wife and I run
More of Me to Love together. I always want to go go go and she
always wants to think everything through thoroughly. That dichotomous
combination makes us a great team.
LargeInCharge.com: Tell us about your company?
More of Me to Love
is a free online
for people of size. We have weekly
our experts in the areas of
blogs that discuss everything from
health and wellness
- and ALL Size Accepting - a
for the plus sized community, and a
all kinds of specialty products to make life more comfortable in bigger
bodies. Our mission is to spread the happiness and comfort that people
deserve at all sizes.
LargeInCharge.com: How did your company begin?
MOMTL: It began somewhat ironically: with me looking for a
successful diet program for a loved one who was trying to lose weight
for the umpteenth time and couldn't succeed long term. Of course, now I
don't support dieting as a means to body satisfaction, but then I was
trying to help someone I cared about who hated his body. In the process
of researching, I discovered Health at Every Size, fell in love with its
honesty, reality and attitude, and sought to bring these ideas to
whomever I could. I created
More of Me to Love as a community resource for this person and
anyone else looking to discover a way out of dieting and into body love.
After we launched, the first question we ever received was from a
wonderful woman asking if we knew where to get a
seat belt extender.
We looked into it and thus was born the
More of Me to Love
LargeInCharge.com: How did your company get its name and
what is your mission?
MOMTL: My mother came up with the name. She thought it was
positive, upbeat and conveyed the nurturing body attitude we were going
for. She was right!
LargeInCharge.com: Does your company have a motto or
slogan; and what does it mean?
MOMTL: This one my dad came up with. Our slogan is Size
Doesn't Matter. You Do.
More of Me to Love
is meant to be fun. We discuss a lot of serious stuff and touch on a lot
of tough areas of people's lives, but loving yourself should be fun and
easy. When people ask if size matters, they're referring to something
else, but we decided to turn that on its head by declaring definitively
that size doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is YOU.
LargeInCharge.com: How long have you been in business?
More of Me to Love
and I actually share a birthday: March 17th. We launched in 2009.
LargeInCharge.com: Tell us about your products?
MOMTL: We carry over 500 products and that number is
growing rapidly. Our best seller is the
Car Seat Belt Extender.
We love it because it allows people who are otherwise driving unsafely
to buckle up and be safe. We know every single day that we are saving
lives. But that's only one product. We also carry high weight capacity
that are meant to support over triple the standard weight,
to keep all of you dry, fun items that promote body love like
Fat Girl Swings
Bra and Tummy Liners by
Pambra's that wick sweat and prevent irritation and chafing,
creams and lotions,
products that make
bigger bodies easier and more enjoyable,
and so much more.
LargeInCharge.com: What made you decide to cater to plus
MOMTL: What made me want to take my desire to help my
loved one learn to love himself beyond just him was recognizing the
injustice faced by bigger people. There is nothing in this world that I
hate more than injustice, which I consider to be at the root of nearly
all that is bad.
Plus sized people are treated wrong in our society. They
are paid less for the same jobs, stereotyped as lazy and slovenly,
provided with environments that fail to consider their needs, branded
unhealthy before being diagnosed, denied insurance and all the while
mocked for these things. That disgusts and upsets me. It's unjust.
More of Me to Love
is my attempt to show larger people who are down on themselves that they
deserve the same respect and feelings of self-worth as anyone else, to
educate the public about the illogical, unfounded and unjust treatment
of bigger people, and to do my part in righting a huge public wrong. I
can't imagine how much brain power could be focused on worthwhile
endeavors if we all stopped stressing about our waistlines, counting
calories, dishing diet-talk and blaming fat people for our problems.
LargeInCharge.com: Where do you find your products?
MOMTL: Some of our products we design and make ourselves,
some of them we get as ideas from community members and customers who
share their needs with us, and many of them we source from manufacturers
of specialty items.
LargeInCharge.com: Are you currently expanding?
MOMTL: Absolutely. Our community is growing rapidly, the
free services and features we're offering to make our community the best
place to fulfill all of your plus sized needs are expanding, and our
catalog is nearly doubling in size.
LargeInCharge.com: What is the size range, weight limits
etc. on your products?
MOMTL: If a person exists at a size and has a particular
size-related need, our products exist to accommodate him or her. No
person - no matter her size - should go without whatever she needs. Some
beds hold over 1000 lbs, our
up to 700 pounds and a seat of any size can be made, many of our
furniture can hold over 1000 pounds and the
widest bottoms. And if you are a certain size and need something that's
right for you, we will do everything we can to find that item and get it
made in your size. If you need it, someone else needs it, and you both
LargeInCharge.com: Do you have a website and a hardcopy
catalog? How do we obtain a hard copy catalog?
MOMTL: In our attempt to be a green company - and we
strive very hard to do that - we do not provide a print catalog. Almost
all of our products can be found at
store.moreofmetolove.com. We are in the process of creating a
PDF catalog so people who prefer that to a website can browse that way.
We also are always happy to chat with you over the phone, learn about
your needs and suggest products we think would make your life more
comfortable and enjoyable. You can call at 888.MOMTL.29.
LargeInCharge.com: Overall, What are your best sellers?
MOMTL: I mentioned the
Car Seat Belt Extenders - they're incredible. We also sell a
They're FAA-Approved and come with a carrying case and registration card
for discretion and security.
Pambra's Bra and Tummy
Liners are simply a remarkable thing. They are doctor
recommended, prevent irritation and discomfort and are hardly, if at
all, detectable. We have literally had people call us crying to say how
grateful they are for the
and how it changed their lives because it ended their fungal problem and
made the heat bearable.
which keep your seat belt from cutting into your neck, are also very
LargeInCharge.com: Which items do you have in stock that
you like or are excited about?
MOMTL: Everything I mentioned above for sure, though we
stock hundreds of items and I'm excited about all of them. Oh! And I
didn't mention the
which helps you rise from your car or lower yourself into it in an
LargeInCharge.com: Has your company been showcased on
Television or in Print?
MOMTL: We regularly appear in online venues though we
haven't done a lot of TV yet. Some
LargeInCharge.com: Do you feel the industry is doing a
good job providing quality items for Big People?
MOMTL: In short, no. Though it's getting better. I don't
think mainstream retailers are doing a good job, but there are an
increasing number of boutiques and specialty stores geared at larger
people. I hope that
More of Me to Love can be the leader at fulfilling all of the
needs of plus-sized people - not just physical and consumeristic ones.
We want to provide people with the emotional and social needs that big
industry tend to ignore - or fabricate.
LargeInCharge.com: What are the ordering options that
MOMTL: Ordering options vary with the product. Some items
so forth - can be ordered overnight, two-day or regular ground. Other
items go by standard shipping. Of course, as you can imagine, some of
our items are specially made and can take a little longer to ship
because they're so heavy. We find that customer's don't mind in the
latter cases because they understand that these items are being made
especially for them and their needs.
LargeInCharge.com: How long does it take for a purchase to
MOMTL: Anything we stock ships out in 24 hours, and may
take only two days, in many cases. Other items can take up to a week but
we try to be as speedy as possible, because we know you don't want to
wait for your order. And we don't want to make you wait - customer
service is our number one priority so if something is taking too long we
like to offer a Gift Card, partial refund or a separate gift as an
LargeInCharge.com: What are your refund options?
MOMTL: As long as it's not personal hygiene related, if
you don't like it, send it back and we'll give you your money back. You
keeping something you don't like doesn't do you any good and it doesn't
do us any good because then you don't think about us positively. You
don't want it? Send it back and get your purchase price back.
LargeInCharge.com: Was the site an automatic success or
did it take time to kick off?
MOMTL: We've been growing steadily ever since we launched,
but we believe in doing things organically and without outside funding.
There are periods of slower growth and faster growth, but what's been
such a success about
More of Me to Love
is that when people give our community a chance or buy something from
the store, they never know how they did without us and how much there
was to learn and share. We have more testimonials of people telling us
More of Me to Love changed their lives than we can count.
That's exactly what we're here to do.
LargeInCharge.com: Name some companies you admire?
MOMTL: Apple, American Express, and Trader Joe's. They all
have excellent brands, stand for something more than making money, have
incredible customer service, provide what they promise or make up for
any shortcomings and make you feel like you're a part of something
More of Me to Love can ever be counted in their company, I'll
be humbled and honored.
LargeInCharge.com: What are the most important elements to
running a successful Online Company that caters to the Larger than Life
Person...quality; comfort...what is important/ what is not?
MOMTL: People need to believe and feel that they are
important and deserving. As I mentioned, larger people are treated like
lesser ones, and that's unacceptable. That said, many have been pushed
for so long that they believe they are less. The most important thing to
running a successful online company - or any company - that caters to
larger people is showing them how important they are and how much their
unique needs matter.
LargeInCharge.com: Do you feel clothing options for people
of size have made progress in the last 10 years, do you think the
internet is part of that progress.
MOMTL: No doubt the plus size clothing industry has made
incredible strides in the last decade. The sheer number of stores alone
testify to that progress. Our
has a link directory of online and brick-and-mortar clothing stores with
nearly 70 listings, and when I see the others out there that I just
can’t get listed fast enough I realize how wonderful it is that these
resources are available. The Internet's contribution to this has been
huge. Where standard clothing chains were refusing to accommodate
plus-size shoppers in their stores, online locations have picked up the
slack and provided a host of options for everyone who’s not a size 0-12.
That said, there's a long way to go - especially in the real world.
LargeInCharge.com: What can the readers at LargeInCharge
do to help support your business?
Join our community.
It's FREE, fun and I guarantee you'll learn something interesting, meet
someone great or realize that having more of you to love is a good
Cover Model of the Month Interview
LargeInCharge.com: What is your name?
LargeInCharge.com: Where are you from and
what is your current Location?
Born & raised in a small town in North
LargeInCharge.com: Can you give us some
information about yourself (Age, Height, Size, Nationality, Marital
Status, Children, etc.)?
Age: 40 Height: 5'5
Marital Status: Married
Children: 5+1 grandson
Measurements: 55 53 59
LargeInCharge.com: Were you a big child, or
did you gain weight later in life?
I was slightly larger than some of the
children but I really did not pack on the pounds until 17 years ago
LargeInCharge.com: (If you gained weight
later in life) what caused you to gain weight and how did you feel about
I was unaware of a thyroid problem
(hypothyroidism) & gain quite a bit of weight during my pregnancy of my
LargeInCharge.com: What made you decide to
enter the LargeInCharge model search?
I'm big & beautiful for one but for the most
part is to show others big & beautiful, women & men, that they can
achieve what they set their minds too. Instead of you hiding away from
the rest of the world, get out there & do what you want! There is only
one life to live, so we must make the best of it. Show off those
beautiful curves in a classy way & show what lies beneath that
LargeInCharge.com: Did you find it a hard
journey to be accepted for your size?
YES & still do but I'm doing it slowly.
LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance
among your family and friends?
YES I do and I am thankful
LargeInCharge.com: What would you say
inspires you most in life?
To never give up! I've have had a troubled
life, but always made it through those times. My hubby accepts me for
who I am...which I love his acceptance.
LargeInCharge.com: What is your primary
LargeInCharge.com: How did you get into this
line of work?
A dear friend of mine full of confidence.
LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you
believe should take place for Large People in the work force?
Ending the discrimination against BBW’s/men
. We are hard working as people too.
LargeInCharge.com: What do you think about
the fashion industry for big sized clothing?
Catalogs should have plus size women/men in
them to show exactly what the item might look like on a plus size
LargeInCharge.com: What do you wish to see
change with the fashion industry?
The use of more plus size women/men
LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think
will happen if plus sized modeling for men and women were to expand?
There would be more acceptance from the
LargeInCharge.com: Tell us some of the
places you buy your clothing from.
Salvation Army, yard sales, online stores
(ebay, women within, etc)
Tell us one of your secret beauty tips.
Now its a secret! No not really, I love to
keep my skin young & soft...I use lotion like Aveeno Stress Relief +
good genes helps too(:
Give us some tips on how to have a successful Photo shoot.
What should models be prepared for?
I would think an individual must have
LargeInCharge.com: Look at Size acceptance
five years ago... look at size acceptance now.
What changes do you see?
There are more variety of plus size clothes,
more plus size model sites, & more people admitting they are attracted
to plus size people.
LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think
will happen five years from now with size acceptance?
More people accepting us.
51% (that's the last percentage I've heard) of the population is
over weight. People should start accepting us for who we are. Hopefully
they will be sites/modeling agencies willing to pay for plus size
LargeInCharge.com: Tell us about your goals
as far as modeling and other interests.
My goals as a model, I want to be known so I
will have more job offers My only other interest is raise the last child
& be there for my family
What have you accomplished as a Plus Sized Model?
Just started to be known, but I know I got
more work to do.
Have you entered or won any Contests, Pageants or Awards?
What was the experience like?
Yes a few contests as an aspiring model on
Plus Size Profile I love to be a winner & everyone is seeing me on the
internet. I have enjoyed it.
LargeInCharge.com: Can you tell us about an
inspirational moment in you life that made you feel good about your
Encouraging others our size to feel good
about their selves. Other women have followed in my footsteps. I am
proud of my size!!!
LargeInCharge.com: Is there a person in your
life that makes you keep going?
LargeInCharge.com: What advice would you
give to other people of size who want to model?
Go for it!! Be yourself & express your own
individuality. Love who you are. You got it, use it. Don't let the
negative from others influence your wants or needs.
LargeInCharge.com: What plus size figure do
you most admire?
LargeInCharge.com: Describe yourself with
Thanks for reading about
Cover Model of the Month
Raqui the Owner and Founder of LargeInCharge.com, Raqui's "Tell it like it is" style of
writing has brought thousands to her blogs and millions to
LargeInCharge.com. There is so much behind the woman who has
brought this magazine into existence. Being Internationally
known as a wrestler/squasher lead the way to modeling for companies and being
featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.
She has made a career out of her size and personality. Born, Raised
and Residing in the Bronx NYC. This city girl is taking the world by
For the past 6 years Raqui officially moved into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.
With the creation of LargeInCharge she took what she said to
individuals to a higher level and made it public to the internet
world. She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her. Knock her
down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.
Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized
people online her grace and style has made people love her. Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend
the world to fit her, her way.
Raqui's appearances include, Uk Television, German TV, Japan, Europe,
and the Spanish circuit. Her many magazines appearances have
been world wide. She has hit American Television in 2006 with
Good Morning American and since has appeared on The Cristina Show,
The Maury Show and The Tyra Banks Show.
To view her Online
Raqui's New Blog titled Raqui-ism "Soulfully
Raqui Host's Super Sized Seminar at 15th Annual Vegas Bash 2011
www.Raqui.com Portfolio Section
Raqui-ism - 15th Annual Las Vegas Bash
Written By: Raqui
"YEAH" "Im a Bad Ass
School Girl!" "And I don't give a Fuck about my Education!"
That was my line as I
attended the School Girls and Geeks Dress up party at the 2011 Vegas
Bash. I was totally a bad girl and had attitude that night.
I was in full attired with a wig, fishnet gloves and my own created
safety pin choker that lead down between the boobies and around my
back. I was threatened by more than one lady that night.
That if there costume came lose they were coming to take my safety
This year was more
than fun for me. I was asked to Host the Super Sized Seminar
which is one of my favorite events at the Bash. A ladies only
event where we can really open up and talk about the many feelings
we have about our ever changing bodies. How to handle anything
from personal problems to work place issues and vacationing.
This year I was very excited to be asked to Host this particular
event since Hosting seminars and being a speaker, is something I
enjoy so much.
The Outpouring of
information was immense and everyone wanted to share. I
honestly learned so much from my fellow Plus Sized Sisters and they
learned from me. More than one woman cried with strong emotion
or at the relief of finding out there was a solution to a problem
that plagued her. Each one of the ladies had a strong point
and weak point. With all of us together we were strong for
each other. One of the ladies shared her story on how she
escaped death only a few months prior, due to the communication she
has received from the Plus Sized Community on a Health Issue her
Doctors were not handling properly. Through a well known
Message Board (Dimensions) and a few well known ladies who also are
Vegas Bash attendees. She not only was able to receive proper
help but was recovered enough to attend the Bash and share her story
To know that it was a
large possibility that I might never have met this woman. That
she might have passed on to the next world with out help and proper
medical care frightens me. I was so happy that she was their
with us. Happy that every woman there was so open, willing to
share and speak out. After going over time for more than an
hour. I left feeling fulfilled. The many compliments I
received from the ladies for days after touched my heart. The
seminar was a grand success but the success of the seminar had much
to do with the ladies in attendance. I must thank you all for
being so open and caring with each other.
I got to spend time
with many new people this year. I got to reacquaint myself
with those I have met at prior events and Bashes. This year seemed
much more open and friendly. I thought everyone was friendly
before, but I think it took a couple of years for that affection to
grow. I felt it strongly in 2011. I was bear hugged and
kissed so many times, I made up for the rest of the year and a few
years in advance.
When I finally left
and made my way back across the USA, I sat in my bed and felt very
strange. I realized I had not been hugged that day. It
felt so weird, In my normal life I am not hugged very often.
I think I can count the number of hugs I receive in a 6 month period
of time. They are so far and in-between. After attending
an event like Vegas Bash where you are constantly being hugged,
kissed or touched in some manner. I felt a big difference.
You get used to the
hum of voices that is constantly going on. Your not surprised
when someone grabs you from behind or casually lays there arm around
you. You learn that your face is the place for kisses from
male and female and face rubs are great. You lean on each
other and color/creed seems to fade away. One of the fun
things I did this year was take a few pictures of the Colors of
Vegas. Some of us ladies put our different shades of skin
together and took pictures. I totally love the result. Unknowingly
I think we made a statement. The fact that one of the ladies in the
below picture has a strawberry heart shaped tattoo says something to
Love of self and
others makes us all Equal
- Weekly Radio show discussing Plus Sized Issues. Friday's 7-9
pm EST - Call in & Chat in our Chat Room.
Raqui's Cool Links
Raqui's My Space
Thank you for
Reading Raqui's Spot
Please send thoughts and comments to
the Plus Side
From the Plus side will be column dedicated to short stories that
deal with all aspects of Plus size Life. Emily Smiltneck was
chosen for this position because of her dedication, and realistic
writing style. She captures the emotional and mental rollercoaster
those who are Plus Sized go through.
Emily Susanne Smiltneck lives in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan
(pretty much dead center in the middle of nowhere). She is a
substitute teacher, and has recently started a tutoring business.
Emily is currently working on several writing projects,
including a historical fiction novel and several collections of
receives recognition in Neighbors Daily Press - See article below
It is a great joy when our fellow Plus Sized people receive
recognition for their life's work. Join me in this Joyous
moment when one of our LargeInCharge writers is seen for her
contribution and great dedication to her goals in life. Click
the images above to read the article about our dear Emily. When the
page open click on the article to zoom in and read it.
The Adventures of Phatgurl
by Emily Suzanne
Adventures Of Phatgurl
is a serial collection of stories about the adventures of Jany, a
plus-sized young woman who, in desperation, places an ad on a
personals website. As she embarks on her dates, she meets many
different kinds of men who expect many different things from her.
Some of her adventures are wildly amusing and others are more
serious and even sad.
If you have any
ideas or experiences, funny or otherwise, that you would like to see
depicted in a future Phatgurl story, please e-mail me at
I will do my very best to incorporate all reader ideas into future
SWSSBBW seeks SM
who will not rape her, emotionally or otherwise. The ability to
both speak and write in complete sentences is a plus. Must not
inadvertently throw her down stairs or pretend that she is “Mama.”
Intelligent conversation, a little respect, and the lack of a
current significant other will get you far. And a well-developed
sense of humor won’t hurt, either. If you like smart chicks with
jelly bellies and thunder thighs, reply to
“Jany?” Haroon whispered, when he managed to stop laughing.
“I am sorry.”
“I do not usually sleep with women like this.”
“You mean with two other people in the bed, or without your
pants on?” Jany giggled.
“I mean I do not sleep with women this soon.
I know we did not make love last night, but I feel like I
should not have been sleeping with you with—with no pants.
I really like you, Jany, and I’d like to spend more time with
you. I do not want you
to think I am the sort of man who—“
“Did you seriously just say ‘make love’?”
Selena sat abruptly upright.
“Who says that anymore?
“I—why—yes, I did,” Haroon stammered.
“So you love her?
You’re saying you love her.
Because it seems like you gotta, like, love someone to
make love to them.
Otherwise, it’s just sex.”
“Selena, shut up!” Jany hissed.
“I think we all know what he meant.
As if waking up in a bed with like a million other people
isn’t awkward enough, now we’re trying to have a serious
conversation and you have to make
that awkward, too?”
“I’m not the one who decided to have a serious conversation
while I was in bed with a
million other people.
It’s not like I was trying to listen or something!”
Selena threw her arms in the air in frustration, almost
slapping Jacob in the face as he sat up.
He wrapped his hand around her wrist and brought her arm back
down to her side.
“Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,
Selena. And Jany.
Come on, girls.
Kiss and make up.”
Selena and Jany glared at one another.
Haroon, who hadn’t said anything since Selena’s outburst, had
scooted so far back he was nearly falling out of the bed and was
“This is no time for being crabby,” Jacob continued.
“We had a great night last night, a really wonderful time,
and now Haroon and I are in bed with two beautiful women.
Let’s not ruin it by fighting.”
Jany was pretty sure she knew what the problem was.
After everything they’d been through the previous day—Jany’s
frantic call to Selena for help, their flirtations at the bar,
Jany’s insistence that Selena was her date—Selena probably hadn’t
been overly impressed by Haroon’s confession of his feelings for
Jany. And Jany felt a
little guilty, even though his confession hadn’t been her idea.
Should she say something to indicate to him that she didn’t
feel the same way? That
wouldn’t be fair; she wasn’t sure how she really did feel.
The fact that Selena was soaking up Jacob’s attention had
sort of made her forget that she’d promised that she was Selena’s
date for the night.
Jany did the only thing she could think of that might break the
tension without saying something to hurt either Selena or Haroon:
she followed Jacob’s instructions.
She reached up, grabbed Selena’s head, and pulled it toward
her. As Selena gasped
in surprise, Jany kissed her, long and hard.
Their eyes locked again, more in surprise or even horror than
in passion, and when they pulled apart, both held their breath.
Haroon, round-eyed, had risen up on one elbow to watch.
Jacob smiled broadly.
“Thank you, Jany.
Didn’t that help?”
Neither of them answered.
Instead, they continued to stare, unsure whether their
standoff was over or not.
Finally, Jany tipped her head to the side and silently
mouthed, “Come on,” at Selena.
And then, just as Haroon hesitantly whispered, “You should do
that again, Jane,” Selena leaned over and kissed Jany in return.
Everything was okay.
“This is very, very different from how I thought my Sunday
morning would be,” Haroon said.
“I thought I would wake up by myself, very early, and drink
some coffee, and then I would spend the day studying.
Instead, I slept with other people and now—well, this is
interesting, isn’t it?”
Jacob laughed heartily.
“I thought that maybe you two were the kissin’ kind.
After all, I was there in the bar last night.
To be honest, that was part of what motivated me to bring you
all back here last night.”
“Pervert!” Selena spat, but she was smiling now.
“We’re not—well, I’m not—I mean, I like guys too.
So does she.
Really, I mainly like guys.
I just—well, Selena’s the only—I--we’ve—oh, God, never mind.”
Jany flushed bright red.
“No need to explain.
I think Haroon over there is glad to hear ya like boys.
He probably wouldn’t complain if ya kissed her again, though.
With less clothes on.”
“She was right.
You really are a pervert.
And I’m not sure that’s really what Haroon wants..”
“I do,” Haroon sighed.
“So you felt funny waking up next to me without pants on
because you thought I might get the wrong idea about what kind of
guy you are, but you have no problem with me getting naked right in
front of you? With
another girl? How’s
that for a double standard?”
“I—I just mean that I would not think badly of you.
You are both beautiful.
I would like to see that.”
Even Haroon’s skin wasn’t dark enough to hide the fact that
he was blushing.
“Let’s not fight again, girls.
We’re all here together, now, and we may as well enjoy
ourselves,” Jacob said gently.
“Jany? I think
they’re totally trying to talk us into an orgy,” Selena whispered.
“I heard that, and no, we’re not.
I don’t like that word.
Haroon isn’t trying to talk you into anything; he can barely
talk at all, in fact.
And I was merely suggesting that the two of you should enjoy
yourselves, here, in my bed, and that if the mood strikes us, Haroon
and I may enjoy you as well.”
“Well, now this is all just weird.
I don’t usually get naked and start making out on command,”
Jany said, lying down and hiding her face in a pillow.
It’s only natural.
Just relax and do what you’d do if you were alone.”
“Oh, you mean start talking about how much men suck?
‘Cause that’s how it usually starts.
Let me out. I
gotta pee.” Selena
shoved Jacob’s legs to the side and climbed out of the bed.
Selena left an uncomfortable silence behind her when she
exited the room. Jacob
shrugged, then threw back the blankets and wandered out after her.
“May as well get up, I guess,” he mumbled.
Haroon got up and followed him.
Jany, not sure exactly what she should do, stayed in the
bedroom, but she got out of bed, too, and walked over to the window.
The view was almost as pretty as it had been at dawn.
The sun and the sky were amazingly bright and clear, and the
two together seemed to magnify the colors of everything that existed
Jany turned around to see Selena hiding behind the half-closed door.
“They’re out in the kitchen.
We should—you know.
We should do what they wanted us to do.”
“You mean get naked and make out?”
“Why, Selena? I
mean, they’re not even in here.
It would just be us.”
“I’m kinda in the mood now, though.
I mean, after everything—and they’re not here to make us feel
weird about it.”
“Are you just doing this to try and make me forget about
Haroon? I know it
probably wasn’t that cool for you to hear the stuff he was saying
before, but don’t worry about it.
I don’t even know him that well—“
“Jane, shut up.
I just wanna kiss you.
Nothing to do with either of them, ‘kay?
I just wanna, like, mess around.
We were pretty hot an’ heavy last night ourselves, you know.
At the bar?
Jacob even noticed.”
Jany giggled nervously and glanced toward the kitchen.
Jacob and Haroon seemed to be keeping themselves busy.
“Yeah, we kinda were.
I just—“ Selena walked across the room and stopped her from
talking by kissing her.
Then she led Jany across the room and gently pushed her onto the
“Let’s get naked.”
“What if they come back in?”
“You really think they’re gonna mind?”
In answer, Jany slowly stretched her arms into the air.
Selena took the hint and slid Jany’s shirt up and over her
arms, then removed her own top.
She pressed breasts against Jany’s breasts and pressed her
lips against Jany’s lips.
Jany wanted to stop her, wanted to say that she just wasn’t
sure, that she was afraid of what might happen if Haroon and Jacob
came back, but when she opened her mouth, she moaned softly instead.
Without her permission, her legs parted and made room for one
of Selena’s legs to find a place between them.
And then, in the distance, she heard Jacob’s voice trying to
speak quietly but failing.
“Now this is what
I was waiting for!”
Thanks for reading
From the Plus Side with
Emily's Cool Links
Xander brings blend of life experience and culinary twist to his
writing. From cooking on television and live demonstrations, to
writing Xander cook’s like he feels. A former Chicago native
transplanted to Tennessee, His goal has been to experience the
fullness of food heritage. He believes that as a people and society,
can learn a lot from what we eat. Combining a great life lesson and
a easy recipe. They go hand-in-hand to provide a tasty
addition to your day. Xander has to confess that ingredients in a
great meal are like the ingredients in a great life are never far
For The Love of It
by Xander The Food Dud
Even if you love to cook, there are times when cooking is
simply about getting food on the table
and sustenance in our stomachs.
And then there are the times when cooking is all about the
Cooking for those we love, with love.
This past week a dear friend
needed some serious TLC, as we all do at times.. We've been
friends for over twenty years and, not surprisingly, our
love of food
started at the table. A mutual friend and fellow foodie
introduced us over marinated olives and egg salad
sandwiches. It was love at first bite. For many years we
ate often together, mostly at her house and mostly cooking
together in the kitchen. It has been too many more to count
that we haven't. I didn't realize how much I missed our
cooking rituals until I got into my own kitchen this past
weekend to cook a few meals for her while she was
recuperating from a recent hospital visit.
It also reminded me why I
love to cook. It's an offering and an altar of artistic
expression. It's a way to soothe the soul; a delicious salve
that can heal all kinds of wounds. It's how we connect with
those we love and recollect those we miss. It is, above
all, a way to nourish and nurture us wholly, whether we're
the ones who are putting the meal together or savoring at
For a few days after my visit
to stock her fridge, my friend sweetly texted me about how
she loved the flavors of the dishes I had prepared. In those
few words, I felt her strength regain and her spirit revive.
I'm convinced that intention is everything. Food tastes
good when good goes into it. Good ingredients, good loving,
good friends, and good times all complete the experience of
for another is a very intimate act that we can use to share
part of ourselves with someone else.
They in turn must give us trust.
When it works…. It works.
I'm hoping we won't have to
wait for another event like this to get us sitting down to
share a meal together. Life is short and time does indeed
fly by. No time like now to enjoy with those you love.
So went life has got a friend on the defeated side,
have dinner with them, or better yet, cook for them.
If they don’t want to come to you, take it to them,
you’ll be surprised what you can accomplish just showing up
at the door with some munchies with help a person in need.
Remember, food helps us to nourish and nurture.
It’s power is infinite, and so are we if we only
of the Month
Perfection in Pesto
Fragrant and flavorful, pesto is pasta's perfect partner.
Pesto has its origins in Liguria, Italy, where people have been
making it for hundreds of years with the brilliant green basil that
grows wild on the hillsides. Nowadays, flavorful, fragrant
Basil's the traditional herb in pesto, but variations can be made
with herbs like cilantro or mint.
Pasta Loves Pesto
Pesto is an aromatic herb paste, traditionally made from fresh
basil, garlic, Parmesan cheese, pine nuts, and olive oil. It is most
commonly used as a pasta sauce.
Since pesto has a very concentrated flavor, make a pasta sauce by
reserving a cupful of the pasta cooking water when you drain the
Return the drained pasta to the hot pan, add a tablespoonful or so
of pesto, and add the water a little bit at a time until the sauce
reaches the desired consistency.
The starch in the water will help to thicken the sauce and allow it
to coat the penne or linguine (or whatever shape you choose).
Serve the pasta as is, or top it with chopped fresh tomatoes, fresh
basil, and toasted pine nuts.
You can also make it more filling by adding sautéed vegetables and
leftover cooked chicken or ham.
Simple Garlic and Basil Pesto
3 cups chopped fresh basil
1 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup pine nuts
1/8 cup Brazil nuts
2/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons minced garlic
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
Place the basil in a blender. Pour in about 1 tablespoon of the oil,
and blend basil into a paste. Gradually add pine nuts, Brazil nuts,
Parmesan cheese, garlic, chili powder, and remaining oil. Continue
to blend until smooth.
Fresh basil is very delicate, and will turn brown if it gets very
hot or if it's exposed to air for long periods of time. Many cooks
use fresh spinach as well as basil in their pesto to help maintain
its brilliant green color.
When mixing pesto with pasta, potatoes, or risotto, stir it in at
the last minute, just before serving.
Store pesto in a jar or airtight container in the refrigerator for
about a week, or in the freezer for about six months.
Keep it looking fresh and green by covering the top with a thin
layer of olive oil or with a sheet of plastic wrap directly on its
surface; this will keep it from oxidizing and turning brown. (If
your pesto darkens in color, it will still taste good. Only discard
it if it has been stored improperly.)
One way to freeze pesto in manageable portion sizes is to freeze it
in an ice cube tray, and transfer the cubes to a heavy duty plastic
freezer bag. (Reserve an ice cube tray for this purpose, as it might
discolor and flavor your plastic tray.) Thaw frozen pesto in the
refrigerator or in the microwave on medium power just until room
Serving Suggestions for Pesto
Although pesto is easy to make at home and will taste fresher than
the purchased kind, you can also find it at the grocery store in
shelf-stable jars, in the refrigerator case, or in the freezer
Pesto Chicken Pizza
1/2 cup pesto basil sauce
1 (12 inch) pre-baked pizza crust
2 cups cooked chicken breast strips
1 (6 ounce) jar artichoke hearts, drained
1/2 cup shredded fontina cheese
the oven to 450 degrees F (230 degrees C).
Spread pesto sauce over the pizza crust. Arrange chicken pieces and
artichoke hearts over the sauce, and sprinkle with cheese.
Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, until cheese is
melted and lightly browned at the edges.
Thank you for
Reading Good Food 4U
By Xander the Food Dude
Please send thoughts and comments to
2007, Sonya was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes; a generational
curse that she had prayed to avoid, but didn’t worry about while she
piled butter pecan ice cream on her German Chocolate Cake. Only a
few months into this diagnosis, she woke up one morning unable to
walk and in excruciating pain in her left foot. Doctors finally
diagnosed an acute tendonitis, exacerbated by uncontrolled
That was the wake-up call, She had suffered for
years with high cholesterol and sleep apnea; all associated with her
weight, it wasn’t until
this happened (wheelchair bound for a month and on crutches
following that) did she tell herself "I have to do something
about my weight." On April 17, 2008, Sonya had the gastric bypass
medical weight loss procedure and it was the best decision that she
made for herself. In these upcoming writings, Sonya invites you to
learn the ups and downs of gastric bypass: through the eyes of one
who lives it every day.
Now Sharing her story Angie Bee (Sonya's Sister) is sharing
her Similar but entirely Unique Story with LargeInCharge Readers
through Sonya's Column.
Angie Bee - Handling Stress Without The Comfort of Food
with Sonya Bennett
& Angie Bee
"Comfort food" - This month I really began to understand what that
term means. Eating provides a comfort for you, during stressful
times. When your money is "funny", when there is
sickness and death all around you and when you feel alone, food can
be a comfort for you. Now, what do you do when your tummy only
holds a few ounces of protein? Is this small amount of food
going to be enough to comfort you? This is where you need to
develop some "In Charge" fortitude! Let me tell you, this
sixth month of life post surgery has been a stressful time for me,
indeed and I am leaning on something higher than me and higher than
First, I realized that I did not properly budget for my nutritional
supplements each month. Post surgery healing and maintenance
requires added vitamins, calcium, iron and more. For me, this
equaled about $80 per month. No big deal, right? Wrong!
I have gone one month now without all that I have needed and I
really feel the difference.
Second, I was prepared that my weight loss during these past few
months would be surprising to some people but WOW! How awful
was I looking before now?! I've heard comments like "You look
REALLY good now!" and "Oh My GOD! You look incredible!".
All of this is flattering, but how jacked up was I looking before
Third, I recognized that during stressful times in the past I
have eaten: salty foods and carbs. I could KILL a bowl
of salted, buttered rice despite my diabetes, and a bag of pretzels
would not survive the night in my home. This may not have been
YOUR definition of the term "comfort food", but these salty tidbits
were a comfort to me. I was not in charge of my stress back
then and all the doctors could do was prescribe new prescriptions to
manage symptoms; hence bringing on MORE symptoms. You can
manage stress in your life without eating and this month I decided
to try some of these options.
Suggested Steps To Managing Stress Without Eating
1. Talk to someone. Don't just seek out others that can
help you, seek out everyone! Some people can listen.
Others can pray. Maybe that is all that you need to remain in
charge of this stressful time, but whatever you do... don't hold it
inside of you.
2. Change your routine. This may be challenging if you
work a 9-5 and are tethered to a desk... but strive to add something
fun to the routine. Like my friend just said to me today "I
work hard, and I play hard. You gotta do something fun for
YOU!" - Sneak away for a movie (no popcorn!) or a manicure or
even let a professional trim your beard and mustache for you!
A little pampering goes a long way.
3. Prayer and meditation really goes a long way. It
really does. My prayer partner Anthony will get on his knees
in a MINUTE to pray! He is a big fella, and people always say
to him "You should stay off your knees so they won't give you
problems when you grow older" but his response is to say "I feel
like praying and meditating puts me back in charge of a situation.
I am at peace on my knees as this is a simple act that I can do
myself with no help or interaction from anyone else. I can
meditate on my knees and this comforts me and soothes my pain while
calming my mind".
We are large, and we need to remain in charge of each situation
whether joyful or stressful. We must remain in charge whether
we are losing weight, gaining weight or trying to find salvation.
Pregnancy, death, and unemployment can make us feel like we are out
of control but through prayer and mediation we can regain our
control. Don't let stress return you to a state where bad
habits ruled your life. Put that cigarette down. Don't
walk into that bar! Is a booty-call really gonna make you feel
better in the morning? Take control of your life and dedicate
it to something that is rewarding for you! Find comfort in
that new business that you want to launch. Find comfort
helping the elderly! Comfort yourself on a vacation or by
getting on your knees! Don't turn to food! Be Large and
Definitely Be In CHARGE and I will be right there with you!
Author, Magazine Publisher, Producer, Promoter &
The Host of The Hottest Home Hotspot WORLDWIDE
Syndicated Holy Hip Hop Radio Show
Thanks for reading
The Big GB - My Gastric Bypass Memoirs
Sonya Bennett on Facebook
Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit
civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life
for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on
body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment
through public education, advocacy, and member support.
This Column is dedicated to the tremendous
work NAAFA has been doing for over four decades. LargeInCharge
wishes to support NAAFA in spreading the word of its work, and give
the public more information into issues we as plus sized people
should be aware of. The fight for equality for people of all
sizes is one we support.
This Column will include News Releases and
Calls to Action from NAAFA Directors.
This Column has been Approved by NAAFA.org
Another Successful NAAFA Convention
NAAFA has just concluded, yet another successful annual fund raising
convention, held this year at the Dulles Westin in Herndon, VA.
During the Annual General Meeting on
Friday morning, NAAFA Chairman Jason Docherty shared NAAFA’s
accomplishments during this past year and our ongoing strategies to
end size discrimination.
On Friday night
Saturday’s Diversity and Inclusion workshop was led by NAAFA Board
Member and diversity professional, Lisa Tealer, who discussed what
we need to start, stop and continue to do in order to weave
diversity and inclusion into the fabric of NAAFA.
Saturday's Child Advocacy
Super Workshop featured panelists: Jason Docherty (NAAFA Chairman
and CATK Project Leader), Darliene Howell (NAAFA CATK Project
Volunteer), Deborah Kauffmann (RD, LDN) and Xavier Payne
(Supervisor, Community Coordinated Care for Children, Inc), who
discussed why it’s so important to advocate for children in today’s
society and how to use the NAAFA Child Advocacy Toolkit as a
strategy in promoting Health At Every Size® (HAESSM).
NAAFA’s always spectacular fashion show on Saturday evening featured
fashions from designers like Toula, Ashaki Charles Designs, Magic
Bubble Shirts, Roger’s Wear, and the MzBBW Collection, plus awesome
jewelry from Bold Bodacious Jewelry.
It is always an awesome experience to watch our fellow NAAFA
members strut on the runway and highlight wonderful products made
especially for us!
Sunday's Fat Advocacy Training Workshop, led by NAAFA
Advisory Board member Brandon
Macsata, prepared us to influence Capitol Hill during our Monday
visits to lawmakers.
The role playing exercise was especially helpful as Brandon played
the part of lawmakers who were sympathetic, apathetic and downright
experiences for us all!
On Monday while NAAFA members visited their lawmakers, Board Members
Jason Docherty, Peggy Howell and Lisa Tealer, joined by Brandon
Macsata, conducted a very successful
End Bullying, Now! (Press
conference) at the National Press Club in Washington, DC.
You can see the entire presentation on the C-SPAN website at:
As we gathered on Monday evening to share the results of our
activism efforts, NAAFA members affirmed our resolve to continue our
work to make the world a better, safer place for people of all
Big thanks go out to all our workshop presenters and volunteers who
gave of their time and energy to make this convention such a
success. Big thanks to
everyone who attended.
Thanks for reading
From the Desk of NAAFA
Lucia Roth, was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. Graduated with a B. A.
degree in Communication from Southeastern Louisiana University and is
considering going back for her Masters degree. Lucia a people person and
is always willing to help out a friend in need. She enjoys music,
movies, poetry, and good book on a rainy day. Lucia has several mottos
This is one: Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.
wanted to re- introduce myself, since I just joined Large In Charge
magazine last year. My name is Lulu, and I am a fashion writer for
largeincharge.com I am a fashion junkie:) I look forward to finding
wonderful fashion find and product of the month for you. I also look
forward to chatting with you all an reading some good fashion comments!
Please let me know if you have a favorite. Web_girl1999@yahoo.com
Picks of the Month
Product of the Month
Fashion Find Type:
Igigi (pronounced ee zhee zhee)
Price: $ 29.99 -$ 179.99
Plus size women used to be relegated to wearing caftan like
dresses. Well no more! Igigi is a plus size clothing
retailer that offers dresses for plus size women in sizes 14
- 32. You will not find any caftan type dresses here. Their
dresses cling to all the right curves and are cut to
accentuate the positive.
Note: If there is a product of the month or a fashion find
you would like to see in Large In Charge. Please send link
Product of the Month
Recommended by: Lucia
Name of Product:
Bath and Body Works
Type of Product: Body Butter
Where Product can be found:
Moisturize, soothe, and protect skin with this lavishly lush
blend of peach, cherry blossom and white jasmine. Nourishing
body butter, with conditioning aloe vera, vitamin E, shea
and olive oils, leaves skin hydrated and sensuously scented.
Massage over body after bathing or showering, focusing on
dry, rough areas such as elbows or knees.
Pat is a forty something woman living in
Southern Ontario, Canada. She has a varied past and has worked teaching
literacy and English as a second language to adults, as an environmental
science technician and in the health and safety field. Currently she
works in marketing.
Pat fiercely believes in human rights for all and has volunteered for
organizations that raise funds and develop and implement programs to
help impoverished people and educate women in third world countries.
Although relatively new to the size acceptance movement, Pat believes
with all her heart that people of size deserve equal treatment and
In her spare time she likes to read fiction, go to bashes and spend time
with Pat Llewellyn
I have a great bumper sticker that I picked up at the Vegas
Bash. It says, “Sexy is a vibe, not a size.” It is simple and
conveys what I believe to be true.
When I saw it in Vegas my first thought was, “I need to have it
and put it on my car! “
Well, I’ve been home since the 20th of July
and I haven’t put the sticker on my car. I want to, but I seem
to keep finding reasons not to.
At first, I kept forgetting it in my apartment. It happens,
right? One day I
made a point of putting it in my purse when I got home, then I’d
have no excuse to not put it on my car. The next day I realized
my car was dirty and I needed to wash it first. Then the
weatherman predicted rain. I couldn’t put the sticker on the car
when it was going to rain, could I? Since then we’ve had sunny
days and my car is no longer dirty, yet the bumper sticker is
still in my purse.
I finally realized that my issue is that I am afraid of how
people will react to it. I’m worried that I’ll get nasty
comments, that people will call me on it and that they will try
to shame me. Worst of all, I didn’t want to admit that is how I
You might think it is just a bumper sticker, but it symbolizes
so much more than that.
All of my life I have been told that fat is bad. That’d I’d be
desirable if I was thin, that my life would magically be better
if I wasn’t fat. My
fat always separated me from everyone else. I had to shop in
stores that specialized in fat women clothes; these were mostly
geared towards older women.
I was the fat “friend” and never truly felt accepted. I
was the butt of many a joke and I can’t tell you how many times
I had people call me “Fat Pat.” I kept people at a distance,
because I didn’t want to be disappointed when they eventually
used my size to marginalize me.
When I found the BBW community, I found a place where I fit in,
where I wasn’t a freak or an object of ridicule. It was a place
where I could feel at home and celebrate my curves and rolls. It
was a safe haven for me. I didn’t have to make excuses as to why
I was fat; I didn’t have to be ashamed.
I’m an activist by nature. I find a cause and I support the hell
out of it. It’s important to me and it drives me. It was only a
matter of time before I became involved in the Size Acceptance
Movement. To date my involvement has mainly been within the SA
community and online.
Putting the bumper sticker on my car would be a public
declaration. I’d have to leave the safe, warm cocoon of the fat
community and my close friends and let the world know that I’m
not ashamed to be fat.
It’s a big, scary step.
Tonight, when I leave the office, the sticker is going on my
Ms Suga is a plus size woman hailing from Sunny South Florida. She
is a 24 year old recent recipient of a Bachelor in Arts degree in
Communication Studies. Being plus size for the majority of her life
she has overcome many obstacles to finally come to the point where
she is fully content with herself and her life. This self love has
also allowed Ms Suga the privilege of sharing her love with those
around her. She is very passionate about life and loves to help
Ms Suga likes to see herself as the one everyone can go
to for positive, inspirational and truthful words of advice and/or
support. She is the Beautiful Inspirational Girl that is blessed,
intellectual, trustworthy, caring and hardworking.
Ms Suga has had a passion for writing since she was a
little girl when she used to think of short stories about what her
life would be like as she got older. This is Ms Suga’s first
opportunity for her thoughts to be public for the world to see.
Excited about this column Ms Suga is also very optimistic of her
future in writing and promoting self love and acceptance in the plus
with Ms Suga
"Be the reason for someone's happiness not just the part of it and
be the part of someone’s sadness not the reason for it."
I can't remember where I saw this quote because I jotted it down
quickly one day. Do you feel the truth in this quote? I think that
this is the ideal mindset for people to have nowadays. But how many
of us really have it?
Our society is so screwed up because people don't feel the need to
be honest nor do they want to hold themselves accountable for their
participation in the bullshit surrounding us. It’s rather simple.
Just treat others like you would want to be treated. Show them all
the happiness and bliss you would want to have. That way they can
pay it forward. You give what you get and you get what you give.
You don't need to cause unnecessary drama. It's better to be upset
at one person for one instance then to despise the entire opposite
sex because of years’ worth of mistreatment and disrespect from that
one person. That’s how people get shot! Watch that show "Snapped"
that shit is real! It started out as heartbreak and can end up a
To love someone on any level you want to contribute to his/her life.
No one ever wants to be the negative skeleton hanging in someone's
closet but as humans we can't help it. We take advantage of those
around us in an attempt to find that painless love. That love that
you get everything from it but you don't have to work for it nor do
you feel the pain that everyone else does. By then we've completely
missed the boat and our lover has no idea what you've done until
it's time for them to move on and start over.
"Dag Ms Suga. What can I do to make sure I'm not that negative
skeleton in the closet?"
The answer is simple: Be the reason for someone's happiness not just
the part of it and be the part of someone’s sadness not the reason
I challenge you to remember this rendition of the golden rule and
see what happens! At work, home, in the community & in life in
general, think and act positively and positive results will
xoxo Ms Suga xoxo
Gabriela Falarz lives in Toronto, Canada.
She has been up and down the scale for most of her life (mostly up),
and is proud to say that she loves herself no matter what her size,
although it has definitely been an evolution.
She blogs about size acceptance in her blog,
Celebreight Yourself (www.celebreightyourself.blogspot.com).
Gabriela discovered Large in Charge Radio about a year ago
and has been hooked ever since. She is thrilled to be writing for
Large in Charge and to be part of an organization that helps all
large people realize how beautiful, special, and amazing they are.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
with Gabriela Falarz
Some of the most miserable people I have ever met in my life have
been thin. When we hear celebrity gossip, there is never any
shortage of beautiful actresses or singers whose husbands are
cheating, or whose marriages are on the brink of divorce. There’s
also no shortage of celebrity women so desperate about maintaining
their looks that they resort to all kinds of plastic surgery and
wacky diets … that can’t be fun. Yet a lot of us continue to buy
into the myth that being thin is an express pass to happiness.
I have a friend who I’ve known since grade two. She was always thin
– toothpick thin – and she was always miserable. She was painfully
shy, usually quiet and glum, and a chore to have fun with at times.
Due to my encouragement and spurring her on, we did manage to have a
lot of fun when we were younger, partying together and meeting guys.
But as we’ve grown older, she’s gotten even more miserable. She’s
only had one boyfriend in her life and that relationship didn’t last
long. She’s never married, has never had children, lives with her
mother, and has no career prospects or interests. Her situation is
very sad, and many people who know both of us ask me why I continue
to have anything to do with her, as she tends to drag people down
with her negative energy. My answer is: I’ve always been attracted
to outcasts and loners, because for much of my life I’ve been one of
them. I know what it’s like to feel perpetually depressed, because
I’ve been there. At one time in my life, I felt so down that I
couldn’t see any way out of it either. The difference between me and
my friend is that I decided to take control and take charge of my
own happiness. Rather than sulk and brood about what went wrong in
my life or what didn’t happen the way I wanted it to, I decided to
focus on the positive, and use my strengths to make my life better.
It worked wonders for me. But my friend continues to let the years
pass by without taking any action whatsoever.
I also had a boss who was very thin. She was a very educated,
intelligent woman. But she had a frog face (literally, this woman
looked like a frog) and walked around with a perpetual scowl on her
face most of the time. I’ll never forget one incident that really
highlighted her character. When I first got hired for the job, I was
quite heavy, over 250 lbs. I had just started this starvation diet,
and as I worked there, I lost a whole lot of weight. One day, after
this huge weight loss, I was wearing this really sexy navy blue mini
dress … the hem landed two or three inches about my knees and I was
wearing these high-heeled tan boots with it. I looked hot, and it
was basically the first time in my life that I felt drop-dead sexy.
On my way out the door that Friday evening, I ran into her coming
out of the bathroom, and as soon as she saw me, this nasty grimace
passed over her face. What she was thinking couldn’t have been more
clear if she had yelled it at me. Sure enough, the next Monday
morning, we all received a memo about the dress code: skirts above
the knee were not allowed in the office. That said it all, and I got
a lot of similar feedback from other women who worked in that same
office. When I was fat, they didn’t consider me a threat. But as
soon as I started getting seriously thin, all of a sudden the claws
came out. They started huddling and whispering to each other when I
passed by, and I realized that these women didn’t wish me well. They
were just pissed off that I started looking better than them. These
women were all thin or average-sized women.
We are constantly told that being thin will improve our confidence,
make us happier, and make us healthier. But it’s a total lie. If our
minds are not in synch with our bodies, nothing in our lives will
change. Even when I was the thinnest I had ever been, I really
couldn’t enjoy it. It just didn’t feel like me. I don’t know whether
I felt I didn’t “deserve” to be thin, or if it just felt too
unnatural or odd for me, or what. All I knew was that becoming thin
hadn’t helped my confidence or happiness levels at all. If anything,
it only made me more aware of how unhappy I was, because I realized
that becoming thin hadn’t changed my way of looking at the world.
Remember the classic line from Snow White:
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
who is the most beautiful one of all?” Your mirror isn’t capable
of convincing you how beautiful you are. You can look like Angelina
Jolie and still be miserable. You know you’re beautiful when you
genuinely like who you are, and are proud of the person you are.
When you feel that way, your beauty radiates outward, and people
feel it as well as see it. Don’t rely on the mirror to convince
yourself how beautiful you are. Rely on what’s inside.
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