Add LargeInCharge to your MySpace Friend List CLICK HERE

LargeInCharge Magazine - Eight Years & Going Strong!

 Issue#98- May 2012

Welcome to LargeInCharge Magazine

In this Issue of L.I.C.




Words of Wisdom from the Heart & Mind of Raqui


Good 4 U Food  ~ Xander


The Big GB My Gastric Bypass Memoirs 

Soyna Bennett and Angie Bee


From the Desk of NAAFA

National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance


Fashion & Products with The WebGirl ~ Lucia Roth


Fattitude - Its a Fat way of Life ~ Pat Llewellyn


The BIG - Beautiful Inspirational Girl  ~ Ms Suga


Big Girl, Small World - Gabriela Falarz


Dating Survival for Today's Woman

Kathy Hernandez


The Observer - Jness


LargeInChargeDating - Dating for the Large People who are going to be in Charge of their Love Lives!


LargeInCharge Friends - The Place for Big People to make Friends and maybe MUCH MORE!

10 Incredible Hot Women
Who are Larger than a Size 12!

10 Hot Women over a size 12!

By: Internet Resource


Check out the Orginal Article on



10 Incredibly Hot Women Who Are Larger Than A Size 12

Published on 3/21/2012 under Misc on - by Beverly Jenkins

Every day, we are inundated with images of slender models in the media. Yet, with the average dress size of women growing larger every year, we thought it might be nice to showcase some incredibly gorgeous women with more "real-life" figures.

Each of these ladies is curvy, voluptuous, and wears a size 12 or larger, and each one is guaranteed to get your heart racing just as much (or more!) as their slim model counterparts.

Tara Lynn - is a plus-sized model who is best known for gracing the cover of the French Elle magazine. The article (and Lynn's gorgeous photos, like the one pictured above) was about the changing trends of fashion to accommodate more "real-sized" women, and it caused quite a stir in the fashion world. Lynn is a UK size 18, which is about a 14/16 on U.S. sizing charts. (Link | Photo)


Justine Legault - A native of Quebec, Canada, Justine Legault has been making waves in the plus-sized modeling world in recent years. She is 5'9" and a size 14. (Link | Photo)

Christina Mendez - made history in the modeling industry by becoming one of the first Hispanic real-size models to be featured in major fashion campaigns. (Link | Photo)


Barbara Brickner - has maintained a plus-size modeling career for over 10 years. She has modeled for many plus-size designers; most notably for Italian company Elena Miro, appearing solo in their 2000 calendar. In 2000, Brickner launched a line of plus-size maternity clothing named BB Maternity, sold through U.S. department stores. (ViaPhoto)

Silvia Rho - is a Korean-American who is 5'10" and wears a size 16. She has done a lot of catalog work and has recently been signed by a modeling agency, so we're sure to see a lot more of her in the future! (Link | Photo)


Anansa Sims - comes by her beauty honestly; her mother is supermodel Beverly Johnson, who was the first woman of color to grace the cover of American Vogue in 1974. (Link | Photo)

Natalie Laughlin - was the first plus-size model to be on a billboard in Times Square. She is 5'9" and a size 12-to-14. (Link | Photo)

Ashley Graham - is a plus-size model who is best known as a lingerie model for the plus-size clothing store Lane Bryant. She is 5'9" and a size 16. (Link | Photo)

Kate Dillon- One of the first of the plus size supermodels, Kate Dillon was also named one of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in the year 2000. Dillon became anorexic as a teenager due to childhood teasing about her weight, then went on to become a fashion model. However, Dillon eventually transitioned to plus-sized modeling after consulting a nutritionist and putting on a healthy amount of weight for her 5'11" frame. (Link | Photo)

Fluvia Lucerda- Brazilian plus-sized model Fluvia Lucerda was working as a nanny in New York City, when a magazine editor approached and told her to consider becoming a plus-sized model. Lucerda is now an international model, considered by many in the modeling industry to be the "plus-sized Gisele Bundchen." (Link | Photo)

Featured Interview


Thank you for Reading The LargeInCharge Feature



  Lidia Chavaque!



Cover Model Interview What is your name?

Lidia Chavaque Where are you from and what is your current Location?

I was raised in Long Beach, CA. Currently live in Norwalk, CA Can you give us some information about yourself (Age, Height, Size, Nationality, Marital Status, Children, etc.)? 

I'm 24, married, I have two beautiful boys. I currently work for the Bellflower Unified School district and starting out my career as a plus size model. I love to meet people, learn about cultures and traditions, and love to be involved in anything that has to do with acceptance and equality. Were you a big child, or did you gain weight later in life?

I was always big throughout my school years. Then my junior year in high school I lost a lot of weight, and gained it back after my first son. (If you were a big child) how did you feel growing up as a large child?

Growing up as a big child was hard at times. Thankfully I always had a lot of friends, but still got teased by people who didn't know me. Or even by family and friends who just "joked" around. What made you decide to enter the LargeInCharge model search? 

I believe to be a model you don't need to be the prettiest face or the nicest body, it should be about what you stand for and what you believe in. And I could definitely say I could be Large AND In Charge ;) Did you find it a hard journey to be accepted by others at your size?

You know, it was always important for me to be liked by others, but growing up I realized that the people that matter most to me and actually had an impact in my life already loved me for who I am. So that has always helped me when I hear the negative comments. Do you find it a hard to accept yourself as a Plus Sized Person?

No. I love my body. I love who I am. I have tried to lose weight only to be healthy and live a healthy lifestyle, but in the end this is me. Big or small I will love myself. Do you find acceptance among your family and friends?

My family and friends do accept me. They support my career as a plus size model. But it does get hard when I stand for acceptance of the plus size community and everyone around me is looking for the newest diet and how "fat" they don't want to be. What would you say inspires you most in life?

My inspiration is not one single person. It's all of those people and groups and communities that stand for change. I am inspired by all the ambitious people who want to make things better and improve our world. What is your primary occupation?

I am a clerical assistant for the Bellflower Unified School District. How did you get into this line of work?

I have always like the spotlight. Started dancing and performing since the third grade. But growing up, I was always interested in modeling but never knew where to get started. Finally, I got in contact with fashion designer Chico Nieves who gave me the opportunity to represent Curvalicious Fashionwear in a fashion show, and it took off from there. Do you find acceptance in the work force?

So far, I have not been in a situation where I didn't feel accepted. I have met so many people and they are all fair with everyone and believe in equality in everyone, big or small. What changes do you believe should take place for Large People in the work force?

I think people should feel comfortable in their work environment. Not feel judged because of their size. What do you think about the fashion industry for big sized clothing?

I am very happy to see that many designers are expanding their lines to fit people of all shapes. Being big does not describe a size. Even big people come in different shapes. What do you wish to see change with the fashion industry?

I wish that they take a look at the everyday people. A big person does not mean they will be the height of a model. There can be plus men/women or plus petite men/women. What changes do you think will happen if plus sized modeling for men and women were to expand?

I think that would be great. Not only for the modeling industry, but for our community. More people would feel accepted and feel like somebody understands. Tell us some of the places you buy your clothing from.

I buy clothes from everywhere. Sometimes I shop at mall stores like Torrid and Forever 21. But I usually go to a store called Fashion Ave Plus that is by my house  Tell us one of your secret beauty tips.

Secret beauty tip... aloe vera! It's so useful and healing. I use it for my hair. Just take a bottle half full of shampoo and put some aloe vera in the blender. Add a little water and mix it with the shampoo. You will have healthier longer hair in no time. You can also use aloe vera as a wash or in a smoothie for healthy digestive system, although it won't have the greatest taste.  Give us some tips on how to have a successful Photo shoot.  What should models be prepared for?

Have fun! The first photo shoot will be the most nerve wracking. But when you have fun and be yourself the pictures come out so natural and beautiful! Be prepared to learn. Sometimes the photographer will want to try a new technique that you aren't used to. But in the end you might like it and end up trying it yourself in other shoots. Look at Size acceptance five years ago... look at size acceptance now.  What changes do you see?

The size acceptance is definitely expanding. Five years ago I had no clue that so many organizations and committees and groups existed for acceptance. It's great. What changes do you think will happen five years from now with size acceptance?

I'm thinking more people will accept others for who they are and more people will pursue their careers and passion regardless of what size they are. Do you face discrimination in your daily life as a Plus Sized Person?

No, thankfully I don't. Tell us about your goals as far as modeling and other interests.

I want to be a successful model. Not because of how many people know me or how many fans I have. I want to change people’s lives. I want to enrich minds and help others and let our younger generation growing up know that there is no reason to hate themselves or their bodies, we are all different. And we should love ourselves.  What have you accomplished as a Plus Sized Model?

I have been able to represent petite plus sized girls that we can be beautiful, that there is beautiful clothing in our size.  Have you entered or won any Contests, Pageants or Awards?  What was the experience like?

I will be participating in the Mrs. Plus California Pageant. I am so excited in this new journey for me! If I win, I get to go to Nationals and compete for Mrs. Plus America. There are so many people who support me.  I Can't Wait!!!! Can you tell us about an inspirational moment in your life that made you feel good about your size.

My first experience as a model inspired me. Being given my first opportunity, I think to myself... why stop here? When I can accomplish more?? I felt so beautiful and there were so many beautiful women of all sizes. Is there a person in your life that keeps you going?

My dad. That man is something else. I have never met someone so loving, so unselfish, so funny and crazy. He is such a hard worker and never expects anything from anyone. Nothing ever holds him back. He wants something he gets it done or at least tries the best he can. I will never forget the day I called him because I was having a bad day and he told me "A strong person is not the one who falls and doesn't cry, a strong person is the one who falls but manages to get right back up and try again". -My Dad. I love him!! What advice would you give to other people of size who want to model?

Definitely patience, hard work, and never give up. Things don't happen from one day to another. You have to keep trying. Regardless of criticism or anyone who tells you, you can't or you’re not good enough. If this is your dream, you do it!! What plus size figure do you most admire?

Because I am new to the industry, I haven't had the chance to meet a lot of people. But recently I met model Rosie Mercado. And that woman is so great and so beautiful. Every time I hear she is working on something, doing something new, breaking the norms. lol. She is great. A very humble, and beautiful person. Describe yourself with one word.





Thanks for reading about our

Cover Model of the Month



     Raqui the Owner and Founder of, Raqui's  "Tell it like it is" style of writing has brought thousands to her blogs and millions to  There is so much behind the woman who has brought this magazine into existence.  Being Internationally known as a wrestler/squasher lead the way to modeling for companies and being featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.  She has made a career out of her size and personality. Born, Raised and Residing in the Bronx NYC. This city girl is taking the world by storm.


     For the past 6 years Raqui officially moved into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.  With the creation of LargeInCharge she took what she said to individuals to a higher level and made it public to the internet world. She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her.  Knock her down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.  Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized people online her grace and style has made people love her.  Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend the world to fit her, her way.


     Raqui's appearances include, Uk Television, German TV, Japan, Europe, Sweden and the Spanish circuit.  Her many magazines appearances have been world wide.  She has hit American Television in 2006 with Good Morning American and since has appeared on The Cristina Show,  The Maury Show and The Tyra Banks Show.

To view her Online portfolio visit

Raqui's New Blog titled Raqui-ism "Soulfully Speaking! -

 Raqui Host's Super Sized Seminar at 16th Annual Vegas Bash 2012

go to Portfolio Section

Raqui-ism - COUGAR-ISM - A lifestyle to live by?

Written By: Raqui


This is a question I have been asking myself for a while. Being a 37 year old single woman is not always an easy thing, but it is not terrible either. My husband died almost 11 years ago and I am on the adventure of my life. Traveling and visiting, seeing places and passing through locations I never thought I would see. I feel happy and peaceful for the first time in my life and will never regret my decision to try and see a few little spots in this wonderful US-of-A.

When it comes to dating I live by certain codes.

1. I will not date or have sex with a man who has been with someone I know well. I don't care if they did break up, if the woman is not OK with it I AM NOT OK WITH IT! And in reality it kinda creeps me out thinking about sharing a penis with one of my friends. BLEECH!

2. I am not interested in women. Yes I am straight and while I love my female companions in life. I never have nor will I ever see them sexually.

3. I am a big woman who will not apologize for my size. If you don't like it don't look. While I might be HUGE woman (6'4 and 600+ lbs) in comparison to others, I have never had a lack of attention from men.

4. Be open and honest with your needs and wants to avoid confusion.

And I am ending it here because I could go on.

5. When it comes to dating I prefer a man in my age range. Being a Cougar is not my style.

Now I have dated a younger man a few times in my life. 2-4 years isn't much of a difference. I was engaged at one time to a man 6 1/2 years younger and I felt weird about us dating at first. I was turning 31 and he had just turned 24. I did realize that 6 1/2 years wasn't that much of a gap when we had so much in common and we enjoyed each other. Alas it did not end well, and I felt a lesson was learned.

After that relationship I was being approached even more often by younger men. I wondered how could women in their 40's or older date such young men? Like the ones who were approaching me. What future do you have if any? Doesn't it feel strange dating or going to bed with someone closer to your children's age? Is being a Cougar a good lifestyle for a woman?

Definition of a Cougar ( - The most commonly-accepted definition of a cougar is a woman 40 years of age or older who exclusively pursues very young men. The onset of the cougar years is hotly debated. Some feel that a cougar can be as young as 35, but women of this age would not be viewed as cougars unless their sexual conquests were no older than 25; the ten-year age difference seems to be an unspoken but accepted minimum between partners.

Typically, cougars prey upon men almost young enough to be their sons. Thus forty-something cougars would be attracted to men in their 20s, and fifty-something cougars would pursue men in their 30s and so on.

During my daily life I do not pursue younger men; I am the one being pursued. These men are not a few years younger than me, but 10 years or more younger, Some just out of high school at the age of 19 or 20 years old. I constantly tell these men that the age difference is too great, but they do not back down, they are determined to show they are a man, and one worthy of a date. A man who can hold his own and be a companion to an older women.


"Us Younger men treat older women better than the older guys." - One 24 year old told me while we chatted on the phone.

While networking I talk to many women. I have learned that the average cougar is not what is seen on TV, A super slim, plastic surgery patient, who is rich or well to do, searching bars at night or meeting in night clubs to pick out and go after younger men.


The average cougar is not a predator at all, I'm not even sure cougar is the right term. They are taking care of home, maybe a widow, divorced or single. Maybe they have children or maybe not. They are not HUNTING for younger men, they are chased by them. Slowly being convinced by these young men, that they should be given a chance, to spend time, date or maybe more. Yes many of these young men want relationships, and are more than ready to start a life with a woman who is not in their age range.

In fact many younger men have a strong resistance to seriously dating women their own age. I have heard it all.

"It is just too much drama and problems". a 23 year old told me.

"If it’s not their gay best friend, it is every female friend they got in our business, or their family or mama". One 27 year old said

"If I treat them nice they treat me like a dog". "If I am a asshole they love it and can’t get enough, I can’t be a asshole and I don't want to be either". A 25 year old young man vehemently spat.

"I don't want to live in a reality show, have you seen how some of these chicks act"? a laughing 24 year old told me during a phone conversation.

"They dress like candy canes, act like drama queens, and have no sense of pride". a 21 year old told me strongly one evening at a dinner. He was a bus-boy.

"Maybe it is the females you’re picking". I said in reply.

"Why do you think I am talking to you, you’re a real grown up woman".
"That is what I want". The 21 year old told me without hesitation.

I never wanted to date a man that much younger than me because I felt my own mother made a mistake in marring my father 10 years younger than her.

My mom was a young mother in her early 20's (with 3 children), when my father (only 11 years old at the time) would pass by every day to look at my mother from afar. Sometimes going inside and saying hello. My mother worked at the local dry cleaners in the Bronx NY, to provide for her children from her 1st marriage (an abusive drug addicted man she divorced). She worked very hard and was a good mother. My father had a full blown school boy crush (one that I have found most men share) the crush on their ultimate woman.

She is the woman around the block or town, she is the teacher they love or hate, she is the baby sitter that cared for them, the female friend of their mother or mother of one of their friends. She exudes everything womanly. In her 30's 40's or 50's these women that boys love as they grow up, are everything they want in a woman. They represent the ultimate in female, strong, confident, self-assured, provider, temptress, fully mature with ripened breasts, Bellies that have carried children, and legs and butts that have swollen. They have a movement that is looser, more relaxed than a young woman but is not of a old woman. She is just right. She comes in all forms, tall, short, skinny, fat, really fat, and all in between, she can be dark or light, long hair or short. She is exactly what the young man sees as attractive. She can be every woman or fit a certain type.

She isn't seen as a mother figure like most people believe. In fact many younger men hate the term cub (the cougar and her cub) because they date older women. These women do not represent MOTHER, one young man told me. They represent everything womanly and feminine, confident and able, mentally stable and no-nonsense.

"They are the best of everything that is WOMAN"! one 26 year old told me as we had a conversation.

My fathers crush lasted way into his late teens and developed. When he finally was a physically mature man and able to go into the navy (during Vietnam) he told my mother he wanted to marry her and would be back. He wrote her letters during the war, and while he saw others, he never lost sight of the woman he really wanted, the one who he had been watching for years. While his teenage hellos went by unnoticed by my mother, his love grew, Until finally he was a man and could express it.

After the war he came back actively pursuing, wooing, and married my mother at the ripe old age of 21 with my mother being 31. No one could tell the difference in age (My family line is one that gracefully ages, on both sides, always looking 10 years or more younger.) I was born when my father was 26 and my mother 36. They loved each other fiercely but yet my father was still to young mentally and life was not happy. Mom tried hard to make it work, but after 11 years of marriage it was over. My mother divorced my father all the while he protested. My Father has said he owes everything to my mother she taught him so much and he changed because of her. He grew up. Still to this day my father would do anything for my mother if he could. I guess you never lose sight of your first love.

I didn't want to be that woman, helping a young man grow up. NO I WANT A MAN WHO IS GROWN ALREADY! But during the dating process I started to notice something. Many men (not all but many) in my age range who are single, and available, seem so sad, mad, hopeless, hurt, and yes some down right depressed and affected. Lets say jaded in some ways, maybe years of hurt, pain, and failed relationships took its toll on them. To the point they don't even try anymore.

The younger man isn't that way, they are hopeful, ready, happy, funny, and looking for some joy to counter act the hard work they are putting into developing themselves. Younger men still have some romance left in them. They take a chance in speaking to a woman even if they feel she is out of there league. They are not as afraid of rejection and openly flirt, yet they don't have particular expectations. Open to listening and talking, not judging and enjoy what the older woman has to say. They appreciate a older woman who spends time with them, whether its talking, going out, or more. They know she doesn't have to pick them to spend time with and are happy if she does.

Men my age feel that if they have a house, car, and a job they don't need anything else. Maybe that will impress a woman in her 20's but a woman in my age range needs more than that. Chances are we already have our own house, car, job and maybe more than what he has. He isn't giving the one thing that would impress a woman in her 30's 40's 50's genuine interest, companionship, and worth. Many men in their 30's 40's 50's feel if he isn't getting exactly what he wants, as he wants it, then getting to know a female is a waste of time. Why even bother having a conversation if she doesn't fit in his little box of wants, forget that she is a individual of her own.  It is what she can do or will do for him immediately.  The thing I don't get is if you don't get to know a person how can you figure out what they can or cannot do? Most importantly what can you do for her in return other than talk about yourself and the items you own.

It seems like the difference in approach is significant.

As a loose example here are two approaches from men that happened to me with in a week period. (This does not represent all men)

The Man in his 30's - He saw me our eyes locked and he walked past me. I saw the attraction and waved hello to him but he kept going only coming back when a friend of mine was walking to my vehicle. He got my name from her and then came over to speak to me. We spoke briefly he flirted some but was more focused on telling me what he had, such as house, car, etc. He thought I was 25 when I told him I was 37 he was surprised. We exchanged numbers and the phone call he promised, didn't happen. He texted me a invitation to his house two days later and when I suggested we meet up to get to know each other he declined. I understood he was only looking for one thing but the way he handled the situation was totally classless. I could have been looking for the same thing but he guaranteed rejection with his actions. What happen to the Get to Know a Person Process?

The Man in his early 20's - Upon parking I was getting together my items to place in my shopping cart to enter my residence. He was sitting outside smoking a cigarette. My cart rolled away, He ran up to help me, His eyes were large and almost dreamy while I said thank you and put my items inside. He watched me carefully and smiled at me as I started walking. He opened doors and kept asking me questions about myself and answering questions about himself. He made me laugh and I didn't want to go inside because this was a nice conversation. He also was surprised at my age, he thought I was 26 (he is 24).

When i told him my age he said;

I guess I just love a woman like you, Your built, your look, everything is amazing.

I looked at him with a side glance and he immediately said;

I don't want you to think I am flirting with you... because I am.

OK he got me with that cute move, I came out after I put away my things. We sat and talked for quite a while. About life, what we want to do, music, where we came from. What we want to accomplish while we are here at this location. What we like and dislike, all the while his smile and humorous flirtations just tickled me. He was so vibrant and hopeful, he looked at me like I am not just a woman he liked, but everything he ever dreamed and hoped for in the word WOMAN. I was his image of her placed right down in his path like a gift. He wanted to know me and that was a nice experience.

It is a similar situation every time I come across a younger man. I am more often than not treated like my time was a gift that I was sharing. This is not just one young man one evening... this is over and over again from the younger men who try to get and keep my attention.

As I was about to get up to leave he gave me his hands to help me up. He looked at me up and down. My extreme large 6'4 600+ lb frame super curvy and thick with extra helpings of everything, compared to his 5'8 180 lb nicely built young body.

He then says, "I think I can pick you up"!

Humor in my voice I say, "go ahead try it".
Knowing he wasn't going to be able to.

He came in close and put his arms around my waist and rested them on my overly ample hips. I heard him smell me with a few deep breaths and press himself softly against me. He backed up slowly staring me deeply in my eyes.

"No... I don't think I would try to pick you up... I would rather make love to you, if I ever got close enough to you." "If I was ever given that chance."

He statement while serious and sensual it wasn't dirty... and it was said in such a sweet way that I couldn't help but give him a kiss on the cheek.

"AWE your too sweet... Then I smooched him.

"Can I give you one back?"

"OK" I replied

When he moved in closer to me with his arms around me he leaned up to kiss my face three times from my ear down my jaw line.

As he did this my thought was... "I see why".

I saw why dating a young man with a fun, vibrant personality, yet sweet was something cougars do. These men haven't been through the ringer yet and hopefully they wont become like the men who are in my age range now.

His kisses didn't come with expectation; he just lived with me in the moment and hoped to share more moments. He kissed my face so softly and sweetly as if he might never have the chance again. Yeah of course this could just be his way but whatever it was worked because I gave him my number to call me.

The next day I looked at the evening before and the kisses as just a wonderful experience and I then looked at cougars a different way. In many culture the older woman, young man relationship is very important. She in her wisdom teaches him to be a man and to treat women correctly. What type of women has the qualities for a wife and which don't. She takes this seriously and realizes she is preparing him for life with woman as companion. But now relationships are coming about from older women, younger men relationships.

What about relationships that start with young man/older women. Some studies have shown that they can be the longest lasting most successful relationships. In a twist other relationships with older man/younger women or partners of the same age do not last as long. Some say it is a horrible experience and some twist it to make it sick. Yet these relationships are still happening, the numbers increase, and more and more happy couples are coming about from it. I can’t judge any one's relationship and if it works then I say be happy. Still I don't know if it would work for me.

As my phone range several times the next day, I wondered if it was this young man who had kissed me so sweetly with dreamy eyes. When I answered his voice was happy and excited.

"I have been thinking about you all day!" he said to me.

"I thought about you too." I replied.

So me and this younger man hung out, had fun, and laughed more than I have laughed in a long time. There was no pressure, no expectations, just two people being people. I can say I enjoyed being with this young man and it opened my eyes to Cougar-ism in a new way.

I guess rules are made to be broken because I am going to date whoever actually wants to spend time with me, as two people getting to know each other. Now I can’t say I would have a full blown committed relationship with a man much younger. But at this point I am never going to say never. I don't need to be proven wrong again! HA HA HA



LargeInCharge Radio - Weekly Radio show discussing Plus Sized Issues.  Friday's 7-9 pm EST - Call in & Chat in our Chat Room.


Thank you for Reading Raqui-ism

Please send thoughts and comments to



     Xander brings blend of life experience and culinary twist to his writing. From cooking on television and live demonstrations, to writing Xander cook’s like he feels. A former Chicago native transplanted to Tennessee, His goal has been to experience the fullness of food heritage. He believes that as a people and society, can learn a lot from what we eat. Combining a great life lesson and a easy recipe.  They go hand-in-hand to provide a tasty addition to your day. Xander has to confess that ingredients in a great meal are like the ingredients in a great life are never far apart.



Off and On

by Xander The Food Dude


Up until the last few months the phrase and action of off and on had little meaning to me. Things like turn off or on the television turn off and on the light, turn on some people while other you turn off.  It was nothing significant.  It was all throw away information, nothing really to give a second though about.  It was in the last few months that it’s taken on a whole new meaning.  The doctor approaches me and asks, "what do want us to do if she codes?”  For those of you who don't know the word "codes" means that the person has died.  He's asking if I want them to try and revive my mother if she dies.  I have admit that over the last few months I had finally gotten used to the question, not the idea of  my mother dying, but I was used to the question.  I had my all purpose answer:  "my mother's health directives indicate that she has chose to be revived if possible, unless there is no hope of recovery".  He replies "ok", and then he asks me come out of the room and sit with him.


He begins; her decision is to be revived.  I affirm.  He looks me dead cold in the eyes and says,    "then what?"  I don't understand the question.  He continues, "you really need to think about what you need to do, I'm not telling you what to do, but you also need to know that the reviving process can be very brutal, bruised or broken bones, tissue damage, etc etc.  YOU need to think about your mother's quality of life and ultimately what she would want, not what you want".  I can only put this one way… I was destroyed.  Since then these television scenes have flashed though my head of the moment when my mother may be on a life support machine…. One minute it on and she is alive….the next it is off and she is gone.


Off and on didn't seem to be such a scary thing before that day.  Now I think about it every time I turn on the television of turn off the lights.


There is a great quote for the movie "Coach Carter" in which one of his team stands and says “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.


I think about it often in dealing with my mother now. I have to remember to transform my fear and struggle into courage and hope when I'm with my mother.  It does her no good to see me in fear or doubt.  I recognize that through some of these times I was most scared, it was my light I was afraid to share with her because I though I knew the odds she was facing, or the potential of more strokes.


In the end it is not my darkness, but my light that she needs from me.  It is my light that will give her permission to embrace her light.  It has been a long path and promises to be a vastly longer journey in front of us, but I think we can make it, ever so slowly, step by step if we can focus on our light.  The weird thing is that like the television we can choose to turn that light on when we want to or need to.  Keep yours on.


Until the next time, tell those people you love, that you love them, never hold back, and hold them as though you will never let them go.  Leave no doubt in their hearts and minds how you feel about them.  That is a quick way to turn on a whole house of lights.


God bless each of you until next time.



Xander's Recipe of the Month

Florentine Pesto Chicken

This is such a great dishes, the wonderful flavors or the chicken with the smooth silkiness of the Florentine is sure to become a family favorite in no time.  Its also extremely healthy. 





    2 tablespoons olive oil

    2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

    4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves - cut into strips

    2 cups fresh spinach leaves

    1 (4.5 ounce) package dry Alfredo sauce mix

    2 tablespoons pesto

    1 (8 ounce) package dry penne pasta

    1 tablespoon grated Romano cheese




    Heat oil in a large skillet over medium high heat, Add garlic, sauté for 1 minute; then add chicken and cook for 7 to 8 minutes on each side. When chicken is close to being cooked through (no longer pink inside), add spinach and sauté all together for 3 to 4 minutes.


    Meanwhile, prepare Alfredo sauce according to package directions. When finished, stir in 2 tablespoons pesto; set aside.


    In a large pot of salted boiling water, cook pasta for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente. Rinse under cold water and drain.


    Add chicken/spinach mixture to pasta, and then stir in pesto/Alfredo sauce. Mix well, top with cheese and serve.



Thank you for Reading Good Food 4U

By Xander the Food Dude

Please send thoughts and comments to


Angie BEE grew-up a standard-sized young woman, educated in communications, promotions and planning.  She became a wife, mother and ministry support member while building businesses and her faith.

Through stress, age and a poor diet and while suffering from major depression and attempted suicide, Angie BEE's weight climbed from 180 pounds to 360 pounds.  She was diagnosed with high blood pressure, diabetes, obstructive sleep apnea, an overactive bladder and poor leg circulation.  At the age of 40 an anxiety attack and the decline in her mental health forced her to stop work and look at improving her declining health.  It was during this time that Angie BEE became inspired by her younger sister Sonya Bennett during her process towards Gastric Bypass Surgery.  Sonya launched this column and will return occasionally to contribute to it, but now that she is three years-post surgery... her life is focused on something new!

Now, celebrating her first year of a new life since having the procedure herself, Angie BEE is healthier than she has been in over a decade.  Losing the first 100 pounds was just the bonus!  She is now diabetes-free.  She has normal blood pressure.  The circulation in her legs is normal.  She sleeps without a c-pap machine and more!  The joy that she feels is documented each day in her syndicated radio show, a brand new weekly  TV show documentary and each month in this article.  The Big GB stands for The BIG Gastric Bypass and it also stands for "Getting (my life) Back".  This article reflects how Angie BEE's life has improved... by the grace of God and as the result of having Gastric Bypass surgery on Feb 28, 2011.  This is now her life!

with Angie Bee


Last month, my baby sister gave birth to my first niece.  I was there to help my sister with the contractions and I was honored to cut the umbilical cord.  Baby Sandra is a blessing to our family and I cover her in prayer every day! 


This month my baby daughter Jasmine graduates from high school.  I am thrilled to be her mother and honored to see what an outstanding young woman she has grown up to be.  She was my solid rock through the suicide attempts years ago; she helped me through the weight loss surgery and she is the joy in my life now as I watch her evolve into adulthood.


Families grow and change and family members reach out to you for many reasons.  Transition is good for your health and well-being, and today I reflect upon how transition can reinforce your strength, as well.  Some can view a transition as a loss: a fiancé breaks up with you and walks away without even looking back at you.  A husband moves on to the arms of another that can give him a son.  A daughter moves on to no longer need you and a sister that never needed you before is suddenly in your arms.  Life brings transition and sometimes our lives AFTER weight-loss surgery can help us handle those transitions.


During the birth of my niece, I was craving chocolate.  Craving was an understatement.  I NEEDED a bag of chocolate!  I don't know if it was because my sister was in pain and I couldn't take her pain away or if it was because I was just nervous.  Whatever the reason for my craving, I was grateful that the bypass surgery I'd had last year restricted by intake.  After about five M&M's that melted in my mouth, I was good!  My weight loss surgeon always said that the surgery is a tool to help us lose weight, and this situation was an example of how this tool helped me.  If my niece had been born in early 2011 and I was having these cravings, I wouldn't have been satisfied until five (5) BAGS of M&Ms were devoured! (smh)


Life after weight loss surgery has helped me during the transition of my daughter leaving home, too!  Last month, my daughter moved away to live with her father while she is preparing to enter college.  She finished her high school credits in January and even though graduation doesn't take place until later this month, she wanted to get started with her new job and goals.  I am proud of her but the transition into my "empty nest" was made easier because of the weight-loss surgery.  I don't have to cook for two anymore and I don't have to feel compelled to eat the left-over's from her plate.  I grew up in a "clean-your-plate" home and I had to learn that it's okay to cook smaller portions and throw away the leftovers.  It's okay to be in charge of my eating habits and to not let stress and loneliness contribute to overeating. 


These latest transitions are blessings in my life and I am proud to still feel like I am in charge of me.  Yes!   I got teased last month while I was in Detroit with my sisters:  my clothes are a little big on me (lol) and I need to go shopping.  I guess I still need to work on that, but God is good and maybe someone will volunteer to be my fashion designer as I lose this weight!  Just knowing that these life transitions won't stop me from losing weight is an incentive to keep looking forward!  I look forward to more insulin-free days now that the Type 2 Diabetes is still in remission.  I look forward to my blood pressure remaining normal.  I look forward to my daughter's graduation and I look forward to seeing my niece and sisters again!  I can look forward to having a long life of joy and praise and good health after losing nearly 150 pounds since my February, 2011 surgery and I look forward to sharing more with you next month!


BEE Blessed, Fam


Angie BEE

Author, Magazine Publisher, Producer, Promoter &

The Host of The Hottest Home Hotspot WORLDWIDE

Syndicated Holy Hip Hop Radio Show

Last Week I wanted to Die!




Thanks for reading

The Big GB - My Gastric Bypass Memoirs

Sonya's Links:

Sonya Bennett on Facebook

     Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.


     This Column is dedicated to the tremendous work NAAFA has been doing for over four decades.  LargeInCharge wishes to support NAAFA in spreading the word of its work, and give the public more information into issues we as plus sized people should be aware of.  The fight for equality for people of all sizes is one we support.


     This Column will include News Releases and Calls to Action from NAAFA Directors.


This Column has been Approved by


NAAFA Introduces New Travel Brochure


Air travel is no longer convenient, customer friendly or fun, especially if you are a passenger of large body size.  NAAFA, in association with the Association for Airline Passenger Rights (AAPR), has developed a new Travel tips for people of size brochure to help make traveling easier and more pleasant, while improving the air travel experience for everyone.


This new brochure includes tips on selecting and booking the best flight for you.  You’ll find packing tips and suggestions for your airport experience.  NAAFA has included a section especially for travel agents as well as a list of airlines, a brief description of each airline’s policy regarding passengers of size along with a link to their webpage that covers this subject. 


Travel tips for people of size is available as a free download from the NAAFA website at:






NAAFA is pleased to announce that we will return to the San Francisco Bay Area for our 2012 fund-raising convention.  We have worked hard to keep the cost of this convention down and to move quickly in making our convention package available in time for you to give or receive a convention package for the holidays!  

NAAFA is once again offering a Early Bird Special price is $199.00 from January 1 through May 31, 2012.   Beginning June 1, 2012, full convention price will be $265.00. 

The 2012 NAAFA Convention Package would make a great holiday gift for you, your family and all your friends!  Can’t afford a convention package?  Why not give a one year contributing NAAFA membership for only $15.00? 

Make your reservations at the Westin San Francisco Airport Hotel. Room rates are $89 per night!   This group rate will be available until July 10, 2012.  Westin is prepared to receive your NAAFA convention reservations today at:

We encourage you to register for the NAAFA convention package today and to fully participate in this life-changing event.  We made it easy for you to register for the convention as well as the hotel through our website at  Watch our website for more exciting details as they become available.

Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit human rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people.  NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

On the web:



Thanks for reading

From the Desk of NAAFA



Our WebGirl Lucia Roth, was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. Graduated with a B. A. degree in Communication from Southeastern Louisiana University and is considering going back for her Masters degree. Lucia a people person and is always willing to help out a friend in need. She enjoys music, movies, poetry, and good book on a rainy day. Lucia has several mottos about life.

This is one: Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.


I just wanted to re- introduce myself, since I just joined Large In Charge magazine last year. My name is Lulu, and I am a fashion writer for I am a fashion junkie:) I look forward to finding wonderful fashion find and product of the month for you. I also look forward to chatting with you all an reading some good fashion comments! Please let me know if you have a favorite.



The WebGirl Picks of the Month

Fashion Find Product of the Month

Fashion Find


Fashion Find Type: Sale

Sale Price:  50% off Sale

Link: has been specially designed to make sure there are outfits for all shapes, sizes and occasions, helping US shoppers browse on a dedicated US site for plus size work wear, party wear or something more casual.




Recommended by: Lucia

Name of Product:  E.L.F.

Type of Product:  Lip Gloss

Where Product can be found:

Description: e.l.f. Essential Shimmer Lip Gloss

This high shine lip gloss is infused with dazzling shimmer that gives the perfect amount of sparkle for instant dimension on lips. The non-sticky, lightweight formula is rich and soothing for comfortable wear. Mix and match shades for a custom lip look or layer over your favorite e.l.f. lipstick for a chic shimmery smile. Come in 6 different shades!



Pat is a forty something woman living in Southern Ontario, Canada. She has a varied past and has worked teaching literacy and English as a second language to adults, as an environmental science technician and in the health and safety field. Currently she works in marketing.

Pat fiercely believes in human rights for all and has volunteered for organizations that raise funds and develop and implement programs to help impoverished people and educate women in third world countries. Although relatively new to the size acceptance movement, Pat believes with all her heart that people of size deserve equal treatment and respect.
In her spare time she likes to read fiction, go to bashes and spend time with friends.


Sadness Grows

with Pat Llewellyn


It seems I'm not quite over my depression. I've had a major setback.

Depression is one of those things that is hard to talk about. There is a huge stigma associated with it. I've always made an effort to talk about it. It always amazes me of the variety of responses people have to me admitting that I suffer from depression. The most common response is you don't look depressed. My response is always, I hide it well.

This latest episode has me off work while we try to fix it.

What's amazed me the most is the support that people have shown me. People who I never expected to have reached out to be there for me.

I truly feel blessed...


Lots of love




     Ms Suga is a plus size woman hailing from Sunny South Florida. She is a 24 year old recent recipient of a Bachelor in Arts degree in Communication Studies. Being plus size for the majority of her life she has overcome many obstacles to finally come to the point where she is fully content with herself and her life. This self love has also allowed Ms Suga the privilege of sharing her love with those around her. She is very passionate about life and loves to help others.

     Ms Suga likes to see herself as the one everyone can go to for positive, inspirational and truthful words of advice and/or support. She is the Beautiful Inspirational Girl that is blessed, intellectual, trustworthy, caring and hardworking.

     Ms Suga has had a passion for writing since she was a little girl when she used to think of short stories about what her life would be like as she got older. This is Ms Suga’s first opportunity for her thoughts to be public for the world to see. Excited about this column Ms Suga is also very optimistic of her future in writing and promoting self love and acceptance in the plus size community.


Happy and Healthy

with Ms Suga


I've been struggling over this topic for a few weeks and as I was fixing my snacks for the week the words finally came to me.

 I, Ms. Suga, currently weight over 300 lbs. and for the most part I am healthy. The last time I went to the doctor she said "I think you should lose weight so you don't have problems in the future but I can say I will see you next year." Now I'm not going to give you some health nut lecture and all that jazz but what I do want to give you my opinion on something's we all can do to get better than we are. I'm encouraging you to just try it for a couple of weeks and if you don't feel better then say "to hell with Ms. Suga she don't know what she talking about." But if you do feel a difference (which I'm almost certain you will) then please please please pay it forward. So here we go.

1) Eating Habits.

In March I decided to edit my eating habits. I made up my mind to only eat until I'm full and only eat if I'm hungry. That whole feeling like you're about to pop and can't get up to do anything for the rest of the day has really gotten played out. So the first day my parents and I went out Red Lobster. I ordered everything I wanted to order; shrimp pasta, clam strips, shrimp scampi, those delicious cheddar bay biscuits they are famous for. (Hhhhmmmmm in my Homer Simpson voice) The only thing I did differently is that when I got full I stopped eating, asked for a to go plate and just talked and laughed while everyone finished. When we all were finished and it was time to go I actually was able to fit in my car!!! I went shopping was able to try on clothes and everything! And that night when I got home I had enough food for dinner.

That helped my body and my wallet you can't beat that right? The point is to learn that you can be happy eating until you're full instead of filling up by eating. So are you willing to try it?


2) Being Active

It's not as bad as you think! I’m not telling you to go to the gym every day and run yourself ragged and be drenched in sweat but you can be still active. (Someone else might tell you that that is the best thing for you but right here right now Ms. Suga is not going down that road.) Walking, running, dancing, shopping, hell having sex is being active. Well that's if you're doing it right ;-). Being active doesn't have to be anything major just something to get the blood pumping. Try walking around the house during a commercial break the next time you are watching Dancing with the Stars, The Voice, Somebody's Housewives even the NBA Playoffs.

Go dancing with your friends, hit the club, and dance the night away. Try yoga! Yes…Yes big people can be yogis too! Last year I took a yoga class and I still try to do it as often as I can. Just remember to modify what you cannot do to make things comfortable for you. Trust me yoga has saved quite a few people from getting their feelings hurt.

Next try having sex...that will definitely get the blood pumping. Sex with a partner, sex with yourself try a new position and expand your horizons. When it's all said and done you will be more relaxed and will probably feel better when you finally wake up ;-)


Ok so I think those two ideas alone are enough to get you started. Try it for two weeks and see if you don't feel different. If it does email me and let me know your results and put Happy and Healthy in the subject.

Little changes can go a long way. Get healthier, be happier, and inspire someone to do the same. I hope I just did, until next time loves.

Inspire Life, Inspire Love

~Ms. Suga~




Gabriela Falarz lives in Toronto, Canada. She has been up and down the scale for most of her life (mostly up), and is proud to say that she loves herself no matter what her size, although it has definitely been an evolution.


She blogs about size acceptance in her blog, Celebreight Yourself (  Gabriela discovered Large in Charge Radio about a year ago and has been hooked ever since. She is thrilled to be writing for Large in Charge and to be part of an organization that helps all large people realize how beautiful, special, and amazing they are.


Self Loathing will Never make You Thin

with Gabriela Falarz



For the past few months, I’ve been promoting a workshop idea. It’s about loving yourself whatever size you are, and I designed it specifically for plus sized women. Unfortunately, I didn’t receive much interest about it, which shocked me. But I also got an email from a man about an ad I had posted. The subject line read, pleasantly enough, “Please read this” and even had a smiley face beside it. So I was a little taken aback when I actually read it.


Without identifying him, I will quote some of what he wrote to me:


“I'm a 33 year old male and I weigh 300 pounds. My Doctor says I need to lose 100 pounds in order to be Healthy and not be in any sort of health risk. I am Fat because, I am lazy and I don`t practice good eating habits. As a Fat and Overweight person myself, I am telling you that being Fat and Overweight is nothing to be proud of. When a man or woman is Fat, it is not the responsibility of society to respect them and feel sorry for them. Respect is something that is earned, especially through Hard Work. Nor should a fat person feel sorry for themselves, or even worse, Proud for being Fat.”


This one paragraph both saddened and angered me. I’m not angry at this man for stating his opinion, but I am angry at his whole-hearted acceptance of the fat prejudice around him. A lot of fat people are like this: they believe that simply because they are fat, they deserve to be treated badly. Perhaps they feel that the constant shame and ridicule that’s heaped upon them will motivate them to finally lose the weight that’s hampered their lives. I certainly can’t say that I’ve been immune to hating myself at times. It’s all around us, constantly, EVERY SINGLE DAY. It takes an enormous amount of strength and self-discipline to re-train your mind into believing that despite your weight, you are still a worthy, decent, deserving human being. This is what saddens me.


It’s so much easier to give in to the majority, even if the majority is wrong. That basic human need we all have, to be loved and accepted by others, is so overpowering for some people that they will embrace a group that hates them, in order to gain acceptance from, or to avoid being criticized by that group. Here’s another quote from his email that illustrates this tendency, and that horrified me:


“I think I speak for Majority of society when I say that Being Fat and Overweight is Ugly, Unhealthy and is Not a disability.”


First of all, not everyone thinks that fat is ugly. There are many, many people who can see beauty in fat bodies. Not everyone finds them repulsive. Secondly, excessive overweight is unhealthy. We can’t deny that there are certain health risks associated with being overweight. However, I don’t believe the health risks are anywhere near as dire as the medical community make them out to be; and most importantly, the health risks do not trump any fat person’s basic right to be treated with respect. When it comes down to it, it is a person’s individual choice how to live their life, and if they choose to ignore possible health risks, that is their decision. As far as fat being a disability, I believe there is some truth to that. I think emotional eating is the number one reason most fat people are fat. Most of us don’t overeat because we’re hungry: we overeat because it’s the only way we have learned how to get relief from disturbing emotions. When someone has been using food to cope with negative emotions their whole life, it’s no different than reaching for a bottle of alcohol or a needle full of drugs. Alcoholism and drug addiction are both considered diseases, and I classify binge and emotional eating the same way.


But most importantly, as far as the majority goes, I couldn’t hesitate to point out to him the most horrifying and obvious fact: Just because the majority says something is right and good, doesn’t make it so. Hitler and the Nazi party were the majority in Germany at one time. They gassed millions of people simply because of their religion. Sometimes the majority is downright EVIL. And I believe the way that fat people are treated in this society, except for a few enlightened souls here and there, is downright EVIL.


If you’re fat, and you think hating yourself is a good way to live your life, I urge you to think again. You can’t possibly do anything good for yourself or benefit yourself in any way if you despise yourself for the way you look. Please realize I’m not advocating being delusional! It’s not possible to say you love yourself and then look in the mirror and sneer. If there are things about your body that you dislike and want to change, then simply say to yourself, Okay, I’m not too fond of this part of myself. But that doesn’t mean that I’m unhappy with every single thing about myself! Acknowledge what’s positive, and work on changing the negative.


Be kind to yourself. Try to realize that you are MORE than your body … that you, as a human being, are so many different things. You have a mind, you have an imagination, you have talents and abilities. Try to start loving yourself by acknowledging those positive things, and try and make peace with your body. This doesn’t mean giving yourself carte blanche to eat whatever you want, whenever you want. It means, try to be more conscious of what you eat, WHY you eat, and how it is going to affect your body. Whenever you’re contemplating or actually holding that “offending” piece of food in your hand, ask yourself: Is this good for me? If not, why do I feel compelled to eat this? If you know it’s coming from an emotional need, try to stop and think it through. What are the emotions driving you to eat this unhealthy thing? Is it safety, comfort, or relaxation that you need? Is there another way you can satisfy those needs?


This is a lifelong, difficult process. It’s not easy to change a lifetime of poor eating habits. Becoming more conscious of your inner life, of the “real” you, is crucial to addressing your weight problem. You HAVE to love yourself. It is absolutely necessary. You cannot do yourself any good if you hate yourself.


As I told the guy who emailed me, in my response: Life sucks when you hate yourself.



Kathy is originally from a small town in Michigan but has lived in San Diego County since she's been 18 years old.  Kathy graduated from San Diego State University with a Bachelors in Finance in 1999.   She has a real estate broker’s license and works as a mortgage banker.  


Kathy also owns BBW Club Catalina in San Diego which has monthly night club parties and other fun events on a frequent basis.  Kathy has been an avid supporter of NAAFA, Vegas BBW Bash and San Diego BBW Bash and believes in size acceptance and health at every size.  


Kathy is a firm believer that people need to have a full life by going to the movies, dinner, bowling, dancing and anything that will make them a happier person and not wait til they are at the perfect size to start living their life to the fullest. 


Kathy is in her mid-40's and her children are grown and living productively on their own.   In her spare time she likes trying new restaurants, dancing, modeling, bowling and spending time with family and friends.



The Man with all those Baby Mama's...  why are you dating him?

 with Kathy Hernandez


Everyone knows or is friends with a few of these men who have 3 or 4 different women they have children with… but have you ever dated a man who has 11 children with 8 different Baby Mama's?  I know you are asking yourself is that even possible?  How can any man have that many children with that many different women? 

I remember when I first found out this particular man had this scenario, I remember it vividly because I was dancing closely to him at a night club when he told me that he had fathered 11 children and I actually stepped back from him and told him I was afraid to dance with him because I was afraid he might get me pregnant from dancing so close to him in which of course made us both laugh.  

What thoughts go through your mind when you first hear this about a man you thought about dating?   Let's see how about this man has serious commitment issues and has a whole lot of unprotected sex which are both issues if you are the woman who wants to be in a serious relationship with someone. 

Second thought would be how does this man pay child support for all of these children and still have a roof over his head and eat? 

Third thought is how does anyone have time to spend with these children when they are spread out all over the place with all these 8 different women?  Fourth thought is if he is a good father and of course we want the men in our lives to be good fathers, when would he have time to spend with me? 

Fifth thought is, do I want to be Baby Mama number 9?  

Sixth thought, girl run away and never look back or you will be turned into a pillar of salt.  

Do you give up on a man because his past relationships didn't work out or because his stats and reputation aren't the happily ever after you have always dreamed of?  I think everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, so can old dogs learn new tricks is the next question. 

Every new relationship has excess baggage from the previous relationships and it's something you have to deal with.  What about the crazy baby mama's who can't let go of the past and use their children as a way of manipulating the man to do what she wants which is of course spend time with her or make sure that no one else has the man who got away from her.   How many Jerry Springer episodes have been featured about Baby Mama Drama where the man cheats on his new girlfriend with one of his baby mama's? 

I actually watched a recent episode where the man tried to say he wasn't cheating because he already had a past relationship with his ex and how could it possibly be cheating if they have a baby together.  Seriously?  In what world is it not cheating in a committed relationship just because you have sampled the cookie before?   Do you think a relationship can survive if a super jealous baby mama is still in love with the ex of her baby?   I think it's possible but it puts a huge strain on a relationship to be constantly interrupted by the jealous ranting’s of the baby mama.  I've had my car keyed by a boy friends baby mama and she sent me a text to look at the damage on my car at the same time saying that it wasn't her... yeah right!  

Let's talk about the children now and how this affects them because we know that children can see and feel all the drama and stress that is happening all around them.   Children should be our number one priority in our lives in which is taking care of them, loving them, giving them stability and all the games that are played with this baby mama drama isn't an ideal situation to raise children in at all.  The next question that you have to ask yourself is will this relationship with all the problems, drama, children and baby mama's ever get better or end up where everybody lives happily ever after?   If it does you would be the exception and not the rule and how much will you and everyone involved suffer if it does end up working out?  The final and most important question is does he view you as just another future baby mama or does he think of you as the one and only love of his life and wants to be in a committed relationship with you and thinks of you as his future wife and partner and his happily ever after?   If he tells you that he doesn't want to live together or ever get married than it's time to move on and look for Mr Right and stop spending time with Mr Right Now and better known as that Professional Baby Daddy.



Celebrating almost 2 decades as a Graphic Designer/Published Illustrator, Jean Nerestant Jr (Jness) got his start as a graphic artist in 1994, Still working as a graphic designer by day/ Jness devotes time to his hip hop Culture, comic book art and Plus size/BBW Art.



Modern Day Heroes

with Jness


Look up in the sky it’s a bird, it’s a plane, no… it’s big, beautiful you!


So often I have been fortunate enough to sit down and be interviewed by a few fellow bloggers. The most common question that I am asked is, “What do you admire the most about the full figured woman?” After addressing the obvious answers about the curvy silhouette’s effect on the artistic eye, I finally get to the most concrete of responses… I admire the plus-size woman because she is a hero in her own right.


Let’s look at the word hero. Most definitions of the word usually involve a person who saves others from some grave fate or a harrowing situation. My review of the term “hero” involves bravery and perseverance, the stuff that raises the phoenix from the ashes. Sometimes saving others from their plight can be accomplished by being a shining example. Showing someone how to survive is an amazing gift. It reminds me of the saying, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Show a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”


I am referring to the struggle that people of size face everyday. Often people who do not fit into the “size” demographic don’t have a clue what it’s like dealing with everything from cruel innuendo to discrimination. I have witnessed many instances where a plus size person enters a restaurant to enjoy a nice dinner with family and friends, just to hear snickers, and rude comments from onlookers. After a person experiences this a few times, it’s easy to develop a complex that causes them to think that everyone who glances their way is thinking the same hurtful things.


I recently spoke to another caller on Raqui’s Blog Talk Radio Show who met a super-sized woman who he genuinely wanted to have a friendship with, but she had been so shaken by the negative experiences surrounding “size hate” that she couldn’t even trust people and let her guard down enough to foster a friendship. It’s like Raqui said, “When you allow people to speak anything into your life, each negative word is like a rock that you have to carry with you, The more you accept the heavier the load gets, it weighs you down and prevents you from growing.”

Raqui's Blog Talk Radio Episode -

Sometimes the very words that have this stifling effect on you come from the very people you love the most, under the guise of caring words. The effort it takes to bounce back and heal yourself are heroic at best. Once your self esteem reaches critical lows it will take a lot of work to build yourself up. Fortunately, there are many size-positive organizations, social groups, and media out there that can expose you to a new way of thinking that will help you shed the negative ideas from your mind. It’s time to dawn your emotional and spiritual cape and be the hero you were meant to be, leaping over the obstacles, and pitfalls, that people throw your way. Be a shining example for all to see. Refusing to let the words of others shape you, speaking boldly with the statements that define who you are, a hero for all the world to see!



      Return to Back Issues of LargeInCharge Magazine    Return to the Front