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LargeInCharge Magazine - Eight Years & Going Strong!

 Issue#99- June 2012

Welcome to LargeInCharge Magazine

In this Issue of L.I.C.

 

 

Raqui-ism

Words of Wisdom from the Heart & Mind of Raqui

 

Good 4 U Food  ~ Xander

 

The Big GB My Gastric Bypass Memoirs 

Soyna Bennett and Angie Bee

 

From the Desk of NAAFA

National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

 

Fashion & Products with The WebGirl ~ Lucia Roth

 

Fattitude - Its a Fat way of Life ~ Pat Llewellyn

 

The BIG - Beautiful Inspirational Girl  ~ Ms Suga

 

Big Girl, Small World - Gabriela Falarz

 

Dating Survival for Today's Woman

Kathy Hernandez

 

The Observer - Jness

 

LargeInChargeDating - Dating for the Large People who are going to be in Charge of their Love Lives!

 

LargeInCharge Friends - The Place for Big People to make Friends and maybe MUCH MORE!

 
 
IZ - Israel Ka'ano'i Kamakawiwo'ole
Hawaiian Super Star

IZ - Hawaiian Super Star!

By: Raqui

Unknowingly I had been listening to IZ's music for many years.  Always wondering who it was singing.  Who was that voice that made me feel so instantly calm.  It is recently that I happen to come across a You Tube video with the image of a Large Man (a Super Sized Man) heading the video. That video was  Isreal IZ Kamakawiwo'ole's "Its a Wonderful World".  That's the voice I knew from movies and tv,  I had to know more.  His fame spans decades, I watched many videos, found websites, listened and read what people said about him.  What his music (what HE) meant to them. 

Iz was not with us long just 38 years, (passing due to Respiratory failure from a hereditary disease in addition to other ailments) but in those years he changed the world, he shaped music, he touched hearts, he nurtured souls, with his voice, with his words, with his spirit.  He made a huge difference to the people of his country and culture.  He touched people from everywhere and he touched me. 

 

Iz's body maybe long gone, out into the wonders of the ocean, but his spirit lives on.  Iz received honors in life and in death.  He achieved what some say a person of size (not just size but GREAT SIZE) couldn't do.  He found love and acceptance among his family, peers, in business, through the public eye and he achieved dreams some never thought a person of his stature could.  Iz touched the world,  He is an example to us all, that we all  can reach our goals, we shouldn't let anything stop us, be good to others, and to ourselves, His spirit was just to great for this world so he left his mark for us to follow.

 

 

Peace Brother IZ, Hope to meet you some day Over the Rainbow - Raqui

 

 

Biography of Kamakawiwo'ole Israel

 

Taken from: http://www.kamakawiwo.net/

 

Quick facts about the life and career of Israel Kamakawiwo'ole


Birth name: Israel Ka'ano'i Kamakawiwo'ole
Occupation: Musician, Singer
Genres: Hawaiian, Reggae, Jazz
Born: May 20th 1959
Birthplace: Kuakini Hospital, Honolulu, Hawaii
Died: June 26th 1997, 12:18, at age of 38
Location of death: Queen's Medical Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Cause of death: Respiratory failure
Religion: Christian
Height: 6 feet 2 inches (1.9 m)
Nationality: United States
Musical Instruments: Ukulele, vocals
Wife: Marlene Ku'upua Ah Lo (married 1982)
Kids: Daughter -Ceslianne Wehekealake'alekupuna Ah Lo ("Wehi")


Born in Honolulu, Hawai'i on May 20th 1959, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole is perhaps one of the greatest musicians to have come from the island and arguably holds his place in the international hall of world music influential fame.

Although neither his father, Henry Kalei'aloha Naniw nor his mother, Evangeline Leinani Kamakawiwo'ole were professional musicians, Israel was exposed to the depth and soul of Hawaiian music from a very young age. He would spend a lot of time at the Waikiki bar where his parents worked, a place well known for performances from Hawaii's great musicians.


His uncle too had a great influence on him and, as a professional musician himself, played a big part in the encouragement that led to Israel first picking up an instrument at age 6.

Early Musical Influence

After years of listening to both his mother and his brother, in addition to his uncle, playing the ukulele, Israel first took to the stage in 1970 to perform with his brother Skippy and cousin Allen Thornton.
It wasn't long before a young Israel and Skippy started taking much more seriously and later on in that year they formed the Makaha sons of Ni'hau with Louis "moon" Kauakahi, Sam Gray and Jerome Koko. The formation of this band was to herald the entrance of Kamakawiwo'ole into the world of professional music and they went on to record 5 studio albums together before Skippy's sudden death in 1982 following a heart attack.

That same year Israel married his lifelong love Marlene and later on that year their daughter Ceslie-ann wehi was born to the newlyweds. Looking back on his life many believe this year to be a turning point in his musical career as much as his personal life. The Makaha sons of Ni'hau continued to perform and record together although emphases had shifted to family life.


A great deal of the Makaha sons' music took influence from past Hawaiian musical greats whom Israel had grown up listening to. The likes of Peter Moon, Palani Vaughn and Don Ho's styles feature heavily on their style, tone and lyrics. These key inputs into his life carried on through to his solo career as Kamakawiwo'ole redefined what was considered popular Hawaiian music and created a style of his own.

In 1990 a determined and still strongly musically passionate Israel concluded work on his first solo album and Ka'ano'i was released on The Mountain Apple Company.

           


Although not common knowledge, this album which later in the year went on to win the Hawaii Academy of Recording Arts (HARA) contemporary album of the year, takes his own middle name as the title.
Perhaps his most internationally acclaimed song was featured on this album, the compilation of "Somewhere over the rainbow" and "What a wonderful world".

It was well known through both the music of the Makaha sons of Ni'hau and Israel himself that he was a proud Hawaiian nationalist and much of the music produced held sentiment of Hawaiian heritage, pride and independence. Hawaii 78 is perhaps the most notable example of this where amongst many other references, the national motto of Hawaii "Ua Mau ke Ea o ka ??ina i ka Pono" is repeated several times. It translates loosely to "the land's life is perpetuated righteously".


Before Israel finally committed himself fully to his individual career he went back and made a final album with the Makaha sons in 1991. Ho'oluana, the last group album, remains their best selling CD to this day, a success that can be attributed to the HARA award for Ka'ano'i the previous year. Nevertheless, this son of Hawaii was set on his solo path now and for the next 6 years, until his death in 1997 Kamakawiwo'ole shared and spread his love for his nation and its music throughout Hawaii and the world. He received several other HARA Awards including Entertainer of the year in 1994 and Vocalist of the year in 1997.

The Legend lives on

His final award he was unable to receive in person but instead watched the ceremony from the hospital in which he was being treated at the time. Unfortunately there was to be no recovery from this time in care and on June 26th 1997 Israel Kamakawiwo'ole passed away at the age of only 38. He had spent much of his life fighting obesity and a respiratory disorder along with other related diseases finally took their toll.
Few people have held the hearts of the people of Hawaii like this great man and this was reflected in his death. His coffin was laid in state at the state capital building, an honour that had only been delivered twice before, never before to a non-governmental official.

A reported 10,000 people attended his funeral on July 2nd. After his cremation thousands of people lined the shores of the Pacific to watch his ashes being scattered into the ocean. The state continued to honor the man and the legend when on July 10th the Hawaiian flag was flown at half mast.
There is no greater marker of a person's influence on their world than to see their message and philosophy continue after their death.


As the twenty first century dawned there seemed to be no slowing down in popularity of Israel's music and in fact the growth of the internet sparked a revival in new fans and followers all around the world. Some say that his pure heart and peaceful approach to life is the biggest reason for his continued success whereas others just give credit to the smooth sounds of his unique voice and rhythmic music.
Whatever the reason, that people continue to follow Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, and continue to release his music, there's no doubt that his impact on Hawaii and the world is as strong now as it ever was - and looks set to continue for a long time to come.

 

 

 

 

Featured Interview

LargeInCharge.com:

 
 
 

Thank you for Reading The LargeInCharge Feature

 

 

  Kellie Waller!

 

 

Cover Model Interview

 

LargeInCharge.com: What is your name?

My name is Kellie Lily Waller


LargeInCharge.com: Where are you from and what is your current Location?

I'm from Dover, UK and I have lived here all my life


LargeInCharge.com: Can you give us some information about yourself (Age, Height, Size, Nationality, Marital Status, Children, etc.)?

I am 22 years old, I'm 5'8" and a dress size 18-20, I am a white British lady who is engaged to my boyfriend of 2 years and I am yet to have children.


LargeInCharge.com: Were you a big child, or did you gain weight later in life?

my weight gained when i was about 15 as soon as puberty kicked in and i never felt the need to lose it. I feel quite lucky in the fact that i have always loved my curves.


LargeInCharge.com: What made you decide to enter the LargeInCharge model search?

I joined the model search because I'm a strong believer that size 8 models do not represent the women of this day and age, there is nothing worse for me than looking through a catalogue and seeing skinny people modeling the clothes because you are going to have no clue as to whether that dress/top/trousers are going to fit you right of flatter you right.


LargeInCharge.com: Did you find it a hard journey to be accepted by others at your size?

I always get haters on my facebook page having a go at me for being fat, do they think I'm stupid? i know I’m fat stop pointing it out.


LargeInCharge.com: Do you find it a hard to accept yourself as a Plus Sized Person?

I know it sounds a bit of a cliché however I love every curve! Don’t get me wrong I’m only human and i do have 1 or 2 things I hate but it’s not my weight!


LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance among your family and friends?

My mum is a fairly big lady too and over the years i have watched her yoyo diet and i personally feel that she really appreciates the fact that i don’t feel the need to do that and i wish more than anything that she didn’t feel the need to do it


LargeInCharge.com: What would you say inspires you most in life?

The dream of maybe one day in the future having a size 14-16 model hitting the runway and showing those skinny girls how it’s done, and hopefully 1 day seeing a woman with a bit of meat on her in the magazines so I can relate and decide whether i like a dress/top properly!


LargeInCharge.com: What is your primary occupation?

I work as a crew member for McDonalds


LargeInCharge.com: How did you get into this line of work?

I needed a job, this is not the job i aspire to be in hahaha but my time will come when i find a new one


LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance in the work force?

Luckily working at a fast food joint I’m surrounded by a fair share of plus sized colleagues so it’s all 2nd nature to us.


LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you believe should take place for Large People in the work force?

Nothing… We are not disabled it’s not an illness being large so why should anything change? We should all be getting along just fine, right?


LargeInCharge.com: What do you think about the fashion industry for big sized clothing?

I don’t personally think there’s a lot out there but that maybe just in the UK, and i think its blooming cheeky the way some shops think they can charge you more money for being a bigger size ...


LargeInCharge.com: What do you wish to see change with the fashion industry?

a lack of prejudice, i hate seeing shops like H&M and River Island only going up to a size 16 but having a 'plus size section' that does not even go up many more sizes. I think they should just put those extra sizes on the rail and sod all of the special plus size sections.


LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think will happen if plus sized modeling for men and women were to expand?

At 1st there would undoubtedly be a lot of hate but to be honest there always is when something new happens, some people don’t like change, but they will get used to it.


LargeInCharge.com: Tell us some of the places you buy your clothing from.

www.bonprix.co.uk, www.simpybe.co.uk, new look, peacocks and primark (when it fits)


LargeInCharge.com: Tell us one of your secret beauty tips.

Smile as much as you can so that when your older your wrinkles are in the right place :)


LargeInCharge.com: Give us some tips on how to have a successful Photo shoot. What should models be prepared for?


Most photographers will expect you to be able to move so as soon as that camera clicks find your next pose and practice facial expressions in the mirror so when the photographer asks for a certain expression you can pull it out of the bag for him/her.


LargeInCharge.com: Look at Size acceptance five years ago... look at size acceptance now. What changes do you see?

Very little changes, but i believe we are taking baby steps in the right direction nowadays.



LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think will happen five years from now with size acceptance?

Again not many 5 years isn’t a very long time however i expect to see more of a substantial change to now and hopefully not going backwards.



LargeInCharge.com: Do you face discrimination in your daily life as a Plus Sized Person?

When i am out on the streets doing some shopping or whatever I personally don’t feel discriminated against its the internet I have a problem with because people always see it as a loophole to say what they are really thinking and get away with it whereas if I saw them on the street they wouldn’t have the balls to say it.

LargeInCharge.com: Tell us about your goals as far as modeling and other interests.

I want to help pave the way and help wake people up to the concept of 'just because I’m bigger than you does not mean i am unfit and lazy' and 'just because I’m bigger than you does not make me any less of a model'. I am a qualified pole dancer so it’s not as if I’m unfit and I’m certainly not lazy and it winds me up that people can be so shallow to see my size and assume I’m lazy


LargeInCharge.com: What have you accomplished as a Plus Sized Model?

I have been on the cover and been featured in a few magazines to promote positive plus size body image and i have a growing fan base on facebook.


LargeInCharge.com: Have you entered or won any Contests, Pageants or Awards? What was the experience like?

So far i have not felt the need to enter and pageants, i have however won a few facebook based contests.


LargeInCharge.com: Can you tell us about an inspirational moment in your life that made you feel good about your size.

The day my partner proposed to me, it made me realize that it does not matter 1 bit about your size it’s the confidence you have in yourself that gets you places and knowing that my partner does not care what size i am i will always be me


LargeInCharge.com: Is there a person in your life that keeps you going?

My nanny, although she’s no longer physically here she is always in my heart and when i was younger I used to be a proper nanny’s girl and she always believed in me she still inspires me to this day.


LargeInCharge.com: What advice would you give to other people of size who want to model?

DO IT! you have got it in you and when you see the pictures come back from the photographer it gives you an enormous ego boost haha it really can help confidence issues or if you have already got the confidence it a big slap around the face to anyone that doubted you.


LargeInCharge.com: What plus size figure do you most admire?

Definitely dawn french ... she so pretty AND hilarious!


LargeInCharge.com: Describe yourself with one word.

Mischievous

 

 


 

Thanks for reading about our

Cover Model of the Month

 

 

     Raqui the Owner and Founder of LargeInCharge.com, Raqui's  "Tell it like it is" style of writing has brought thousands to her blogs and millions to LargeInCharge.com.  There is so much behind the woman who has brought this magazine into existence.  Being Internationally known as a wrestler/squasher lead the way to modeling for companies and being featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.  She has made a career out of her size and personality. Born, Raised and Residing in the Bronx NYC. This city girl is taking the world by storm.

 

     For the past 6 years Raqui officially moved into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.  With the creation of LargeInCharge she took what she said to individuals to a higher level and made it public to the internet world. She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her.  Knock her down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.  Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized people online her grace and style has made people love her.  Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend the world to fit her, her way.

 

     Raqui's appearances include, Uk Television, German TV, Japan, Europe, Sweden and the Spanish circuit.  Her many magazines appearances have been world wide.  She has hit American Television in 2006 with Good Morning American and since has appeared on The Cristina Show,  The Maury Show and The Tyra Banks Show.

To view her Online portfolio visit www.Raqui.com

Raqui's New Blog titled Raqui-ism "Soulfully Speaking! - http://raqui-ism.blogspot.com/

 Raqui Host's Seminar at 16th Annual Vegas Bash 2012

go to www.Raqui.com Portfolio Section

Raqui-ism - Death by Hospital - Back by Request

Written By: Raqui

 

It was Monday April 27th 2009 when my so called stubborn big mouth saved my life.  Saturday April 25th I arrived at the Emergency Room in so much pain I wanted to die.  Death would have been relief after eleven hours or horrible pain. 

 

     Since eight am that morning I had pain in the center of my chest leading under my ribs.  I thought at first it was gas and tried all the normal things people would do to relieve it.   Alka-Seltzer's,  Gas X,  Maalox, Hot Tea, Ginger ale,  My mother and good friend both rubbed my back and ribs trying to release the gas I believed was trapped.  I had to get to the hospital while I could still walk and get into the ambulance.  911 was called and very soon I was on my way.

 

     At the Emergency Room I went through Doctor's looking at me as though I was RETARDED when I told them I have no health problems.  I repeated to at least 20 people that I DID NOT have, Diabetes, High Cholesterol,  High Blood Pressure... etc etc etc.  Blood tests confirmed all of this to their amazement,  I mean how could a big ole fat woman like me not have ONE HEALTH PROBLEM?  It was a mystery.  This prejudice almost cost me my life as you will see.

 

     After many tests that came out completely normal,  EKG,  Sonograms to my groin to detect blood clots,  Chest x rays for my lungs,  Finally they did a sonogram to the area that hurt!  They found the small tube from the gallbladder to my stomach was dilated and a stomach specialist was called in.  The Stomach Specialist told me he didn't believe that it was my gallbladder,  he said there is something going on in your stomach and we have to check,  it could be an ulcer.  Since the Hospital I was in didn't have a large enough Cat Scan Machine,  I would have to have a camera enter my body through my mouth and go down into my stomach.  And I would have to be put to sleep to do it.  I was admitted early Sunday Morning on the 26th and finally after three morphine shots the pain began to subside.

 

Bruises from Heparin shots to my upper arms

 

     I spent Sunday on a liquid diet waiting for my procedure on Monday.  My chest was very sore and I felt so tired,  Again more blood was taken and I was being given IV antibiotics and heparin shots (a blood thinner) I am not sure why but I was told it is mandatory.  They stabbed my arms so viciously trying to get through my fat (I ASSUME) that I was left with knots and bruises on my upper arms.

 

     Monday morning I had to face anesthesia and I was nervous about it.  But I cant complain about the camera procedure that went completely well it is what happen afterward that almost cost me my life.  Many doctors consulted with me and I was told that my stomach itself was inflamed and making to much acid.  That was the root of the problem and my pain.  I was then put on medication to control stomach acid.

 

     Here is where the big mouth I have saved me.  Monday afternoon they are preparing me to leave the hospital as long as I can keep a meal down.  Final blood had to be drawn to double check everything and while I wasn't happy about it I let them take it.  They came back to me saying that my Sugar level was sky high...

 

What do you mean... How high?   I asked

 

Why didn't you say your Diabetic?  the woman who took my blood asked.

 

I'm not Diabetic...   I don't have high sugar.  I said matter of factly.

 

Well with your weight you know....  

 

I cut her off immediately and said.   Listen I know I am not Diabetic...  I have a doctor I go to and have never been pronounced with Diabetes.  I just went to her last month, and my tests are clear!  For the past two days I have been getting blood tests and they are all normal so don't tell me that now I have suddenly become Diabetic!

 

It could be because of the procedure,  your weight,  You cannot leave until your Sugar is normal so we have to medicate you and bring it down.

 

NO... Take it again!  Take my blood again!  I said.

 

     I refused the medication and put my foot down to have my blood taken again.  The woman who took my blood then re-entered and asked me.  

 

Where did I take your blood from?   Your right it doesn't make sense that your sugar is suddenly high.

 

     I then showed my arm to her and the vein she removed the blood from.

 

OH I HAVE TO TAKE YOUR BLOOD AGAIN!!! she exclaimed.   You have a I.V. in that arm and that could make the test inaccurate.  I will be right back to take your blood again!

 

Bruises from having my blood taken improperly three collapsed veins

 

   After she poked me to no avail three times, making me bleed all over my gown, and left me horrible bruises she got another person to come take my blood and once it was tested I got a clean bill of health with out HIGH SUGAR!!!  With out that medication they were so ready to pump into my body.

 

     It wasn't until I got home and the next day that I told my brother about it did he say.  They could have killed you!.  If they would have put that medication into you, you would have gone into a Diabetic Coma and quite possibly have died.   If anyone would have found out that she took blood out of that vein she would have lost her job.   And of course since I am a big fat woman it would have been easy for them to cover it up.

 

     Right now I could be in a freezer somewhere pronounced with Diabetes instead of the true reason!  DEATH BY HOSPITAL!!!    The automatic assumption that I was a diabetic no matter of my records and medical history is terrible.  The fact that many in the medical field believe that every person of size must have a health problem is horrific.  It seems as though they were waiting for one test to come out badly so they have a reason to preach gastric bypass and pump medicine into my body to try and set me right!  Show me how wrong I am about not having health problems.  But my big mouth and persistent claims made them think it through when they should have thought it through from the beginning.  Maybe they should have people who obviously know how to take blood properly.  After taking my blood from the wrong arm and then making three veins on the other arm collapse I would say she needs to get recertified.  At least she listened to my claims of course they were done with a loud determined voice that demands attention.

 

     Could this have happened to anyone?  Yes it could have...  But I believe that those taking care of me leaned more toward something wrong with me.  Than something wrong with them, because in their eyes I am a Big Fat Woman one step away from a medical nightmare!  All people (especially Plus Sized)  have to be our own advocates.  KNOWLEDGE IS POWER,  Have a regular doctor and know your what your blood tests mean.  Have a medical history on record and have physicals.  Ask questions, demand retesting if necessary, I AM SCARED TO DEATH OF NEEDLES but that didn't stop me from getting them to take my blood again.  Doctor's, Nurses and other Patient Care Service Workers have a sense of authority because they are supposed to be dedicated to your health and well being.  But many of them are not qualified because they have prejudices that make them point toward you first instead of assessing the situation properly.  We also listen to them because of that Authority.  If I would have listened to them before myself, and let them medicate me.  I probably would not be writing this article today.

 

 Your Health is your responsibility,  with out knowledge you cant make a proper decision and fight for your rights.  It is your Life... Cherish it.

 

With Love Raqui

 


LargeInCharge Radio - Weekly Radio show discussing Plus Sized Issues.  Friday's 7-9 pm EST - Call in & Chat in our Chat Room.

 

Thank you for Reading Raqui-ism

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

 
 

 

     Xander brings blend of life experience and culinary twist to his writing. From cooking on television and live demonstrations, to writing Xander cook’s like he feels. A former Chicago native transplanted to Tennessee, His goal has been to experience the fullness of food heritage. He believes that as a people and society, can learn a lot from what we eat. Combining a great life lesson and a easy recipe.  They go hand-in-hand to provide a tasty addition to your day. Xander has to confess that ingredients in a great meal are like the ingredients in a great life are never far apart.

 

   

A Gun to Your Head

by Xander The Food Dude

 

There are times in your life when frankly, you're just not motivated to complete anything.  You don't want to do anything because nothing seems important.  Survival from day to day is simply the best you can achieve.  In those down times, you really go down into levels where the brain loses what little focus it has and the most involved you want to be is likened to a vegetable in front of the television before eventually going to sleep from exhaustion.  It's at times like these when our humanity is most questioned because all we feel is dead inside.  There are no hopes, no dreams, no aspirations, other than to just hold on for another day, if we were to die then that would be alright, because at least the fighting for survival would be over.

 

I've thought that way a lot in the last few months.  I have resigned my self on various occasions that the fight is too much for me and I would welcome death.  Let me clarify, I am no suicidal.  I don't want to hurry myself of this mortal coil; I can't seem to get in mind what would be so bad.  Survival is too hard.

 

I have recently read and article that recounts a scene from "Fight Club" where Brad Pitts character holds a gun to a clerks head finding our what a terrible basic life the clerks has.  Pitts character asks the clerk, "What was your dream”?  Eventually the clerk confesses that he wanted to be a veterinarian.  Pitt's character then says, "I know who you are and where you live.  If you aren't in the process of becoming a veterinarian in six week, you'll be dead."  He then tells the clerk to run home.  No matter how hard we try, sometimes the element of change we seek can only be achieved when a gun is put at our head.  While in the example it was literal, but I'm thinking more figurative.

 

An example of this is a man who needs to change his lifestyle, only to finally change it after the second or third heart attack.  Change is thought to be all about willpower, but creating change isn’t really about willpower.  Willpower works for a while.  But eventually, if at the deepest level you associate more pain to changing than you do pleasure, then the change is not going to last (even when you know it’s what’s good for you).

 

This is when you need someone to hold a gun to your head.  This is a new way to change.

 

Willpower is old school.  It’s a brute force approach that rarely works.  The smart way to change is with leverage — recognizing your own fallibility and taking an action now that makes it inevitable that you change in the future.

 

Buying an alarm clock without a snooze button is a simple example.  You know that when 6 a.m. rolls around, getting up early won’t seem like nearly as good an idea as it does now.  So by taking this action now and making things rough on your future self, you’re actually helping yourself to make a better decision when push comes to shove.

 

When you sign up for a marathon before you’ve trained for it, you’re doing the same thing.  Investing money, even just the 100 bucks to register for the race, changes the game.  Now, when you feel like eating a donut instead of going for your run, all of a sudden it’s not quite so easy to be content in your laziness.  Now your money is at stake, as well as the feelings of guilt and foolishness that we associate with wasting money.  And as a result, you run.

 

What about when the action isn’t so obvious?

 

The alarm clock example is easy.  But what if it’s losing weight that’s your goal?  Or any of a mess of other things where there’s no obvious action you can take now to make success in the future inevitable?

 

The point it to make the process of change less painful, than that of not changing.  Whether its by good or bad circumstance that we all need to make large changes in our lives, I wish you all the best with who, what, where, and when that change must be made.

 

Xander

 

Xander's Recipe of the Month

   
Amish Breakfast Casserole

As comforting a food as you'll ever have.  Make for a family breakfast.  It will bring them back to the table again and again and again…..

 

 

Ingredients

 

    1 pound sliced bacon, diced

    1 medium sweet onion, chopped

    6 eggs, lightly beaten

    4 cups frozen shredded hash brown potatoes, thawed

    2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese

    1 1/2 cups small curd cottage cheese

    1 1/4 cups shredded Swiss cheese

 

Directions

 

    In a large skillet, cook bacon and onion until bacon is crisp; drain. In a bowl, combine the remaining ingredients; stir in bacon mixture. Transfer to a greased 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking dish.

    Bake, uncovered, at 350 degrees F for 35-40 minutes, or until set and bubbly. Let stand for 10 minutes before cutting.

 

 
   
 
   
   
   
 

Thank you for Reading Good Food 4U

By Xander the Food Dude

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

   

Angie BEE grew-up a standard-sized young woman, educated in communications, promotions and planning.  She became a wife, mother and ministry support member while building businesses and her faith.

Through stress, age and a poor diet and while suffering from major depression and attempted suicide, Angie BEE's weight climbed from 180 pounds to 360 pounds.  She was diagnosed with high blood pressure, diabetes, obstructive sleep apnea, an overactive bladder and poor leg circulation.  At the age of 40 an anxiety attack and the decline in her mental health forced her to stop work and look at improving her declining health.  It was during this time that Angie BEE became inspired by her younger sister Sonya Bennett during her process towards Gastric Bypass Surgery.  Sonya launched this column and will return occasionally to contribute to it, but now that she is three years-post surgery... her life is focused on something new!

Now, celebrating her first year of a new life since having the procedure herself, Angie BEE is healthier than she has been in over a decade.  Losing the first 100 pounds was just the bonus!  She is now diabetes-free.  She has normal blood pressure.  The circulation in her legs is normal.  She sleeps without a c-pap machine and more!  The joy that she feels is documented each day in her syndicated radio show, a brand new weekly  TV show documentary and each month in this article.  The Big GB stands for The BIG Gastric Bypass and it also stands for "Getting (my life) Back".  This article reflects how Angie BEE's life has improved... by the grace of God and as the result of having Gastric Bypass surgery on Feb 28, 2011.  This is now her life!

 

Celebrate Good Times... COME ON!

with Angie Bee

 

 

There was an international holiday that occurred in May.  Yep... Mother's Day was celebrated around the world and so was Memorial Day, but the international holiday that was the most special to me was my 47th birthday!  HALLELUJAH!  I turned one year older and a whole lot stronger and wiser too!

The day began with my phone blowing up from the Facebook notifications.  There was even a picture of a delicious looking chocolate cake on my timeline from our illustrious magazine publisher, Raqui.  I signed onto GOOGLE and there was a Happy Birthday Cake for me!  Text messages came in with pictures of cake and ice cream and candy and through it all, I never felt more in control of my taste buds.  There was once a time when just thinking about my birthday caused me feelings of grief and sadness because I knew that I wouldn't have my family around me to celebrate.  There was a time when the thought of my birthday brought tears to my eyes.  Not this time!  This time, the celebration began and ended with peace, joy and friendship!

"Ang... what are you doing for your birthday?", Dorie -- one of my fabulous friends -- called and asked me.  She is the one that takes me with her when she shops for shoes.  I marvel at the fact that she walks so elegantly in 12-inch stilettos! "I don't have plans yet, Dorie.  What do you have in mind?"  By the end of the day, Dorie had the waiters at Red Lobster singing Happy Birthday to me while I nibbled at my dessert.  THANKS FOR DINNER, Dorie!

My birthday this year helped remind me of how much I have grown and changed and learned during this past year.  I have grown physically because of the weight loss surgery and the restoration of my health.  The diabetes is in remission, the high blood pressure is down and the sleep apnea is long gone.  I've grown to learn new eating habits and health regimens and I even embrace walking as exercise now that my ankles don't swell like balloons.

My birthday this year reminded me that my business and ministry have grown as new clients have come onboard.  The radio show ministry has picked up another syndicated station and is now a morning show from 8am to noon EST.  Can you imagine waking up to Holy Hip Hop music and MY VOICE first thing in the morning?  Even the radio show was cranking out the birthday song by Canton Jones on the show during the celebration!  The show has grown to include so much more fun and excitement each and every day because I feel my joy returning; I see my strength coming back: once again, I am IN CHARGE!

Next month the traveling will begin and I am ready for it, Back to Detroit for a visit with family, and my new baby niece.  Then, off to Boise Idaho with the tour.  Maryland, Jamaica, New York and Nigeria all want the tour to come to them, and at each tour stop I will share my faith, I will speak about the depression that threatened by life three times and I will marvel at how God has blessed me to have gastric bypass surgery.  I will show the before and after pictures and I will talk about losing over 150 pounds this past year.  I will share with audiences how food no longer manages my life and how my life is in control now as a result of this surgery.  There were three different types of weight-loss surgery that I was introduced to originally and I chose the most dramatic and aggressive form of surgery:  the Roux-n-Y gastric bypass procedure.  I remember the surgeon's voice when he would tell us "this surgery is only a tool; YOU must take control of your life and you’re eating and health habits in order for this to work.  You must accept this lifestyle change as a permanent one and continue on with your life and the improvement in your health!"  Dr. Kim's words radiated in my head, as they sang Happy Birthday to me.  His words are a reminder that my life is in my hands and the control is really mine!  I can control my eating, I can improve my own health and I can continue to be a support system for my family without being a burden to them. 

 

Happy Birthday to me and all the rest of the Mother's that embrace the emerald birthstone like I do.  Celebrate your life and rejoice in what God has planned for you. 

 

BEE Blessed, Fam

 

Angie BEE

Author, Magazine Publisher, Producer, Promoter &

The Host of The Hottest Home Hotspot WORLDWIDE

Syndicated Holy Hip Hop Radio Show

www.AngieBEE.com

Last Week I wanted to Die!

NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!

http://www.amazon.com/Last-Week-Wanted-Die-ebook/dp/B004ZLTM5O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324757865&sr=8-1


 

   
 

Thanks for reading

The Big GB - My Gastric Bypass Memoirs

Sonya's Links:

www.SonyaBennett.com

Sonya Bennett on Facebook


     Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

 

     This Column is dedicated to the tremendous work NAAFA has been doing for over four decades.  LargeInCharge wishes to support NAAFA in spreading the word of its work, and give the public more information into issues we as plus sized people should be aware of.  The fight for equality for people of all sizes is one we support.

    

     This Column will include News Releases and Calls to Action from NAAFA Directors.

 

This Column has been Approved by NAAFA.org

 

Stop the Pain Teen Summit

from: NAAFA.org  written by Tracy Locker

The 405 freeway traffic was light that Saturday morning as NAAFA-LA chapter members approached the 210,000 square foot West Hall, of the Los Angeles Convention Center on our way to the Teen Summit. We carpooled and our fearless driver Julianne made her very own path through the massive parking structure.

Kandee Lewis, the dynamic woman behind The Positive Results Corporation (www.prc123.org), organized the “2nd Annual Stop the Pain Teen Summit on Dating Violence and Bully Prevention.” PRC was started in 1992 by an LAPD officer, Tony Newsom, who developed mentoring, literacy, dating violence, and abuse programs for youth.

The Teen Summit was to evoke an anti-bullying agenda and did so in a pro-active and supportive manner. We met hundreds of teens from various group homes and faith-oriented support groups. There were speakers and local representatives who motivated, inspired, and offered their personal service to these warm, well-mannered and very-bright kids from primarily economically depressed areas in and around Los Angeles.

We were able to distribute NAAFA’s Fact Sheet on Bullying (which includes a link to a free online copy of NAAFA’s Child Advocacy Toolkit) to the teachers, parents, and other adults who attended. At our exhibit table, NAAFA-LA gave away wristbands inscribed with “Love Your Body” and provided a Yay! Scale for everybody to step on that displayed only positive body-related feedback.

NAAFA-LA’s Jeanette DePatie (www.thefatchick.com) led the kids in an art project where they drew pictures representing their positive and negative inner voices to raise their awareness of the power of self-talk by giving them a visual tool. She also led the youth in a body-celebrating dance party.

Among others, some of the workshop presenters were: 100 Young Black Men of Los Angeles, who ran a workshop on staying in school, Captain Brent Burton of the Los Angeles County Fire Department, who spoke on “What It Means to be a Man.” There were workshops for young ladies on self-esteem and self-defense and workshops for all the youth to protect them regarding texting issues and social media. Also present were the folks from;”SIERF,” or the: Sensory Integration Education Research Foundation (www.sierf.org); who provided literature on sensory processing disorders affecting many of today’s youth.

NAAFA-LA had a strong presence: While Jeanette led workshops, Anita Garcia, Julianne Wotasik, Terry Higginbotham, and I spent most of the event interacting with kids, parents, school administrators, and teachers, introducing them to NAAFA and the fight against size discrimination. NAAFA’s “End Bullying Now!” Campaign T-Shirts were generously provided by BIG DOG Sportswear (www.BIGDOGS.com) for the day’s event.

As a result of NAAFA-LA’s active role, relationships with teachers and school faculty were formed such that NAAFA-LA’s help was requested for classroom lectures and activities within L.A. County in the near future! NAAFA provided resources for the youth and touched many young lives that day. So in addition to working to end bullying, this awesome event was about acceptance, education, communities working with youth, and most importantly: personal acceptance and empowerment.

 

 

                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

NAAFA Convention!

NAAFA is pleased to announce that we will return to the San Francisco Bay Area for our 2012 fund-raising convention.  We have worked hard to keep the cost of this convention down and to move quickly in making our convention package available in time for you to give or receive a convention package for the holidays!  

NAAFA is once again offering a Early Bird Special price is $199.00 from January 1 through May 31, 2012.   Beginning June 1, 2012, full convention price will be $265.00. 

The 2012 NAAFA Convention Package would make a great holiday gift for you, your family and all your friends!  Can’t afford a convention package?  Why not give a one year contributing NAAFA membership for only $15.00? 

Make your reservations at the Westin San Francisco Airport Hotel. Room rates are $89 per night!   This group rate will be available until July 10, 2012.  Westin is prepared to receive your NAAFA convention reservations today at:  https://www.starwoodmeeting.com/StarGroupsWeb/booking/reservation?id=1112156171&key=A819C

We encourage you to register for the NAAFA convention package today and to fully participate in this life-changing event.  We made it easy for you to register for the convention as well as the hotel through our website at www.naafa.org.  Watch our website for more exciting details as they become available.

Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit human rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people.  NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

On the web:  http://www.naafa.org

 

 

Thanks for reading

From the Desk of NAAFA

Link

www.NAAFA.org

    

Our WebGirl Lucia Roth, was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. Graduated with a B. A. degree in Communication from Southeastern Louisiana University and is considering going back for her Masters degree. Lucia a people person and is always willing to help out a friend in need. She enjoys music, movies, poetry, and good book on a rainy day. Lucia has several mottos about life.


This is one: Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.

 

I just wanted to re- introduce myself, since I just joined Large In Charge magazine last year. My name is Lulu, and I am a fashion writer for largeincharge.com I am a fashion junkie:) I look forward to finding wonderful fashion find and product of the month for you. I also look forward to chatting with you all an reading some good fashion comments! Please let me know if you have a favorite. Web_girl1999@yahoo.com

 

 

The WebGirl Picks of the Month

Fashion Find Product of the Month

Fashion Find

 

Bride Sire

Fashion Find Type: Wedding Dresses

Sale Price: $ 109.00- 249.00

Link: http://www.bridesire.com

 

Spring is here...summer is right around the corner and if you're planning a spring or summer wedding it's not too late to order that perfectly gorgeous wedding dress!  It’s nothing like a perfect June wedding. So, find the perfect dress to match who you are.

 

 

 

Product of the Month

Recommended by: Raqui

Name of Product: Wrap With Us Wedding Products

Type of Product:  Wedding Favors, Accessories and gifts for all occsaions

Where Product can be found: http://www.wrapwithus.com

 

Description:  15% off sale for a limited time.  An all inclusive wedding accessory store (online) with lots of options, including themes and religious items.  They also have items for Baby Showers, Sweet 16, Bridal Shower, Religious occasions (different denominations) and a section that includes OTHER special occasions such as Birthday, Graduation, Sweet 15 "Quincinearea" (Spanish version of Sweet 16) and Wedding Anniversary

 

 

Pat is a forty something woman living in Southern Ontario, Canada. She has a varied past and has worked teaching literacy and English as a second language to adults, as an environmental science technician and in the health and safety field. Currently she works in marketing.

Pat fiercely believes in human rights for all and has volunteered for organizations that raise funds and develop and implement programs to help impoverished people and educate women in third world countries. Although relatively new to the size acceptance movement, Pat believes with all her heart that people of size deserve equal treatment and respect.

In her spare time she likes to read fiction, go to bashes and spend time with friends.

 

Sadness Grows

with Pat Llewellyn

 

Depression clouds your vision & there are times when you feel like there is no hope. That may seem strange or unreal to someone who has never had to deal with this, but it is true.

 

Not everyone who has this debilitating illness deals with it in the same way. Some will be in denial and not seek treatment. Some will hide their illness from family & friends. I'm sure you've met those people and not even known it. They become a master at playing a role. There are others who seek treatment and learn to share their feelings & talk about their illness.

 

There are some that decide to end their lives. Many people believe that suicide is selfish & cowardly, but to the person contemplating it, they truly believe this is the only solution. They believe that they are ending the suffering of those around them or that no one will miss them. It is an act of desperation.

 

Recently someone I know decided to take their life. We weren't close. I had met him at a few bashes, but we were very different people. His death has affected me much more than I thought. It may be because I understand the pain he was going through or that we had many mutual friends & they shared their dismay and shock on Facebook.

 

Please know that if you are feeling that there is no way out, suicide is not the answer. Help is available. Go to your doctor, a hospital or call a local suicide prevention line. Things can get better.

 

In many ways I feel lucky. I live in a country where we have universal health care & I can get an appointment with my doctor the same day I call. I have a good drug plan through my work & I have disability insurance that allows me to be off work while I try & recover.

 

Most of all I have some amazing people in my life. Without their love and support I'd be lost. The days I'm feeling low I hold on to this knowledge & it helps me make it through the day.

 

Thank you to everyone who has & is supporting me through my illness. It means the world to me to have you in my life.

 


 

     Ms Suga is a plus size woman hailing from Sunny South Florida. She is a 24 year old recent recipient of a Bachelor in Arts degree in Communication Studies. Being plus size for the majority of her life she has overcome many obstacles to finally come to the point where she is fully content with herself and her life. This self love has also allowed Ms Suga the privilege of sharing her love with those around her. She is very passionate about life and loves to help others.

     Ms Suga likes to see herself as the one everyone can go to for positive, inspirational and truthful words of advice and/or support. She is the Beautiful Inspirational Girl that is blessed, intellectual, trustworthy, caring and hardworking.

     Ms Suga has had a passion for writing since she was a little girl when she used to think of short stories about what her life would be like as she got older. This is Ms Suga’s first opportunity for her thoughts to be public for the world to see. Excited about this column Ms Suga is also very optimistic of her future in writing and promoting self love and acceptance in the plus size community.

 

Relax, Relate, Release

with Ms Suga

 

   Last night I cried. No major reason for it I just did. I'm no psychologist (especially since I failed PSY101 once and barely passed it the second time around) but I personally feel that every once in a while a good cry helps cleanse the soul.

   Have you ever watched a show from the 90s called A Different World? It was a spin off from The Cosby Show and one of my all-time favorite TV series from my childhood. (Side note: If you ever need to buy Ms. Suga a gift A Different World on DVD is a great idea hint hint) Anywho, there's an episode where Whitley Gilbert goes to see a psychiatrist (played by Debbie Allen) who tells her that her problem in life is she needs to learn how to Relax Relate and Release. Then they go into this dramatization of a "clever" way for her to remember these three steps. It’s actually very funny and if you know any of Debbie Allen’s work you know she can really let go and have fun.

  Last month we talked about my “SUGGESTIONS” on how to be happy and healthy one step at a time. (I cannot stress enough that those are things that work for me and I'm just sharing my own personal experiences.  If they work for you then keep on doing what you’re doing and if not then no harm no foul…right?) A few small steps towards wonderful is better than no movement towards mundane.

So here is another “SUGGESTION”: learn how to relax relate and release. Life can and will be so much better and so much more peaceful if you minimize the stress in your life.

  Now once again I AM NOT A PSYCHIATRIST in any way shape or form, I'm just giving my opinion as far as my experience.

Relax

  There are hundreds of methods of relaxation; meditation, massages, reading, screaming, exercising, stress balls, yoga etc. take your pick.

Relate

  Ever thought you had the worst luck in the world and then turned around and met someone that really was worse off than you were? Well it happens. Shit happens and then you die. Know that someone out there knows exactly how you feel, they survived and so will you.

Release

  Let it go! Plain and simple if it ain't broke don't fix it! If you can't fix it leave it alone! Like the old folks used to say "no use crying over spoiled milk."

  Last night I cried and damn-it it felt good! I think you should try it sometime. Until we meet again. I hope I've helped you to help yourself and hopefully you can help somebody else.

 

~Ms. Suga~

 

 


 

Gabriela Falarz lives in Toronto, Canada. She has been up and down the scale for most of her life (mostly up), and is proud to say that she loves herself no matter what her size, although it has definitely been an evolution.

 

She blogs about size acceptance in her blog, Celebreight Yourself (www.celebreightyourself.blogspot.com).  Gabriela discovered Large in Charge Radio about a year ago and has been hooked ever since. She is thrilled to be writing for Large in Charge and to be part of an organization that helps all large people realize how beautiful, special, and amazing they are.

 

The Present Moment

with Gabriela Falarz

 

 

How much time have you spent either thinking about the past, or planning for the future? Most of us spend our lives immersed in one or the other, some of us flip back and forth … but how many of us actually live IN the present moment?

 

I have to admit, living in the present moment is a concept that was totally alien to me until I read Eckhart Tolle’s amazing book, “The Power of Now”. I either spent so much time ruminating about the past – wondering WHAT I could have done to make a situation turn out the way I wanted, wondering WHY it didn’t work out the way I wanted, and remembering how awful it felt WHEN it didn’t work out the way I wanted. Or, I would focus on the future. I would think things like: When I lose the weight, my life will be the way I want it. Or, When I meet the right guy, I will finally be happy. I would spend my time fixated on how to make those things happen, always chasing the finish line, usually before I even crossed it.

 

Living in the past or the future is impossible, because neither is a reality. The past is already gone. Whatever happened there is done and cannot be changed. The future is just as unreal, because it hasn’t arrived yet. Doesn’t it make sense to live in the PRESENT, where you actually have awareness and some semblance of control over your life?

 

It is definitely an acquired skill, living in the present. Usually, we convince ourselves that the present isn’t where we want to be. We’re not satisfied with the way things are. We want to lose weight, be with the right partner, have the right job, live in our perfect dream house. If we would just take the time to quiet our minds, and breathe, and appreciate… your perspective changes. You can only live fully when you live in the present. You start to realize that every moment in your life has led to you to where you are RIGHT NOW.  As one of my favorite teachers, Dr. David Viscott once said, you are the sum total of everything that has happened in your life, up to this moment. Appreciate it. Breathe it in. Don’t push it out the door to hurry it along. LIVE every second.

 

When you start divvying up your attention to the past or the present, you are literally “not there”. You cannot give your full attention to possible graces and possible opportunities until you look around and fully recognize WHERE you are.

 

One of my favorite ways to inhabit the present moment is to go walking in my favorite park. Weather permitting, I go walking there every day, and when I’m there, amid all the nature and solitude, I try to feel and notice everything. The birds, the squirrels, and the flowers aren’t preoccupied with the past or the future. Animals are blessed, in my opinion, without a subconscious mind to cloud or muddy their awareness. They just LIVE, not stressed or saddened by the past, or fearful or hopeful for the future.

 

Take some time to practice appreciating as many moments as you can. The more you practice, the easier it will get. When you’re alone, quiet your mind, and pay attention to what your senses are telling you. When your mind starts poking in, and distracting you, pulling you away, try to pull it back and steady it.

 

It’s really important to live in the present. As Erica Jong said, “The moment now is all we ever have.” In the course of a life, there are what seem to be an infinite number of moments. Each moment leads to the next. Live as many of them as you can, because once gone, you’ll never get them back.    

 



 

Kathy is originally from a small town in Michigan but has lived in San Diego County since she's been 18 years old.  Kathy graduated from San Diego State University with a Bachelors in Finance in 1999.   She has a real estate broker’s license and works as a mortgage banker.  

 

Kathy also owns BBW Club Catalina in San Diego which has monthly night club parties and other fun events on a frequent basis.  Kathy has been an avid supporter of NAAFA, Vegas BBW Bash and San Diego BBW Bash and believes in size acceptance and health at every size.  

 

Kathy is a firm believer that people need to have a full life by going to the movies, dinner, bowling, dancing and anything that will make them a happier person and not wait til they are at the perfect size to start living their life to the fullest. 

 

Kathy is in her mid-40's and her children are grown and living productively on their own.   In her spare time she likes trying new restaurants, dancing, modeling, bowling and spending time with family and friends.

 

 

Dating the NICE guy and can a guy be just too nice?

 with Kathy Hernandez

 

I know a lot of women who read the title of this article are nodding their head up and down and saying yes a guy can be too nice!  I know that just sounds really bad to say that someone can be too nice but unfortunately it's true.   The guys who are reading this are thinking how can a guy be too nice?  Don't women want us to be nice to them all the time? 

Yes, we do want the men in our lives to be nice to us all the time and not just when we are naked in bed with them but there is a thin line that you shouldn't cross and be Mr Too Nice. 

 

The nice guy will buy us gifts all the time without having a special occasion and it's cute in the beginning of a dating relationship but it starts to feel like they are trying to buy your affection when the gift giving is a daily event.   The nice guy tends to call and text far too much throughout the day which gets annoying after a while, don't get me wrong most women love attention but when you feel like his ever thought is about you and he doesn't have any other thoughts than life can get boring very quickly.

The nice guy wants you to be happy all the time and lets you pick the movies, the restaurants you dine at, the activities that you want to do and when you ask him what he would like to do he answers with whatever you want to do honey.   We want a guy who can plan an evening without asking us every step of the way what we would like to do and being in a relationship is a two way street so we want to do things with you that you love doing also.   The nice guy won't tell you how he's really feeling because he's afraid it might cause a fight or hurt your feelings, but how are we going to get to know the real you if you don't tell us how you really feel about things?  

I like when a guy is assertive, confident and spontaneous and that's not usually the nice guy because he's too concerned with making sure he doesn't do anything to upset you or do anything outside of the box.   It takes so much more time to get to know the nice guy because he's trying so hard to have the illusion of being the perfect guy without any flaws that by the time we get past him being comfortable in being himself around us we might have lost interest.  

A nice guy can be very fun and stimulating but he has to show that side of himself so we don't get bored and move on to someone who stimulates us more intellectually, humorously and sexually.   The nice guy also seems to wait longer than others to make the first move to kiss us and then we think that he isn't interested in us as women but only as a friend and once you put the Nice Guy in the Friend Box it's REALLY hard to crawl out of that box and into the Potential Lover and Relationship Box once we have psychologically put you in our heads as our friend only. 

What about sex with the nice guy is it as good as with the bad boy type?   You can be a nice guy and be great in bed but you need to have the mindset that we are attracted to you and we want the romance of making love combined with hot and steamy sex. 

 

I've also found that the nice guy is a door mat for many women who have figured out the nice guy will buy them gifts, take them to dinner and do whatever they ask.   Do NOT be a door mat to anyone and know your worth when dating women.   I never could understand why men would spend so much money on first dates with women just to impress them and think if they spend enough money they will have a better chance of getting a second date with them.

 

These are the women that you don't want to date because they will be around until your money runs out or until they find a man with more money.   What are the things that we love that the nice guy does for us?    We love them holding our hands in private or in public, opening the door of the car or a restaurant door, calling us to see how our day was and truly listening.   Letting us do nice things for them like cooking them a nice dinner, giving them a massage or rubbing their feet after a long day.

 

I personally enjoy giving more than I like receiving when I'm in a relationship because I like seeing the person I love happy.    A nice guy doesn't have to finish last but he does need to put his best foot forward and learn that he needs to be himself and know that we will love and respect him when he shows us exactly who he is which is the good with the bad.  

 

 

Celebrating almost 2 decades as a Graphic Designer/Published Illustrator, Jean Nerestant Jr (Jness) got his start as a graphic artist in 1994, Still working as a graphic designer by day/ Jness devotes time to his hip hop Culture, comic book art and Plus size/BBW Art.

 

 

TRAPPED BY A MAN!

with Jness

 

To witness the beauty of a person completely is a special thing; any passer-by can see the outer beauty. But for that person to trust you enough to share the beauty they have inside is a privilege. In the hands of the right person it’s a great situation, but some people see a free beautiful thing as something that can be controlled. I recently sat down with my long time friend Maritza – at the edge of my seat I listened as she shared her story with me.

 

Maritza is a beautiful full-figured girl from Panama. She met James while they were in college. He had a great sense of humor, and displayed a loving protective spirit. This quality was something that was missing from Maritza’s life. So eventually the two became an item. Maritza excelled in her studies but struggled in the area of finance. Her parents didn’t teach her much in that respect, eventually she found herself in need of a place to stay. Pride prevented her from letting her parents know she was having these issues. Being the provisional type of man that he was James offered to have her move in with his family. The home he grew up in wasn’t far from the campus, and he said his parents would be ok with it.

 

She moved into his home and stayed in his room (the attic). Everything seemed fine at first until it became obvious that James’ family was not ok with her living there. Gradually James started to complain about her weight, and started making suggestions of how she could loose weight. He encouraged her to go hiking and bike riding even though she didn’t enjoy doing these things. She did what he asked to keep the peace. James would say things that were very hurtful when he didn’t get his way. Maritza honestly felt like she would be living on the street if she crossed him.

 

His family was belligerent when it came to her. They called her fat and told her she was eating them out of house and home. She wasn’t a big eater at all. They just couldn’t stand the sight of her, much less having her eat in their presence. She had to eat in the attic. James put a small fridge and wooden footlocker where food could be kept for her. One day she came home after a long day of classes. She went upstairs and decided to eat something only to find a padlock on the footlocker. James had decided that she needed to loose weight and he was going to assist her by locking the food up. Maritza lived under these conditions for 4 years, until she was able to get on her own two feet and kiss this toxic relationship goodbye.

 

I encourage anyone reading this article to look closely at the people in your lives. If they are not for you they are against you. Sometimes the cards we were dealt cause us to stay in a situation, but know that you are in that situation only for a season, and that your troubles won‘t last always. There will be an inevitable out for you. It’s just a matter of time. Don’t loose sight of the fact that you will get out. No one has the right to control you or dictate what you will and won’t do. It’s your life to live, so stay free, stay beautiful.

 

 

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