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LargeInCharge Magazine - Eight Years & Going Strong!

 Issue#102- September 2012

Welcome to LargeInCharge Magazine

In this Issue of L.I.C.

 

 

Raqui-ism

Words of Wisdom from the Heart & Mind of Raqui

 

Good 4 U Food  ~ Xander

 

The Big GB Getting my Life Back after Gastric Bypass - Angie Bee

 

From the Desk of NAAFA

National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

 

Fashion & Products with The WebGirl ~ Lucia Roth

 

Fattitude - Its a Fat way of Life ~ Pat Llewellyn

 

The B.I.G. - Beautiful Inspirational Girl  ~ Ms Suga

 

Big Girl, Small World - Gabriela Falarz

 

Dating Survival for Today's Woman

Kathy Hernandez

 

The Observer - Jness

 

LargeInChargeDating - Dating for the Large People who are going to be in Charge of their Love Lives!

 

LargeInCharge Friends - The Place for Big People to make Friends and maybe MUCH MORE!

 
 
The Big Ballet - RUSSIA!


The Big Ballet!

By: Internet Source ABC NEWS

With dancers averaging 220 pounds and a combined weight of two tons, the Big Ballet Company is adding new weight -- literally -- to Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake."

The plus-sized Russian ballerinas perform in tutus and on point, just like their slim counterparts, but they have a rule that a traditional prima ballerina only dreams of: If you lose weight, you're out.

The dressing room at a Big Ballet performance resembles a fast-food counter.

"They must be eating and eating and eating," said Natalia Liensky, the company director.

The Big Ballet dancers train three times a week to keep themselves supple. They are not professional dancers, but dance as a hobby. They all hold day jobs and the company includes doctors, nurses and engineers.

They have no body image problems and welcome laughter from the audience.

"I'm not ashamed of what I am," said Tatiana Gladkih, the slimmest of the ballerinas, at 200 pounds. "We expect people to laugh when we show them something funny."

And the women certainly strive to be funny. The second half of the program is pure slapstick when the girls are paired with male dancers who are a fraction of their size.

But the work that goes into the performances is no joke. The women practice as hard as any dancer to keep their bodies limber and strong.

"I really enjoyed it," said Helen Marrison after taking in a performance. "It's refreshing to see big people who are so fit. It's something so fantastic."

The Big Ballet Company takes big liberties with the classical repertoire, however, and that doesn't impress many professionals.

"Do we really need to have 'Swan Lake' performed so badly?" asked choreographer Julia Simonne. "That's the bottom line."

But for this company, the bottom line is to change public perceptions about big people. After all, who's to say tutus can't come in XL?

WATCH BIG BALLET VIDEOS NOW! 

ABC News' Hilary Brown reported this story for "World News."

ABC NEW - WATCH VIDEO NOW Follow the LINK

http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/International/story?id=2999487&page=1

 

 

 

Featured Interview

LargeInCharge.com:

 
 
 

Thank you for Reading The LargeInCharge Feature

 

 

  Dana Doll!

 

 

Cover Model Interview

 

 

LargeInCharge.com: What is your name?

 

A. Dana Doll 

 

 

LargeInCharge.com: Where are you from and what is your current Location?

 

 A.I am from Las vegas, NV and I still call it home today.  



LargeInCharge.com: Can you give us some information about yourself (Age, Height, Size, Nationality, Marital Status, Children, etc.)?

 

A. I am 30 years old, I am 5 feet, six inches.  I am a size 18/20 US sizes.  I am an Irish girl and very proud of it! I just recently got married to the love of my life and I have never been happier. I do not have any kids of my own but I have two little god daughters that are in training to be little divas themselves already, at just 2 and 1/2. :)




LargeInCharge.com: Were you a big child, or did you gain weight later in life?

 

A. I was a chunky kid until about age nine when I began starving myself and working out like crazy to end the insults that come along with being heavier at a young age. 




LargeInCharge.com: (If you were a big child) how did you feel growing up as a large child?

 

A. I grew up in a very isolated community on the outskirts of Las vegas so, there was a very small group of friends that lived in my neighborhood.  As all of us know, kids can very be cruel and I was told many times that I was to ugly to ever get a boyfriend when I got older and I was to fat to be a pretty girl. It hurt a lot.




LargeInCharge.com: (If you gained weight later in life) what caused you to gain weight and how did you feel about it?

 

A. I stayed thin by any means it required until I became about 21 or 22 years old. At that point, I learned how amazing mexican food was and I gained about 80 lbs in about 1 and 1/2 years.  At first after my quick extreme weight gain, I would hide in my house and not go out at all. I bought men's huge shirts to hide my weight gain and I even had an old friend ask me if I had gotten pregnant. I remained in hiding for many years until my beautiful, best friend told me about BBW parties and took me to my first party at BBW Club. From then on, I learned to love my body and ignore those who make rude comments. Strangers and even friends that say rude comments about my weight, do not pay my bills, so why do I care what they think about my body?



LargeInCharge.com: What made you decide to enter the LargeInCharge model search?

 

A. I have dreamed about becoming a pin-up model for many years now and I am so impressed with how body positive LargeInCharge is, we need more positive body image media in the world, to counteract all of the skin and bones modeling that is popular.   




LargeInCharge.com: Did you find it a hard journey to be accepted by others at your size?

 

A. It has been a long hard journey to my own self acceptance.  I think the way you feel about yourself, is the way other people feel about you. I believe subconsciously other people can read how we feel about ourselves and if our self love is low, they wonder why we do not love and accept ourselves more. Somedays I feel like none of my clothes fit properly and I wish i did not have that slice of cake last night but for the most part I love myself unconditionally. 



LargeInCharge.com: Do you find it a hard to accept yourself as a Plus Sized Person?

 

A.No, I love myself as a plus sized woman.  My husband and I were looking through my old family pictures from when I was stick thin and he said he believes I am more beautiful now.  It felt good to have validation from someone I love so much.  Most people treat me better now that I am plus sized and confident, than they did when I was starving myself to fit how society felt I should look.   




LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance among your family and friends?

 

A.I am not going to lie and say it was an easy journey to family and friend acceptance.  My parents and my brother have always been huge supporters of me being who I am.   I have lost friends that were superficial anyway, so it is no big loss. The important thing to remember is it does not matter if you have 1 million friends, it matters if you have good friends that love you for you. 




LargeInCharge.com: What would you say inspires you most in life?

 

A.Fashion without a doubt is my biggest inspiration in life.  I love to look at retro clothes and fit them into my lifestyle today or to start new trends, even if I am the only one wearing it. Recently for my newest trend, I bought these amazing Hello Kitty sunglasses with the little red bow in the corner of the frames, and I wear them around the house. My husband made fun of me because I tripped on my dog due to how dark the lenses were.  He laughed and told me to stop wearing my sunglasses in the house but I told him they were to beautiful to take off. *lol  I tend to become obsessed with fashion trends.



LargeInCharge.com: What is your primary occupation? 

 

A. I work inside an office as an office assistant.  Also, I work as a hairstylist, trying to help people feel the best about themselves.   I love hair styling women's hair the most because I try my best to nurture women to feel good about themselves. Sometimes all I need is to get my nails done, get my hair styled and I feel like a brand new woman.  It is important for me to give that gift to other women.




LargeInCharge.com: How did you get into this line of work?

 

A. I began working as an office assistant as a child to help my dad with his business.  I have a very strong business mind thanks to my amazing dad that never sugar coats anything.  He is a straight shooter and he is my idol.  Hair styling I got into because, I love anything involved in the beauty industry.   I was always coloring, cutting and styling everyone's hair anyway. I might as well get paid for it.




LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance in the work force?

 

A. The beauty industry is a very image based industry so it made me a fighter.  I do not allow people to put me down but also, it is my job to find constructive and positive ways to tell people that sizeism is wrong.  I do not have to be angry to let people know my boundaries and how I will allow myself to be treated.  For the most part, people are very loving and kind to me. Women compliment me all of the time on how I dress, how I do my hair and how they love my body.  It feels great for women to help other women build up their self esteem.




LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you believe should take place for Large People in the work force?

 

A. For one thing, they need to increase the sizes of those small bathroom stalls! I always have to squish myself into them.  All joking aside, companies need to create more body positive campaigns in workplaces as well as, have stricter punishments for size-ism offenders.  Everyone has to go to work but my heart brakes for those plus size people that are made to feel less than co-workers and insulted with no reprimand for the offender.  For the most part plus size insults are brushed under the rug.   




LargeInCharge.com: What do you think about the fashion industry for big sized clothing? 

 

A.There is not much of a plus sized fashion industry.  Women that are larger and interested in fashion either have to be very creative, sew their own clothes or shop at the few clothing stores that offer acceptable fashion choices.  It also can be frustrating that they use size 12 models and call them plus sized.  I do consider size 12 plus sized but where along the way did we forget that Marilyn Monroe was sexy and Twiggy was not?  I do not find skin and bones models sexy.  When I think of sexy, I want to see a woman with a booty, thick thighs and big breasts.  I want to see a woman with some meat on her bones. 



LargeInCharge.com: What do you wish to see change with the fashion industry?

 

A. For the fashion industry to be more accepting, I would like to see real sized models modeling clothes that are plus sized.  I want to see size 16 women in jeans.  I want to see size 24 women in sexy dresses. I want to see more ads like the Dove Real Beauty campaign.   I want to start a thick girl revolution!



LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think will happen if plus sized modeling for men and women were to expand?

 

A.Let's be honest with ourselves and admit that the majority of America is over-weight according to Body mass index.  Most women look through a fashion magazine or see an underwear model and feel self-loathing.  Most men do not spend six hours at the gym everyday and are made to feel bad about it.  People used to be in better shape due to the fact that most people worked outside in physical jobs or did not have enough food to feed their families.  Today, we embrace wonderful food from all over the world, we work in office buildings and at retail shops.  The American media needs to represent the population as they honestly are, not as the media wishes us to be. 




LargeInCharge.com: Tell us some of the places you buy your clothing from.

 

A. This is a question I can really get into.  I love Torrid.  Their clothes have the best options as far as I am concerned.  Also, I love greatglam.com for their club dresses. A good friend turned me onto their dresses and I was in love right away.  I buy the majority of my accessories at the swapmeet believe it or not.  I love how their items are unique and low priced.  I buy my shoes at DSW, Zappos or Ross.  I love dresses and heels. I am a very girly girl so sometimes I have to be creative to think of new outfit ideas.  I look through the internet and plus sized blogs to see what plus sized women around the world are wearing. 



LargeInCharge.com: Tell us one of your secret beauty tips. 

 

A.My secret beauty tip is when I break out I use Neosporin on the spot and it will usually be gone by morning.


LargeInCharge.com: Give us some tips on how to have a successful Photo shoot. What should models be prepared for?

 

A. To start off, be positive. No one wants to deal with a diva making demands and acting they are a gift to the world.  Treat everyone with respect and kindness.  Also, bring your own makeup because you know what colors look good on you, how you like your makeup, you have matched your skin tone with your base and powder.  I would suggest bringing several outfits you like that are hot, sexy and fresh.  At a photo shoot, anything can go wrong. I always try to bring at least five outfits including jewelry in case anything happens.  Bring your own shoes, some shoes may not fit you.  Remember that you know your best angles and your best poses if you have been doing this for a while but also, know that the photographer and assistants see you as you do not. If they ask you to move your leg or arm and it seems uncomfortable, remember the end result will be worth it.


LargeInCharge.com: Look at Size acceptance five years ago... look at size acceptance now. What changes do you see? 

 

A. I see size acceptance as worse today than it was five years ago.  The reason I believe that is because I assumed that society as a whole would be more accepting of plus sizes by now.  It is a huge disappointment that there are not more plus sized models, high end fashion stores, or clothing that is plus sizes in chain stores, along with, department stores.   America is not getting slimmer, so basically I am tired of walking into a store and not being able to purchase that hot dress I saw because it was not in my size. Big girls love to shop also!!!!!!!



LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you think will happen five years from now with size acceptance?

 

A.With help from plus size proud people, the whole world will change.  You can be healthy and plus sized.  Just because we love food does not mean we have to hate ourselves.  More and more people will welcome plus sized models, women, men and children with open arms of love, not shame.  I refuse to allow these standards of starvation and self loathing to control the future of our country's body image.  I am proud of my thick girl body and the more thick adults that love and accept themselves and others, the better chance our youth have of growing up in a body positive society full of love and encouragement.  We need to be the change we want to see in the world. Everytime you compliment yourself or another plus sized person on their body, the better chance we , as a society, have of changing our world for the future. 



LargeInCharge.com: Do you face discrimination in your daily life as a Plus Sized Person? 

 

A. Not really. For the most part people are kind and sweet to me. Sometimes because my husband has a runner's body and I am thick people will stare at us and it can be annoying.  Women will sometimes hit on him and I will be sitting right there but because I am thick they will assume he would not be with me.  I just laugh it off because he only likes thick girls.  I think most men prefer a woman that has meat on her bones and will actually eat when he takes her on a date.   I can not tell you how many times my guy friends have told me how annoying it was that they took out a girl on a dinner date and the girl did not eat the food. Guys do not need to worry about that with a thick girl. :) 



LargeInCharge.com: Tell us about your goals as far as modeling and other interests.

 

A. I really want to model more.   Everytime I do another shoot, it gives me this peaceful sense of pride for myself and the plus sized community.  I also am a high fashion photographer so I plan to create some beautiful photo shoots with my plus sized friends that are beyond amazing.  I just want to do as many photoshoots as possible and really enjoy the experience.  You only live once once so I might as well make the most of it!



LargeInCharge.com: What have you accomplished as a Plus Sized Model?

 

A.Within the last year I started plus size modeling and I have been working on my portfolio for the most part.  I have done many photo shoots and have been asked to do more work.  The future is so bright, I feel so much excitement for my plus size modeling.  I look forward to meeting and working with more beautiful plus sized models and talented photographers. 


LargeInCharge.com: Have you entered or won any Contests, Pageants or Awards? What was the experience like?

 

A.I have been featured as plus size pin-up of the month, femme of the month and several other awards that mean so much to me.  I feel so lucky to be able to help women have a positive body image about plus sized woman.  I think that thick girls should stop acting like it is a bad thing and start walking around with some swagger. :)


LargeInCharge.com: Can you tell us about an inspirational moment in your life that made you feel good about your size.

 

A. I was at a BBW party and a girl came up to me, obviously new to the BBW scene and spoke to me about how nervous she was being there.  After we talked all night, she told me that seeing myself and my friends dressed up made her want to go out and get dresses and heels to feel more sexy.  I felt that I was able to help her come out of her shell and accept herself more.


LargeInCharge.com: Is there a person in your life that keeps you going?

 

A.My parents and my husband.  I know that is 3 people but it is impossible for me to pick just one. They all are an essential part of my life and well being.  I would do anything  for my family and my family would do anything for me.  I can not put into words how a joke from my husband, or a hug from my mom can turn my day around. How my dad always knows what to say to make me feel better.  They are my life. 


LargeInCharge.com: What advice would you give to other people of size who want to model? 

 

A.Trust yourself and your body.  Do not believe that little voice in your head that tells you that you can not do something. Never give up on your hopes and they will never give up on you.


LargeInCharge.com: What plus size figure do you most admire? 

 

My inspirational figure is Marilyn Monroe.  Some people believe her to be plus sized, some do not so my second choice is Anna Nicole Smith who is the undisputed plus sized Marilyn Monroe.  Both were blonde bombshells and had a lust for life.  They are the women I look to for inspiration, answers in my times of need and the footsteps I follow in modeling.  Marilyn Monroe had a very high IQ and although people prefer to remember her as a sex symbol, she was also an activist for women's and African American rights and was so well read she had at least 400 books in her home upon her death, that she was frequently seen reading. 


“I don't mind being burdened with being glamorous and sexual. Beauty and femininity are ageless and can't be contrived, and glamour, although the manufacturers won't like this, cannot be manufactured. Not real glamour; it's based on femininity.” 
~Marilyn Monroe


LargeInCharge.com: Describe yourself with one word.

 

Vivacious





 


 

Thanks for reading about our

Cover Model of the Month

 

 

     Raqui the Owner and Founder of LargeInCharge.com, Raqui's  "Tell it like it is" style of writing has brought thousands to her blogs and millions to LargeInCharge.com.  There is so much behind the woman who has brought this magazine into existence.  Being Internationally known as a wrestler/squasher lead the way to modeling for companies and being featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.  She has made a career out of her size and personality. Born, Raised in the Bronx NYC. This city girl is taking the world by storm.

 

     For the past 8 years Raqui officially moved into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.  With the creation of LargeInCharge she took what she said to individuals to a higher level and made it public to the internet world. She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her.  Knock her down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.  Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized people online her grace and style has made people love her.  Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend the world to fit her, her way.

 

     Raqui's appearances include, Uk Television, German TV, Japan, Europe, Sweden and the Spanish circuit.  Her many magazines appearances have been world wide.  She has hit American Television in 2006 with Good Morning American and since has appeared on The Cristina Show,  The Maury Show and The Tyra Banks Show.

To view her Online portfolio visit www.Raqui.com

Raqui's New Blog titled Raqui-ism "Soulfully Speaking! - http://raqui-ism.blogspot.com/

 Raqui Host's Seminar at 16th Annual Vegas Bash 2012

go to www.Raqui.com Portfolio Section

Raqui-ism - When Someone you Love Dies

Written By: Raqui

 

This topic is one I am familiar with.  Having lost my husband eleven years ago, having been there for others, during their losses.  I understand the pain you feel and how living after the loss of a loved one’s life is hard… harder than some think.

 

Some people just ignore the feelings and fill themselves with anything and everything they can, to distract from facing the pain.  Some of us try to stay strong through the mixed emotions, until we have small break downs, usually in private away from others.  Then some just break down deeply, and hard, it seems like recovery would take a miracle, and we sometimes wonder will they follow their loved one? 

First off... there is no wrong way to mourn the loss of a loved one.  But you must mourn, and face the feelings at sometime, even if we mourn as we go.  We must also keep living, and that can be hard for some of us to even think of or realize.

Mourn as we go is a term taught to me by a good friend.  One of my best friends actually, I called her Dee and she passed away  July 16th 2012.  We started calling each other sisters, everyone else did, it didn’t matter that we looked nothing a-like or we talked differently.  We both were big women and instantly people saw us as family.  While we may not have been blood relatives we were Soul Sisters.  We shared so much about our lives and feelings, we agreed to disagree on a lot of stuff but we still talked about it, and made our jokes, and crazy remarks.   We laughed a lot, and told lots of stories, we were both widows, and I was there for her during her loss.  That brought back many feelings for me, and we were able to relate well since I understood what she was going through. Neither one of us thought we would marry again, so we had a little agreement.  We would hang out and have adventures, be fat, drink and be merry.  Live life as fully as we could and have a good time all the way.  I would make sure she didn’t turn into the crazy cat lady, and she would make sure I didn’t turn into the smelly pee lady.

Mourn as you go was something we spoke about.  I was totally devastated when my husband died, it was a shock.  Dee’s hubby was very sick and his death was one that was coming, but still we all thought there was going to be more time. In the end we all knew his suffering came to an end, so it was a bitter sweet mourning.  Thankful that his suffering ended, but yet sad all the same and that they (as a couple) didn’t get to have that grow old together feeling.  Many things felt like life cheated the family out of a great man, husband and father.  But still everyone knew he was better off in the next realm. It was hard, and mourning as she went, and teaching her children to mourn as they went, was helpful in many ways.

For some reason... people tend to rush the mourning process as if losing a loved one is not a full change in life.  You have a whole part of you missing when you lose that person.  Sometimes there are positive things when someone passes (if they were sick, hurting others, if they were not at rest, mentally stressed or strained to the point of disruption) but always the feeling of loss is negative, and hurtful.  Those mixed feelings are hard to deal with, a lot of people don’t understand that death is something that sometimes needs to happen, and you can feel many different ways about the death of a particular person, yet still have a hole in your heart for them. Mourn as you go is the art of releasing emotions as they come, even taking the time to mourn and release in positive ways.  Laughing and smiling sharing stories, crying and leaning on another (allowing yourself to feel vulnerable and protected), thinking about the good times, the bad, and the sad, feeling lonely and hurt, yet still celebrating the time you had with them.

Mourning is not an exact science and there is no time limit on it either.  Some people tend to believe that after a certain time period you should be over it already.  They have no idea how to mourn.

First off losing a loved one is a permanent situation.  Once you lose you cannot get it back, there is no replacement that will heal that missing part of you.  I personally use this example to explain losing someone you love.  If you lose a hand, arm, leg, your sight, hearing, sense of smell etc.  Life will never be the same, you keep living but you live differently.  You adapt to the loss of your senses or to the loss of a body part.   You don’t do things exactly the same anymore but you keep going.  That is what losing someone you love is like, you adapt to life without them, life will not be the same and you will always remember life before the loss, you just keep living and adapt.

Every loss will be different and your feelings and emotions will develop differently.  That doesn’t mean the loss of one person is worse than another, it is different and you deal with it differently.  But you must deal, and you must mourn, and you must go on.  We shouldn’t be ashamed of mourning; it is part of moving forward after loss.  We should see it almost as a celebration, to love someone so much that they affect our lives deeply.  We must see some joy in that pain, because we have to have been very happy to be so sad.  It is all up to the individual on how you mourn but I have found mourning as I go to help me in many ways.   Not being ashamed of my emotions and living and mourning in the moment has brought out my humanity and allowed me to share myself with others during a hard time in my life.

 

I stopped asking why, I stopped thinking what if, I realized I was blessed to have such a special friend who became my sister and had to go on to the other life, the best life after this one.  I will mourn as I go and never forget how much she meant to me.  Why would I want to forget?

 

With Love Raqui

 


LargeInCharge Radio - Weekly Radio show discussing Plus Sized Issues.  Friday's 7-9 pm EST - Call in & Chat in our Chat Room.

 

Thank you for Reading Raqui-ism

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

 
 

 

     Xander brings blend of life experience and culinary twist to his writing. From cooking on television and live demonstrations, to writing Xander cook’s like he feels. A former Chicago native transplanted to Tennessee, His goal has been to experience the fullness of food heritage. He believes that as a people and society, can learn a lot from what we eat. Combining a great life lesson and a easy recipe.  They go hand-in-hand to provide a tasty addition to your day. Xander has to confess that ingredients in a great meal are like the ingredients in a great life are never far apart.

 

   

The Will to act is the Ability to Change

by Xander The Food Dude

 

Over the last eight (almost nine) months I have been involved with the care of my mother.  She had four strokes in less than a three months span.  As I look back at the months as they have seemed to pass in a heartbeat of time, I finally have reached a point that I think I can see some of the lessons that have been taught to be by some celestial force in the universe.  I wanted to take this opportunity to cover the first few in this article and continue with more in next months.  While I can’t claim that all of these lesson would be the same for everyone in my situation, I can say with some level of confidence that all of these lessons are good lessons with application whether you’re in my situation or not.

Lesson #1

It’s alright to be scared.

I can honestly say that for a while fear became my journeyman in this effort in caring for my mother.  I had more fears about more than things than there are stars in the universe.  I feared everything all coming from the feeling of inadequacy in being a good caregiver to my mother.  I felt bad that I feared everything.   While it may seem to be a generality is saying that I feared everything, I really did.  Family and friends have been supportive, giving words of praise, but it did nothing to alleviate my concerns.   It felt and sometimes feels as though everything is way out of my control.  The solution is this:  acknowledge that it’s true that most things are out of our control.  This is not a defeatist statement but rather a statement of fact.  I had to focus on the few things I can control, and take ownership of those.  Most of these revolve around schedules, content of moments and simply being prepared.  While we can never be prepared for every possibility, we can reflect on potential happens and at least have a plan.  It’s alright to be scared, but you can’t let that fear stop you from moving.

Lesson #2

The Will To Act

This may be more of a Lesson 1.5 because it ties in so heavily with Lesson 1.  Facing fear and uncertainty with a plan is not enough.  At this point it is necessary to reach deep within yourself and resolve that you need to do something.  For me, it was to take a step, to learn more, to dive into those things that I never thought I could or wanted to do, and just do it.  A plan, a goal, and objective, without intent, without the will to act is nothing but wasted energy.  You can have a glorious plan that they world is sunshine and everyone is happy, healthy, and rich, but life simply doesn’t work that way.  I have a friend who is a pastor and he puts it this way.  “God gave us free will for a reason.  It allows us to choose right from wrong, good and bad, and to take ownership of those decision whatever the outcome.  Without free will we are simply slaves.”  He went on further to explain that less and and less in society are people willing to make a decision and face the consequences for the good or bad of those decision.  Step on to deciding what tomorrow is going to look is having the will to act on circumstances of today.

Lesson #3

Take the Help

When I started this journey I was dead set on providing everything my mother needed.  I was the only one who was going to be responsible for her care.  In a very short time I learned that I was not enough to meet the needs of my mother.  The worst part of it was that because I couldn’t meet all her needs (as a son should) I had overwhelming bought of depression.  Through other providers I have learned that in situations of care giving, no one is enough.  However, there are people out there who are willing and able to help, it’s part of their life calling and they give freely.  I had to learn that it doesn’t make me weak to accept help, more it the need to focus on making sure my mother’s needs are met.  This is case where we have to acknowledge that we cannot and are not the focus, its other people.  Everyone needs help from time to time in their lives, it nothing to be ashamed of or to feel less about.  Perhaps the next most important part of getting help is to pay it back when you’re able.  For me, at some point I intend on volunteering at food kitchens or even the nursing home who took such good care of my mother.  I’ve also found that taking the perspective of paying it back helps to alleviate some of my guilt for needing the help.

Lesson #4

The Next Great Moment

I’ve learned that in time of Joy you need to live in that moment as if it was your last.  In times of strife and pain, you need to work hard to acknowledge that just around the corner could be the next great moment.  The important thing to know is that if you get bogged down and focus purely on that pain, that’s where you’ll always stay… in pain.  When my mother got out of the nursing home, I was terrified of taking care of her (now I’ve worked my way up to simply being paranoid all the time).  I had her home for two weeks and she went back into the hospital.  Two days at home, back into the hospital she went.  We hit a major home run, when she made it to three weeks at home, then she had to go back into the hospital.  Through all of the incidents it seemed like things were not getting any better and in some cases they got worse.  This last Sunday morning I was getting my mother out of bed, when it seemed like her leg moved (this being the leg that had no motion for the last eight months).  I had many times in the past thought I had seen motion only to try it again and again to no avail.  This last Sunday morning I tried again.  “Mom, move your leg”.  There was a slight twitching in her upper leg muscle and then her lower leg muscle.  Bit by bit the leg started to rise.  I almost broke down crying.  I reset the leg.. “Do it again”,  again the leg moved.  Do it again I repeated over and over.  Again and again her leg would move.  I videotaped it.  I was riding on such a high that day.  The next morning I threw back the covers, straightened out her leg.  Do it again mom.  Nothing happened.  I would stretch her leg over and over, still no movement. Today we simply had movement in her toes.  While I would prefer that she had movement in her leg every day I know that recovery is a very slow process.  But I hang on to the fact that she did move it which means she will be able to move it again.  I hang on to the videotape to remind myself of a great moment and I now know that I’m just working to the next great moment.  Its all there waiting for me and my mother to arrive.

 

The continuation of this article can be seen in next month’s issue.  For the following series of recipes, Xander has decided to stick with classic taste.  This is part of an overall theme of keeping life simple.

 

Xander

 

Xander's Recipe of the Month

   
Waffle Worth the Wait

My mom has really found a joy in breakfast food since her strokes.  Trying to cook it fresh every morning has proven to be very time consuming.  However, I learned that with some things like these waffles, the batter can be done ahead for 1-3 day worth (keeping it in the fridge) and the quality doesn’t suffer, but saves a lot of time.

 

 

 

Ingredients

  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 4 teaspoons baking powder
  • 2 tablespoons white sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 1/2 cups warm milk
  • 1/3 cup butter, melted
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

 

Directions

  1. In a large bowl, mix together flour, salt, baking powder and sugar; set aside. Preheat waffle iron to desired temperature.
  2. In a separate bowl, beat the eggs. Stir in the milk, butter and vanilla. Pour the milk mixture into the flour mixture; beat until blended.
  3. Ladle the batter into a preheated waffle iron. Cook the waffles until golden and crisp. Serve immediately.

 

 

 
   
 
   
   
   
 

Thank you for Reading Good Food 4U

By Xander the Food Dude

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

   

Angie BEE grew-up a standard-sized young woman, educated in communications, promotions and planning.  She became a wife, mother and ministry support member while building businesses and her faith.

Through stress, age and a poor diet and while suffering from major depression and attempted suicide, Angie BEE's weight climbed from 180 pounds to 360 pounds.  She was diagnosed with high blood pressure, diabetes, obstructive sleep apnea, an overactive bladder and poor leg circulation.  At the age of 40 an anxiety attack and the decline in her mental health forced her to stop work and look at improving her declining health.  It was during this time that Angie BEE became inspired by her younger sister Sonya Bennett during her process towards Gastric Bypass Surgery.  Sonya launched this column and will return occasionally to contribute to it, but now that she is three years-post surgery... her life is focused on something new!

Now, celebrating her first year of a new life since having the procedure herself, Angie BEE is healthier than she has been in over a decade.  Losing the first 100 pounds was just the bonus!  She is now diabetes-free.  She has normal blood pressure.  The circulation in her legs is normal.  She sleeps without a c-pap machine and more!  The joy that she feels is documented each day in her syndicated radio show, a brand new weekly  TV show documentary and each month in this article.  The Big GB stands for The BIG Gastric Bypass and it also stands for "Getting (my life) Back".  This article reflects how Angie BEE's life has improved... by the grace of God and as the result of having Gastric Bypass surgery on Feb 28, 2011.  This is now her life!

 

On Stage and IN CHARGE!

with Angie Bee

 

I just can't contain my joy! The pictures that you see here just don't do justice to the month that I just experienced -- It was just amazing!

As you know, I am now celebrating my 18th month post-gastric bypass surgery. I have lost about 180 pounds. The Type II Diabetes is gone. The obstructive sleep apnea is gone. The high blood pressure is gone and my libido has returned with a vengeance (lol). The health is great and I look at this pictures and realize that I look about as good as I feel too!

 

So what happened this month? Well, I stepped up and took charge of our music ministry tour. For the past year, I have stayed in the background allowing the artists to hit the stage after being introduced by our Christian Comedian MC. Well, this month the MC was booked elsewhere so I had to step up to the stage and take charge of the show. WOW! The feedback that I received was encouraging and the souls that came to Christ will never be the same.

 

First, I MC'd a Back-to-School Comedy Show that was streamed live around the world by The Jericho TV Network and Divine Truth Christian Center in Winter Park, Florida. Viewers sent me text messages and emails throughout the show: "You look great, Angie", "When did you lose weight?" "Can I date you?" oh MY!

 

Then… I MCd another Holy Hip Hop concert for our TOUR that took place at E3 Life Church in Lakeland, Florida. After the show, I kept wondering why there was a line in front of the table where I was sitting. Finally, a child looked at me and said "Miss Angie BEE, may I have your autograph?" Oh MY! The line was about 10 kids deep with their parents and THEN the adults were lined up! I didn't know what to say. I just know that I was grateful that my ankles did not swell while I was on stage. My knees didn't creak when I climbed the stairs to the stage. I was not out of breath from jumping up and down and I WASN'T HUNGRY four hours after the show began. Praise GOD!

 

This month I also was honored to be a part of the Launch Celebration of Joy Gospel Radio in Orlando, Florida. My radio show airs on this station weeknights from 8pm to midnight EST on www.JoyGospelRadio.com. The celebration included my TOUR artists, business owners, ministry leaders and others. The crowd was THICK and I tried my best to entertain everyone while I was on the air. Callers came in to the toll-free number, Skype and OoVoO and at some point in the night, my cell phone started blowing up. With all this activity, I remained calm; I didn't break into a sweat and I was IN CHARGE! It was an incredible feeling when the photographer asked us to pose for pictures! Now, the pics will be put up on the station website and everyone is asking when will our NEXT station event take place. WOW!

 

About 18 months ago, I would have never dreamed of getting on stage to be the "Don Cornelius" of our tour (lol). When I was over 380 pounds, I would have not wanted to have that attention put on me. Now that I weigh about 212 pounds, I can be proud of the dresses that God selects for me to wear and I'm honored to stand before an audience because now I CAN stand! As long as the kids keep coming to the concert, I will keep climbing that stage and being in CHARGE of the show!

 

Visit our tour online at http://www.gigsalad.com/angie_bee_presents-a_christian_youth_con

Watch our promo kit at www.YouTube.com/AngieBEEpresents

Book us today by calling 407-914-6519 or email

AngieBEEpresents@gmail.com

 

See you on tour!

 

Angie BEE

 

 

 

Angie BEE

Author, Magazine Publisher, Producer, Promoter &

The Host of The Hottest Home Hotspot WORLDWIDE

Syndicated Holy Hip Hop Radio Show

www.AngieBEE.com

Last Week I wanted to Die!

NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!

http://www.amazon.com/Last-Week-Wanted-Die-ebook/dp/B004ZLTM5O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324757865&sr=8-1


 

   
 

Thanks for reading

The Big GB - My Gastric Bypass Memoirs

Sonya's Links:

www.SonyaBennett.com

Sonya Bennett on Facebook


     Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

 

     This Column is dedicated to the tremendous work NAAFA has been doing for over four decades.  LargeInCharge wishes to support NAAFA in spreading the word of its work, and give the public more information into issues we as plus sized people should be aware of.  The fight for equality for people of all sizes is one we support.

    

     This Column will include News Releases and Calls to Action from NAAFA Directors.

 

This Column has been Approved by NAAFA.org

 

FAA BANS PERSONAL SEATBELT EXTENDERS!

from: NAAFA.org

 

 CALL TO ACTION!

 

On July 30, 2012 the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) issued an “Information for Operators” (InFO) memo regarding Use of Passenger-Provided Seat Belt Extenders. The FAA is banning passenger-provided seat belt extenders that are manufactured by AmSafe, the same company that the airlines use for their seat belt extenders and are FAA-approved.

 

NAAFA sees this ban as a discriminatory practice against passengers of size because it could potentially limit the ability of people of size to travel by air. Most airlines carry no more than two or three seatbelt extenders on each flight. If there are more passengers of size on a flight than number of onboard seat belt extenders available, are those passengers without an extender then removed from the flight?

 

In the statement, the FAA says:

 

“Operators should be aware that seat belt extenders are being marketed to the public for their personal use while traveling. These extenders are marketed as “FAA PMA approved.” Some are categorized as specific to each airline and others are sold under the heading “Universal, adjustable & FAA-safe” and are sold “for use on all airlines”. While these extenders may have a label that indicates they are FAA-approved and conform to TSO-C22g, they are not inspected and maintained under each airline's FAA-accepted CAMP and should not be used (emphasis added). In order to support compliance with 14 CFR sections regarding the use of seat belts, assigned crewmembers should be aware of the possibility that passengers may attempt to use these extenders while on board their aircraft.”

 

If you have purchased a FAA-approved seat belt extender, why is the FAA now suggesting this ban? Are they now setting it up for airlines to charge for the use of onboard seat belt extenders?

 

Since it is the FAA’s "Vision" statement that, "We are accountable to the American public and our stakeholders" NAAFA suggests that you contact the FAA to register a complaint.

 

Questions or comments regarding this “InFO” should be directed to the Part 121 Air Carrier Operations Branch, AFS-220 at (202) 267-8166 or call 1-866-TELL-FAA.

 

You may also contact the Department of Transportation Departmental Office of Civil Rights at 202-366-4648 or through their website at http://www.dotcr.ost.dot.gov/ to register a citizens’ complaint. Reference FAA InFO 12012; dated 7/30/12; Subject: Use of Passenger-Provided Seat Belt Extenders.

 

SAMPLE LETTER:

 

RE: InFO 12012; dated 7/30/12; Subject: Use of Passenger-Provided Seat Belt Extenders.

 

I wish to issue a citizens' complaint as a passenger of size that this decision by the FAA to ban personally-provided seat belt extenders is discriminatory against passengers of size since there are a limited number of seat belt extenders available on each flight. The FAA’s "Vision" statement claims "We are accountable to the American public and our stakeholders." If there are more passengers of size on a flight than number of seat belt extenders available, are those passengers then removed from the flight? I ask that you withdraw this ban which could limit the ability of passengers of size to travel.

 

Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

 

On the web: http://www.naafa.org/

 

For more information contact:

Peggy Howell, Public Relations Director, NAAFA

Email: naafa_pr@yahoo.com phone: 916-558-6880

  

https://www.civilrights.dot.gov/

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading

From the Desk of NAAFA

Link

www.NAAFA.org

    

Our WebGirl Lucia Roth, was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. Graduated with a B. A. degree in Communication from Southeastern Louisiana University and is considering going back for her Masters degree. Lucia a people person and is always willing to help out a friend in need. She enjoys music, movies, poetry, and good book on a rainy day. Lucia has several mottos about life.


This is one: Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.

 

I just wanted to re- introduce myself, since I just joined Large In Charge magazine last year. My name is Lulu, and I am a fashion writer for largeincharge.com I am a fashion junkie:) I look forward to finding wonderful fashion find and product of the month for you. I also look forward to chatting with you all an reading some good fashion comments!

 

Please let me know if you have a favorite. Web_girl1999@yahoo.com

 

 

The WebGirl Picks of the Month

Fashion Find Product of the Month

Fashion Find

Jessica London

Fashion Find Type:  Clearance Blowout up to 75% off

Sale Price: Sale - prices varies

Link: http://www.jessicalondon.com/Plus-Size-Clearance.aspx?DeptId=10513

Got to have it Ladies! The universe has heard my cry! JUST to let you know… I am already in a fall state of mind. But first end of the summer sale so, stop by and check out what price deals that will fit your budget.

 

 

 

Product of the Month

Recommended by: Lucia

Name of Product:  Galaxy S 3

Type of Product:  Cell Phone

Where Product can be found: http://www.samsung.com/global/galaxys3/

Description: Samsung Galaxy S III (16GB - pebble blue, T-Mobile) The bottom line: Pumped with high-performing hardware and creative software features, the Samsung Galaxy S3 is an excellent, top-end phone that's neck and neck with the HTC One X.

 

 

Pat is a forty something woman living in Southern Ontario, Canada. She has a varied past and has worked teaching literacy and English as a second language to adults, as an environmental science technician and in the health and safety field. Currently she works in marketing.

Pat fiercely believes in human rights for all and has volunteered for organizations that raise funds and develop and implement programs to help impoverished people and educate women in third world countries. Although relatively new to the size acceptance movement, Pat believes with all her heart that people of size deserve equal treatment and respect.

In her spare time she likes to read fiction, go to bashes and spend time with friends.

 

I have Hope

with Pat Llewellyn

 

 

        I find myself struggling with this column. When I initially applied for the position, it was meant to be an inspiring column. For most of this year my writing has reflected what I am going. Along with a deep sense of sadness, depression comes with a lot of fear and anxiety. It’s a struggle to cope with even the smallest tasks.

 

        Writing is something that normally fills me with joy. Words and stories normally just flow from me. Now it is a struggle to write even the smallest thing. I try to think of positive things to write. There are so many great things happening in the world of size acceptance. In the groups I belong to there are people learning to love themselves and find happiness in their bodies. I want to share in their joy and share their stories, but when I put pen to paper words are out of my grasp.

 

        The only thing I have to share is my illness and my struggles.

 

        On more than one occasion I have considered resigning from this column. I worry that I am disappointing Raqui and the readers of her e-zine. Even though it’s a struggle, part of me doesn’t want to give up on this column. I hold on tight to that. It speaks to me of hope and getting better. If I can keep a little bit of hope alive, then I know that one day I will be ok.

 

        I’m sorry that my column hasn’t been what it was planned to be, but I’m not giving it up yet. The good news is that I have hope.

 

 


 

     Ms Suga is a plus size woman hailing from Sunny South Florida. She is a 24 year old recent recipient of a Bachelor in Arts degree in Communication Studies. Being plus size for the majority of her life she has overcome many obstacles to finally come to the point where she is fully content with herself and her life. This self love has also allowed Ms Suga the privilege of sharing her love with those around her. She is very passionate about life and loves to help others.

     Ms Suga likes to see herself as the one everyone can go to for positive, inspirational and truthful words of advice and/or support. She is the Beautiful Inspirational Girl that is blessed, intellectual, trustworthy, caring and hardworking.

     Ms Suga has had a passion for writing since she was a little girl when she used to think of short stories about what her life would be like as she got older. This is Ms Suga’s first opportunity for her thoughts to be public for the world to see. Excited about this column Ms Suga is also very optimistic of her future in writing and promoting self love and acceptance in the plus size community.

 

A Change is Gonna Come

with Ms Suga

 

 

So lately I've been kinda in a funk. I'm not where I was, I'm not where I want to be and I'm petrified of where I'm going to end up next. This funk has been weighing on me for a while and then a few days ago I heard it. I mean I actually heard it, a song by Sam Cooke "A Change is gonna Come." Now y'all may be wondering why I was jamming to this oldie goldie but I admit I do have an 'old soul.' Anyway, as I listen to the words (I actually listened this time instead of singing from the top of my lungs) Sam is really singing about his struggles in life and how all he can do is carry on and await the change that is going to come.

I'm not a person to beat myself up about the negative things in life. I usually have a positive outlook on everything, always looking for that silver lining. But that day I couldn't pull myself out and all I could do is listen and embrace Sam's words. Granted he died at a very young age but I think the choices he made in life were the best he could've made for himself at that moment. We all have our troubles and trying times but that should not discourage us from continuing to live our lives. It should motivate us to do better the next time around. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? RIGHT!!

Remember the three C's I talked about earlier this year? (Choice, Chance, and Change?) Well what I'm learning about life at this very moment is that change may not always come when you want it to. I made the choice that I don't want to live my life in a cube that I'd rather be a word on a page in an open book then a piece in a box tucked away in the attic. Everyone has their own choices in life and no one can make those choices for you but you. I say choose to follow your dreams! I mean hell they are YOUR dreams right? Who better to put them to work than you? Do what is in your heart and not what everyone else tells you to do.

If you have a chance to choose change will you take it?  If not then what is your choice? Do you choose to be a teacher and work with our future leaders of this world? Or do you choose to go back to school? Do you choose to stay at that mediocre job that you hate so much? Or do you tell that awful job what they can kiss, where they can go and offer to help them get there? I suggest you follow your heart regardless how unorthodox that decision may be.

Now I don't encourage you to go out and commit crimes and hurt others; I'm ONLY encouraging and promoting POSITIVE changes and choices. In high school my best friend chose to be a mother; that choice to embrace that change has turned her life around and she couldn't be happier. Now at the time I thought she was crazy she was way too young for all that, but now I know being a mom was the choice she needed to make to get the change she needed to have.

Now is the time to prepare yourself for the blessings that are sure to come. So when you grow old and frail what will you tell your children about your life? Will you live a life of shoulda, coulda, woulda's? Or will you choose the path of change? I mean hey what do you really have to lose? Just remember a change is always going to come it’s your choice that makes the difference.

As always I encourage you all to pay it forward and use your lives to inspire someone else. I hope you all receive many blessings and happiness, Until the next time we meet.

 

~Ms. Suga~

 

 


 

Gabriela Falarz lives in Toronto, Canada. She has been up and down the scale for most of her life (mostly up), and is proud to say that she loves herself no matter what her size, although it has definitely been an evolution.

 

She blogs about size acceptance in her blog, Celebreight Yourself (www.celebreightyourself.blogspot.com).  Gabriela discovered Large in Charge Radio about a year ago and has been hooked ever since. She is thrilled to be writing for Large in Charge and to be part of an organization that helps all large people realize how beautiful, special, and amazing they are.

 

The ABC’s of You

with Gabriela Falarz

 

 

We larger people certainly have to deal with our share of criticism, whether it comes at us overtly (someone criticizing you to your face) or passively (seeing a diet commercial, overhearing someone else's fat criticizing conversation). Here’s a great little exercise to try if you’re feeling down and critical about yourself. Get a piece of paper and write the letters of the alphabet, from A to Z, all the way down the page. Next, for each letter, think of a positive word to describe yourself. Be as specific as possible. Really try to narrow it down to what makes you, YOU! For example:

 

A … Artistic

B … Bubbly

C … Charismatic

D … Daring

E … Exuberant

 

… and so on, all the way to Z. (For letter like X and Z, where words might be harder to think of, try to think of a word that includes those letters, like SeXy for X, or DaZzling for Z.)

It’s very important, however, that you truly believe that those words describe you. If not, it will just be a meaningless, empty list.

Everyone has positive qualities and characteristics. You’re not being arrogant or egotistical acknowledging all these great things about yourself. You’re simply recognizing your own particular attributes, and we all have them.

Really take the time to sit down, do this exercise, and think about it. Afterwards, keep it in an accessible place so that you can look at it whenever you need a little pick-me-up. You can also try doing a “refresher” list every month or so. This is a great way to see how your perspective is changing.

On the flip side, you can also try doing the same list, but with negative qualities. We all have negative qualities as well. This will make you aware of the things you might like to change and want to work on. For example:

 

A … Angry

B … Bored

C … Cranky

D … Dull

E … Easily manipulated (phrases are okay too)

 

Refer to this list afterward as well, and focus on the negative traits you want to eliminate from your life. You’d be surprised what might pop out of your subconscious when you sit down to do this exercise. If a particular word comes to mind instantly and it disturbs you, don’t censor it. Write it down. Keep the list private so that no one sees it but you.

This little exercise is quite enlightening, and also a lot of fun. Happy listing!

 

   

 



 

Kathy is originally from a small town in Michigan but has lived in San Diego County since she's been 18 years old.  Kathy graduated from San Diego State University with a Bachelors in Finance in 1999.   She has a real estate broker’s license and works as a mortgage banker.  

 

Kathy also owns BBW Club Catalina in San Diego which has monthly night club parties and other fun events on a frequent basis.  Kathy has been an avid supporter of NAAFA, Vegas BBW Bash and San Diego BBW Bash and believes in size acceptance and health at every size.  

 

Kathy is a firm believer that people need to have a full life by going to the movies, dinner, bowling, dancing and anything that will make them a happier person and not wait till they are at the perfect size to start living their life to the fullest. 

 

Kathy is in her mid-40's and her children are grown and living productively on their own.   In her spare time she likes trying new restaurants, dancing, modeling, bowling and spending time with family and friends.

 

 

The Emotional Cheater... is it as bad as physical cheating?

 with Kathy Hernandez

 

We all know that physical cheating in a committed relationship can hurt or destroy the relationship you are in.  The physical cheating consists of kissing, touching, oral sex and sex with someone else other than the person you are in a relationship with.  What about the emotional cheating that usually comes before the actual act of physical cheating?   We don't always see the signs of emotional cheating right away and that can lead to physically cheating on our loved one. 

     Everyone has a different idea of what emotional cheating is, but let's explore a few examples of emotional cheating, and I want you to think after you have read every example if you think this would hurt you, and your relationship. 

     The emotional cheater starts out by coveting another person and imagining that person is really their significant other.   Day dreaming about kissing another person, holding hands, massaging and having sex with the person they are thinking about.  I know some of you are thinking this isn't cheating because no one has acted on this but has only thought about being with another person outside of their current relationship.   How much time is this taking from the real relationship by constantly thinking about being with someone else and what it would feel like to actually be with them?   What else goes with emotional cheating?  

     There is sometimes a renewed interest in how they dress, new hair style, new fitness routine to lose weight to make themselves more attractive to the person they are attracted to in an effort to have a better chance if the opportunity arises to turn the emotional cheating into physical cheating. 

     What about spending time with someone they are attracted to and wished they were with and of course the more time they spend with the other person then the deeper the feelings they have for them.   There's also the monetary aspect to look at as well, because typically there is money spent on "dates" with others, that should have been spent on the family or current committed relationship.  How would you feel to be struggling with money issues to find out that your partner has been spending money on another person to impress them?

What are the signs of an emotional affair to look out for you ask?  

When dates or meetings with this other person are not brought up in conversation and are kept a secret.

 

When intimate details are shared with another person and not shared with your current mate. 

     I started thinking about what would be worse for me whether it was the emotional cheating or the physical cheating after I watched a movie that should have been titled "The Death of the Emotional Cheater"   The husband in this movie started out playing poker on line with friends and then met this young woman online.  He was feeling like his life was boring, he was getting old, going bald and wanted some excitement in his life so he made up a fictional person he called Tommy to get the attention of this young woman.  

     Tommy was everything that he wasn't in real life, he was a young, handsome and a brave soldier.   At first they only talked online and exchanged photos, but then he started calling her, and of course lying, and saying he was out fighting for our country so he couldn't call very much.   He started working out and taking better care of himself, but he was also spending a huge amount of time online chatting with this young beautiful woman.   He was spending time away from his wife and family and even when he was with them he was thinking about the young woman he was chatting with online and talking to on the phone.   He even went so far as to tell her he loved her and asked her to marry him and she said yes.

 

     The wife eventually found his communications with this young woman and wrote to her and let her know he was married with two children and gave her a family picture.   A co worker of his who played poker with him online started talking to the young woman and was going to meet her so he freaked out and killed the young man who was going to meet the woman he had fallen in love with online.  He was arrested for the murder and when they went to the home to tell the young woman about the death of her online friend that she was planning on meeting there was another surprise.   The young woman that they had both been talking to didn't know either one of the men and it turned out that the woman they had both been talking to was her mother.  The mother had been sending her daughter's pictures out to men on line to get the attention that she wanted and so she was pretending to be someone she wasn't just like the cheating husband. 

     This movie really takes the emotional cheating to another level but now you are asking yourself if emotional cheating isn't worse than physical cheating huh?   How long does it take to forgive someone who cheats on you either emotionally or physically... and if they did it once would they do it again?   Cherish the relationship you are in and give it your all because the grass truly isn't always greener on the other side.

 

 

 

 

Celebrating almost 2 decades as a Graphic Designer/Published Illustrator, Jean Nerestant Jr (Jness) got his start as a graphic artist in 1994, Still working as a graphic designer by day/ Jness devotes time to his hip hop Culture, comic book art and Plus size/BBW Art.

 

 

Strut Your Stuff!

with Jness

 

I fondly remember the Septembers of many years ago, stepping into the classroom wearing brand new clothes from head to toe. Feeling excited to see old friends and feeling ready for the new scholastic challenges to come. (I am going to do all my homework this year!) Back to school! The high point of the day was when the teacher asked us to write a brief narrative detailing what we did that summer. The excitement I felt as the memories filled the screen in my head, replaying all the wonderful things I did served as fuel to get my pen writing. I was thrilled that someone wanted to hear my story, and I didn’t want to leave any details. I wrote about everything; trying to build a clubhouse, finishing the comic book I started back when summer vacation began, the trip to Haiti to visit my Grandma. Building Go-carts, and the grand-finally to highlight the end of the summer… our block party!

 

Those were the days when the great outdoors set the stage for all activities deemed - fun. As years went by we eventually realized that teachers and students had the best deal – summers off. Many of us traded summers off for working and the occasional two week vacation. What did you do this summer? Did you allow yourself to go out? Did your feet touch warm sand? Did you submerge yourself into the chlorine-purified waters of a pool? Or did you let others make you feel like you don’t have the right to dawn a swimsuit, go out and have a great time finding new ways to beat the heat?

 

Quite often we don’t realize that people are not controlling our thoughts directly, yet we allow them to direct our action indirectly. They no longer have to do the work, we run the course that they prepared for us without even realizing it. People of size are made to feel like you are not supposed to wear a swimsuit, layout by the pool, or enjoy the beach. Yes it is hurtful when some stranger makes an insulting comment. It is upsetting when someone looks at you and makes a judgmental facial expression. The truth of the matter is you have one life to live and those insensitive people don’t have the right to tell you what you can and can’t do to enjoy your life. I am sure that if the tables were turned those same individuals would also refuse to accept being forced to live up to standards that are set up by other insensitives.

 

For some the high school lunchroom was a long time ago. Tiptoeing past the table where only the in-crowd was allowed to sit, cringing as you walk by hearing the roar of laugher, or stinging commentaries. As adults we have to have to push our way through those same old pitfalls. It’s time to DO YOU in spite of all nay-sayers! It’s time to find that perfect bathing suit, surround yourself with some real friends and head out to the beach or pool while there is warm weather and life left to enjoy. So the next time someone asks what did you do this summer, your response will be – Exactly what I wanted to do – I decided to STRUT MY STUFF!!!

 

 

 

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