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LargeInCharge Magazine -  Nine Years and Counting!

 Issue#115 - October 2013

Welcome to LargeInCharge Magazine

In this Issue of L.I.C.

 

 

Raqui-ism

Words of Wisdom from the Heart & Mind of Raqui

 

The Big GB Getting my Life Back after Gastric Bypass  Angie Bee

 

From the Desk of NAAFA

National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

 

FOoDiE in You ~ Lucia Roth

 

The B.I.G. Beautiful Inspirational Girl  - Ms Suga

 

Dating Survival for Today's Woman

Kathy Edmondson

 

The Observer - Jness

 

Curvy Styles - Amy Lucas

 

The Skinny on Big Love - Jay Hansen

 

Thinking Big - David Edmondson

 

LargeInChargeDating - Dating for the Large People who are going to be in Charge of their Love Lives!

 

LargeInCharge Friends - The Place for Big People to make Friends and maybe MUCH MORE!

 

10 Frightening Ways
We Discriminate Against Fat People


 

10 Frightening Ways We Discriminate Against Fat People

Internet Source: CLICK HERE Written by: Morris M. September 27, 2013

 

It’s no secret that fat people get a pretty raw deal. Aside from things like diabetes and heart attacks, they have to put up with the rest of us covertly filming them in Walmart and uploading the “hilarious” results to YouTube. But anti-fat discrimination goes way beyond gentle mocking and into some dark, frightening territory.

 

10 Medical Biases

Most doctors want to help people. That’s why they become doctors instead of, say, dictators—to make a positive difference in people’s lives. Unless, that is, their patient happens to be fat.

Earlier this year, two separate studies revealed that medical students show a strong subconscious bias against fat people. According to the researchers, fat patients are less likely to be treated with respect, more likely to be the butt of jokes and, perhaps understandably, more likely to switch their primary care provider than skinny people. As if that wasn’t enough, some hospitals in Britain have even started to ban patients with a BMI over 30 from having any routine sugery. Those banned surgeries, by the way, include knee and hip operations—things you’d think have nothing to do with your waistline. When questioned about this flagrant violation of the Hippocratic oath, 54 percent of doctors said they were totally cool with denying fat people treatment—meaning they haven’t even got the excuse of their hatred being “subconscious.”

 

9 Legal Discrimination

A word of advice—if you’re going before a jury, try not to be fat and female. A Yale study from last year discovered that male jurors were more likely to convict a fat woman than a skinny one for the same crime. It goes way beyond bored jurors mentally playing “hot or not” with the defendant—male jurors faced with a fat woman were quicker to label her a “repeat offender” with “awareness of her crimes.” In short, it seems that men subconsciously associate fatness with criminality in women, regardless of the facts of the case and despite it being totally illogical. Add that to earlier studies that suggest juries are more lenient with slim, good-looking people, and you’d be forgiven for thinking that the world objectively hates the overweight.

 

8 Ruined Careers

Unless you’re applying to be a firefighter or basketball star or Playboy bunny, your weight arguably has no bearing on how well you can do your job. Yet study after study has found that hiring managers and senior execs really hate fat people. One study gave a bunch of HR-types identical resumes with before and after weight-loss surgery photos attached. They found that the resumes with before photos scored far lower on assessments of things like leadership potential and starting salary, despite belonging to the same person.

As dumb as that is, it creates real-world problems for overweight people. According to some figures, fat women earn on average up to $19,000 less than their identically skilled skinny counterparts. That’s as much as some people earn in a year down the drain, all because we as a culture don’t dig fat chicks.

 

7 Welfare Discrimination

Since we make it so hard for fat people to achieve at work, you’d think we’d at least be a little more lenient when it comes to dishing out welfare. But it turns out that government bodies hate obesity just as much as the rest of us—and that can lead to some insane consequences.

Earlier this year, the UK government announced plans to cut welfare for fat people who don’t go to the gym. In other words, for those at the bottom of the social scale, their ability to pay rent may soon be directly linked to how much they exercise—unless they’re skinny, in which case no one cares if they just sit about playing Xbox. The most insane part of all this is that studies have shown as many as 60 percent of people of a “normal weight” may be just as unhealthy as their fatter counterparts and equally prone to an early death. So a fair system would get everyone to the gym, but when is discrimination ever fair?

 

6 Homelessness

Here’s a bizarre statistic—if you’re fat, you’re more likely to be homeless. It’s true. Despite our mental image of extreme poverty involving rake-thin hobos searching desperately for a meal, the reality shows that homelessness and obesity go practically hand-in-hand.

A two-year study of the Boston homeless population, found only 1.6 percent of those on the streets were underweight. By contrast, nearly 66 percent were overweight, with 32 percent classed as obese. Thanks to capitalism’s amazing ability to produce junk food at phenomenally cheap prices, our society is currently flying in the face of all human history by ensuring that you’ll probably be fatter after losing your house than beforehand. And this is becoming apparent across all income levels—wealthy people tend to be skinnier, while poorer people tend to be larger.

 

5 We Punish Fat Children

We’ve all heard some variation on the phrase “only a mother could love that face”—it harks back to the cultural myth that parents will love their children regardless of their faults. And while that might be true for your average dog-faced kid, it sure as hell isn’t for his overweight brother.

In 2010, Time reported on a study that suggested parents subconsciously penalize their kids for being overweight. By looking at students who owned cars, researchers discovered that obese kids were less likely to get financial assistance from their parents when buying their first vehicle than their skinnier counterparts. This suggests that even parents buy into the cultural myth that fat people are inherently lazy and need to learn some discipline.

 

4 The Boy Scouts Ban

For a group that’s frequently associated with child abuse and rampant homophobia, you’d think the Boy Scouts would need all the friends they can get. But in June this year, the organization decided to add fat people to the list of things it discriminates against, by banning obese children from attending its regular Jamboree, a sort of summer camp held every four years.

Worst of all, this ban was based solely on the BMI of the children involved, despite BMI being a dumb way to measure health—a high BMI might mean you’re heavy, but it’s totally possible to be both heavy and in robust health, which is at least part of the reason sumo wrestlers don’t all drop dead at the age of 20. Yet the Scouts effectively outlawed any kid with a BMI of over 32 from joining their once-in-a-lifetime celebration, despite that making zero sense.

 

3 Eternal Bullying

Still, let’s say the Scouts let those heftier kids in. What would happen? That’s right—bullying, Endless, merciless, hideous bullying. Now, the fact that kids pick on one another may be nothing new, but the sheer extent of their hatred for the overweight surely is—obese kids are 65 percent more likely to be bullied at school than their average-weight counterparts, a number so large it’s mind-boggling. And it’s getting worse.

In 2003, researchers reproduced a 1961 study that showed children pictures of six other kids, including one obese child, and asked them to rank how much they disliked them. On the whole, the ’60s kids tended to dislike the obese kid the most, but by 2003 there was no contest. The modern children showed a whopping 41 percent extra antipathy toward the fat kid, for no reason other than his weight. Another study showed that overweight people who get bullied are more likely to stay overweight than those who don’t. So that bullied fat kid everyone hates is going to probably stay fat and bullied and hated for the rest of his life.

 

2 Patient Biases

But before you start getting all worked up about uncaring doctors, you should be aware that it cuts both ways. Patients are less likely to trust an overweight doctor and more likely to ignore their advice than they are a skinny doctor’s, with a direct correlation between declining levels of trust and a physician’s expanding waistline.

It’s almost as if we believe fat has the magical ability to erase people’s memories of medical school, or that all overweight people are automatically on an intellectual par with Homer Simpson. And we’ll apparently go on believing that even when they’re actively trying to save our lives.

 

1 Global Hatred

In 2011, a worldwide study discovered that anti-fat prejudice was becoming a global reality. Even cultures such as that of American Samoa, where 95 percent of adults are obese, and Puerto Rico, where fat used to be celebrated, now display bias against the overweight. In every single country monitored, obesity had become associated with laziness and a lack of self-control, with the sole exception of Tanzania, where skinniness is still associated with death from HIV. Even there, attitudes were classed as “neutral” as opposed to “fat-friendly.” In other words, if you have a plus-sized waist, the entire world is demonstrably, objectively against you. And there’s not a thing you can do about it.

 

Got Comments? Go to the Oringal Article and Share your Thoughts: CLICK HERE

 

 

 

 
 

Thank you for Reading The LargeInCharge Feature

 

Cover Model of the Month!

Pink Zebra

 

Want to be a LargeInCharge Cover Model? Download the Application for 2013 - HERE

COVER MODEL INTERVIEW

 

LargeInCharge.com: What is your name?

Pink Zebra

 

LargeInCharge.com: Where are you from and what is your current Location?

I’m from Ohio and I’m located in Byesville

 

LargeInCharge.com: Can you give us some information about yourself (Age, Height, Size, Nationality, Marital Status, Children, etc.)? 

I’m a white BBW female 26 years old a mother of 2 amazing beautiful adopted kids whom I love with my whole heart and soul. I’m married and have been for over 8 years.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Were you a big child, or did you gain weight later in life?

I started beginning to gain weight around 4th grade.

 

LargeInCharge.com: (If you were a big child) how did you feel growing up as a large child?

I was sad, depressed about it. I remember seeing some of my peers and how some of the females especially were very thin and it made me really want to “fit in”.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What made you decide to enter the LargeInCharge model search? 

I started being an online BBW model with a company called Luscious Loves. I adore them so much especially the owner Jessica Camp. I had really bad low self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Practically all my life and being a model on here is really breaking me through my shell. I’m finally becoming the women that I have always been destined to be. I’m me and that’s what matters!

 

LargeInCharge.com: Did you find it a hard journey to be accepted for your size, and do you find acceptance among your family and friends?  

I did find it hard and even still do at times. Health issues can happen no matter what size you are. When your heavier you can have a lot of risk factors. However I feel pretty healthy and happy women. My family and friends love me for the women I am.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What would you say inspires you most in life?

My passion for life! I have a drive that is unstoppable.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What is your primary occupation, and how did you get into this line of work?

Actually I’m just a mom. It’s not just a “mom” that’s one of the hardest job’s you will ever have in your life. Like I said previously I’m a mom of 2. My children are adopted and I do not refer them as “adopted” children in their faces. However, my son does have special issues going on. So that’s a struggle all on its own. I deal with what comes our way though.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you believe should take place for Large People in the work force?

I think acceptance is the biggest issues that society plays on us “larger” girls, guys. I think that we should unite as one and stress that we all are only skin and we all have feelings and that it does matter!

 

LargeInCharge.com: What do you think about the fashion industry for big sized clothing?  

I think it could be better! I know I would love to wear something a “thin” person wears but the sizes are never in my size.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What do you wish to see change with the fashion industry?

I want to see BBW’s walk the run way just as the thin girls does. I want to see that smile and happiness on their face because they finally feel they took the power back! We are beautiful!

 

LargeInCharge.com: Tell us some of the places you buy your clothing from.  Do you have any beauty tips?

I normally buy my clothes from normal stores such as Walmart, Kmart. Nothing fancy but it’s what I can afford and what I can find in my sizes.

 

LargeInCharge.com:  How do you prepare for a Photo shoot? 

What should aspiring models be prepared for? I prepare by getting dolled up as best as I can. I have learned to be prepared for anything to happen and to go wrong ….it could be good or bad.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Look at Size acceptance five years ago... look at size acceptance now.  What changes do you see?

Honestly not much of a difference. I see over-weight people get made fun of just as much as I see overly-thin people get made fun of. It seems that society plays a huge role on us. It seems that there never is an even ground.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Tell us about your goals as far as modeling and other interests.  

My goals were to focus on my own self issues. Now that I’m really working well on that and feeling great I want to focus on showing especially over weight teen age girls that it’s ok to be that size 20. It’s ok and that we all just need love too.

 

LargeInCharge.com:  What have you accomplished as a Plus Sized Model?

I have accomplished myself worth. I feel so grateful to just be me. I owe that to my Luscious Loves girls.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Can you tell us about an inspirational moment in your life that made you feel good about your size.

Yes, my son is 3 and everyday he reminds me how beautiful I am. My son may use the term “chubby” example ….”Even though your chubby mommy I love you and your beautiful”. I feel that it starts at home. Especially with our children and being a parent I teach him that feelings are feelings. Feelings matter and they are a part of how someone may react to a certain situation.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Is there a person in your life that makes you keep going?

My children as they are my life. My children keep me happy and smiling every day. I want to be a great person for them and for myself.

 

LargeInCharge.com: What advice would you give to other people of size who want to model?

I feel that it’s something to really think about. Negativity will be a big factor. You may get a lot of hate mail, haters but don’t let them ruin your style, your beauty and outlook on life. I feel if you want to be a model, go for it.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Which plus size figure do you most admire?

I admire my boss Jessica Camp. Jessica is the most amazing, sweetest women. I love her drive and passion for taking over the world by storm. We are bbw’s but we are beautiful and determined.

 

LargeInCharge.com: Describe yourself with one word.

Loyal

 

 


 

Thanks for reading about our

Cover Model of the Month

 

 

     Raqui the Owner and Founder of LargeInCharge.com, Raqui's  "Tell it like it is" style of writing has brought thousands to her blogs and millions to LargeInCharge.com.  There is so much behind the woman who has brought this magazine into existence.  Being Internationally known as a wrestler/squasher lead the way to modeling for companies and being featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.  She has made a career out of her size and personality. Born and Raised in the Bronx NYC. This city girl is taking the world by storm.

 

     For almost a decade Raqui officially moved into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.  With the creation of LargeInCharge she took what she said to individuals to a higher level and made it public to the internet world. She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her.  Knock her down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.  Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized people online her grace and style has made people love her.  Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend the world to fit her, her way.

 

     Raqui's appearances include, Uk Television, German TV, Japan, Europe, Sweden and the Spanish circuit.  Her many magazines appearances have been world wide.  She has hit American Television in 2006 with Good Morning American and since has appeared on The Cristina Show,  The Maury Show and The Tyra Banks Show.

To view her Online portfolio visit www.Raqui.com

Raqui's Blog titled Raqui-ism "Soulfully Speaking! - http://raqui-ism.blogspot.com/

go to www.Raqui.com Portfolio Section

Raqui-ism - Worthy Charities 2013

Written By: Raqui

 

 

 

 

 This year LargeInCharge has begun its 9th year moving toward our 10th. I challenged myself this year by starting my own little quest toward learning, giving, and expanding my own mind, by donating to a new charity every month.  I hope that you all will enjoy learning about these new charities with me.  

 

I began to understand that most of us only donate to a charity if we have an emotional connection to the charity itself or someone who is trying to raise money for a cause.   One day when I happened to dismiss a charity that was asking for donations, I realized I dont want to be that person.  I want to give because the cause is worthy and I can.  Not only because of an emotional connection.   So join me in learning about new causes and charities this year.  I will post a new one to my column every month.

 

CHARITY OF THE MONTH: Love146.org

Love146 is an international human rights organization working to end child trafficking and exploitation by caring for survivors, providing prevention education to children, training professionals working with exploited youth and empowering an international movement of abolition. Since 2002, Love146 has worked towards a sustainable, long-term and holistic approach to the problem of child trafficking and exploitation, caring for children throughout Asia, Europe and the United States. We're committed to abolition, Nothing less.

OUR VISION

The abolition of child trafficking and exploitation, Nothing less.

OUR MISSION

Abolition and Restoration! We combat child trafficking & exploitation with the unexpected and restore survivors with excellence.

A STORY IN AFTERCARE from Love146 on Vimeo.

Slavery is still one of the darkest stories on our planet. But for us, the hope of abolition is a reality. Love146 believes in helping grow the movement of abolition while providing effective, thoughtful solutions. We believe in the power of Love and its ability to affect sustainable change. Love is the foundation of our motivation. We were founded in 2002 as Justice for Children International.

Love146 seeks to rise up and equip new Abolitionists as well as give greater momentum to effective grassroots efforts. No single effort will bring about the Abolition of child trafficking and exploitation — it will be a movement united with a collective shout. Traffickers are highly organized in their crime – we must be more organized in our movement to undo and abolish their work. This requires listening to those who know what’s up. This requires networking to build relationships and communities committed to ending this atrocity. This requires audacity. This requires empowering a movement of Love. 

Why the name Love 146?

In 2002, the co-founders of Love146 traveled to Southeast Asia on an exploratory trip to determine how they could serve in the fight against child sex trafficking. In one experience, a couple of our co-founders were taken undercover with investigators to a brothel where they witnessed children being sold for sex. This is the story that sparked our abolition movement.

“We found ourselves standing shoulder to shoulder with predators in a small room, looking at little girls through a pane of glass. All of the girls wore red dresses with a number pinned to their dress for identification.

They sat, blankly watching cartoons on TV. They were vacant, shells of what a child should be. There was no light in their eyes, no life left. Their light had been taken from them. These children…raped each night… seven, ten, fifteen times every night. They were so young. Thirteen, eleven… it was hard to tell. Sorrow covered their faces with nothingness, except one girl, one girl who wouldn’t watch the cartoons. Her number was 146. She was looking beyond the glass. She was staring out at us with a piercing gaze. There was still fight left in her eyes. There was still life left in this girl…

…All of these emotions begin to wreck you. Break you. It is agony. It is aching. It is grief. It is sorrow. The reaction is intuitive, instinctive. It is visceral. It releases a wailing cry inside of you. It elicits gut-level indignation. It is unbearable. I remember wanting to break through the glass, to take her away from that place, to scoop up as many of them as I could into my arms and to take all of them away.  I wanted to break through the glass, to tell her to keep fighting, To not give up. To tell her that we were coming for her…”

Because we went in as part of an ongoing, undercover investigation on this particular brothel, we were unable to immediately respond. Evidence had to be collected in order to bring about a raid and eventually justice on those running the brothel. It is an immensely difficult problem when an immediate response cannot address an emergency. Sometime later, there was a raid on this brothel and children were rescued. But the girl who wore #146 was no longer there. We do not know what happened to her, but we will never forget her. She changed the course of all of our lives.”

-Rob Morris
President and Co-founder

 

We have taken her number so that we remember why this all started, So that we must tell her story. It is a number that was pinned to one girl but that represents the millions enslaved. We wear her number with honor, with sorrow, and with a growing hope. Her story can be a different one for so many more.

Love is the foundation of our name because it is our motivating drive to end the trafficking and exploitation of children. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love.” We hold that to be true.

Our Work

A decade ago, one of the first needs we encountered as an organization was the lack of safe places for children who were being rescued out of exploitation. We began by supporting and expanding existing safe homes throughout Asia, knowing that trafficked and exploited children can be freed & restored only if effective aftercare is waiting for them. That’s when we met award-winning psychologist, Dr. Gundelina Velazco, who had a philosophy of aftercare that required a different kind of safehome. So we built it….

Round Home In The Philippines

The Love146 Round Home is uniquely built and designed to facilitate the restoration and holistic health of every child entering its doors. A tree house is used for therapy sessions. A volleyball court is available to play on. There’s even a punching bag for children to work out their aggression. The physical structure of the Round Home is intended to promote reflectiveness, a sense of peace, freedom, dignity and self-esteem, as well as playfulness so that children can simply be children again.

The approach to running the home is attuned to the needs of the exploited and traumatized child, which include both the needs of ordinary children as well as children who have been wounded in many ways, lack hope, are broken, lack opportunities and self-worth. Therefore, the Round Home is characterized by efforts to keep the child safe and well provided for, instill hope, effect healing and restoration, promote growth and development, facilitate the release of potentials, and enable the child to come full circle, liberated from their traumas and sufferings, to realize their innate worth. The Round Home aims to be a safe base from which the girls can reside.

Reintegration and Family Reconciliation

Aftercare does not end when a girl leaves the Round Home. Love146 journeys with girls, aiming for a holistic reintegration into society. It has been commonly observed that when girls from safe homes are reintegrated into their communities, they either get re-trafficked or return to a community environment laced with shame issues, ongoing risk factors, family dysfunction, stereotypes, and taboos. Love146 works to bring families into the restoration process if possible, which sometimes requires locating lost family members.

We would like to make a difference by giving our reintegrated girls a better fighting chance. Our reintegration research has shown what they need, foremost of which are livelihood, education, and assistance in major life events. Like many Love146 programs, Reintegration is informed by and contributes to our growing body of research.

  

How to Donate 

LINK: www.love146.org/partners

 

Clicking the Link above will take you to the Donation Page

Go to www.love146.org to learn more


 

LargeInCharge Radio - Weekly Radio show discussing Plus Sized Issues.  Friday's 9-11 pm EST - Call in & Chat in our Chat Room.

 

Thank you for Reading Raqui-ism

Please send thoughts and comments to

articles@largeincharge.com

 
 

   

Angie BEE grew-up a standard-sized young woman, educated in communications, promotions and planning.  She became a wife, mother and ministry support member while building businesses and her faith.

Through stress, age and a poor diet and while suffering from major depression and attempted suicide, Angie BEE's weight climbed from 180 pounds to 360 pounds.  She was diagnosed with high blood pressure, diabetes, obstructive sleep apnea, an overactive bladder and poor leg circulation.  At the age of 40 an anxiety attack and the decline in her mental health forced her to stop work and look at improving her declining health.  It was during this time that Angie BEE became inspired by her younger sister Sonya Bennett during her process towards Gastric Bypass Surgery.  Sonya launched this column and will return occasionally to contribute to it, but now that she is three years-post surgery... her life is focused on something new!

Now, celebrating her first year of a new life since having the procedure herself, Angie BEE is healthier than she has been in over a decade.  Losing the first 100 pounds was just the bonus!  She is now diabetes-free.  She has normal blood pressure.  The circulation in her legs is normal.  She sleeps without a c-pap machine and more!  The joy that she feels is documented each day in her syndicated radio show, a brand new weekly  TV show documentary and each month in this article.  The Big GB stands for The BIG Gastric Bypass and it also stands for "Getting (my life) Back".  This article reflects how Angie BEE's life has improved... by the grace of God and as the result of having Gastric Bypass surgery on Feb 28, 2011.  This is now her life!

 

I LOOK GOOD, I REALLY DO!

with Angie Bee

About a year ago, an old friend from college sent me a picture that was taken back in 1984.  It was a picture of me dressed up like a Playboy Bunny on the campus of Wilberforce University.  The members of Alpha Phi Alpha Xi Chapter Fraternity had a fundraiser ball and we Alpha Sweethearts dressed up as bunnies for entertainment purposes.  I am the bunny on the right.  As I reflected on the picture with the memory that it brought to me, I smiled to myself; I looked good!  I really did!

 

On Easter Sunday, my then-fiancé and I drove to visit my daughter who is away at school.  We all went out to dinner and afterwards took pictures together.  It was still chilly outside in Jacksonville Florida on Easter Sunday, so I wore my long-sleeved dress.  My daughter took this picture of my Sweetie and I, and when I reflected upon this picture I smiled at myself again: Not only is my Sweetie a handsome "beast" of a man (lol) but I looked good again.  I really and truly did!

 

Sometimes when we carry extra weight on us, we tend to shy away from the camera during a special event.  Sometimes we just don't even look at ourselves in the mirror.  I remember a woman once telling me that she doesn't even want to look at herself in the mirror while naked!  This is a shame.  We need to love ourselves no matter what curves we carry, no matter what we THINK we may look like.  We need to love ourselves!

 

June was a busy month for me and my then-fiancé.  As we tried to plan a wedding, we had events to tend to.  I did book signings, my fiancé performed at concerts, we attended his family reunion, 70's party and we worked the Daytona Beach Juneteenth Celebration.  At the family reunion, we dressed up in costumes and at the Juneteenth Celebration I took a picture with a local politician (I cropped him out the picture... no sense in giving him free publicity in this reputable publication!).  As I reflected back to review each of these pictures, I see my curves, I see my smile and I see how great I looked.  I really did!

 

In February 2011, I received gastric bypass surgery.  I have lost almost 200 pounds.  Yes, during the past month or so I do see that I have gained a couple of pounds but I ain't worried; my Sweetie and I finally stopped traveling and working ministry engagements and we married on August 9th.  The pounds I gained have come from enjoying dessert and "bed rest" with my husband :)

I will get away from the sweet treats sometime soon!  Yes, I had some health issues in June and July and even thought I would have to undergo surgery but God saw fit for me to enjoy my summer and not have to undergo a procedure.  Now, I am looking forward to planning cosmetic surgery to remove possibly 30 pounds of skin that hangs around my mid-section.  My belly and sides have to carry this skin, but my back pain is where I feel the most burden.  I have an estimate from the plastic surgeon and now I am working on securing the funding that I need to pay for the 50% that my health insurance won't cover.  I am not having this skin removed in order to increase my good looks; I already look good, remember?  I am removing this skin so I can remove the back pain, remove my need for a girdle to help decrease the back pain and to remove the flapping noises from sagging skin.  This has everything to do with how I feel and the pain that I am in. 

 

Last month I participated in a book signing at the historic Wells Built African American Museum in Orlando Florida.  At the end of the event, my husband snapped a picture of me next to the sign.  He had been telling me all day that I look lovely and his smile remained on his face while I spoke before the audience.  Once I took a look at the picture that he took of me, I could really see what he was smiling about.  I didn't see my fully midsection of belly from that excess skin.  I didn't see my full un-sleeved arms.  I didn't see the sagging skin left over from an old double chin.  All I saw was a beautiful, happy, healthy woman that serves the Lord with gladness.  I saw a woman with a wonderful man by her side and I saw a great smile.  I looked pretty good that day.  I really did!

 

Much love and huggz!

 

 

Angie BEE

www.daqueenbee.com

Author, Magazine Publisher, Producer, Promoter &

The Host of The Hottest Home Hotspot WORLDWIDE

Syndicated Holy Hip Hop Radio Show

Last Week I wanted to Die!

NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!


 

   
 

Thanks for reading

The Big GB - Getting My Life back after Gastric Bypass

with Angie Bee


     Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

 

     This Column is dedicated to the tremendous work NAAFA has been doing for over four decades.  LargeInCharge wishes to support NAAFA in spreading the word of its work, and give the public more information into issues we as plus sized people should be aware of.  The fight for equality for people of all sizes is one we support.

    

     This Column will include News Releases and Calls to Action from NAAFA Directors.

 

This Column has been Approved by NAAFA.org

 

Good Samaritan Setting the Example: End Bullying Now!

from: NAAFA.org

NAAFA's END BULLYING NOW Campaign commends former Marine Wen Jones of Florida for his bravery and for doing what should be done.  Mr. Jones has set the example for every one of us who may witness an act of bullying.  When Jones witnessed three men bullying a 14 year old boy on Florida's Juno Beach, he stepped in to stop the attack.  The cost was personal pain and suffering as Jones was beaten unconscious by the bullies, but he is the stuff of which heroes are made.  "You know doing the right thing is always the right thing," stated Wen Jones.

Bullying Statistics:

·         1 in 4 kids are bullied

·         2.7 million students are bullied each year

  • 56% of students have witnessed a bullying crime
  • School playground bullying statistics:
    • Every 7 minutes a child is bullied
    • No intervention - 85%

 

Bullying is no longer exclusive to children and their peers on a playground.  There are no innocent by-standers.  It is time for us to speak up, stand up and put an end to bullying NOW! 

The End Bullying Now Campaign incorporates all-volunteer teams working with schools, communities and like-minded organizations to change the bullying climate wherever it may be found.  To learn more about NAAFA’s End Bullying Now Campaign, write to Peggy Howell at pr@naafa.org to learn how you can become involved and bring this program to your community.  “Like” our Facebook page at:  https://www.facebook.com/EndBullyingNow.naafa

The END BULLYING NOW Campaign is a program of NAAFA, a non-profit human rights organization working to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

 

 

Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit human rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

 

 
 
 

 

Thanks for reading

From the Desk of NAAFA

Link

www.NAAFA.org

    

Some of you make know me as web girl/Lulu from Fashion Find. Well… I’ve move on to another one of my favorite’s pastime which is cooking. To get you all up to date on what’s going on. I’m currently pursuing a graduate degree at Ashford University I have a B.A. degree in Organizational Communication from Southeastern Louisiana University.

 

I am most passionate about cooking. I believe with cooking you can always grow… I fried my first egg when I was 2 and baked my first cake at 5. Cooking is an easy and dynamic experience if you have a passion for a good tasting meal.

 

Motto: Cook with your heart not with your head.

 

If you have a favorite dish you would like to share please forward with recipe and photo to

Web_girl1999@yahoo.com

 

 

 
Happiness Kitchen
with Lucia Roth
 

Party ideas… I was just sitting here thinking that when it comes to having a party I am fresh out of ideas. Not knowing what to serve is one of my biggest Ughhh! Moment and not to mention a unique flaw I have because I am just not a person with great merrymaking ideas.

 So, when it came to writing this article I decided to look into easy and sample and, let’s not forget it has to be great tasting recipes that I like.

Yes! We are coming into the Holiday season. However, we don’t need to wait for the holiday to have an exciting party idea and granted this article is just in time for Halloween but why wait. Let’s get the part started now.

 

 

 











Strawberry Cream Cheese Tea Sandwhiches

 

My Favorite Recipe from INDIGO TEA SHOP:

Strawberry Cream Cheese Tea Sandwiches (perfect for holidays, parties, or anytime).

Ingredients

10 slices of white bread, crusts removed
4 oz strawberry cream cheese
4 strawberries
fresh mint leaves
1 3" heart shaped cookie cutter

Directions

Rinse the strawberries.  Remove stems and any leaves-pat dry.  Slice thinly, then set aside.

Using the heart shaped cookie cutter, cut 10 hearts out of your white bread.  Generously cover the tops of the cut-out hearts with strawberry cream cheese.  Place one sliced strawberry in the center of each heart.  Garnish the top of the strawberry with 2 fresh mint leaves. 

Need Something Tasty to Drink?

Refrigerate until ready to serve.

Note: and if you’re looking to serve no-alcoholic beverage try Welch's grape sparkling cocktail Mango Passion Fruit Sparkling Cocktail, Raspberry Limeade Sparkling Cocktail, and Strawberry Lemonade Sparkling Cocktail.

 

Note:  You can always double your recipe to hide some for yourself…. Wink!

 

Bon Appetite!

 

 
   

     Ms Suga is a plus size woman hailing from Sunny South Florida. She is a 24 year old recent recipient of a Bachelor in Arts degree in Communication Studies. Being plus size for the majority of her life she has overcome many obstacles to finally come to the point where she is fully content with herself and her life. This self love has also allowed Ms Suga the privilege of sharing her love with those around her. She is very passionate about life and loves to help others.

     Ms Suga likes to see herself as the one everyone can go to for positive, inspirational and truthful words of advice and/or support. She is the Beautiful Inspirational Girl that is blessed, intellectual, trustworthy, caring and hardworking.

     Ms Suga has had a passion for writing since she was a little girl when she used to think of short stories about what her life would be like as she got older. This is Ms Suga’s first opportunity for her thoughts to be public for the world to see. Excited about this column Ms Suga is also very optimistic of her future in writing and promoting self love and acceptance in the plus size community.

 

Stir it Up!

with Ms Suga

 


 

How does the old saying go? When life gives you lemons...do what? Well lemonade is all well & good but how about you cut that sucker up, get you a bottle of tequila, some salt a few friends & have a night of body shots! Wow, I think that was a little extra even for me but sometimes it bees (yes bees) like that. Sometimes you just gotta "stir the pot."

I read a quote one day that read "Life is 10% what happens to you the other 90% is what you do about it!" Makes sense right? Think back on all your best and worst memories, what happened? Don't you remember you spent that night in jail because of that stupid thing you did. That failed class because all you did was party & bullsh** (in my Notorious BIG voice). Or do you remember graduating with honors inspire of the failed class? What I'm saying is you are more likely to remember what you did before you remember what was done to you regardless If it's good or bad.

So what about when things get boring? When life seems to be one mundane routine after the next, what do you do? You take body shots! Ok… body shots are a metaphor but you get the idea. For the past few weeks I have worked nearly 70 hours a week between my 2 jobs. Not to mention I had no days off by day 12 I was deliriously worn out and I still had 3 days left to go. If I was gonna survive the madness I had to make something happen or collapse...I had to stir it up. So I got me some of those Katie Perry lashes, put on some outrageously bright lipstick and some stupidly big earrings (like the earrings I usually wear aren't big but you get the picture) and jazzed myself up as much as I could and still be within dress code at work. Now it wasn't as drastic as body shots but it did the trick. My customers would be so caught up in my earrings and lashes I was able to take a step back and work at a calmer pace. Don't get me wrong I was still busy as hell but when I stirred the pot it gave me a little boost to keep going.

So I encourage you to stir your hypothetical pot a bit. Bored with your workout routine? Take a class instead, go in the morning before work instead of after work, and change your playlist. Tired of school and writing paper after paper after paper? Go for the extra credit; add a picture to the cover sheet. Go do your homework in the park. Here's a thought how about you TAKE A BREAK! Get out the house for an hour or so. If you’re stuck wasting away in a cubical, take 5 minutes and run up the stairs then back down to your desk. Do whatever it takes to shake things up (within reason of course. Don't try shaking it up but taking shots before work).

All I'm saying is don't let this world of work and bills and life keep you from being happy. I encourage you to stir the pot because at the end of it all 90% if your life is yours to control.

 

Until next time!

Live, Laugh, Love, Inspire

Ms. Suga

 

 

 


 

Kathy is originally from a small town in Michigan but has lived in San Diego County since she's been 18 years old.  Kathy graduated from San Diego State University with a Bachelors in Finance in 1999.   She has a real estate broker’s license and works as a mortgage banker.  

 

Kathy also owns BBW Club Catalina in San Diego which has monthly night club parties and other fun events on a frequent basis.  Kathy has been an avid supporter of NAAFA, Vegas BBW Bash and San Diego BBW Bash and believes in size acceptance and health at every size.  

 

Kathy is a firm believer that people need to have a full life by going to the movies, dinner, bowling, dancing and anything that will make them a happier person and not wait till they are at the perfect size to start living their life to the fullest. 

 

Kathy is in her mid-40's and her children are grown and living productively on their own.   In her spare time she likes trying new restaurants, dancing, modeling, bowling and spending time with family and friends.

 

 

Getting over your Ex

 with Kathy Edmondson

 

When you have been in a serious relationship and you thought it was going to lead to a lifetime with that person, then moving on and getting over your ex can be pretty hard.   I have two friends right now that are having such a difficult time letting go of something they know wasn't a healthy relationship in their heads, but their hearts are still very much in love with these men.  

 

I think everyone needs time to think about what went wrong in a relationship, and possible things that could have been done to save the relationship.   There also comes a time when you need to stop thinking about the past, and concentrate on the future.   It is almost painful to see friends post 2 to 5 times a day how much they miss this person, or the angry posts about how betrayed they feel, and I know that venting anger and frustration is something we all need to do.  

 

Let's talk about some positive ways to get over your ex and look for a brighter future for yourself. 

 

1.  Stop all communication with your ex.... that means no e mails, texts, phone calls or tweets.

 

2.  Stop glamorizing all of your past great memories of your ex and don't forget all the bad times that were the reason for the break up.

 

3.  Stop talking to your ex's friends because that is a direct link to him and talking about how his life is going

 

4.  Clean house--- get rid of anything and everything that was a gift or reminds you of your ex.

 

5.  Don't try to get your stuff back from the ex or gifts you gave to the ex... these items will just remind you of your ex even more because they were at his place.

 

6.  Hang out with your friends, family, focus on your kids but don't spend this time talking about your ex.

 

7.  Take a vacation, take a class, try something you have always wanted to do but do not sit at home with a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

 

8.  Go out on some dates and let the dates know that it will be a PG13 date because you just got out of a long term relationship and you want the foundation of any new relationship to start at a solid friendship.

 

9.  Make sure the next guy you date is an upgrade from your ex....make a list of things that you need and want in a relationship... rule of thumb is if you have 10 things on a list that the new man should fulfill at least 8 of those things because we don't need 100% but at least 80% to make sure we are compatible.  

 

10.  Do not feel sorry for yourself because this will probably lead to depression.. think about it as have a new and bright future where you can do anything you want.

 

11.  Put yourself first and make yourself a priority because when we make ourselves a priority than people will too!!

 

Kathy Edmondson

 

 

 

 

 

Celebrating almost two decades as a Graphic Designer/Published Illustrator, Jean Nerestant Jr (Jness) got his start as a graphic artist in 1994, Still working as a graphic designer by day/ Jness devotes time to his hip hop Culture, comic book art and Plus size/BBW Art.

 

 

Confidence

with Jness


One thing I have learned in forty something odd years of living is that life is richly and abundantly saturated with challenges that seem to be tailor made for the purpose of testing character and moral integrity. With that being said, I am sure that many of you might agree with that theory. Then if that is the true purpose of life’s mountains and valleys, we have to strive for that bitter sweet spot of righteous unwavering character. This is the very virtue that greatness is gleaned from. As complicated as an individual’s life can be, my careful review has lead me to believe that there are two ways to walk through life, with your head up or with your head down.

When you choose one of these methods of walking through life several things happen. The first thing that either posture can affect is how you feel about yourself. Walking with your head down makes your outlook one of defeat. For example a track runner would have a difficult time gaging a rapidly approaching hurdle with their head down.

When attempting to clear obstacles, it is better to keep your head up, because it makes a statement of confidence to every onlooker and challenger. Hence the second thing that is affected by your posture, the way you are perceived by others. Keep your head up. In reality every runner can’t win the race but, how it was run, and how you finish makes you a winner and a force to be reckoned with.

This month’s new illustration features a fashionable curvy beauty, and diva in the making. This piece is called CONFIDENCE. It makes reference to, how a person feels, how they want to be received, and most importantly who they are. Dress your best, be your best, show you’re very best, and don’t yield to every invitation that comes your way to distract you. You are far too valuable for that, Big, with much more to offer, beautiful in so many ways and ready for the world. You are poised for the challenge and confident of what the outcome will be.

 JNESS

LargeInCharge Hopes that you enjoyed this article. 

Our writer and artistic contributor JNess will be taking a vacation

so please enjoy his previous artwork and writing in

our other 2013 LargeInCharge Magazine Issues.

Check out Jness in our Back-Issues

 

 

 

 

Hello there all my fashion loving friends. My name is Amy Lucas and in this column I hope to bring you some new outfits that will make you feel great and be Large and In Charge. My whole life has not been devoted to fashion as my background is in teaching Spanish, Math, and Science. I also have a master’s degree in Central Office Administration.

 

With that said, I have been wearing plus sizes for as long as I can remember so I do know the struggles we all face to find cute clothes. I come from a smaller town in Michigan, which means I have an even harder time finding plus size clothing in my area since the choices are so limited; as well as, the sizes and styles each store carries. 

 

Out of necessity, I started looking online instead of just settling for the places here and have found that other women could use the help too. I run a fashion group on Facebook called BBW Fashion where I post something fabulous each day hoping to help all those to find what they want in their size.

 

In my career, I've helped plus size students and their parents to find fashion in their sizes that would help them with their self-esteem and make them feel good about themselves. I have also dabbled in fashion before this modeling for three different stores, winning a cover model spot in July of 2012 in Large in Charge magazine, and I was Ms. LBC 2008 for Linda's Big Connections in Chicago. I look forward to showing you what is available in plus size fashion and help you to look even more beautiful and chic.

 

 

 
Halloween Costumes - 14 Complete Looks!
with Amy Lucas

Halloween is coming around the corner and that means there will be lots of Halloween parties and balls to attend whether you are at a BBW event or at home. Costumes in plus sizes are not so easy to find especially in the larger sizes, but there are great costumes online or some you can even put together with fun accessories, shoes, and makeup. There are even sites that offer costumes in different lengths and colors. You can also make a dress longer by throwing on some leggings, tights, or add a petticoat to add a few inches to the bottom of the dress.

 

 

 

Burlesque Babe  

 

Burlesque Babe Costume by In Character Costumes,

sizes 1-3x,

includes everything on the model except the shoes, $119.99,

www.sonsi.com

 

 

Pleaser Women’s Teeze 15 Platform Pump,

sizes 6-12,

$56.95,

www.amazon.com

 

Vintage Hollywood Lashes

Adult Accessory

from Forum Novelties Inc.,

$5.00,

www.amazon.com

 

 

Egyptian Queen

 

 

Divine Ruler Egyptian Costume, sizes 1-12x,

 includes the accessories shown on the model except the shoes, $99.00

www.biggalslingerie.com

Shoe Republic Venegas

Two Tone Heels BLACK,

sizes 6-10,

 $37.70,

www.makemechic.com

 

 

 

Desire Eyes by Xotic Eyes, $29.95,

www.xoticeyes.com

 

Egyptian Princess Wig-Black, $19.99,

www.buycostumes.com

Naughty Nurse

 

Naughty Nurse,

sizes 1-9x,

includes the accessories shown on the model,

$110.25,

www.bigcostumes.com

Funtasma by Pleaser

Women’s Nurse Platform Pump, sizes 6-12,

$48.92,

www.amazon.com


Naughty Nurse Garter

with Hypodermic Needle,

$5.99,

www.spirithalloween.com

 

Nurse Lashes Adult Accessory from Forum Novelties Inc., $4.80,

www.amazon.com

Sailor Girl  

Hello Sailor Costume,

sizes 14-28,

doesn’t include accessories, $55.95, www.dominodollhouse.com

 

Sailor Hat, $4.99, www.buycostumes.com


Alba America Patriotic Pumps Red Multi,

sizes 5.5-10,

$56.80,

www.makemechic.com

 

Anchors and Strips Combo Pack from MakeitStickDesigns,

$7.50,

www.etsy.com


Sexy Ringmaster  

Two Piece Velvet Corset and Skirt Set, 1x but more sizes coming soon,

$74.95, www.hipsandcurves.com

 

Satin popup hat, $21.95

Refined Metal Tip Riding Crop, $24.95, www.hipsandcurves.com

 

Knee High Boot

side zipper in wide width,

sizes 7-13, $49.00 www.biggalslingerie.com

Lace Sheer Top Stockings in black (2 pairs),

sizes 1/2x-5/6x,

$21.95, www.hipsandcurves.com

 

Satin Stretch Party Gloves, comes in three colors, $9.50, www.hipsandcurves.com

Flapper  

 

Plus Size Flapper Costume in pink,

sizes l-9x,

$69.99 includes the deluxe kit, www.sanctuarie.com

 

Lady Jane Pink Shoes,

sizes 6-10, $39.99, www.buycostumes.com

 

Bad Cop  

Frisk Me Police Officer,

sizes 1-12x,

includes the hat and handcuffs, $99.00

www.biggalslingerie.com

Cop Shoes by Ellie Shoes,

sizes  6-10,

$46.99,

 www.sonsi.com

Basic Black Fishnet Stockings, sizes 1/2x or 3/4x,

$15.00,

www.torrid.com

Noche Eye Shadow Kit by COLORON with 10 applications, $18.00,

www.coloronpro.com

Red Riding Hood  

Sexy and Flirty Red Riding Hood, sizes 1-12x,

$99.00

www.biggalsligerie.com

Gabriella Rocha Dancy 2 in Red Patent,

sizes 6-12 medium & wide width

$45.99,

www.zappos.com

The Jet Black Glitterati Set of 8 Temporary Eye Appliqués by Violent Eyes,

$9.99,

 

The Red Glitterati Set of 3 Temporary Lip Appliqués, $9.99, www.amazon.com

Golden Goddess  

Goddess Costume in black satin, sizes 1-10x, comes in four colors and three different lengths, $85, www.bigcostumes.com

 

Women’s Gold Gladiator Sandal, sizes 6-12,

$29.99, www.spirithalloween.com


Gold Leaf Tiara, $9.99, www.spirithalloween.com

 

Gold Glitter Hairspray, $3.99, www.spirithalloween.com

 

WMU Makeup Kit Golden Glam sold by Power Costumes, $11.95, www.amazon.com

French Maid  

Low Cut Sexy Style French Maid, sizes 0–10x,

includes the feather duster and headpiece,

$79.99,

www.sanctuarie.com 

Regular Style can be found on Site


French Maid Adult Shoes,

sizes 6-10, $44.99, www.buycostumes.com

Deluxe Petticoat comes in three colors, made to your waist measurements, $65, www.bigcostumes.com

Bow Vinyl Nail Decals at MakeitStickDesigns, $5.00, www.etsy.com

Sexy Witch  

Bellatrix Steel Boned Leather Corset,

sizes 1-5x, $179.95, www.hipsandcurves.com

 

Trumpet Tulle Skirt,

sizes 1-6x, $69.95, www.hipsandcurves.com

 

Rubies Orange Mini Witch Hat and Purple Autumn Mini Witch Hat Halloween Bundle, $9.88, www.walmart.com


Cauldron Handbag by Rasta Imposta,

$13.99,

www.sonsi.com

 

Funtasma by Pleaser Women’s Contessa-55 Platform Mary Jane,

sizes 6-12,

$29.66,

www.amazon.com

 

Spiderweb Eyeliner Kit, $7.99, www.spirithalloween.com

Leopardess  

 

Shiny Cat Leopard comes in three colors,

sizes 1-12x,

includes the accessories shown on the model,

$110, www.biggalslingerie.com

Hard Candy Cat Halloween Makeup Kit,

$12.50,

www.walmart.com

Dinah01 Embellished Platform Pumps in black, sizes 6.5-10,

$37.70, www.makemechic.com

 

 

Queen of Hearts

 

Dark Queen Adult Plus, sizes 1/2x or 3/4x, includes the dress and neckpiece only,

$62.99, www.buycostumes.com

 

Sexy Queen of Hearts Shoes by PLEASER,

sizes 6-11,

$36.99,

www.sonsi.com 

Fence Net Queen Size Pantyhose, comes in three colors,

$13.00 www.hipsandcurves.com

 

Queen of Hearts Xotic Eyes Makeup from Summitfashions,

 $20.96

www.amazon.com

 

2 pc. Queen Kit with Heart Scepter & Crown,

$6.98 www.hipsandcurves.com

Marilyn Monroe  

Marilyn Monroe Deluxe Classic Adult Plus Costume,

plus size (18-24),

$38.99, www.buycostumes.com

 

Marilyn Monroe Wig, $19.99, www.spirithalloween.com

Marilyn Jewelry Set, $16.99, www.buycostumes.com

 

Kiss Lips Print Platform Pumps White, sizes 6-10, $34.90, www.makemechic.com

   
   
 
 
 

Jay Hansen and Heidi Davis are size-acceptance advocates from Oklahoma and co-own Oklahoma's only social size-acceptance group, Oklahoma BBW, BHM, and their Admirers. Heidi was born in 1969 and has been a large woman her whole life, just as Jay has been an admirer of such plus-sized women all of his.

 

Heidi graduated High School in 1987, which is the same year Jay was born. The two met online in 2005 and quickly developed a friendship. In 2009, Jay graduated the University of Central Oklahoma with a Bachelor’s in English Education, and the following year he and Heidi started dating and quickly fell deeply in love.

 

Heidi is experienced, blunt, pragmatic, down-to-earth, and strong in every sense of the word, while Jay is intellectual, articulate, ideological, contemplative, and gentle. Heidi is eighteen years Jay's senior and nearly three times his weight, while Jay is 140 pounds soaking wet with a brick in his pocket. He's a king amongst nerds and all things geeky; she's a tattooed, rough-and-tumble, hard rocker to her core. Together, they are a beautiful personification of the old adage opposites attract.

 

"The Skinny on Big Love with Jay Hansen" was started in 2013 with Jay as the primary writer and Heidi as his muse and endless source of ideas and inspiration. Together, the two hope to provide people with a new frame of mind on love and relationships, promote open-mindedness and acceptance, ask intriguing questions, foster conversations, and prove to the world that titles such as weight and age, amongst countless others, should never stand in the way of one's pursuit of happiness.


 
Big, Beautiful Worries
with Jay Hansen
 

Video: P!ink's - Just Give Me a Reason

The other day someone called into a local radio station and requested P!nk's "Just Give Me A Reason." When the DJ asked why, the girl said "because all relationships have their more hopeless person that can't help but imagine and assume the worst from the tiniest of happenings, and that's what makes this song so brilliant."

 

Two months ago, I wrote about some of the biggest, most unfortunately common vices encountered in the fat admirer community; infidelity and fear of social judgment for being in a serious relationship with a larger woman. These two issues are obviously catastrophic for any relationship, but there's another destructive, albeit much more subtle, force all-too-often found among plus-sized women - paranoia and distrust. I understand that it is because of the prevalent problems among fat admirers combined with the constant social pressures and bullying plus-sized women face that they have a hard time trusting others, but coming from the perspective of a fat admirer that's proud to be in a mutually respectful and loyal relationship with a woman much larger than himself regardless of what others may think, I can say that issues of trust and paranoia do much more damage to me and Heidi's relationship than anything else.

 

Like I said in my previous article, big women make unfortunately easy targets for sleazy, lecherous men because society does the dirty work for them of wearing down their self-esteem and self-worth. This is why patience and understanding are extremely important for fat admirers, and our relationship is no exception. Literally every serious relationship Heidi has ever been in, including two marriages, ended because she was cheated on. Because of this, even though I've personally given her little reason to, Heidi sometimes has trouble trusting me and her head runs wild with the worst possible assumptions on a hair-trigger. For example, I'm obviously a writer, and I enjoy writing a lot, but I've never been able to write while someone reads over my shoulder (I think most writers feel the same), so whenever Heidi tries to read what I'm writing while I'm writing it I stop and get "twitchy" and unnerved. The moment she feels me tense up, Heidi's emotions automatically assume that I'm doing something wrong and gets upset, even though she's the one trying to read over my shoulder. The same goes for when I'm trying to read e-mails, talk to my friends, or do anything on the computer at all. BBW events and parties are even worse for her because she gets extremely upset if I am so much as in a picture with another woman, even though taking pictures at group events is one of my primary responsibilities as co-owner of Oklahoma BBW.

 

In addition to personal experiences, I also went out and did some research for this column to help further explain the irrationality of paranoia. The results I found were extremely varied because there's just no reliable way to measure such statistics, so my conclusions had to be general and loosely based. The first thing I wanted to know was if there were any significant statistics on what percentage of men cheat. They ranged from 12% (The General Social Survey) to 34% (The Sun... so take it with a huge grain of salt) of all men. That's just over one-third at the worst, just under one-eighth at best. I then juxtaposed these numbers with what mainstream culture considers one of the most feared and serious "red flags" of cheating; pornography consumption. For 18-25 year olds at least (my age bracket), the numbers of men who watch pornography ranged from 88% (University of Copenhagen study) to, no joke, 100% (University of Montreal study). So by taking the worst-case scenario numbers for cheating (34%), and best-case numbers for pornography (88%), that's a difference of 54%, which means even assuming the worst possible statistics I could find a majority of men watch pornography and don't cheat on their partners.

 

Letting yourself get so upset over such minor things is the definition of paranoia. When you express paranoia, be it vocally or emotionally, you're accusing your partner of wrongdoing, and when you experience paranoia, you're revealing an underlying problem with trust. I can speak from first hand experience that being accused of wrongdoing for the simplest of day-to-day activities like reading e-mail, or finding out that your partner has a fundamental lack of trust in you, is very hurtful. Heidi is well aware of the irrationality of her paranoia and tries to keep her emotions under control the best she can, but even now after three years of our relationship and eight years of friendship, every now and then, it bubbles up to the surface and I try to be as understanding and accommodating as possible.

 

I'm not saying you should ignore warning signs of infidelity at all. My previous column from July listed several of those warning signs for which you should be on the lookout. I hesitated to even write most of this article out of fear that I may appear to be defending questionable men, so let me be clear; if you rationally suspect something, by all means do something. My point is, though, that going to a relational DEFCON 1 at a single, benign sign from an otherwise completely loyal and honest partner could be just as detrimental to the happiness and wellbeing of your relationship as the hypothetical cheating for which you're on the lookout and trying to prevent. Always remember to keep your emotions in check with sound reasoning and logic, otherwise your imagination could run away with your past experiences and present observations to ruin your chances at an honest and healthy relationship.

 

 

 

I was born in San Diego, California on August 30, 1972.br>
Grew up in San Jose, San Francisco, and San Diego California. I Graduated from San Diego State University in 1996 with a Bachelors Degree in Journalism (Radio-TV News) and a Bachelors Degree in Political Science.

I interned with U.S. Senator Dianne Feinstein from 1995-1996.

I interned with CBS News during the 1996 Republican National Convention.

Currently I'm a Licensed Sales Representative with Pacific Shores Real Estate, Inc. in Solana Beach, California

I'm Co-Owner of Club Catalina BBW Night Club in San Diego, CA.

And a newlywed, married to Kathy Edmondson as of December 31, 2012.

I am the father of one daughter - Safiyah Edmondson (8) and stepfather to two young men, Alexander Hernandez (22) and John Rhakman Macklin (21).

I enjoy bowling, basketball, tennis, football. I play 12 musical instruments. I also design a web page for a real estate company.
 

Fatherhood

with David Edmondson

    

 

 It’s a hard thing, trying to get that one defining moment out of your head. A moment that will change the way you look at everything for the rest of your life. That moment came for me, when I held my daughter Safiyah for the first time. There I was fighting to get a glimpse of her as the doctors and nurses were checking on her a few minutes after birth. Then, holding her little body in my arms and having her look at me for the first time. All of those dreams of living life on the wild side were now placed on hold, because protecting her (As Chris Rock stated “Keep your daughter off the pole”.) became my first and only concern.  Now, nearly 9 years later, I see her growing up and I have come to the realization that…………..Yep, you are officially OLD.

Being a parent is a difficult job to begin with. There is a ton of sacrifice that must take place. You have to check your ego at the door, because the things that may matter to you may not necessarily correlate to what your child believes or how they think of the world around them.  It becomes even more challenging when you are not living with your child on a daily basis.  You have to find balance with your child’s needs and then trying to have a life of your own.  For most women, that means they sacrifice their happiness for their child’s sake. That is where dating and every other form of social activity, takes a back seat to being your child’s protector, supporter, provider and number one fan.  I remember that five year period, where if someone asked me if I was dating anyone special, I honestly couldn’t tell them what dating was, because my only concern was: dropping Safiyah off at preschool, going to work, leaving work, picking Safiyah up, making sure her homework was done, eating dinner, and reading to her at night before tucking her in.

Sadly, when a father is doing his basic defined duties, he is celebrated as father of the year in most people’s eyes; when there have been mother’s, whom have played the role of both parents, for years.  Thus, we shouldn’t get any rewards for doing what we are supposed to be doing. The rewards are internal. Seeing your child smile at you every day or getting that hug from them, this makes up for all the tough times.

Yes, there are times when I wonder, will my size prevent me from sharing those special moments in my daughter’s life. But size doesn’t limit the make believe tea parties she has me attend. Nor does it stop me from taking her to amusement parks or attending her recitals. We are father’s not physical fitness coaches or world class athletes. In reality, is anyone going to care about your size, when you are cheering your child at the soccer match or the little league baseball game?  NO! The only thing that matters or that your child is going to remember is that you were there to support them. In the end, that is the number one requirement of being a father……….TIME.  The difference between father’s that are revered and those who are negatively looked upon is that they know how to manage the time they have with their kids. They will not let obstacles, such as a bad relationship with their ex, work or social status stop them, because they know that the most precious time of their lives, is spent being with their child.

 

 

 
 
 

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