Written by: Deborah Lupton January 2, 2013
Principal Research Fellow, Department of Sociology and Social Policy
at University of Sydney - Australia
Fat discrimination is rife and considered completely acceptable.
People who are deemed overweight or obese (as the medical terms have it)
or fat (as many fat activists prefer to call their body size) suffer
discrimination, prejudice and humiliation from several fronts.
Television programs such as The Biggest Loser hold them up to contempt
and public shaming. News media reports on obesity constantly display
photographs of fat bodies with their heads cropped off – the “headless
fatty” representation - and commonly use derogatory expressions ranging
from “lazy” and “flabby” to “fat arses” and “unsightly slobs”.
Weight stigma has significant effects on fat people’s lives. Compared
with others, fat people are statistically more likely to live in
poverty, earn less income or be unemployed, have lower education levels,
be employed in lower status jobs and experience lower living standards.
Women in professional occupations are particularly discriminated against
in the workplace if they are overweight, failing to reach the higher
echelons compared with thinner colleagues.
In social terms, fat people receive less respect from others and are
often subjected to derogatory humor and pejorative comments from
co-workers, friends and family members and, in public settings, from
strangers. Health care workers openly admit to being “repulsed” by fat
Children can face social isolation or bullying over their weight.
Fat children are subjected to greater harassment and prejudice than
other children, and experience ostracism, teasing and bullying to a
greater extent. Remarkably, even their own parents may favor their
thinner children over their bigger ones.
In a society in which most people understand that discriminating overtly
against social groups such as women, people of minority ethnic or racial
groups, gays and lesbians and people with disabilities is wrong, and
where such discrimination is legally prohibited, fat people, are
apparently fair game.
Why this hostility and lack of compassion towards fat people? Why this
apparent urge on the part of many to shame and blame people who are
deemed to carry too much flesh?
Perception of Fat Bodies
Fat bodies are culturally represented as inferior, deficient, ugly and
disgusting. These meanings have developed over centuries, derived from
the Judeo-Christian idea that the disciplined body is closer to God. An
ascetic self-control over such bodily urges as hunger and sexual desires
is evidence of moral superiority and relative lack of sin.
While we live in a more secular society today, these moral assumptions
still dominate in our understandings of the value of self-discipline and
how it is reflected in our body size and shape.
Perceptions of obesity as an expensive health crisis have increased
Added to these meanings are the newer ideas derived from medicine and
public health, intensifying in the late 1990s, that an obesity epidemic
has emerged in many countries that it is predicted will lead to higher
rates of disease and premature mortality. Intensive mass media coverage
of this issue has led to the idea that fat people are not only
ill-disciplined but also inevitably sick and physically unfit,
regardless of where they fall on the body weight spectrum.
Unlike other attributes that commonly attract discrimination and
marginalization such as skin color, gender or disability, fat people are
viewed as deserving of their fate because of their apparent lack of
self-control. They are also often represented as threatening others by
attracting higher health-care costs. This reasoning is used to justify
fat stigmatization, even though others who may need higher levels of
health care are not treated to such revilement.
Ironically, fat people often avoid attending medical appointments
because of their concerns about being judged negatively by the doctor.
This means they may not receive early preventive treatment for medical
conditions they may have.
Fat equals failure
People who identify as fat or overweight are highly aware of the moral
failure that their bodies represent. Research with fat people has
identified the shame they may feel about their bodies, and the social
humiliation to which they are often exposed by others. In an English
study, for example, one man spoke about his emotional distress at being
laughed at by some young men while sitting in the sun in his shorts
while on holiday:
“…they could see me and they were laughing and joking and carrying on
and it was only as they got past that I realized that they were laughing
at me, about how fat I was. And er, I mean, it hurts.”
Fat people often express highly negative thoughts about their bodies. As
a weight-loss blogger who wrote about her weight gain explained: “I felt
ashamed. I felt ugly. I felt like some sort of animal.”
Even grocery shopping can be confronting for bigger people.
Fat people often feel very self-conscious about going out in public,
particularly eating out or grocery shopping. They are highly aware that
others are examining and making judgments about what and how they’re
eating. They feel out of place, open to mockery and very exposed. As one
fat woman commented, for her, “even grocery shopping is an exercise in
Given the discrimination to which fat people are subjected, it’s not
surprising they’re more likely than others to suffer from depression,
anxiety and low self-esteem, which in turn may lead to a greater
likelihood that they will eat for comfort. Medication taken for these
mental health conditions may also lead to gaining weight.
Whether or not socioeconomic disadvantage leads to fatness, or whether
fatness itself causes poverty and other forms of social and economic
disadvantage is a point of debate.
The lower socioeconomic status of fat people in itself is more likely to
cause health problems. The combination of living in poverty,
experiencing stigma based on body weight and accompanying diminished
social status causes continuing stress.
In conjunction with poor living conditions and the lack of opportunity
to exercise and consume a high-quality diet, disadvantaged people’s
exposure to stress may result in illness and disease. These medical
conditions in turn may not be treated effectively because of lack of
access to high quality medical care.
Lack of compassion
People who discriminate against fat people, or consider it appropriate
to use fat-shaming terms when talking about or to them, don’t seem to
view fat people as real human beings who are hurt, and humiliated by
their actions, and may be struggling with significant socioeconomic
disadvantage or mental health conditions.
Or perhaps they simply don’t care about this in their belief that fat
people deserve punishment for their supposed inability to control their
urges and their lack of conformity to idealized notions of physical
In a supposedly modern and compassionate society such as Australia,
shouldn’t fat discrimination be viewed for what it is? It is a kind of
bigotry and represents a lack of understanding, compassion and tolerance
for bodily difference.
It shouldn’t just be fat people who call attention to fat bigotry and
fat phobia. All of us are implicated if we accept the negative concepts
of fatness that currently circulate in our culture and tolerate fat
discrimination from others.
Deborah Lupton is the author of Fat (Routledge, October 2012)
Thank you for
Reading The LargeInCharge Feature
Cover Model of the Month!
Bretina Lynn Craft
Want to be a
LargeInCharge Cover Model? Download the Application for 2013 -
COVER MODEL INTERVIEW
LargeInCharge.com: What your name?
Bretina Lynn Craft
LargeInCharge.com: Where are you located?
I’m from Moores hill Indiana, and reside in Moores Hill. I recently
LargeInCharge.com: Can you give us some information about yourself?
25, 5'3, 24 petite, American, Single, I have 2 fantastic children!
LargeInCharge.com: Were you a big child, or did you gain weight
later in life?
I’ve always been bigger than what was considered normal. After
having my son it put me over the 300 marker making me a supersized
Growing up as a bigger child I couldn’t really understand why people
or other children made such a deal out of it. The older I’ve gotten
I’ve realized there are much worse things to be in life than being
big. I’m honest, true to myself and others and truly beautiful.
I gained 80 pounds from being pregnant with my son. I was never able
lose it. I’m completely ok with that.
LargeInCharge.com: What made you decide to enter the LargeInCharge
I’ve been told so many times by others that have met me or seen my
pictures that they wish they could do that! I always encourage them
and tell them that they can. I’m confident and I love who and what I
am and have become.
LargeInCharge.com: Did you find it a hard journey to be accepted for
your size, and do you find acceptance among your family and friends?
I make it very apparent to others that I’m very ok with my size.Typically once this is figured out, others seem to accept it
and love it. My family for the most part has been accepting. I don’t
hide what I am or shy away from my size. I never let it keep me from
doing anything that I want to do
LargeInCharge.com: What would you say inspires you most in life?
People, I’ve went through a lot in life. I lost both of my parents
to cancer by the age of 23. I try to turn everything bad into
something good. I believe that the actions of another can completely
change a person’s day. Be kind be fair and it will always be
returned to you in one way or another.
LargeInCharge.com: What is your primary occupation, and how did you
get into this line of work?
I make cakes. Think ace of cakes or cake boss. It lets my creativity
out in a fun and edible way. I got into this by a random occurrence
of my son needing a cake I wanted him to have something different
and special. It’s been non-stop since then.
LargeInCharge.com: Do you find acceptance in the work force?
I can always tell that people have doubts when I’ve worked places,
just because of the stereo-types attached to larger people. I try to
break out beyond these stereo types on a consistent basis and do the
best that I can. You can always tell when people are surprised.
That’s when I get my "I told you so moment"
LargeInCharge.com: What changes do you believe should take place for
Large People in the work force?
Prejudgment! We aren’t lazy, dumb, or incapable because we carry
around extra weight. We are simply a human being in bigger
LargeInCharge.com: What do you think about the fashion industry for
big sized clothing?
This is one of my biggest complaints. I love trendy plus size wear;
I’m big but want to feel sexy to. I can rock a mini skirt just as
good as skinny girl. Don’t try to restrain me in "grandma fashions"
just because YOU don’t think I should be wearing it. Clothing can
look amazing or horrible on any size, it’s all about how you carry
LargeInCharge.com: What do you wish to see change with the fashion
Give me SEXY! Give me TRENDY!I’m constantly altering my clothing to make it what I want it
LargeInCharge.com: Tell us some of the places you buy your clothing
from.Do you have any
Caquice (lingerie made by Lane Bryant) it’s my go to under garment
store, Debs, off the wall online retailers. If it’s a bigger size
and its pretty then I buy it. My biggest beauty tips are, find a
fantastic bra it does wonders for any size and try some different
types of clothing that you normally wouldn’t think of wearing. Don’t
let yourself get in a rut.
do you prepare for a Photo shoot?What should aspiring models be prepared for?
It all about mind set, if your uncomfortable the camera is going to
pick up on it. Be Confident!
LargeInCharge.com: Look at Size acceptance five years ago... look at
size acceptance now.
What changes do you see?
I see a lot of strides, I didn’t mention that clothing choices are
lacking for larger sizes but it is better than it was 5 years ago.
It seems to be getting a lot more main stream (although not enough
yet) I’m seeing a lot more groups and gatherings that are size
friend. Men and women seem to be getting somewhat more comfortable
with being there bigger self’s.
LargeInCharge.com: Tell us about your goals as far as modeling and
I want to reach out and inspire whoever I can get my hands on. My
mother died thinking she wasn’t as beautiful as others simply
because she thought she didn’t look as good. She had so many
insecurities. I never think that anyone should feel this way. We are
all beautiful in one way or another and I am no different
have you accomplished as a Plus Sized Model?
I haven’t done anything professional. But people always comment
positively, whether it’s through groups on fb or other means. I
always get emails or messages about them. I must be doing something
you entered or won any Contests, Pageants or Awards?What was the experience like?
I did pageants as a child and won some of those. I’m told on a
constant basis that I am beautiful sexy and confident
LargeInCharge.com: Can you tell us about an inspirational moment in
your life that made you feel good about your size.
There was a lady when I working for a photography place, she was my
elementary teacher. I had seen her back in those days, she had
children, was in her 40's, felt horrible about the way she looked,
we talked about how she was killing herself to try to lose weight. I
stopped her and asked why? You’re living, you’re breathing, you have
beautiful children. No you may not be your previous size 8, but your
here and you’re just fine the way you are. Think about all the hours
your wasting into torturing yourself about something that obviously
doesn’t want to change. I told her the line that I tell many, Be
proud the only thing you are is bigger you’re not a liar, thief, bad
person, you have a degree, you mentor children every day, have a
husband and wonderful kids to go home to. Now that’s a good life. By
the end of the conversation she thanked me and said I wish I had
half the wisdom at my age that you do at your age. I was beaming for
the rest of the day :)
LargeInCharge.com: Is there a person in your life that makes you
By far my kids and the memory of my parents, I was raised well. My
mother gave me my loving side and my father gave me my don’t take
less than you deserve attitude.
LargeInCharge.com: What advice would you give to other people of
size who want to model?
Go for it! If somebody says no, move on to the next place till you
find the right fit for you.
LargeInCharge.com: Which plus size figure do you most admire?
Monique Wealth she’s a comedian/actress, she has never hid who or
what she is, whether it’s her size or personality
LargeInCharge.com: Describe yourself with one word.
Thanks for reading about
Cover Model of the Month
Raqui the Owner and Founder of LargeInCharge.com, Raqui's "Tell it like it is" style of
writing has brought thousands to her blogs and millions to
LargeInCharge.com. There is so much behind the woman who has
brought this magazine into existence. Being Internationally
known as a wrestler/squasher lead the way to modeling for companies
and being featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the
world. She has made a career out of her size and personality.
Born and Raised in the Bronx NYC. This city girl is taking the world by
For almost a decade Raqui officially moved into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.
With the creation of LargeInCharge she took what she said to
individuals to a higher level and made it public to the internet
world. She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her. Knock her
down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.
Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized
people online her grace and style has made people love her. Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend
the world to fit her, her way.
Raqui's appearances include, Uk Television, German TV, Japan, Europe,
and the Spanish circuit. Her many magazines appearances have
been world wide. She has hit American Television in 2006 with
Good Morning American and since has appeared on The Cristina Show,
The Maury Show and The Tyra Banks Show.
Charity may start at home but it doesn’t end
at home, or maybe it does.Sometimes Charity is to help other Souls have a home.All of the Charities for this year have been toward helping
our fellow man.This
month let’s focus on Man’s best friend, Hope for Paws is a Los
Angles based rescue that hits the streets and brings fur babies
Through networking with other organizations
and opening the doors to their own home Audrey and Eldad Hagar have
been giving pups from the street a chance to know what it is like to
have the love of a human, to not be abused, but safe and warm in a
comfy bed.A pet can
bring so much to the life of its owner, and we can give them a
wonderful home that wants to be shared.
Let’s learn more about Hope for Paws and the
amazing couple who are making a difference for animals of LA.
Audrey and Eldad Hagar have been fostering hundreds of
animals in their home for the past eight years. They created
Hope for Paws to help animals in this country who suffer and die
every year because of negligence and abuse. They also created
a huge network of rescuers from all over the world on their Facebook
Our fostered animals are a part of our family and are
treated as such. Too often, people undervalue their furry
family members and abandon them in their backyards, on the streets
or at the shelters. These animals die from starvation, abuse
and euthanization because of the overcrowding at the shelters.
Pets are not items that can be thrown away or exchanged
for younger models. Animals are sentient beings who feel pain, love,
joy, mourning, and loss. These valuable creatures help us
whether it is assisting the blind or finding people under the rubble
from an earthquake. They help us in times of war and during
We want to help both humans and animals alike live
harmonious and fulfilling lives together.
Angie BEE grew-up a standard-sized young woman, educated in
communications, promotions and planning.She became a wife, mother and ministry support member while
building businesses and her faith.
Through stress, age and a poor diet and while suffering from major
depression and attempted suicide, Angie BEE's weight climbed from
180 pounds to 360 pounds.She was diagnosed with high blood pressure, diabetes,
obstructive sleep apnea, an overactive bladder and poor leg
circulation.At the age
of 40 an anxiety attack and the decline in her mental health forced
her to stop work and look at improving her declining health.It was during this time that Angie BEE became inspired by her
younger sister Sonya Bennett during her process towards Gastric
launched this column and will return occasionally to contribute to
it, but now that she is three years-post surgery... her life is
focused on something new!
Now, celebrating her first year of a new life since having the
procedure herself, Angie BEE is healthier than she has been in over
a decade.Losing the
first 100 pounds was just the bonus!She is now diabetes-free.She has normal blood pressure.The circulation in her legs is normal.She sleeps without a c-pap machine and more!The joy that she feels is documented each day in her
syndicated radio show, a brand new weeklyTV show documentary and each month in this article.The Big GB stands for The BIG Gastric Bypass and it also
stands for "Getting (my life) Back".This article reflects how Angie BEE's life has improved... by
the grace of God and as the result of having Gastric Bypass surgery
on Feb 28, 2011.This
is now her life!
I LOOK GOOD, I REALLY DO!
About a year ago, an old friend from college sent me a picture that
was taken back in 1984.
It was a picture of me dressed up like a Playboy Bunny on the campus
of Wilberforce University.The members of Alpha Phi Alpha Xi Chapter Fraternity had a
fundraiser ball and we Alpha Sweethearts dressed up as bunnies for
I am the bunny on the right.As I reflected on the picture with the memory that it brought
to me, I smiled to myself; I looked good!I really did!
On Easter Sunday, my then-fiancé and I drove to visit my daughter
who is away at school.
We all went out to dinner and afterwards took pictures together.It was still chilly outside in Jacksonville Florida on Easter
Sunday, so I wore my long-sleeved dress.My daughter took this picture of my Sweetie and I, and when I
reflected upon this picture I smiled at myself again: Not only is my
Sweetie a handsome "beast" of a man (lol) but I looked good again.I really and truly did!
Sometimes when we carry extra weight on us, we tend to shy away from
the camera during a special event.Sometimes we just don't even look at ourselves in the mirror.I remember a woman once telling me that she doesn't even want
to look at herself in the mirror while naked!This is a shame.
We need to love ourselves no matter what curves we carry, no matter
what we THINK we may look like.We need to love ourselves!
June was a busy month for me and my then-fiancé.As we tried to plan a wedding, we had events to tend to.I did book signings, my fiancé performed at concerts, we
attended his family reunion, 70's party and we worked the Daytona
Beach Juneteenth Celebration.At the family reunion, we dressed up in costumes and at the
Juneteenth Celebration I took a picture with a local politician (I
cropped him out the picture... no sense in giving him free publicity
in this reputable publication!).As I reflected back to review each of these pictures, I see
my curves, I see my smile and I see how great I looked.I really did!
In February 2011, I received gastric bypass surgery.I have lost almost 200 pounds.Yes, during the past month or so I do see that I have gained
a couple of pounds but I ain't worried; my Sweetie and I finally
stopped traveling and working ministry engagements and we married on
August 9th.The pounds
I gained have come from enjoying dessert and "bed rest" with my
I will get away from the sweet treats sometime soon!Yes, I had some health issues in June and July and even
thought I would have to undergo surgery but God saw fit for me to
enjoy my summer and not have to undergo a procedure.Now, I am looking forward to planning cosmetic surgery to
remove possibly 30 pounds of skin that hangs around my mid-section.My belly and sides have to carry this skin, but my back pain
is where I feel the most burden.I have an estimate from the plastic surgeon and now I am
working on securing the funding that I need to pay for the 50% that
my health insurance won't cover.I am not having this skin removed in order to increase my
good looks; I already look good, remember?I am removing this skin so I can remove the back pain, remove
my need for a girdle to help decrease the back pain and to remove
the flapping noises from sagging skin.This has everything to do with how I feel and the pain that I
Last month I participated in a book signing at the historic Wells
Built African American Museum in Orlando Florida.At the end of the event, my husband snapped a picture of me
next to the sign.He had
been telling me all day that I look lovely and his smile remained on
his face while I spoke before the audience.Once I took a look at the picture that he took of me, I could
really see what he was smiling about.I didn't see my fully midsection of belly from that excess
skin.I didn't see my full
un-sleeved arms.I didn't
see the sagging skin left over from an old double chin.All I saw was a beautiful, happy, healthy woman that serves
the Lord with gladness.I
saw a woman with a wonderful man by her side and I saw a great
smile.I looked pretty good
that day.I really did!
The Big GB - Getting My
Life back after Gastric Bypass
with Angie Bee
Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit
civil rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life
for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on
body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment
through public education, advocacy, and member support.
This Column is dedicated to the tremendous
work NAAFA has been doing for over four decades. LargeInCharge
wishes to support NAAFA in spreading the word of its work, and give
the public more information into issues we as plus sized people
should be aware of. The fight for equality for people of all
sizes is one we support.
This Column will include News Releases and
Calls to Action from NAAFA Directors.
This Column has been Approved by NAAFA.org
The Disability and Size Diversity Community - Let's Work
Lisa M. Tealer, NAAFA
October is National Disability Employment Awareness (NDEAM) Month.
According to the Office of
Disability Employment Policy’s (ODEP) website, the origins of this
celebration and awareness go back to 1945, when Congress passed a
law declaring the first week in October as the National Employ the
Physically Handicapped week. In the early 1960s, the word
‘physically’ was removed to be more inclusive of all types of
disabilities. Then in 1988, Congress expanded the week to the whole
month and changed the name to National Disability Employment
Speaking of ODEP, two years ago this month, I had the opportunity to
hear the Assistant Secretary of Labor for ODEP, Kathleen Martinez,
give a keynote address that was both entertaining and profound. She
stated that when President Obama appointed her, he got to check
“four Affirmative Action boxes”:
She is a woman
She is a Latina
She is a Lesbian
She is visually impaired
The audience roared with laughter.
Then Martinez made a statement that was a paradigm shift in my
that People with Disabilities in the workplace need “productivity
tool, not accommodations”. That statement was a profound way to
describe what people with disabilities, or anyone for that fact,
need: a productivity tool. That’s what companies and businesses,
large or small, want their employees to be; productive. Her
statement was timely, as I had just formed a cross-functional People
with Disabilities Taskforce, charged with increasing our efforts to
be more inclusive of people with disabilities.
The stigma and discrimination that people with disabilities, and
those of us in the size diversity community, face is a common issue.
These issues could serve as a platform for our communities to work
there is a platform for collaboration as some individuals may belong
to both communities. Two of my heroes who work within both
communities happen to be NAAFA Advisory Board Members; Brandon
Macsata and Sondra Solovay. During the month of October, and beyond,
think about how you can find a common ground to partner and work
with others from various communities. When one of us is successful,
we’re all successful, so let’s work together!
Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit human rights organization
dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA
works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat
people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education,
advocacy, and member support.
Some of you make know me as web girl/Lulu from Fashion Find. Well…
I’ve move on to another one of my favorite’s pastime which is
cooking. To get you all up to date on what’s going on. I’m currently
pursuing a graduate degree at Ashford University I have a B.A.
degree in Organizational Communication from Southeastern Louisiana
I am most passionate about cooking. I believe with cooking you can
always grow… I fried my first egg when I was 2 and baked my first
cake at 5. Cooking is an easy and dynamic experience if you have a
passion for a good tasting meal.
Motto: Cook with your heart not with your head.
If you have a favorite dish you would like to share please forward
with recipe and photo to
with Lucia Roth
Thanksgiving is Thursday November 28th and
if you’re the cook for the holiday feast, begin you’re day in a
leisurely way by treating yourself to a simple but delicious
breakfast. Our family favorite scramble eggs with mushrooms and
spinach, which are easy to prepare.
A Simple Thanksgiving Breakfast
To get a head start, you can set up all your
ingredients the night before. The next morning, add
the other ingredients, throw everything into a
frying pan. While cooking, brew coffee and tea. Then
relax before the craziness begins.
Dive into this simple egg dish with my family
favorite scramble, a sprightly blend of onions,
peppers, tomatoes and spices.
2 Tbs. olive oil
8 oz. white button mushrooms, trimmed and sliced
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
2 cups firmly packed baby spinach leaves
8 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup American farmer’s scramble, plus more for
In a large nonstick fry pan over medium-high heat,
warm the olive oil. Add the mushrooms and season
with salt and pepper. Cook stirring occasionally
until well browned, 8 to 10 minutes. Add the spinach
and cook, stirring occasionally, until the spinach
is wilted, about 2 minutes.
Reduce the heat
to medium, add the eggs and season with salt and
pepper. Dollop the 1/2 cup farmer’s scramble on top,
Cook using a rubber spatula to scrape the bottom and
sides of the pan, until the eggs have formed small
curds and are almost firm, 1 to 2 minutes. Serve
immediately with extra farmer’s scramble on the
Ms Suga is a plus size woman hailing from Sunny South Florida. She
is a 24 year old recent recipient of a Bachelor in Arts degree in
Communication Studies. Being plus size for the majority of her life
she has overcome many obstacles to finally come to the point where
she is fully content with herself and her life. This self love has
also allowed Ms Suga the privilege of sharing her love with those
around her. She is very passionate about life and loves to help
Ms Suga likes to see herself as the one everyone can go
to for positive, inspirational and truthful words of advice and/or
support. She is the Beautiful Inspirational Girl that is blessed,
intellectual, trustworthy, caring and hardworking.
Ms Suga has had a passion for writing since she was a
little girl when she used to think of short stories about what her
life would be like as she got older. This is Ms Suga’s first
opportunity for her thoughts to be public for the world to see.
Excited about this column Ms Suga is also very optimistic of her
future in writing and promoting self love and acceptance in the plus
I am Thankful for...
with Ms Suga
I am thankful for....
Ok so it's November & it's almost Thanksgiving! This year is my
1st year not spending Thanksgiving with my family.I'm not liking this at all, but hey such is life, a girls
gotta do what a girls gotta do (I guess....). So even though I
won't be with my old people or my godmother or cousins or my
nephew I am still thankful for my family.
Every month I try to inspire you all to try something new or
gain a new perspective on life. I try to open myself up to you
all as well to see that you are not alone in this world. But
there's another side to change and it's appreciation.
I know life is a never
ending cycle of change but in the midst of all that change we
really should be appreciate life and the change it holds. When I
say appreciate I mean APPRECIATE! Be thankful for who you are
and what you have. My daddy always says be grateful for what you
have because there's always someone out there that's doing worse
Every day we drive around in our cars talking on our cellphones
complaining about that "bullsh*t job" the crazy a** bill
collectors and we moan and groan our lives away completely
oblivious to the beggar on the corner asking for change. You see
we live in a world that is all about instant selfishness...
Instant money, instant results, instant gratification, but when
is the last time you were grateful for that smart phone which
becomes more and more expensive each month. Or when is the last
time you were truly thankful for that bullsh*t job that pays you
so you can pay that high bill?
November is the month of giving thanks but we shouldn't wait
until the year is almost over to show gratitude. Every day I get
up and thank God for his many blessings over my life and I show
my gratitude by paying it forward and helping others.
So this month, I want to encourage you all to try something even
more challenging. Try not complaining and actually appreciate
what you have. Don't dwell in the past, don't sit there moping
about what you do and don't have. Get over yourself!! Because at
the end of it all it's just you and you don't want to die with a
lifetime of regrets.Be thankful for what's there and ignore everything else.
Until next time loves!
Kathy is originally from a small town in Michigan but has lived in
San Diego County since she's been 18 years old. Kathy
graduated from San Diego State University with a Bachelors in
Finance in 1999.
She has a real estate broker’s license and works as a mortgage
Kathy also owns BBW Club Catalina in San Diego which has monthly
night club parties and other fun events on a frequent basis.Kathy has been an avid supporter of NAAFA, Vegas BBW Bash and
San Diego BBW Bash and believes in size acceptance and health at
Kathy is a firm believer that people need to have a full life by
going to the movies, dinner, bowling, dancing and anything that will
make them a happier person and not wait till they are at the perfect
size to start living their life to the fullest.
Kathy is in her mid-40's and her children are grown and living
productively on their own.In her spare time she likes trying new restaurants, dancing,
modeling, bowling and spending time with family and friends.
Why did he change for Her and not for me?
There have been many relationships where women have stuck around
in hopes that the man they are dating will change things about
themselves that the woman didn't like.
What kind of changes are we talking about?
We want them to get a job and have a career.
We want them to live independently from their mother or father.
We would like them to have furniture that shows they are adults
and not in high school.
We would like them to dress like an adult and not sag their
pants or look like they could possibly be homeless.
We would like them to help out around the house with chores more
He said he didn't believe in marriage and it was just a piece of
paper which doesn't define true love.
He said he wasn't ready to have children with you and you were
Soon we give up because we finally have figured out, they have
no intention of changing who they are and grow up. So we break
up with them, then that is the moment they decide to change!
I know this is frustrating because I have been there and done
that too. I have made the mistake in my early years
to think that I had the capacity to change a man into a better
man or the man that I would like him to be.
Guess what? This is like Mission Impossible when
someone has no problem being the way he is and has no desire to
change. The next girl he dates somehow is the lucky
girl and he changes all the things that you complained about for
the past 5 or 6 years. I have reflected on how many
years I had wasted hoping the man I was dating would change and
decided that I need to take some blame too, because I believed
him when he promised me a future together.You know what they say, actions speak louder than words,
I should have thought more about that than the empty promises he
kept giving me year after year.
So why is it that a few months, after you break up with him, he
is engaged to get married, and she's pregnant? Yes… that stings
more than you can possibly know that you invested all this time
in a man, and he never gave you what you needed in a
relationship. Now this person he barely knows is getting
everything you have ever wanted with him. He is now
dressing nicely and has a good job with insurance benefits too.
The urge to choke this man is getting harder and harder each day
when you hear from mutual friends that he has really come into
Your next train of thought is… why this woman and why didn't he
want a life with you? You can make yourself crazy
trying to figure it out but why bother? He isn't
with you and he's with someone else now, so close the door on
that chapter of your life. I know that there are
some instances where the man has changed because he didn't want
to disappoint his next girlfriend and doom his next
Changes has to be made to avoid doing that. Just
remember that this really doesn't have anything to do with your
relationship with him, because if he truly wanted to be with
you, than he would have done the necessary things to make your
relationship work. A man who wanted to be with you
would have moved heaven and earth after you broke up with him to
make things work out.
Again, I am going to tell you to close that chapter of your life
and not keep the door open even a little so you can peek through
and see how his life is going. The next man you date shouldn't
be a fixer upper because you have learned that there is no such
thing as changing a man because that change has to come from
within the man.
Celebrating almost two decades as a Graphic Designer/Published
Illustrator, Jean Nerestant Jr (Jness) got his start as a graphic
artist in 1994, Still working as a graphic designer by day/ Jness
devotes time to his hip hop Culture, comic book art and Plus
One thing I have learned in forty something odd years of
living is that life is richly and abundantly saturated with
challenges that seem to be tailor made for the purpose of
testing character and moral integrity. With that being said, I
am sure that many of you might agree with that theory. Then if
that is the true purpose of life’s mountains and valleys, we
have to strive for that bitter sweet spot of righteous
unwavering character. This is the very virtue that greatness is
gleaned from. As complicated as an individual’s life can be, my
careful review has lead me to believe that there are two ways to
walk through life, with your head up or with your head down.
When you choose one of these methods of walking through
life several things happen. The first thing that either posture
can affect is how you feel about yourself. Walking with your
head down makes your outlook one of defeat. For example a track
runner would have a difficult time gaging a rapidly approaching
hurdle with their head down.
When attempting to clear obstacles, it is better to keep your
head up, because it makes a statement of confidence to every
onlooker and challenger. Hence the second thing that is affected
by your posture, the way you are perceived by others. Keep your
head up. In reality every runner can’t win the race but, how it
was run, and how you finish makes you a winner and a force to be
This month’s new illustration features a fashionable curvy
beauty, and diva in the making. This piece is called CONFIDENCE.
It makes reference to, how a person feels, how they want to be
received, and most importantly who they are. Dress your best, be
your best, show you’re very best, and don’t yield to every
invitation that comes your way to distract you. You are far too
valuable for that, Big, with much more to offer, beautiful in so
many ways and ready for the world. You are poised for the
challenge and confident of what the outcome will be.
LargeInCharge Hopes that you enjoyed this article.
Our writer and artistic contributor JNess will be taking a
so please enjoy his previous artwork and writing in
Hello there all my fashion loving friends. My name is Amy Lucas and
in this column I hope to bring you some new outfits that will make
you feel great and be Large and In Charge.
My whole life has not been devoted to fashion as my background is in
teaching Spanish, Math, and Science. I also have a master’s degree
in Central Office Administration.
With that said, I have been wearing
plus sizes for as long as I can remember so I do know the struggles we all
face to find cute clothes. I come from a smaller town in Michigan, which
means I have an even harder time finding plus size clothing in my area
since the choices are so limited; as well as, the sizes and styles each
Out of necessity, I started looking
online instead of just settling for the places here and have found that
other women could use the help too. I run a fashion group on Facebook
called BBW Fashion where I post something fabulous each day hoping to help
all those to find what they want in their size.
In my career, I've helped plus size
students and their parents to find fashion in their sizes that would help
them with their self-esteem and make them feel good about themselves. I
have also dabbled in fashion before this modeling for three different
stores, winning a cover model spot in July of 2012 in Large in Charge
magazine, and I was Ms. LBC 2008 for Linda's Big Connections in Chicago. I
look forward to showing you what is available in plus size fashion and
help you to look even more beautiful and chic.
Little Black Dresses - 20 Knock out looks
with Amy Lucas
One of the best investments you can have is a little black
dress. You can wear them to almost anything from a date to a
party. They can be dressed up or down using accessories and
shoes. There are also many styles to choose from to fit your
personality and style. Further, the holidays are coming up and
darker colors are in right now so this is the perfect time to
add one of these to your wardrobe.
Little Black Dresses
Eternity Convertible Maxi Dress (Island Shades) in
Jay Hansen and Heidi Davis are size-acceptance advocates from Oklahoma and
co-own Oklahoma's only social size-acceptance group,
Oklahoma BBW, BHM, and their
Admirers. Heidi was born in 1969 and has been a large woman her whole
life, just as Jay has been an admirer of such plus-sized women all of his.
Heidi graduated High School in 1987, which is the same year Jay was born.
The two met online in 2005 and quickly developed a friendship. In 2009,
Jay graduated the University of Central Oklahoma with a Bachelor’s in
English Education, and the following year he and Heidi started dating and
quickly fell deeply in love.
Heidi is experienced, blunt, pragmatic, down-to-earth, and strong in every
sense of the word, while Jay is intellectual, articulate, ideological,
contemplative, and gentle. Heidi is eighteen years Jay's senior and nearly
three times his weight, while Jay is 140 pounds soaking wet with a brick
in his pocket. He's a king amongst nerds and all things geeky; she's a
tattooed, rough-and-tumble, hard rocker to her core. Together, they are a
beautiful personification of the old adage
"The Skinny on Big Love with Jay Hansen" was started in 2013 with Jay as
the primary writer and Heidi as his muse and endless source of ideas and
inspiration. Together, the two hope to provide people with a new frame of
mind on love and relationships, promote open-mindedness and acceptance,
ask intriguing questions, foster conversations, and prove to the world
that titles such as weight and age, amongst countless others, should never
stand in the way of one's pursuit of happiness.
with Jay Hansen
Heidi and I have a very unique bond. That may sound cliché, but I'm
speaking in all seriousness. Many people have heard of sympathy pains and
joke around about them, but Heidi and I genuinely have them for one
another. When Heidi is menstruating, for example, I often suffer from
abdominal cramping, fatigue, and moodiness. Similarly, when I'm my normal
klutzy self and hit my knee on a table or chair, Heidi grabs her knees in
pain and shouts "I felt that!"
When I first got the idea for this article, I was at work one morning
feeling unusually bloated and swollen in my abdomen. I texted Heidi and
asked "when do you start
ovulating?" She checked her personal calendar, and sure enough she had
just started the night before. Because of this unusual, somewhat
unexplainable phenomenon, I have effectively developed my own menstruation
and ovulation cycles wherein I experience many of the traditional symptoms
despite being a biological male. When Heidi is cramping, I'm cramping.
When she's bloated, I'm bloated. When she's moody, I'm moody, and all on a
regularly scheduled basis.
Now, I'd genuinely like to know, how many people were made uncomfortable
by that previous paragraph? Specifically, how many men? And why? I'm
curious to know because it would seem that the word "sympathy," and any
concepts related to it, has become a dirty word to men and the world of
masculinity. It has somehow become associated with weakness and
femininity, despite the paradoxical notion of something being both
feminine and weak at the same time. This could easily explain why so much
of our society is still so cruel and heartless towards one another;
somehow, sympathy has become viewed as a bad thing, especially to men,
consciously or not.
As I frequently write, relationships in which one partner has many
specialized needs such as the physical and medical ones of a very
plus-sized person require a great deal of sympathy. Heidi has a great deal
of mobility issues, dietary needs, and limitations on the amount of work
she can do around the house. That is why I am always the one to do the
grocery shopping; that way Heidi doesn't have to stress her legs. It's
also why I'm the one primarily responsible for the regular household
cleaning such as the scrubbing and vacuuming while Heidi manages the less
physically intense jobs such as keeping the finances in order and cooking,
among other things. We each do what we are capable of doing, and help each
other in the areas where the other is lacking. This is the basics of
Our pre-conceptions of sympathy in society are inherently flawed. Emotions
such as compassion and love were for so long connected to femininity,
which in turn was oppressed and subjugated by males and masculine culture.
Along these same lines, it is still unacceptable for a male to act
feminine in any way, but the same is not true of women who act masculine.
This is because of the severely outdated idea that it’s somehow degrading
or lessens one’s status as a male to act feminine, and sympathy is still
unnecessarily considered feminine to most of society.
It’s a lack of sympathy that leads to misunderstandings and resentment in
relationships. If you can’t sympathize with your partner, you can’t
anticipate their needs, making you seem distant. If you’re unable to care
about your partner, (which is also implicit in being sympathetic) then
this will build resentment and ultimately lead to the collapse of the
relationship. While this is true for any relationship, if you seek to have
a long, meaningful, and happy relationship with a plus-sized woman as I am
indescribably lucky enough to have with Heidi, you must be emotionally
mature enough to step away from these archaic notions of sympathy being
somehow bad or degrading.
How long has she been on her feet? It may be time to suggest taking a
sit-down break. Does she frequently have knee or back pain? Work a regular
massage into your nightly schedule. How has her blood sugar been? Maybe
you should skip dessert that night. Is she feeling insecure about her
body? Give her a hug and remind her how beautiful she is. Taking note of
these things before they become
issues for your partner and taking action to prevent them is what sympathy
is all about. It requires at least imagining what it’s like to walk a mile
in your partner’s shoes and experiencing what life is like for a
plus-sized woman, regardless of how others may judge you for it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm menstruating and have a serious chocolate
craving. I'm told it's the best cure for period cramps. I'm off to cuddle
with my equally miserable Heidi, watch a cute movie, and devour an entire
box of Oreo cookies.
I was born in San Diego,
California on August 30, 1972.br> Grew up in
San Jose, San Francisco, and San Diego California.
I Graduated from San Diego State University in
1996 with a Bachelors Degree in Journalism
(Radio-TV News) and a Bachelors Degree in
I interned with U.S.
Senator Dianne Feinstein from 1995-1996.
interned with CBS News during the 1996 Republican
Currently I'm a
Licensed Sales Representative with Pacific Shores
Real Estate, Inc. in Solana Beach, California
I'm Co-Owner of Club Catalina BBW Night Club
in San Diego, CA.
And a newlywed, married
to Kathy Edmondson as of December 31, 2012.
I am the father of one daughter - Safiyah
Edmondson (8) and stepfather to two young men,
Alexander Hernandez (22) and John Rhakman Macklin
I enjoy bowling, basketball, tennis,
football. I play 12 musical instruments. I also
design a web page for a real estate company.
with David Edmondson
This past month has been a real wake up call
for me personally. Here I was getting a call from my
sister, informing me that our mother was admitted to the
Years earlier, my mom had her thyroids removed and
things were looking up. She was relegated as to what she
could and could not have in her diet and like most when
we struggle with our weight, she strayed off the path.
The punishment was 2 week stay in the hospital followed
by another 2 week stint in a rehabilitation facility.
Seeing her in the hospital during that period was
extremely hard on me, as I was always used to seeing
her, the picture of perfect health. If Kathy, my wife
had not been there to hold my hand, I think I would have
fallen to pieces.
Then, not more than a week after getting Mom from the
rehabilitation center, I get another call from my
stepmother in Arizona, telling me that my father was
admitted into the hospital. My father on the other hand
had long abused his body. The years of smoking
cigarettes, up to 3 cartons a week at one point and
drinking incisively had caught up to him at age 68.
Thus, he was diagnosed with Congestive Heart failure.
When he was asked by doctor’s exactly how much alcohol
he drank per week, he could not give them an honest
answer at first. Then he told them, about 3-4 glasses of
brandy a day, which in translation really meant 3-4
bottles per week.His heart rate was elevated, so much so that
doctors could not even conduct a stress test. After a
few days he was finally sent home and has improved
It got me to
thinking about my own health. I realize being a bigger
size; I have to pay more attention to the way I do
things. I may not subscribe to the supposed energetic,
fitness crazed lifestyle that is being advertised and
promoted on television, but there are things we can do
to ensure that we live longer. The first thing is to get
medical checkups yearly. For many that do not have
health insurance, this presents a challenge, because it
does cost money to do this, but the alternative, is
spending time at a hospital for a serious ailment. The
second thing we can do is not intake so much of the
foods that we know are bad for us. I’m not saying put
down the fried chicken, I’m saying we do not need to eat
the entire chicken in one setting.Third, there are things we can do physically to
make sure our heart rates are sufficient. This means,
you don’t have to run a marathon, 10k or 5k race every
day, but simply walking further than your local bodega,
park or shopping mall for a 30 minute period can do
We have too much information in our midst to simply
ignore all of it. As the saying goes, You Only Live
Once, so you might as well take care of the life that
you were given and try to preserve it for as long as you